-Isn't it funny how fate has a way to twist even the strongest hearts…-

August 31

Dear Diary,

I know I haven't written in here for almost a year, but it seemed as though life wasn't worth writing down anymore. But now, I need something that stays constant in my forever changing life and you, Diary, are the only thing I have. Just by opening your scruffy pages once again, I feel happy. Finally, I've found something I can go to and relieve all of the emotions trapped inside of me. The best thing about you, Diary, is that once I tell you everything that's been bottled up inside of me, you're not going to try and comfort me, and tell me that it's okay, and that it's going to get better. You're not going to give me all the freaking shit everyone else has that made me go crazy. And that's how I want it to be…

Three weeks into last term, my fourth year, I was called to the headmaster's office. I vaguely remember wondering what I'd done wrong, I was never –ever- called to his office. I was one of the perfect little pretty giggling girls that all the boys absolutely adored, but that was all about to change. I sat down on a red and gold striped chair, facing Madame Pasteur, who wore a grave expression. Pasteur gazed into my eyes for a moment before quietly saying, "Your mother is dead. She was killed by Voldermort while on a—a task—for the ministry today." I sat numbly for a moment before nodding my head and leaving the office. That was it, not a word or a tear to show the anguish that twisted inside of me. And in two short minutes, the person I'd loved most in the world was ripped away from me for all eternity.

I didn't cry, not once, well, only when I was completely and totally alone. My mum always said, "Don't let them see you cry, Hay, it shows weakness. And you and I aren't weak, we're strong and we always will be." I loved it when she said that, I can still hear her voice, in that strong English accent I always loved, saying it as she held me on her lap. My mum and I were close, closer than most mother and daughters. She was my best friend and the only person I really trusted to the point where I would tell her anything. I never even got to say goodbye as it was that she hadn't made it home from another one of her tasks for ministry before I'd left for school that year.

I never really thought it was odd that I didn't know exactly what sort of job my mom had. She'd certainly never come in for career day when I went to the muggle elementary and obviously she'd never had a "Bring your Kid to Work Day." But she'd always go on a "little task for her job," as she called it, where she would be gone for weeks at a time. Hell, I didn't even know about magic until I'd gotten an invitation to attend Beauxbatons and my mother had explained that she too was a witch, however my father was a muggle. They hadn't been sure what I would turn out as, at least, that's what they said. But I think that my mum was never allowed to tell me because of her job. I think that her "little tasks" were actually secret missions for the France Ministry of Magic, that's why she didn't have any family or fortune. My mother, Gracie Short, hadn't existed, she wasn't on file with the government. And I think…I think that my mother was killed by Voldermort because she'd known some secret about his true identity.

There wasn't a funeral or a memorial service or anything. Just an article in the "Wizard Commotion" the next day reporting that a woman had been killed by Voldermort while working for the ministry. There was no name or personal information mentioned, only a picture of my mother taken a few months before the attack. My friends had all been whispering about the attack on the woman with no idea that she was my mother. My best friend, Fuchsia, took one look at the picture and snorted, "Hasn't this lady ever heard of a little make-up? I mean, look at that face, its hid-e-ous!" she said in a sing-song voice, making my other friends twitter with giggles. I went crazy, my mind was blank, I had no idea what was going on. I stood and punched her in the face with all the strength and anger that was boiling inside of me.

Then I ran, I just ran for hours. In circles, through the forests, until they finally caught me. I'd gone mad, crazy with hate, grief, and anger and there was neither control nor care left in me. They strapped me down to a bed with iron cuffs and relieved me off my wand. I laid there, just staring at the ceiling, for three days until they gave me a sleeping potion, but I screamed for my mum and thrashed about while I slept. There was no escape to the Hell I'd been cursed upon. My friends came to comfort me, apologizing for the words they'd said about my mother. Even Fuchsia came although I'd broken her nose and knocked out her front teeth. If it weren't for the iron cuffs restraining me, I'd have knocked out her entire jaw.

Only one person ever made me feel better in those two weeks that I was restrained to a bed. His name was Andrew, my good friend and the guy I'd liked since forever. The first time he came, he didn't say a word. He just held my hand and sat by me for the entire day. The next day, he asked how it felt when your mum died. And I told him. Every one of his visits sat out clearly in my mind, sometimes talking, sometimes just holding hands in silence. But he gave me something I didn't have in those times of need, Andrew gave me hope. Then he had to go and destroy it, but I can't talk about that. Not yet, it still hurts too much.

After returning to school, everyone viewed me differently. My friends didn't want to hear about my pain and grief, so I kept it bottled up. Soon, I separated myself from everyone and became an outsider. I was no longer the cute, funny, popular girl that I'd been. I became known as the girl who went crazy after her mum hit the old grave and I did nothing to save my image. If anything, I got worse. I would talk to no one, I was bullied to no end, and I slacked off in class. I became the loser of the entire school, something you didn't want to be at Beauxbatons.

And so, after a long 4th year, I came home to find a surprise waiting at my house. My father had packed all my things, when I say packed, I mostly mean threw away, and announced that we were moving to England with my Step-mum, Diana, whom I'd never even heard about in my life. My dad said he wanted it to be a surprise and I had to agree, I was definitely surprised, unpleasantly surprised. Diana (a muggle) was about everything I hated as were her two daughters, Hannah and Claire (more muggles). Need I say that we don't get along well?

Hannah and Claire are two blonde haired, blue eyed, cheerleaders with the highest marks in the school. And Diana has every right to be proud of them, but this woman takes it way overboard. She never leaves me alone about my dark hair and complexion that I have from my real mother or my constant sports and exercise. Girls were not supposed to go outside and get dirty, they were supposed to be hanging off the cutest guys every word, at least, that's what Diana thought. Not exactly the attitude I had on life and I wasn't planning to change it just for her. I'll admit, I don't have fun, I don't flirt, and I don't have friends, but at least I can protect and take care of myself. And at this point in my life, that's all I care about anymore.

The only thing I'm looking forward to in my new life is going to Hogwarts. I note, stupid name and I've heard it's absolutely hideous compared to Beauxbatons, but at least it's a new place. A new adventure. A new start. And my mother went to school there at Hogwarts when she was young. Just being able to see only a bit of her memories makes me feel that somehow I can still be with her. I miss her so much and I know that it must only get worse the father away I place myself from people. But I can't open up and show my feelings, I just can't. I don't want to get hurt again and by not allowing myself to love is the only way I know how.

Hayden

Hayden's POV

I shut my old diary I'd been reading rather quickly. I could feel the dreaded lump in my throat as I read over the words that I'd written as a devastated fifteen year old. It seemed that I had written those words decades ago, yet it had only been two years to the date that I'd found comfort in my diary once again. I had been right to look forward to Hogwarts, not only was it the most beautiful and amazing place, but the people it held inside were more wonderful than I could ever imagine. I was so happy that I was finally going back tomorrow, but it would be my last year and I would miss it so much.

Professor Dumbledore, the calm old headmaster, was brilliant and so energetic that happiness could often be felt, radiating for the silver-bearded man. McGonagall was the strictest professor, but most of the students, myself included, loved her to death. 'And, of course, my friends' I thought looking upon the pictures of many young people displayed across my desk. There was Arya, the small and quiet blond, Caitlyn, the fun loving, boy-fanatic brunette, Alice, the calm and confident blond, and the marauders (James playfully blew me a kiss) smiling up at me from the frames. 'And Lily, the brilliant and beautiful red head that hates James Potter,' I thought smiling as Lily elbowed James hard in the ribs. Lily Evans had been my first friend when I transferred to Hogwarts before 5th year and we'd soon become closer than sisters. She was also the only one who knew the truth about my mum and my madness back at Beauxbatons.

"Hayden, you've got a letter and it's dinnertime," my father, Jim Short, yelled from downstairs.

As quickly as possible I ran down stairs, taking two at a time. Nobody other than Lily ever wrote me since I was forbidden to get post other than by the muggle way. But why would she write me the day before term started? After snatching the letter from my father, I looked it over quickly. There were stamps boarding the outside edges of the envelope. It was definitely not from Lily. Instead, James' handwriting was enclosed on the parchment:

Hayden,

I know, one day before term, completely stupid of me, but I've got some awesome news. They're having an All-Star quidditch team at Hogwarts and we're playing other wizarding schools! Yours truly has been elected as captain of the Hogwarts All-Star team—we seriously need a better name—and I'm ready to kick some major arse! We're having try-outs two weeks into term, yes, you have to try out. But don't sweat over it, you're the best seeker at Hogwarts and I chose who's on the teams. Yeah, no Slytherins! Anyway, I got a reply from Lily when I sent her flowers the other day like you told me too. She said that I was the most annoying git alive, but I didn't care. It's the only time she's ever answered a letter from me. Sirius says it's a hopeless cause, but Remus thinks I could have a chance now that I'm getting my act together. Don't get too jealous over Lily, I'm still beating myself up for being "just friends" with you, the most gorgeous girl at Hogwarts! See you tomorrow! Sirius made the envelope, by the way.

Love always,

James

P.S. I'm Head Boy, man that was one hell of a surprise. Sirius is so ashamed of me he says he'll be wearing a bag over his head for the rest of his days. I bet Evans isn't too happy, but I sure am!

I laughed out loud as I read James' last comment. So he really was Head Boy, Lily had written a very long and confusing letter about him being chosen. The only thing I could make out of the letter was "James Potter is an Annoying Git." She might as well just have said that instead of rambling on about him, but that's Lily for you. Why say something in six words if you can write three feet of parchment on it? I noticed another letter fall out from the envelope and I quickly read through the messy writing:

Sheik,

Just thought I'd say hey.

Sirius

I gave a half-hearted smile. Leave it to Sirius to completely waste a piece of parchment. What an idiot. That boy sure could talk up a storm, but actually writing something down…it was way past his intelligence level. Of all the marauders, I definitely disliked Sirius Black the most. And when is he going to stop using that stupid nickname, "Sheik"?

"Hayden, you are packed, aren't you?" Jim asked during dinner that night.

"Er-almost," I inwardly flinched and decided it was a good time to bring up quidditch, "Anyway, Dad, James said they're having an all-star quidditch team this year and I'm sure that parents can come and watch. So…I was thinking that maybe you could come watch a match or two?"

"Oh yes, are you a cheerleader for your team?" Diana asked with fake sweetness.

"I play," I said shortly and turned my attention back to my father.

"She plays the peeker or something that runs around and throws a ball into a bathtub or something ridiculous."

"We fly on brooms and it's a seeker, Dad." I could hear Hannah and Claire sniggering, "I fly around until I catch a tiny little ball and that wins the game."

Jim exchanged looks with his wife, "No, Hayden, I don't think I can get off work."

"Please, dad, just one Saturday. You don't even work on Saturdays."

Jim gestured wildly around, "Hannah and Claire have cheerleading practice."

I looked at my father skeptically, "Your point being…?"

"Well, I can't miss hearing about one of their thrilling stunt moves, or taking them their waters, or the rows between the squad, or…or…" My father said with complete enthusiasm.

"Or watching them wave their arms perfectly together and yet still be offbeat of the music?" I said, my voice laden with sarcasm.

"Exactly," Jim said emotionally, "It is so moving watching those two cheer. The beauty and grace that flows throughout the squad is simply magnifique…"

"Yeah, Dad, that's great," I sputtered quickly, "But can't Diana just handle taking Hannah and Claire their waters and hearing about Merlin knows what just for one day?"

Jim, Diana, Hannah, and Claire all looked at me, appalled. Hannah finally squealed, "That would, like, throw off everything. How can you even think of suggesting that you selfish brat!" Claire had burst out into tears and Diana was glaring daggers at me.

"Talk about a mood swing," I muttered as I resisted the temptation to bust out laughing.

"Jim, your daughter," Diana glared at me once again, "Is the most despicable and foul creature to walk these lands. She is trying to steal you away from me and my two wonderful little girls."

"Nothing could do that," Jim assured his wife while shaking his head towards me, "Your attitude needs a check-up, Miss Selfish."

I watched the scene in complete disbelief, "This is not happening. Well, Claire, no wonder you little boyfriend, Brad, broke up with you. You are a—"

"YOU BRAT!" Diana yelled standing up from the table, "YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT AS PRETTY AS MY TWO GIRLS. YOU'RE MOTHER JUST DIDN'T HAVE GOOD GENES, DID SHE? SHE WAS A—"

"Silenco," I hissed, raising my wand and fuming with anger, "Tranquille tu Chienne!"

My father took a step towards me, raising his hand. Before I could react, he struck me across the face, hard. I gasped for breath and raised my hand to touch my stinging cheek. Wincing, I looked into my father's eyes. They were angry and worried at the same time. Never in my life had he hit me until now. He had crossed the line of my wavering trust in him and our old life to Diana's family. He didn't want me anymore.

"Pimpulus," I pointed my wand at my step-sisters and they broke into horrible acne at once. Then with a loud crack! I was gone.

Tears slid silently down my face, but I made no move to wipe them away. I felt a cold and empty feeling inside of me that had nothing to do with the slight breeze or the forgotten park that I had taken refuge in. My father had promised he'd always be there for me, but he wasn't. He had never been a father since mum had died. He didn't care a bit when I told him about quidditch, or introduced Lily to him, or gotten nine O.W.L.s. All he cared about now was Hannah and Claire, he'd forgotten me.

"You said you'd always be there for me," I whispered into the darkness, choking back sobs, "But you're not and now I've lost you. I've already lost mum, why do I have to lose you too, Dad?"

A soft "meow" caused me to look around in surprise. A tiny gray kitten was gently rubbing against my leg. Gently as I could, I lifted the creature into my hands. It was still so little, fitting perfectly into my cupped hands.

"Are you lost little kitty?" I asked it softly. It was easy to see that the cat didn't belong to anyone, being so small and underfed. I had always liked cats, "Well, if I'm going to keep you, you need a name," I sat trying to think of names, then with a sudden realization, I turned back toward the kitten, "Are you a guy or a girl kitty?"

Not expecting a reply, I was startled when the kitten said, "A girl."

"You didn't—" I looked around, kittens couldn't talk, but no one else could have said that, "Did you just talk? But you can't talk, can you?"

"I do what I want," The kitten stated simply and I was even more startled to find that the kitten's eyes were as purple as my own. I didn't believe in fate, but was it an accident that a cat with purple eyes had found me, a girl with purple eyes?

"What do you want to be called then, Cramoisi Eyes?" I asked, stating the French word for purple, "Perhaps Amethyst?"

"I rather like Ember," the kitten answered, licking its gray coat, "Amethyst is such a noble name and a hassle to say."

I laughed, this cat was my style, "Ember it is then." And as much as I liked talking to my new pet, I knew that I had to return home where hurtful memories were bound to arise.

A/N: I hope you really liked it! Was it confusing at all? I hope not. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. Feel free to give me any suggestions or criticism! Thanks a lot!

Tranquille tu Chienne: Quiet you Bitch!

Cramoisi: Purple