Alright, let me hear that glorious old-school s— yes! (Laughs) It's a little old: 2002. (Laughs)
When Mario started— STOPPED using mushrooms, he went for meth instead, so he's got bad "teef." I forgot how Yoshy looks, but I'll— I'll— I'll do my best. (I kept everything inside, and even though I tried, it all fell apart… ) He has, like, spikes, too, right? Alright. (Laughs) Shut up! Jesus, ugh! God, I can't stand it, even ironically.
Uhh, alright. Do you guys remember the, uhh… the, uhh… the, uhh… the s symbol? This thing? Hang on, I don't remember how to draw it, but you did like… this, this, this. And I remember at school, you went like… (Laughs) You guys remember the s? It's like something like… (incoherent mumbling) (Laughs) You guys remember this thing? We used to scribble it on… on our textbooks all the time. But I was the only kid who… (laughs) didn't learn it!
The trick is to just… spam it, right? I'm so good at this. (Laughs)
If I get any offers on the internet that says "download these cool viruses!" you know, I will definitely do it. Make it really small… Like that… (Claps) (Laughs) Yes! We're really getting to that authentic 2002 experience! Alright… Screensaver… Let's see what else we can fuck this up with. Aw, man, we're getting to it! It's looking good!
Alright… now we're hardcore. Surfing the internet like a boss! It's fuckin' doom. (Laughs) Let's see if… we can download this monstros— Angelfire! Yes!
Now I— I can't tell if it's a Slayer solo or… or my computer screaming in agony as I'm downloading this. Take a— take a listen.
(Laughs) It's in! This shit is in! Yes! (Laughs) (Incoherent mumbling) Aw, man… Naked ladies!? No! (Laughs) What!? (Laughs) No, I don't think I wanna— (laughs) Yes! It begins! Aw, man, my poor (laughs) computer! (Laughs)
BonziWORLD… (sudden scream) (Well! Hello there! I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm Bonzi!) What is my name? How about… Expand… Dong. (Nice to meet you, Expand Dong! Since this is the first time we have met, I'd like to tell you a little about myself.) That you should be fuckin' euthanized? (I am your friend and BonziBUDDY! I have the ability to learn from you. The more we browse, search, and travel the Internet together, the smarter I'll become!) I'll… show you all the bestiality porn to corrupt you. (Not that I'm not already smart!) How about you go in here, you monkey fuck?
Cool… toolbars… I bet nothing's wrong with my computer now! Oh, this… this computer started so fresh… and now it's kinda… hitting the shitter, huh? The program— yeah, Moozy! I want some Moozy on my computer! (Hmm… mmm? Yeah! Absolutely! Yeah! Yeah, there we go, there we go! Yeah— absolutely, yeah, gimme that too! Yeah! Download everything! That'll be good!)
Windows Movie Maker! We should make some movies! Now, thi— thi— this is like the olden days of YouTube Poops where, literally, like, you only sped up clips over and over. You know what? I— let's do this instead. Let's make our own Youtube Poop, à la… 2006. (Luigi? Luigi? Luigi? Luigi?) Alright, now that we got that, we gotta add some WACKY EFFECTS! EUHHH! (Laughs) Uhh… where do I have the WACKY EFFECTS!? (Luigi? Luigi? [Slowed down] Luigi…? Luigi?) Alright, now that we've got that out… (Spaghetti! —etti! —etti! Spaghetti! —etti! —etti!) Alright, how about we add… (I had to fall… ) See, this is how you did it back in the day. It took no effort, you… shit this… fuckin' dragged out… Volume? Okay! (Pushed as far as I can go… ) (Laughs) Yeah… (Incoherent mumbling) We're— we're— we're— we're makin' a monster here, alright… (Laughs) Alright, now we're gonna… save this— no, no, no, we— we— we— we gotta add… "limp… bi… limp… bizkut… forever… bi… bitche…s…"
(Good evening Expand Dong! Hope you've had a nice day!) I've had the worst fuckin' day of my life. Usually… the worst offenders here is the, uh… like, the fish ones. I don't know why… . D-does that sound like a good… good investment to you? Of course. Safe Installer? (Laughs) Probably the safest installer in the world. I— I— I think I stopped caring… I've become this, like, nihilistic shitlord… that I'm just like "ehh… my computer's suffering, but…"
Still up after all these god damn years! What the hell… Junior Jam! Jam Central! Planet B-Ball! Lunar Tunes! "The jammi— jammi— jamminest… jamminest…"
We always used the spray tool way too fuckin' much… and my friend with no talent… h-he would always go to school, open up paint, and do this. I'm not even joking, he would li— literally go to every fuckin' computer i— i— in, like, the hall. We had a lot of computers in the hall. He would open it up on a computer, log in, and do this. Our fuckin' teacher said, "Who's been drawing dicks!?"
Let's listen to this, uhh… nice music. Close our eyes… and listen to the sweet sounds of… this.
Kup Teraz! Alright… Przeglad! Or Historiai Przywracanie! Or Ustawienia! Or Konto! More like my… my credit card information. Kup Teraz!
My Ethernet is infected? My video controller's affected? Alright, yeah… actually it might actually be because there's BonziBUDDY on it. (Computer dings) Love the sound of that. My real computer's like "Ehh… there's something going wrong here." It's like, calm down, calm down… It's like it's a nuke about to blow off, and we're sitting here at the safe distance. Driver Genius, eh?
(Expand Dong! Where did the time go? Can't you just feel us getting closer with every new day!) Absolutely not! This is the last I see of you, you monster— don't— don't you blow kisses at me! (This one is sure to make you laugh! What did the beaver say to the tree? It's been nice gnawing you!) (Alarm sound) (Dong!) (Sudden scream) (Near… far… wherever you are… I believe that the heart does go on… )