Summary: An outtake from The Photograph. Was it a hallucination or insanity? Alice comes back to Forks and has an interesting conversation with Edward and Bella.
Almost everyone was sad by my choice of fate for Edward and Bella in "The Photograph", so I made an outtake of Alice's point of view as compensation. If you haven't read The Photograph, it'll probably be a little confusing.
You have to have a little imagination to see where I'm coming from in this.
Inspiration: Scene from HP and Deathly Hallows and awesome reviewers of The Photograph. If you're reading this, don't worry Montana Wilson, no angels. ;)
Here is Heaven's Mentality.
--
The 12th of October 2014.
I drove the endless expanse of the highway at a breakneck speed, mindless of the limit each sign seems to be warning. Jasper is probably worried right now, and I'm probably going to get an earful of 'You're a mother, Alice… stop being reckless' speech. But I can't make myself to care at the moment. I have to recreate this once familiar feeling I miss, and this is the only way to do it.
Abruptly turning at the almost invisible exit, I felt a sigh of relief as I took in the infinite clusters of trees and greens, and the memorable smell of dew. It's incredibly nostalgic.
Finally arriving at my destination, I slowed down and marveled over the fact that the path leading up to it was still unchanged, still moist as if the rain just came in and swept all signs of dry land.
I turned off the ignition and hopped out of the car, anxiously looking over my surroundings. My eyes rested on the epicenter, and acknowledged the fact that it still looked good as ever. It sat there, looming over me, and I fought a chill that I normally don't feel. I should have known that this house would never change.
Instead of walking to the porch, I curved and took the passage that ran along the side of the house, straight to the backyard. I expected a jumanji setting; with vines covering the ground and Esme's old garden filled with giant weeds. But never did I anticipate that the first thing I would see is that in good shape.
Their hammock.
I cautiously walked and stopped right beside it, still standing, after 4 years of abandonment. I touched the knots tenderly, feeling the careful weaving he did to make it sturdy, both rough and smooth under my fingers. I rubbed it like I would a child, being painstakingly gentle not break it.
Out of a sudden, I felt a drop on my arm, signaling the oncoming downpour of a Forks daily rain. I toddled to back door in a normal pace, not particularly minding if I get soaked. Warily, I let myself into my favorite house out of all we've lived in.
Sheets covered the furniture that we failed to take with us, and the air was stale, having had no circulation for so long. There was one appliance that I regretted leaving, but at that time, none of us wanted to be haunted by it, or rather, the memory. I wandered to it, hesitating, before taking off the cover.
His piano still looking superior, massive and it gave me a bittersweet jolt. Inched of dust covered the keys, but it still had its never faltering shine. Just like his owner. I remembered hearing his instrument sing waltzes to odes to lullabies, played by a man that was inspired to play it not just for its sake, but to put into music what he felt about his surroundings; life and love.
The emotions swirling in me were overcoming, but I felt brave, and that gave me enough courage to explore this house all over again, including to the room I loved the most.
--
We didn't dare take the paint down, and the room was bare except for one object that stood at the corner. To my family, there was no reason why I didn't decided to bring it with us, including with everything else we did take. But I knew that, subconsciously, I couldn't live with it being in a different room. It would break me apart.
It was still miraculously parked in the same angle, same distance from the window. Its brown walnut finish glistened as if it was recently polished. The distinct embroidery of its arms and the wicker backrest gave me some recollections I couldn't do better without.
Why did I leave the rocking chair here?
It was my favorite piece of the nursery once Edward and Bella allowed the family to have a glimpse at it. Having the curse of seeing flashes of the uncertain future, I obviously saw it before, but I didn't have time to tell them that.
No one had enough time.
But I had the suspicion that Bella knew, with the way I pleaded with her if I could borrow it. She never conceded.
I sat on it, aware of the delicate wood and paint that varnished its mold, not discerning what I would have done if I fractured it. Rocking a bit, I lured my eyes to the breathtaking view of the backyard from where I was sitting. The sun evenly caught the right amount of shine and captured the beauty of the forest; and I saw it all from where I was sitting. No wonder Bella found this room serene.
I closed my eyes, and let it rest a bit. Exhaustion and fatigue finally came over me, surprised by it, as if I could only hold for so long, everything crashes down.
No, it wasn't to the point of real slumber, but it felt like some semblance of sleep. Do these things ever happen to someone like me before?
The chair creaked under me, and I realized that without sight, my already heightened senses turned extreme; the roughness of the old wood scratched under my skin, the faint smell of home.
I must have sat there for a long time, feeling a sense of peace that I haven't been familiar with in years. But it's not the same. Never will be. My eyes took a break it hasn't taken in decades, for once not trailing disaster, time, the future…
Suddenly, a rumble broke the silence I immediately craved. As much as I abhorred it, with irritation, I reluctantly opened my eyes.
And to my disbelief, I found the chair I was on, facing the door, which was not empty. Two people stood in the hallway, looking at me with apprehension on both their faces.
--
"How are you Alice?" Bella nervously asked, with a hidden gleam in her eyes.
My eyes widened as I took her in. She still looked as she would have four years ago; with the same skin, length of hair…our doe-eyed wonder.
I was dumbfounded, words lodged in my throat, unable to speak. Bella snickered, as if knowing my expression would be like this, and it gestured the man behind her to come out of her shadow. He smiled his imperfect smile, one that always warmed my cold heart.
My brother.
"Uh, sorry we're barging into you like this." He gingerly spoke, scratching the back with his hair, awkwardly looking like a little kid caught. His motion messed up his already messy hair.
I was pretty sure my frightened state was showing on my face. "What's…going on?" I was still seated on the chair, gripping the arms hard. Common senses gave me enough self control to let go without breaking it.
Breathing in some air, I plucked up the courage to stand from the rocking chair and standing in front of them, curiosity killing all the nerves in my body.
They didn't move, staying there, picture perfect, and I used my dazed eyes to examine their bodies, drinking in every single detail, afraid that they would disappear, fearing I was at the point of insanity.
Edward chuckled. "Relax, Alice."
"But how…what…" I used hand motions and pointed at them, then at myself, trying to describe the position all three of us were in. I don't think God would have understood me. "I don't understand. Oh my, I'm losing my mind."
I turned my back to them, then started muttering non-sense. I wanted to laugh and scream at the same time. This was frustrating!
"You're not losing you mind." Bella's soft voice cut in. I rotated back to my previous spot and stared at her. She beckoned her hands as if asking for permission to get nearer to me, but I didn't give her any choices. My judgments overrode my mind, which was only shouting for one action.
I hugged them. I hugged both of them. They were…real. Solid.
I embraced them so tight that even I was at the point of harm. But man, did I not care. I can touch them. I can feel them.
"How can this be? You're dead!" I chortled out, as if they didn't know.
They both nodded. "Yes, we are."
"Wait…" I suddenly panicked and jumped out of my skin. "Am I dead, too? No, that's not right, I can't be…" I muttered to myself out loud, and I could hear Edward smirking.
"You're not dead, Al."
A sigh of relief escaped my lips, and I raised an eyebrow, skeptic. But nonetheless, I concurred. "Alright."
And I grasped. I must be hurt somewhere. Oh no. Panic overrode my body as nonexistent butterflies fluttered in my stomach.
Bella broke the silence. "So, why don't we go downstairs and talk there?"
There was nothing I could do but nod, although different parts of my head were screaming opposite things. Not knowing what I was doing, not thinking clearly, clearly delusional. I was in Twilight Zone.
I trailed them as they walked down the stairs, realizing that this was not the house I arrived in anymore. Looking around, I found myself to be in the last place I thought I would be in.
--
It was an unridden path, forestry around me, and for a moment I thought that I merely took a wrong turn and landed at the woods. But this was more…unknown, like I ought to remember it in passing.
I heard a soft rustle of leaves and turned in time to see Edward and Bella walk the path, their bodies just disappearing at a bend. Biting my lip, I followed them.
There's something about this place that was strange, like a word that's at the tip of my tongue. I struggled to find it in the befuddling mind of mine, wondering just why a harmless looking forest could cause me to have these emotions.
I'm not trusting myself though, I'm already seeing things.
There was a lightening in the trees ahead; a glow emanating that was a slight shade of yellow than the normal green it was surrounded by. Bella and Edward already vanished, but I knew that they just stopped further on. I reached the edge of the pool of light, and stepped through the last tassel of twigs that covered my destination, to the most magnificent place I've ever seen.
No wonder I felt that detachment earlier, like I should have known where we were. I've never been here before, but the fact that I've seen it so much with Edward and Bella in their futures a long time ago, a time when this place held true to their everlasting love.
The meadow.
I felt myself striding in, like an outsider being opened to a new world. Bella was sitting on a round hill just before the clearing, with Edward lying beside, his head on her lap. She was stroking his hair. Looking up, she beamed when she saw me, and motioned me to come over.
On the other hand, my body was going through shock after shock of sub-reality as I dropped beside my best friend.
"Good day, isn't it?" Edward asked, eyes closed, the sun shining ahead, bathing him in a soft golden light. He sparkled like a million stars, overpowering the bronze of his hair. He looked as serene as ever.
I didn't answer because I knew I didn't need to.
All three of us sat silently there, listening to our breaths -or mine, since it was the loudest- and I contemplated what situation I'm in. It seems that this is the only time I can't answer the outcome of my own predicament.
"Alice, I can't thank you enough for treating Violet like your own child…" She whispered, and I came closer to her, bringing a sympathetic arm around her back.
I didn't respond for a while, thinking of the right reply.
"There was no way I was…you know…"
It isn't often that I struggle for words, as I've learned a lot of them in my lifetime. But this inexplicable emotion I'm feeling is beyond description.
Edward had long gone from his position and was now looking at me, right beside Bella, with the same jovial glimmer in his eyes. As random as he could get, he declared. "Let's play."
She looked at him with a hint of annoyance. "We're trying to talk here."
He shrugged. "Later. C'mon sister, let's have a blast."
He laughed, before lunging himself into the empty field. He ran all over, before dropping right in the center and wringing his hands into the air. I've never seen them like this. He grew up too early, skipping over the stage of just being able to act like a kid. He was at peace.
Bella happily sighed. "He loves doing that."
"Doing what?"
"Just having fun. Watch this." She smirked, and immediately, I felt a drop of rain on my arm. I looked up and sure enough, drizzle started to plummet from the sky. I glanced at Edward, who looked to be annoyed by the rain.
"Bella! Come on." He huffed and puffed like a small child, crossing his arms and stomping.
Bella tilted her head and conceded. "Only if you give me a kiss."
And he rushed to her, taking her into his arms and swooping down for a peck.
I felt like a voyeur, watching a blissful moment between the two of them. The rain stopped, and sunlight peeped out again.
"Alice…" Edward started when they were ummm finished. "How's everyone?"
I smiled. "Everybody's doing better. Taking it one step at a time, our lives these days. It's definitely less chatter, but more chaotic with…" A tear stained my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.
He stated. "I know you have a lot of questions."
Bella looked wary, and soon, Edward bore the same expression. They looked afraid with what I'm going to say. For some unfathomable reason, this gave me a chance to get angry.
I was swirling with emotions, and anger just hit me. All this time, I was unable to ask them anything, with missing them, finally being able to see them again, not minding that they broke everyone's hearts.
My voice evidently turned cold, and even I was surprised. "A lot doesn't even cut it."
They didn't flinch or look away, like they knew I would behave like this if given time. I felt like a gremlin, and they just kept adding water and feeding me after midnight. A ticking time bomb.
With eyes full of regret, and lost twinkle, she cut me off. "We're so sorry. I…"
"It's not you fault Bella, never your fault. I just need Edward to explain…" My voice turned soft, and I found it hard to breathe, even when it's not needed. I was fighting with myself. "explain what in the world was he thinking."
We both looked at him, and intent looked as his head bowed in misery. Sighing, he replied. "I know that you need an answer."
"The hell I do." This time, Bella gawked at my frozen answer.
He gave me a regretful smile. "But Alice, you already know what I'm going to say." It confused me to no further.
"What do you mean?"
"You know physically, that I couldn't live without Bella. There wasn't any other way."
And I hit the roof. "But to leave your child?!" I stood up abrasively and walked backwards, away from both of them. Bella looked stricken and Edward engulfed in grief, and hung his head.
I continued my rant. "For goodness sake, Edward, I know it's been years…but I can't bring myself to forgive you fully. Out of everyone else you've lived with the past century, you and I were the closest. But I would never expect you to be so rash...so out of control."
"Alice, listen for a s…"
"No…" I turned away. "You listen first.
"You have no idea how changed we are. Nobody's the same. I have a daughter who doesn't know we never age, doesn't know that we have the ability to hurt her severely, and most importantly, she doesn't even know that we're not her real parents."
My words rung like gunshot around the whole forest.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I hope you know what happened after both of you disappeared from our lives. You probably have no idea. It's like…" my voice lowered. "The world doesn't stop like you thought it would. No, it's even worse. The world keeps freaking revolving; only those people that died aren't in the picture. You want it to stop and hope that they understand your grief, but they don't. You want the care, but you abhor the sympathy. You badly want to hold on to pieces, but it hurts too much to keep them. And you wilt. God Edward…Bella, you wilt like a flower just wanting for spring to come and make you alive again. But hell, it's always winter."
I dropped to my knees and covered my face with my hands. I felt soft hands clasped me from behind, knowing it was Bella. I looked up, and sure enough, she was trying to make me feel better.
"Alice…you see, you just answered your own question." Edward tenderly replied, and I glanced up at him, who was standing meters from me and Bella.
"All those things you felt, I felt them…times a million more. You probably think I'm a coward for taking the easiest way out. But believe me when I say that I was torn. I was torn to choose between options that included a daughter that I would never know, or a wife I would never see again." He blinked regretfully. "And you know how that ended."
I was stunned and it was like a puzzle coming together. Each piece brings a memory. I didn't have to be the best ones, but the overall result always astonishes you. Edward carried on.
"I can see you Alice. We both can see all of you…live your life. It hurt us that you had the hardest time moving on, coping with the grief. But we're always happy to see all of you live your life now. We saw when Violet said her first words…" He chuckled, and so did Bella behind me, "…papa, and I know I'm sharing that word with Jasper. I'm glad for it. We're in sorrow when we feel that we could have been great parents…and we never got the chance, but it gave you it, and we're forever glad for that." He came closer to me.
Bella continued for him. "We would never be able to repay you Alice, for being able to have the courage to do what you did. I can only imagine the hardships all of you went through, and I was forever guilty for Edward leaving, and I scolded him for it. He left our child, and there's a piece of me that would not forgive that easily…" She looked at him with alluring eyes. "But I understood everything, even if I didn't get to experience the ability to be a mother."
My resolve broke, and more tears splashed around my face, coating it in a sticky mess. We all just sat there, all cuddled up for what felt like forever, content with everything.
"So, where am I?" There was a piece of me that felt alive again, and I know that I needed this…whatever this was, to feel that again.
I wasn't at all alright, but I was sure ready to forgive.
"Well, you're in our version of heaven." Bella chimed in.
I looked around, and found that they couldn't have picked a better place. "Huh. Figures."
"I wonder, what's Violet doing now?" Edward marveled, looking at me with longing.
"Uh, she's at African Lion Safari with Carlisle and Esme. It's grandpa and grandma day for her." We all chuckled.
"She just turned six, by the way, and I was thinking…"
They both nodded. "I think it's time to tell her. Not about us...not yet, but our identity."
I acquiesced.
"Don't forget to give all your love to Violet for us." Bella tilted her head, landing on my shoulder. She felt me nod. We all sat on the spot, breathing sighs of relief.
The sun was setting from the horizon, and all of us watched as a beautiful whirl of colors ranging from bright orange to purple cover the sky.
"Looks like it's time to go." Edward stated, and Bella agreed, standing up.
"Wait a sec…what's going to happen to me?" I asked innocently. I still had no idea what state of mind I was at.
"You'll see." Bella winked.
They were walking down the hill, hands interlaced, looking tranquil, when I shouted one last question at their way.
"One more thing you two…is this…this thing I'm at now, is it real? Or is it all in my head?" I crossed my arms, as I saw their figures getting blurry.
I heard Edward laugh one more time before he answered playfully, but with wisdom. "Of course it's all happening in your head Alice, but out of all people…you know it's real."
And they vanished.
--
I sat up from the rocking chair I was on, completely bemused at my state. But everything fits into place. Sighing, I stood and walked out of the house.
Outside, the strong wind gathered by the previous rain, forced falling leaves to change their destined direction, dropping at random spots around the porch. I strolled back to the car and opened the door, before stopping and looking at the Cullen House for one more time.
Something landed on the windshield and I picked it up to throw it to the side. But I never had the time to, for I almost laughed. A violet petal was in my hand, the wind blowing it, but unable to as it was shielded by me. I smiled a bittersweet smile. Edward, Bella.
I got in the car and drove out the autumn town of Forks, and I could almost hear a couple happily saying goodbye.
The End.
So, thoughts?