Animorphs - The Payback

Insert usual disclaimer here

Thought-speak in italics

My name is Jake, and boy was I miserable. I guess I should kind of expect to be miserable when I've been stuck on a small ship for a few months with five other people. We've been trying to find the blade ship, but we've had no luck so far and it was really starting to get to everyone, and that's what I kind of wanted.

You see, my friend Tobias was one of the people on the ship, but there had been a certain hostility between us ever since he found out that I had sent Rachel on that suicide mission to kill Tom which had resulted in her death. I really couldn't blame him for thinking of me the way he had the past few years, but I wanted to put that behind us and go back to the friendship we once had. I had a plan to get our friendship back, but I really wasn't looking forward to it.

I had tried to talk to Tobias a few times before but he always found a way to get out of it giving me one word answers or just telling me to get lost. Again, I couldn't blame him for being a bit agitated since he was a red-tailed hawk trapped in a tiny space ship. No flying, no fresh prey, nothing for him to do. He spent some of his time as a human, but to eat and sleep he still had to be a hawk. We were starting to kind of get low on supplies and all the good food, if you want to call it that, was already eaten. Much of what was left looked like it came directly from NASA since it was all basically in tubes. Being a human and trying to eat puréed green beans was bad enough, but try being a hawk and having to survive on "toothpaste meat." I just hope that he would be in a bad enough mood for what I had in mind.

I saw Tobias perched up in his makeshift "tree" he constructed with some of the discarded food packaging and other various bits and pieces. I figured that it was now or never for my plan to be put into action. "Hey, Tobias, could we talk for a bit?"

What is it? he said back with hints of frustration and anger in his voice.

"Look," I said, "I don't know how long we're going to be out here, but I know that we can't keep up this thing between ourselves any longer. I know you probably hate me and just wish that I'd shut up, but right now I'm trying to make peace with you. I know what you've been going through since Rachel died…"

How can you say that?!? You have no idea what the hell I've been going through! You still have your family, you still have someone who cares about you, and what do I have? A mother who can't even remember me and my slowly fading memories of the only person who ever really cared for me.

"You, know," I said calmly, "I lost someone I loved too."

That's nothing like me and Rachel, Tobias snapped back. You have no idea…

He ruffled his feathers and looked like he was about to take off to some other corner of the ship.

"Wait, Tobias," I said, "I want to make it up to you. I know that that wasn't the best plan and I should've come up with another safer one, but I was losing it."

The only thing that you could do to make it up to me would be to bring her back, and you can't do that, can you? he cut in.

"No," I said, "I can't do that, but I can do something else."

Tobias fluttered to the ground and began to morph into his human self. While he was still morphing I kept talking, my plan was going good so far.

"I've been thinking long and hard about what I could do to make my stupid decision up to you." He finished morphing and started coming closer to me. "I wasn't thinking clearly. I could've come up with a better plan. I could've done something . . ."

"You wanna know how to make it up to me?" Tobias said with definite anger in his voice. "You can start with this."

As he said those last few words he reared back and threw a punch that connected with my jaw. I took the stinging, slowly made eye contact with him again, and said, "That's it?" I was trying to egg him on. I knew that one single punch wasn't going to do the job, so I had to try and get as many as I could out of him.

His eyes raged with anger and he swung again. I offered no defense and just took the blow in full force. Before I was even ready to receive another it came in and I heard an audible CRACK as my jaw bone broke. The pain was intense, but it couldn't be as bad as Tobias had held in all these years. A few more punches and I was down on the floor with Tobias still wailing away while sitting on top of me now.

At long last he finally stopped throwing punches long enough for me to get some sense in my head. I could see his bloody knuckles with both of our bloods mixed together, but most of all I saw the tears coming from his eyes. He started calling out in a mix of panting and sobbing, "Jake, oh Jake, what the hell am I doing? It's not your fault Rachel is dead. She was just playing her part in the whole war. I've known that all along, but it's only now that I realize that it's really true. It's not your fault and look what I've done to you. I'm sorry Jake, I'm really sorry."

I tried to say that I was sorry too, sorry for everything, but all that came out of my bloodied face was a mix of unintelligible sounds. I think Tobias got the message though as he helped me up and gave me a big hug.

"There's something I need you to do for me now as well," Tobias said as his sobbing started to slow down and come to a halt. "I need you to hit me as well for all the times that I was a dick to you when you were only trying to help."

I started to shake my head to give a no, but then Tobias said, "I won't take no for an answer Jake. I need this to help set me straight."

Who was I to argue with him? I reared back and let a right hook go into his jaw. I would like to say that I only did it because he told me to, but being beaten by someone without offering any defense kinda gets to you on the inside. He staggered a bit, but regained his composure and pulled me back into a hug.

"Now, morph and demorph to fix your face Jake, it looks like it hurts a lot."

No kidding, it hurt like hell, but I couldn't do it. I knew that to solidly hold our friendship together I needed to let him know that I was serious about feeling the pain he had held inside him for years so I quickly shook my head no.

"But . . ." he started.

"Fhriend?" I managed to blurt out somehow.

"Friend," Tobias agreed.