Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters. And I do not intent to gain any kind of retribution for this work of fanfiction.
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Snowy Night
Inuyasha ran through the snow looking for somewhere to spend the night, with Kagome perched securely on his back. The trip was supposed to be a fast one. In order to check on a rumor of a wild animal around a village that apparently was too much for the people living there, and come back for a "Christmas" family dinner. But on their way back the skies had rapidly turned black and snow started to fall, effectively ruining their plans.
At the beginning she had wanted to keep walking on her own, but after the third time she slipped, or rather after the third time he had to catch her before falling, he offered his back, maybe he had pulled her to his back, he had been fast and efficient about it, and without a word he sprinted looking for somewhere to stay the night.
But right now they were moving rapidly through the snow, for Inuyasha every passing moment without finding shelter counted. The snow was messing with his sense of smell; normally he could smell the moss in a cave from afar, along with the animals that might be there, but now he could barely smell the trees that surrounded him.
A low frustrated growl erupted from his chest. The cold was his biggest concern. Kagome carried food enough for a day or two, if he didn't eat part of it. He just needed to find something fast.
He could feel her small but fast trembles as her body tried to keep warm. He couldn't suppress the snarl that came out of him.
"Don't worry Inuyasha, we'll be ok!" She whispered with her face tightly pressed against his hair to avoid the snowflakes that kept crashing against them. The hands that circled his chest began to stroke the little skin she could, and his determination to keep her safe grew.
After going around a hill he found what had been looking for, a small entry to a cave, marked by the small patch of green that was visible, the only green that he had seen in a while now.
As soon as Inuyasha made sure no other living creature was inside of it, he let Kagome down and without needing to look at her he took off his fire rat and threw it on her shoulders.
Kagome saw him turn away and walk outside without looking or talking to her beyond a "I'll be back soon, don't go out."
She saw him jump to the nearest tree and flee. Without knowing why, she felt something was wrong. Kagome stared at the white forest in front of her wondering when was the last time he had ran off to do something without making an effort for her to feel secured. That had not happened since she had come back.
After a few moments of blankly staring at nothing she turned around and explored the cave. It had nothing but cold rock and a couple of what looked like rotten skins right at the end of it. Luckily, thanks to the cold, the smell didn't invade the rest of the cave, and she returned to a part of the cave where she could see the entrance without being hit by the strong, chilly wind. She burrowed into the fire rat, enjoying the feel and smell of it as she kept herself warm.
Scenes of her family in the future filled her mind. These days the tree must have been set and glowing in the living room, with mom and grandpa sitting on the couch, Buyo resting close to the tree and Souta lounging somewhere. As they have always been, only this year it would be without her. Maybe everything remained the same without her, maybe the same stories they told every year would be making them smile this year as they had before, when she was with them.
Putting her head between her hands she stifled a sob thinking, hoping, that whatever they were doing, they felt better than she did in that moment. That their holidays didn't take a sad turn because she wasn't there. That their thoughts didn't wander to trying to figure out how her life was. She cursed under her breath, why did she have to see that boy that looked so much like Souta? Why did that sight throw her into her sad place? She didn't even remember half of what had happened at the village after seeing him.
Kagome only hoped her family didn't spend their time like she had during those three years she couldn't come back to where she wanted, to where she truly belonged, looking for clues of what happened to her friends, clues of how they spent their lives.
Unknowingly, she started to drift into sleep.
Inuyasha came back carrying pieces of dry wood and a hare he had found by chance. The first thing he did upon entering the cave was to look for her, his heart started to palpitate with fear when at first he didn't find her where he left her. His wench was supposed to be there. He dropped everything he was carrying and walked further into the cave, his mind reeling and trying to remember if he had seen any kind of prints while cursing his lost sense of smell.
Inuyasha reached the small curve inside the cave and finally relaxed when he saw her curled against the wall, burrowed under the fire rat.
"Why are you here? I told you to stay where I left you!" Inuyasha spat as he came closer.
Her face raised from between her arms and her eyes found him with dull shine in them. The talk with the other village's head replayed in his head. Without being able to stop it he started to wonder if that sudden sadness around her was because of him, because she didn't like being around him without the others to lighten the mood? Did Kagome finally realize she wasn't happy when she was alone with him? Did she finally realize what it meant to be his mate and she changed her mind?
The silver haired man was so lost in his inner turmoil that he missed the slow warm smile that took over her face, or the relief that washed over her body as soon as his golden eyes met her chocolate ones. What he was able to see was the frown she showed when the meaning of his words registered.
"You did not!" Kagome complained as she tried to stand, resting part of her weight on the wall, as her legs were numb from the cold.
"What?"
"You just said 'I'll be back, don't go out'! With a grumpy voice and fled!" She pointed out taking a few steps.
Inuyasha saw her try to walk with difficulty and took one of her arms to guide her back to the entrance. Not saying another word, he began to start the fire without delay and warm her. Not-so-delicately he helped her to sit down and turned to work with the wood.
"I l-liked the that v-village," Kagome said through her teeth, clenching her jaw as strong as she could to stop them from trembling.
"Hm," He answered as he worked with his claws trying to ignite the flame.
"It l-ooked r-really c-alm," She tried again, now stuttering even harder.
"Shut up, Kagome!" he ordered without turning.
Kagome stared at his broad back and even without looking at his face, she knew he was in a terrible mood. He hadn't been in that kind of mood since a youkai ruined a couple of fields in their village and he had to help to repair the damage before the crop was totally lost.
But now she had no idea about what had happened to put him into the 'I'm a rock and don't like anything' mood. She couldn't remember a thing to make him go so deep into his brooding mode. Ok, maybe their plans to have a family christmas dinner was ruined, but in this era they could have a christmas dinner any day! And if their walk home was delayed, didn't that actually mean more time alone together?
Inuyasha had been working hard on building a hut for them, but he worked on it during his free time. As soon as she came back to him it became obvious that his time was almost always occupied helping around the village. The hut hadn't been finished and they still lived with Kaede, Rin, and Shippo. So why was he in such a bad mood? Was he bored around her?
"Come'ere, Kagome!" He yelled, without looking at her.
This time the silver haired man didn't move as she made her way to the fire he had lit. As soon as she appeared on his field of vision he pointed to a spot that was around the fire but not close to him.
"Sit and get warm."
Pouting, Kagome sat right beside him. Not wanting to follow this game of his. But at the same time she sat, he jumped to his feet, using the hare as his excuse, preparing the meat to be cooked.
The heat of the fire started to warm her slowly. The numbness of her legs and feet started to fade, but the chill on her back was not receding, it didn't matter how much she got close to the fire. Now she was starting to feel a little too hot on the front and too cold on the back.
Trying to distract herself from her own body, she turned her head looking for her hanyou. Inuyasha looked to be finishing with the hare, putting a stick through the meat and walked to the fire, sticking it to the ground to grill them, sitting across from her.
Kagome's brows furrowed. She was sure now that something was wrong. Since she had come back he had always, always sat right beside her. Sometimes even moving Shippo, Rin, or even her to make space for him. And now he was on the other side of the fire, studying it without looking at her.
"Are you cold?" She asked again in an effort to make conversation.
"No." Not even a spark of emotion was in his tone.
"I hope we can be home tomorrow." She chirped with a little more happiness than normal.
"Bet you do..." He spat in a way that sounded like an accusation.
Kagome took a deep breath, it was not the time to let her temper get the best of her. She didn't want this to be the precedent for the next time he got mad at something.
"You worked really fast with the rabbit." She tried a third time.
"Only the best work for the pet's master..." He muttered with a bitter voice.
Kagome's mouth was agape. "What did you just say?" She began to feel a different kind of numbness in her body, in her heart.
Inuyasha broke a twig between his fingers and threw it to the fire. "The truth." he declared, this time looking directly into her eyes with such an intensity that froze her in place. "Ain't it, master?"
Inuyasha's heart was racing inside his chest, he could almost feel it his ears palpitate at the same rhythm. It was the only way he dared to confront her about what had happened in the village, the only way she could cause the slow burning pain in his chest to disappear. But her lack of response hung in the air as the flames kept dancing on her face. No denial came from her, and the pain became stronger.
Kagome was shocked by his answer, after her return, he had declared that their relationship could not be made public, and how they could never live alone and how a family of their own was beyond hope. After a couple of weeks and after a sleepless night Kagome had made a decision, she would show him how wrong he was.
She walked to the village head to announce she was marrying the village's protector. After a heated and long conversation the man had agreed to the marriage as long as she remained working as a healer. Kagome knew he had not asked for her to remain as a miko for their beliefs in the link between purity and her powers, but she was sure they were wrong.
Inuyasha had never once behaved like this after the Village head's announcement of their marriage. It hurt her how Inuyasha reverted to that man that doubted her love for him. It was difficult to see how something could throw him out of balance.
But she was going to do everything she could for that to stop
Kagome squared her shoulders and stood up, determined to set his mind straight using a different technique.
Inuyasha saw her and listened to her move closer to him, and stand beside him. He refused to look at her, even to acknowledge her presence. Without warning his fire rat was thrown on his shoulders.
"Put it on." Came her order with a low, even voice.
His head darted to her face, forgetting his feeling for a moment, worrying about her. "You'll get cold!" He could already see her shaking again as she rubbed her arms up and down.
"I said, put it on!"
"The fuck I will!" Inuyasha took the fire rat and offered it to her. She made no effort to take it.
"Put. It. On."
"No."
"Put it on, Inuyasha..." she waited for him to focus his golden eyes on hers. "Your master commands you."
Kagome felt on the bridge of tears watching his face change, from closed and angered to surprised, to hurt. His eyes went wide and he felt his ears droop before the expressionless hanyou nodded and put on the haori without looking at her.
Kagome cleared her throat trying to get rid of the pain and guilt she felt by hurting him like this.
"Now, warm me."
His face was aimed towards the flames when his brows lowered and he blinked in confusion. "How?" Clearing his throat and tried again in a monotonous voice, "How can I warm you..." between gritted teeth he finished with "master."
Blinking to keep the tears from falling she took a deep breath.
"Open your arms."
After a moment of hesitation, he raised his arms from his chest and stretched them to the sides, with his back straight and stiff, and his face looking like granite as he waited for her next command.
From the corner of his eye he could see her turn around. Wondering for a moment if she was going to let him there with his arms raised, suddenly she yelped.
"Catch me!"
She hoped that this usual fast reflexes to make an appearance and let her body fall backwards. Enjoying the moment when, after a muttered "fuck," he caught her and pulled her to his chest.
"The fuck, Kagome?"
Their present situation forgotten, he looked at her with worry written all over his face, and she smiled.
"Warm me," she repeated as she snuggled in his embrace, circling her arms around his torso inside the open haori and moved her head close to his chest. His hands unknowingly closed around her figure, slowly bringing her closer to him, until his mind caught up with his body and his arms froze in place, Kagome felt the moment he reverted to his quiet, yet evident, anger.
They were in an awkward position, with her latching to his body. Inuyasha had one hand around her hips and lower back keeping her close to his body while his other arm was a hair away from touching her.
Kagome looked up at his face, staring at his clenched jaw and the vein palpitating on his forehead. She knew he was avoiding her eyes because his ears were flicking around, collecting the information he refused to acquire by making eye contact.
"My back is still cold." She whispered with a sweet voice.
"Is that an order?" His voice was a low growl, so low she mostly felt it vibrate inside him, than actually heard it.
Kagome nodded. "It is."
He breathed in with another growl and moved his other arm, but didn't pull her close, that was his way of protest against her orders.
They stayed like that for a while, inside that tense silence, touching but not really relaxing in the other's arms. Inuyasha was starting to feel tired, not physically but on fighting against himself wanting to hold her the way he always wanted, to pull her close and bury his nose in her hair and breath in. To even stop himself from enveloping her small body with his. His mind was so distracted on repeating the reasons why he was angry at her that he took a little too long to process her words, but he stopped himself on time.
Kagome was still feeling guilty about using that kind of thing to get close to him. Calling herself his master was something that went against everything their relationship stood for, but it was the only way she could think to get close to him, at least physically. She was positive that without establishing a connection, even if it was forced, he would not open up enough to discuss what was wrong, what had changed in the last day. He could flee and that fear got the best of her. She wondered if doing that had been too much, if it had been something he could not forgive her for.
Now that she was secured in his arms, it was time to speak about what was happening, but getting directly to the point never worked with him. Inuyasha was too good at shutting things down. An image of her brother flashed in her mind, he was also difficult to talk to when something was up.
"You know..." She whispered with a dreamy voice. The voice she got when she was thinking about her family she left behind, the nostalgic tone and the words always whispered as if by saying it louder she would hurt more.
"Christmas has always been my brother's and my favorite holiday..." She moved her head closer to his neck. "We couldn't wait for the first snow to go out and make snow angels, snowmen and just have snow fights. Even when I grew up, even during those three years I was away, those were sacred moments for us." Her eyes got misty. "He grew up a lot in those years. He became a handsome young man, brave, gentle and a little too prideful, but an amazing man." Even without looking at her, he knew a small sad smile was on her face. "Only when it started to snow today did realize that I wouldn't be able to play with him this time..."
Inuyasha stood still when a quiver, one that didn't relate to the temperature, ran down her spine. She was going to cry. He was not going to be able to stand her crying without going all soft on her. Panicking he said the first thing he could think of. "You wanted to be here, didn't ya?" As soon as he started talking something clicked in his head. "Or at least you did..." he said before he was conscious of his words.
Kagome sensed him lose his stiffness but it was not in the way she wanted, not defeated by something intangible. She found herself staring at his face as it lost the hard etches and his eyes became lost, as if he was searching for something without finding it.
Her hands moved to cup his cheeks, under her fingers she felt him jolt at the contact and the following spasms as his jaw clenched again. She pulled his face towards her own, and after an initial resistance and a whispered "please" Inuyasha looked at her.
He was close and far at the same time, her beloved Hanyou was there with her physically, but the remoteness of the light in his eyes made her want to hug him. And heal whatever it was eating him inside.
"You-you think I don't want to be here anymore?"
Inuyasha stayed quiet, his ears drooping on his head. He only looked at her, his eyes dancing on her face, searching for something.
Kagome softly stroked the side of his face. "Even if I miss my family, even if sometimes I wish I could have them around me... that doesn't change the fact I chose to be here! I want to be here." She was looking directly into his eyes as she did her best to convey the real meaning of her words. Kagome needed him to know that the here she was talking about was not this era, neither the village they loved, it was him. It was being around him, being in his arms, close as they were now, that was the reason she had come back. For him, to him.
But apparently it flew above his head. "Yeah yeah, Miroku and Sango are happy you are here too."
She could feel the temper she had wanted to keep under control rising again. "I'm not talking about them!" Kagome yelled into his face.
"I wanted to come back for you!"
Inuyasha scoffed, "I know you did..." He said, and Kagome was certain he meant something else.
One of her hands left his face and slapped him on the closest part to his chest she could without moving backwards. She was not going to lose that special place against his chest even if they were fighting.
"What. Is. Your. Problem?" She emphasized each word with a slap.
"I don't have a problem, wench." He said between his teeth again.
"Quoting you: 'The fuck you don't have a problem!' Ever since we left the village you have been in a nasty mood and I can't think of a reason for it." As soon as she stopped talking a growl resonated in the cave, she could even hear the echo of it.
His face was really close, and each time he exhaled her bangs moved. Kagome stood still for a moment, taking in his actions. He was snarling at her.
"You CAN'T think of something that could have made me angry? Not at all?"
Moving her head slightly backwards instinctively, Kagome blinked in confusion. Was he talking about that? "I thought you hadn't heard that..." She said in a whisper.
Inuyasha scoffed. "I'm always with you!"
Kagome's head tilted to the side and even if that statement deep down made her happy, it was the way he had enunciated it. With a quiet desperation and something else she was not able to decipher.
"Well, I told her we were not staying and that you were not my pet nor my prisoner..." she smiled softly. "I told her you were my partner, you must have heard me say that. That we were in no need of an inn."
Inuyasha smiled bitterly. "So you told that to her?"
Their faces were still very close to each other. Kagome could see all the wrinkles born from worry around his eyes. His eyes were still accusing her of something she didn't understand, something that hurt him. And again she felt guilty for using THAT word to form a physical connection between them. "I-I don't follow, Inuyasha. Who do you want me to say it to?"
He huffed. "I don't know! Maybe the one that thanked the powerful priestess for bringing her lowly half-breed pet." He let out a rumbling sigh. "The man you thanked for his words and told him you and your pet were happy to help."
Kagome pushed him back with both hands. "I never said that!" she practically screamed in his face.
Inuyasha smirked bitterly. "You did... just before turning and saying 'let's go' walking out of the house."
"Inuyasha, I would never say that. Much less in front of humans."
Kagome tried to explain herself, even if it was a weak argument because she had used that word few minutes ago. "You are not that, you are my..." Kagome desperately looked for a word that could express what he meant for her. "... my partner... my mate. I would never say otherwise." She tried a small smile, that was not answered.
"But you did..." Inuyasha was looking at her with so much sadness in his eyes that she couldn't bring herself to talk.
With a defeated sigh he went back to look into the flames, his ears flicking with every crunch the wood made as it burned. He appeared in deep thought. Kagome heard him speak in an uncharacteristic soft way. "Kagome, I don't care if you say it. Just don't lie to me..."
Without taking his sorrowful eyes from the fire he pulled Kagome to his chest, tight enough for her face to be burrowed in the crook of his neck. Knowing that he could not force what he wanted to say with her bright eyes on him, he wasn't even sure he could say it without fucking it up if she wasn't watching.
She made a questioning noise at him before struggling and he answered with a reassuring noise in his chest. Kagome seemed to understand as she remained quiet.
"I-I know... I'm not that stupid. That you need to hide your relationship with me when we are not at home." His hold became tighter and he could feel her arms circling him. "Still it's not easy to hear." He felt the heat erupt on his cheeks.
What he wanted to say next was the difficult part, he couldn't just say 'I know you love me but I don't want to hear you say anything else...' that was way too Kagome for him to say. "I just need time, alright? It just took me by surprise how easy you agreed with him... too fucking fast too! I didn't expect it."
Inuyasha finally let his face fall into her hair and inhaling her unique scent, as he felt everything fall into the right place again. Having her in his arms, knowing she trusted him enough to leave her safety in his hands even when he was angry, her acceptance in the most evident way let him calm down enough to talk.
He smiled, with his head still hidden in her hair. His wench sure was special. Inuyasha's thoughts drifted as he kept breathing into her hair.
Kagome uncurled her arms around him and slide them up his chest and pushed back until she could see his face. "Inuyasha..." His eyes took some time to lose that half lidded relaxed expression.
"What?" Inuyasha asked half lost.
"I truly-honestly don't remember saying that!"
Inuyasha made a face that was meant to tell her it was alright. That they were alright.
Giving small taps on his chest, she shook her head. "No, no, no, no. I'm not trying to tell you that I didn't because I had to or something like that. I. Don't. Remember."
Inuyasha scoffed, Kagome couldn't say why it seemed to be gentler than before. "How can you not remember, wench."
"I know! But I don't!"
"Look," He said in a somewhat gentle yet bored tone. "I chased the boars away and we went to the head's home to collect the payment and when we were inside he said the thing and you answered that." His voice lost the gentle quality at the end.
Kagome's brows knitted together as she tried to remember. "You came back, picked me up from the old lady's home. And then we went to... oh!"
"What?"
"In the head's home was Souta!"
Inuyasha's back straightened with shock. "Souta? How could your brother be there?"
The priestess moved to sat in a way their heads remained close. "I mean there was someone that really, really, looked like my brother!"
Inuyasha's eyes narrowed as he made a noise through his nose. "I didn't see no little boy there."
It took a little time for Kagome to understand what he was talking about, and then she started to tear up, thinking about how Inuyasha didn't know how Souta looked now. In his mind he was still this ten year old boy that followed him everywhere. But he didn't know the good looking teenager he was now... and then she thought, 'And I won't know how he'll look as a man.'
The hanyou started to panic again as she crumbled before him. "Hey! Hey! You know what! There was a small boy around! I remember now!" His ears draped on his head tightly when she started to cry harder as she rested her head on his chest again.
Not knowing what to say without the risk of making her cry harder, he opted to stroke her back slowly, waiting for her to explain.
"He is not a little boy anymore..." her finger started to draw curves and curls on his chest as her voice came in between sobs. "He is now taller than me." Another sob, this time softer. "He still looks a little like the boy you knew, but more manly."
Inuyasha kept stroking her back.
She took a long trembling breath before talking again "The head's son looked just like him, and I just forgot where we were... It was like looking at my baby brother again... Deep down I knew I was not going to see him again, never know how he will look as a grown up."
Kagome slowly raised her head, looking for his eyes. "It just hit me." Her head tilted to the side. "And I think that was when I said THAT... even if I don't remember." She put both her hands around his head and pulled until their forehead touched and she closed her eyes, his eyes followed automatically. "I want, no, I need you to know that I would never hide our relationship. I would never intentionally say we are anything else that what we are... Do you believe that?"
Inuyasha found he didn't really care about what she had said, he didn't even care about how it had made him feel. He only needed her to stop feeling sad, he needed her eyes to have that glow they always had.
Moving his head to tenderly nuzzle the side of her face, he whispered, "I do... and I know."
He heard her sigh against his neck and felt her hands slide to his sides and pull him close.
It took a short, calm moment for his nose to register the smell of burnt meat, and after a few shy laughs they started to look for edible meat. Kagome still in his arms, she turned in a way so that her back rested against his chest. That way the night would pass fast, with Kagome telling him stories of how Christmas was celebrated and Inuyasha planning things to do the next day.
When the daylight came, they exited the cave, hand in hand, and hopeful eyes ready to spend Christmas with their family.
The end.
A/N:
Thank you for Reading!
This is my contribution to Inuyasha Fandom secret Santa 2016
I hope you enjoyed it :D
Love,
Nanna
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