NS: -sings the 'I was on crack when I wrote this' song- :D No, this was VERY much sleep-induced and goes with my friend, Ten-Second-Tom's fic, 'Mornings With Ninjas'. This was our idea together, but we're putting our own one-shots on our own accounts. This is MAJOR MAJOR crack, I warn you now. For now, it's a one-shot, but if I write another installment, I'll tack it on here and chapter two. Oh, and it wasn't TOO long ago that I wrote this...but I'm just now typing it and getting it up!


OMG I DON'T OWN NARUTO! ...DUH. :)

Bathroom Wars
Series: Naruto
Pairings: None
Warnings: CRACK and language
Summary: What really happens as the sand siblings prepare for the day? Oh Kami, Gaara can't find his eyeliner... CRACK OOCness one-shot complete
Start Date: 2/10/07
Finish Date: 2/10/07
Inspiration: Sobe and Snickers

It was a normal morning in the Land of Wind, the villagers of Sunakagure sleeping peacefully at such an early hour. However...in the house of the Shukaku, things were not so calm...

"Dammit, Temari! Get your fat ass outta the bathroom! My hair takes way longer than yours to fix!" a very angry Gaara screeched, beating balled fists on the bathroom door. From the other side, Temari kicked the wood in response.

"Shut up! I can't get these stupid quadruple ponytails straight!"

"It's your fault for having such a retarded hairstyle! Were you on crack when you came up with it?!" Yawning and scratching lazily at the unkempt mess of brown hair, Kankuro stepped up behind his brother.

"What's going on?" Gaara spun around, hands on his hips, scowl plastered on his face.

"Fatass won't get out of the fucking bathroom." Kankuro eyed the pink curlers in his younger brother's hair.

"...yeah. We have another one."

Gaara sucked in his teeth. "How can you be so insensitive?! My beauty supplies are all in THERE! Although, why Porky didn't just use the other one is beyond me! Hear that, bacon bits?!" The door swumg open ad out burst Temari with her hair in 9 randomly placed pigtails. Kankuro promptly fell into a fit of giggles, erupting into full-throated laughter.

"Move, Pumba." Gaara demanded and pushed Temari out of the way. As soon as he was inside the bathroom, he slammed the door shut and locked it. After a few minutes of rummaging, Gaara's voice was finally heard.

"WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY EYELINER?!" Kankuro and Temari eyed each other and shrugged. Half of the curlers taken out, Gaara punched through the bathroom door, sending splinters of wood sailing everywhere.

"My eye!" Kankuro screeched and fell backwards onto the floor, clutching his face. Temari ducked behind a couch. Gaara's eyes changed and an evil chakra gathered around him. His right arm transformed into that of Shukaku and drool poured from his lips as he muttered incoherent speech. Gaara reared back on his heels and roared, prepared to attack when something fell from beside his head. He eyed it and smiled, turning back to normal. He then picked it up and trotted happily back to the bathroom.

Kankuro, who was still blind from the wood in his eyes, perked his head up causiously. "What...happened...?"

Temari's chest heaved up and down dangerously, "The eyeliner was...behind his ear..." she gasped and leaned on the couch. "...damn."

45 Minutes Later

Kankuro and Temari sat together in the livingroom, applying each other's make-up (although Kakuro's took a great deal more work) while 'The Internet Is For Porn' blared in the background. Temari had to constantly remind her brother to please not sing while she did his face. While they were busy with that, Gaara was nowhere in sight, and when he finally did appear, he seemed stressed.His pale hand ran up through his hair.

"Hey Kanki, can I borrow you red magic marker? Okay, thanks, Batman." Gaara boasted without awaiting a reply and turned towards his brother's room.

"Wait, what do you need a marker for?" Gaara turned and gave him a dumb look, then lifted the red hair off the left side of his forehead--to reaveal that his 'tatoo' was smeared from one side to the other.

"You think this shit draws itself on?"

NS: I know it's REALLY short, but I thought it was pretty funny and I needed to put it up so I don't lose it. It's a LOT different than all my other fics and stuff, but I still enjoyed doing it. R&R!