She has russet hair and turquoise eyes, but to me she'd always been more than the sum of her parts. Physically, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever known, but that was such an unequivocal understatement, those words were a gross disservice to her. Her physical beauty was merely the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
It was in the way she smiled and carried herself, as if there were an entity a thousand times her size trapped in five feet of excitable flesh. It was in the way she grinned as she fought, Magnhild crushing bone and armor plating as if it were made of paper. It was in the way she babbled as she spoke, fancifully weaving webs of wonderment that left me in a daze each time those sweet lips parted.
Sloth cries scare my heart,
And suddenly it's pounding,
Hard as Magnhild.
I threw away the poorly written haiku, still too stubborn to admit my skills weren't sharp enough to describe how she made me feel in seventeen short syllables.
"Are you okay, Ren?" Her voice was warm and inquisitive, but unexpected and had caught me by surprise. I nodded, snapped back into reality as she rubbed sleep from her tired eyes.
"You've been awfully quiet today," she said softly. It was more of a question than an observation. I smiled sheepishly, unsure of how to respond.
"Hey! Do you remember when…?"
The prance in her step,
The spark ignites in her eyes…
even as children...
"Are you always this excited," I asked curiously. It was nearly impossible for me to believe that someone could be so perpetually energetic and excitable.
"Are you always so quiet," the question came with a teasing giggle. We'd hardly known each other a month at the time.
"I just… I don't have much to say." It'd always separated me from others my age. I was the 'weird one.' The quiet boy who was difficult talk to. The truth was... I just liked listening.
"Then I'll just have to say it for you!" It was an agreement that made me other friends. It made me noticeable to my peers. She spoke for the both of us and I listened.
It was after I'd realized her breath smelled of jasmine- a secret whispered breathily into a cupped hand- that I'd discovered my fondness for the tea. She laughed as the new purple tea bags replaced the green of Earl Grey.
"I thought that was your favorite," she'd tease. I never trusted myself to respond. 'You're my favorite' was just too easy of a confession.
I watched her pour her soul out for weeks on end as she struggled to design her weapon.
"Everyone from Signal's had a bow last year and I don't think I could make it work anyway and how can I make a big boom and still do my cartwheels, Ren this is so impossible, let me see yours!"
All I could do was offer an encouraging smile and hug. She knew I couldn't show her what I'd designed as much as she could've shown me hers. It was an unspoken rule that no one would know until the weapons were crafted and bestowed onto each student during the ceremony.
I even watched as she was pushed to her wit's end learning to use Magnhild, wrapping my arms around her narrow shoulders and comforting her sobbing form as she deduced her weapon was upset with her over some kind of mistreatment on her part.
"Dance with me," she laughed, taking my hand in hers.
"I- I don't- Nora, wait!" Her feet traveled effortlessly over the ground, as if they were crafted for the sole purpose of dancing. In contrast, my own, untrained feet were stiff with inexperience.
"Relax, Ren. It's just me." She giggled and-
Was that cinnamon? In her hair! How ironic. Just say it! Nora I love-
She spun on her heels, smiling as she landed into my arms and rational thought became an impossibility. Her head rested against my shoulder, she looked up into my eyes with the widest of smiles. She was so close, I could count each tooth- one chipped from her fall out of a tree a couple of years prior and one missing, having recently falling out to make room for one of the last adult teeth left to grow.
"That was nice," she said breathily, her eyes glanced over my lips and I was focused on the pulse beating in her neck.
And then she was gone, prancing towards the kitchen most likely in search of sweets. Our dance over… but not forgotten.
"I wish for a pony and a backyard covered in honeysuckle!" Nora was always dreamed of the sweetest things. She looked to me, waiting for my wish.
"I wish for…" Minutes ticked by as dozens of shooting stars painted thin trails on their way through the atmosphere. The shattered moon refracted light in amazing rainbows as we watched the night sky.
"Come on, Ren, you've gotta wish for something," she urged impatiently. Her smile, the feel of her head against mine as we lay together, the feel of the wet grass under my palms. The night was surreal. It was as if time itself was standing still just for us to be together. As if nothing else mattered besides Nora, and I was a humble traveler gracious enough to spend a moment with her
"I wish we would never end." I'd said it. There it was. A couple of seconds ticked by before I turned to look into her eyes- afraid I'd misspoken- to find them closed tight behind thick eyelashes. Her face peaceful, her breath slow and rhythmic. I smiled and wrapped her tighter in the warm blanket.
"Goodnight, Nora," I whispered as she mumbled in her sleep, curling up tighter in the warmth of the blanket.
"It huuuuuurts," she whined, stomping her feet desperately to get me to stop.
"Nora, stop moving," I begged. I needed her to stay still. My heart was racing and I tried so hard to keep my hands steady as I worked, but her flinching was making my work terribly difficult.
"Ren, please stop- owowowow!"
"Nora, please calm down-"
"OW! REN," she screamed.
"Nora, please just bite down, this is difficult-"
"REN, YOU'RE KILLING ME!"
I stopped and sighed, releasing the pressure on her broken arm. She whimpered as I did so, the bones grinding against one another and back out of place.
"Nora. You have to trust me," I pleaded.
"It hurts," she sobbed. There were tears in her eyes and her lip was quivering. She just wanted the pain to stop.
"It's going to hurt worse getting to a hospital without a splint. I don't want to see you in pain…" She whimpered, eyes lost in thought. She was trying to decide whether to trust my me, or walk to the hospital with the pain she already had. I sighed, already making my own decision. Nora was stubborn; she'd walk all the way to Mistral on a broken leg if it spared her just a few moments of greater pain. I gently grabbed her arm, gazing deep into those wide eyes I'd fallen in love with. She bit her lip and whimpered, knowing what was coming, and it was almost too hard to-
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"
She left the hospital in less than two hours with a thick cast, something she'd always wanted.
"Now you have to sign it and I can keep it forever," she urged excitedly, shoving the marker against my chest until I took it.
"You're lucky your friend was there to help you, Miss Valkyrie. This could've been a lot worse had he not set the bone when he did."
"Yeah… I guess I am lucky," she smiled up at me, grinning ear to ear. I looked away from her gaze, trying to get some strength back in my knees.
"Come on, Renny!" I tried to wipe the sleep from my eyes, as the hallway flew passed me. The only warning I'd had to being outside was the cold air against my bare shoulders and-
"It's snowing," she excitedly exclaimed. I hopped, taken by surprise as the cold snow sapped the warmth from the soles of my bare feet. She giggled in excitement, catching several snowflake on the tip of her tongue and letting them melt. She was glowing, her personality shining through brighter than the early morning sun. It was almost impossible to tear my gaze away as I watched her dance in the falling snowflakes.
"I love winter!"
If it made her happy, it made me happy. She leaned back, throwing herself into a shelf of snow. Her teddy bear pajamas tightly hugged her legs as she started moving her arms and legs, making her first snow angel of the season. I sat down on the front porch and watched, slowly nodding off.
"Ren!" She called my name but the snowball hit me before I'd even heard it. I snapped awake and grinned before tackling her, burying her in almost a foot of snow.
We raced back into the house, after half an hour. Shivering, hands practically paralyzed from the cold, we tried to warm ourselves with fireside hot chocolate.
"That was so much fun." She smiled happily, leaning against me. She was so warm…
I didn't realize we'd fallen asleep embracing.
"Yeah, Nora. I remember," I answered. How could I forget?
"Wow! We haven't done that in forever! I wonder if we'll still be friends in ten years." She looked off into the distance, mental gears turning as she tried to imagine so far into the future. I took her hand in mine, snapping her out of her imagination. She held my gaze, her breath catching in her chest, hands already starting to sweat.
"I'll always be your friend," I promised. It was the truest statement I could've made. I gazed into those pools of turquoise, finding the same spark there I'd seen when we'd first met. It'd never gone away, practically iridescent in the afternoon sun.
"Boop."
"No! Get away from me! I hate you!" Those words had stung more than my experience with a rapier wasp.
"Nora-"
"GET AWAY!" She shoved me away from her, nearly pushing me off balance. I watched her run off, tears threatening to wash my own face.
We were twelve and she'd wanted to take me to her favorite spot in the river to swim.
"The willow trees hang over into the river and it's like swimming out of a forest and they have a tire swing that you can jump off and scream as you hit the water! One time I almost didn't let go in time and I got soooo close to the other edge of the river I went woooossh but plop, back in the river and I was okay."
As we walked, she'd mentioned her stomach starting to ache but she marched on, undeterred until we were just feet from the riverbank.
"Ren, can we please go back?" She sounded desperate and afraid, but I had no idea what could've caused this.
"What's the matter, Nora? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, we just have to go back." She didn't sound fine.
"But we walked all the way-"
"REN! PLEASE!" Her eyes were watering, face red. I couldn't tell what the problem was, but I wanted to help.
"Okay, let me just-"
"No we have to go NOW!"
"Nora? What's wrong?"
"I HATE YOU!"
She ran off into the forest before I could respond. I relived the conversation countless times as I made my way back home, alone. I tried my hardest to figure out what I'd done wrong. That night was one of the hardest of my life. Trying to figure out how to survive without her. How to make it through school without the best friend I'd ever had.
I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep until I heard my window opening. My eyes snapped open and I reached for the nearest thing I could use as a weapon.
"Ren," the voice was feeble and apologetic. I sighed in relief and sat up in bed.
"Nora?" She tip-toed towards the edge of my bed, awkwardly rocking on the balls of her feet.
"Ren, I'm sorry…"
"What's wrong," I asked. I still just wanted to know if she was okay.
"I… I don't want to talk about it," she said softly, looking down at her feet. I patted the empty space on the bed, already unnerved by her not sliding in the sheets with me the second she'd walked in.
"N- no… it's okay," she shook her head, cinnamon hair messily clinging to her face.
"Nora… please talk to me." She chewed her lip, turquoise eyes locking onto mine. I refused to look away.
"I… I was bleeding…"
"Did I hurt you?"
"Ren, no! Not you…" I took her hand and she gingerly took her place on my bed.
"I'm not scared of a little blood," I whispered softly. She smiled and buried herself in my sheets.
"I'm sorry for how I acted," she said sleepily. I placed a hand on her shoulder, her skin hot and clammy to the touch.
"Go to sleep, Nora."
"Okay Renny."
"Ren?"
"Hmm?"
"I… can you stand up?" She looked nervous, eyes darting from mine to the floor. She awkwardly rocked back from the balls of her feet to her heels. I obeyed, looking at her curiously.
"Ren… I've known you for so long… you're the bestest friend I've ever had."
I nodded, unsure of what to say.
"I…" She looked back towards her shoes for guidance.
"Nora… it's just me," I repeated the phrase she'd so easily said all those years ago.
"It's never just you, Ren. It is you. The way you look at me when you think I'm not looking, or the way you try and hide your haikus from me even though you've kept them in the top right drawer under your book on snakes that you know I like reading, or the way you always make me feel like I'm special… I'm not special, Ren!" I listened to her every word, heart racing as I realized this talk wasn't like most of the discussions we'd had. This was serious.
"Say something Ren! You can't stay quiet all the time and make me talk for you! I know I said I'd do it when we were little but I can't do it anymore! Every time I try to imagine what you'd say I keep hoping you'll say you love me but the words never come and I just can't take it anymore!"
I smiled. How couldn't I?
"Nora…"
"Ren?"
"I've always loved you."
"I love you, too."
Her reply didn't come from her. I looked around and the room was floating. My eyes snapped open and I was holding onto Nora's sleeping form, my old shirt enveloping her.
"I... love you... too, Ren," she whispered in her dreams. I smiled.
"A wish kept secret…"