The Deathly Hallows:The Real Story
at the dursleys house until he's of age, bags packed. Petunia reveals something about herself (oh no! not the under-garments!!) Clock strikes 12, and dudley tells harry about the horrific memory he was forced to encounter when attacked by dementors. Harry goes to wedding. Finds out something important about mother. Goes to godrics hallow. Gets bored, goes off looking for Horcruxes. Finds out who R.A.B is, OMG SHOCKER!! Krum returns and so does umbridge and their like 'LOLZ LETS HAVE A PARTY!!'
then after Umbridge does something stupid she dies, because lets face it…we don't want comic relief and have enough of it from fred, george and those other dumbass pranksters…
harry goes on finding horcruxes and remembers the 2 way mirror which he uses somehow…Then rons like…'Yo! I losts my something at the grave place!'
they go back and discover that ron hasn't actually lost anything..(not even his virginity…)
they also discover that harry has his mothers eyes…which is important. Ron doesn't want to be a 40-year-old virgin and so he dies and becomes a 17-year-old virgin. But he doesn't actually die because we cant be sure that he is the one who is doing the dying….so we just assume he dies and kill off one or two of the major characters.
Harry goes off to cry in the corner about no more quidditch matches and finds lots of information about dumbledore and his past….
Then they destroy the horcruxes, and for several chapters when suddenly, voldie appears. At the battle they find out where Snape's loyalties lie and why Dumbly trusted him. Then Harry finds out why some people become ghosts when they die and others don't.
Someone says something about why Voldemort wanted Lily to live and harry's like.'OMG SHOCKER!!'
Then somehow someone starts doubting the deaths of sirius and dumbledore.
Scar scar scar scar scar scar scar scar scar scar scar scar (times the next 700-something-pages.)
Scar.
I got this idea whilst talking to my friend about the 7th book. We decided that at this point jk rowling could just write some things in the beginning to get people to read but afterwards just write the last word over and over again…
Who thinks that people would still buy it? I do…kind of.
all of the facts and ideas i got from fansites that gave away little facts...most of this is accurate..minus umbridges death and rons virginity