Hey everybody! So, this is my first attempt at a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fic. I hope it's okay.
So here's the disclaimer: To me, Tara and Willow were soul mates, and it was tragic that Tara died, but sometimes death is an inevitable thing. Of course it was terrible that Tara had to die and we all love the character, but I believe it was necessary for Willow. The thing that bothered me the most about her death, was that Willow never got closure about Tara's death, so this fic is basically how I pictured Willow working through her pain to give herself closure on Tara's death. Thanks for listening, hope you enjoy!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by Joss Whedon, not me. Sadly.
What Sarah Said
She'd visited her grave so many times before; and every time it was harder than the last. To keep going back, to keep sitting there, in the grass, touching the marble stone head engraved with her name. But she kept coming back; she would always come back.
Willow sniffled as she traced a finger over the 'T' in Tara's name, engraved into the headstone. A single tear escaped her eye and fell down her cheek, off her chin and into the grass. "Baby…" she whispered, her breath barely audible. Her bottom lip quivered and she felt her hand begin shaking. Nervously, she pulled it away and rest it in her lap, wringing it together with her other hand awkwardly. "Baby, I miss you so much…I…I don't know if I can do this much longer…"
More tears streamed from her eyes and she looked up, trying to hold them back. A soft breeze rustled her hair around her face and she used the back of her hand to wipe away some of the tears on her cheeks. She sniffed again, trying to hold back the tears. "I keep telling myself it'll get easier…I keep thinking that one day I'll sit here and not cry. I promised I wouldn't cry anymore but…but I…" she stopped and closed her eyes, breathing unsteadily.
"I can't take it anymore, baby…" she continued. "I miss you too much. I miss everything about you. Your hair, your eyes, the feel of your silky skin on mine," she let the words come flowing out of her like rivulets from her mouth. "The way you smiled, or how you could light up a room, how you could make me feel like nothing else in the world mattered. In every moment you were around I felt like I could do anything, because…because…" Willow was overcome with sobs and she keeled over, grabbing her stomach in pain, moaning into the empty air. "Because you were my everything, baby! And it hurts, oh god, it hurts!" she cried out, lying helplessly in the grass, her hair fanning out around her like a pool of red locks.
"Tara, baby, it hurts so much and I…" she stuttered, her voice cracking, "I….I don't know how to make it stop."
Another breeze brushed past her; the trees rustled and the grass hummed, as the wind lightly distilled over Willow. She blinked and the tears suddenly stopped coming. For a moment, she wondered if she had just used them all up, cried out all her tears. But then the wind blew again and wrapped itself around Willow, who pushed off the ground with her arms, shaking. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the soft breeze blowing around her. Somehow, it made her feel safe, warm, held tight within comforting arms. It felt like Tara was holding her again.
Willow choked back a sob and felt the familiar burning sensation of tears behind her eyes; reluctantly, she opened them and wiped away the salty drops of water from her eyes, scooting herself closer to the headstone. She reached out slowly again, her hand still shaking, and placed her palm flat on the grave stone. She sat there for what seemed like forever, the wind still flowing softly around her, her eyes staring sorrowfully forward; blank, tired, empty. Sad.
After a long while, a smile began to tug at her lips. "It's hard, you know…" she finally said, "Coming back here. But I…I promise I'll always come back," she choked out, nodding her head, the smile faltering. She looked down and shook her head slightly. "Someone once told me something and I…I think I understand now. They said that…that love is…" she bit her bottom lip to keep from losing it again. She took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly after a moment. "They say that love is watching someone die. And Tara, baby, I love you. I'll always love you, more than anything. I promise," Willow blurt, letting her emotions completely take herself over. Tears flowed from her eyes, but that didn't stop her. It was time, time to let it all out, time to let everything go. Let Tara go. "You'll always be my everything, my love, my soul mate, baby," Willow said through her tears. "And I know you'll be waiting for me up wherever you are. Some heavenly dimension, I hope," she said, shrugging and chuckling despite her. "You better like it up there, not just for me, but for everyone. Especially Buffy, since we, you know…" she trailed off, her smile breaking through the tears, even as they continued to pour down her cheeks.
"No matter what happens to me, I know that I'll always love you, and that…that you'll always love me, too," she continued, looking down and finally taking her hand off the gravestone. "I don't know if I can ever love again…after you…I think you took all my love," she said, smiling, then frowned a little. "I-in a good way, though!" she added, smiling again and letting out a small sigh. "I might meet someone else, but, you should always know that, it's you I love." She smiled, the tears finally slowing down. "And one day, maybe, when it's my time, we'll meet again. In heaven, or something…" she chuckled at herself again and sniffled, her body relaxing. "You…you're in a better place now, and I'm happy for you, I mean…I should be happy for you. But there's so much pain inside me."
She looked away from the grave for a moment, recuperating. When she looked back, she was smiling, her eyes red and puffy from crying, but beaming bright green. "But I can withstand it, if it means that one day I can be with you. But for now, I have to keep living. For you, a-and for me," she said quietly. Wearily, she stood up, her legs knocking slightly. She reached out and used the stone head to help her stand and smiled down at the grave. "I'll miss you every day, and I'll always be thinking of you. I promise I'll come visit as often as I can, and most of all," she said, backing away. "I'll never forget you."
"Thank you, for everything. I finally have what I need," Willow mumbled, fidgeting with her hands and smiling with a quirk like she usually does. "B-besides you! I mean…but…well…" she sighed and dropped her hands. "I have my closure, thanks so much for listening…not like you had a choice," she added on, shrugging and smiling bashfully.
The wind blew around Willow once again, soft and comforting, and on the breath of the wind, Tara whispered, "You're welcome, my love."
Thanks for reading! Please review, so I know what I'm doing right and what I'm dong wrong. Maybe I'll write more Tara/Willow, I definitely want to.