futile wishes.
fandom/pairing: naruto / itasasu.
warnings: language, boyxboy love, incest, minor angst, probably ooc-ness, cheesy ending
disclaimer: Itachi and Sasuke belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Who is not me.
author's note: I love how I crave Uchihacest fluff and instead I write angst. I don't think there's anywhere I slipped up (besides, well, some ooc-ness), but if there are any inaccuracies that's because I stopped reading / watching pretty much after the 6th volume and I can't remember shit. Also I saw about a zillion different ways to take this idea, and when that happens + I'm overeager it can be disastrous. LOL FIRST FIC, I am a delicate flower, plz not to be tearing me to pieces just yet.
--
The moment you find him, you wish you hadn't.
You feel something singing in your blood and blurring your vision and you tell yourself that it's just rage, it's just the hatred you have been carefully growing all these years. You almost want to turn back, to scurry home and burst into your room and crawl beneath your covers and pretend this was a bad dream. It shouldn't be hard; you have had enough dreams just the same.
But all that does is contradict the lifestyle you have built yourself on, so you hold yourself together. You begin to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, envisioning his stoic face and painting your own the same.
You look enough like him anyway.
You remind yourself of everything you have done to get here; it is quite an array of accomplishments and you fill yourself with fake confidence for it.
You are nervous and you are scared, and the second you land the first punch on him the singing in your blood veers off key and just starts screaming, screaming so loud and so much it fills your ears and you don't even notice the sickening crunch of the trees you have sent him crashing into. The blurring of your vision is practically blinding you now, but you can see the hate seeping into the edges of the bloody scene before you, or at least you think it is hate. It could be tears. They burn your eyes just the same.
You are wishing you hadn't found him, because now you can't stop.
Your battle is mindless and shapeless, and it makes you think vaguely that you are performing a violent dance of sorts, elegant and swooping and stinging as coils of smoke. You don't think the screaming in your veins will stop, not even when the blood is pouring and spattered everywhere or when you notice that the screaming is tumbling out your lips too.
He is very strong, just like you knew he would be, but he does not open his lips once, which is different from your nightmares. In your nightmares he will howl and scream and bleed enough to drown you.
You think his silence is enough to drown you anyway.
And when you inevitably end up with him pinned underneath you, with a blade to his neck, the both of you are finally silent, though in his eyes you think you see more than the Mangekyou. Something like all the screaming he never did. Something like emotion. There are itty-bitty tears hiding in your own eyes, and you know he would call you weak and foolish if he wasn't so determined to be silent.
You are surprised when his cracked, bloodied lips part and he breathes, "Hey, Otouto. You know what I think?"
You glare at him for no real reason, and press the kunai ever-so-gently against his throat just because it feels like you should. He rolls his eyes, and then his next words are so soft that you lean impossibly closer.
"I think that you are a complete failure. All I asked of you was to hate me, and to kill me, and here you are, and there is regret and hurt and love in your eyes."
What happens next is so scandalous, and so quick, and so downright disgusting that you vow never to repeat it. You are trying to block out the memories as soon as you can feel them forming.
You are absolutely positive you weren't sane.
Because…because…he was your brother, for god's sake. Because you can't accept it when he promises that…that he loves you. Because you can't accept that everything will be okay again when his lips touch yours, and when your tongues are mixing. And because it is unfathomable that the reasons he is giving for murdering the clan were for your own good. ( Besides the one where his voice is rasping against your lips as he murmurs something about how beautiful you are. )
Before you know it you can't breathe right anymore and there is a burning in your abdomen and obviously all of the blood fueling coherent thought has rushed southward, and then…
Then he sucks in a deep breath and pulls away. Your eyes, having been screwed shut in anticipation, slowly part as you realize his heat is completely gone. You take in his figure in front of you, steadily moving backwards. Who the hell does he think he is..?
"You are an avenger Sasuke."
Your eyes widen, and something clicks, and you scramble forward, stumbling fantastically, screaming.
"Itachi, don't you dare -- !"
But he is gone, with a wisp of breeze kicking up stray leaves in his place.
You fall to your knees and your hands form a death grip in your hair and you wonder, when you are so empty, where all that screaming is coming from.