( Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter )
Katie Boobus Bell folded up her Hogwarts Letter and placed it under a stack of pornos on her dresser. If her parents found out that she had been accepted into Hogwarts, a school of magic, they'd rape her and feed her carcass to a mob of angry kindergartners. She hastily stacked more heavy porno magazines onto the pile so the letter would be even harder to find.
There was a knock.
"Katie? Is that you, boy? What are you doing in your room like a crap-cake? Come out and give your grandma a bath. She's starting to fester." It was the voice of Katie's mom.
"I'll be out in a minute mom!" The truth was, she had better things to do than to bathe her dead grandma's body. Katie's parents had felt that they just couldn't bury her. So they kept her in a rocking chair in the kitchen near the window so she could "look out".
"Well hurry up! The flies are driving us crazy down here! They've laid eggs in her again." And then Katie heard footsteps as her mom left. She sighed and looked out her window. Across from hers was the window of Hermione Granger's. Katie could see Hermione doing naughty things with a cucumber. Katie turned away and growled. She hated Hermione. Hermione had Katie's man: Ron Weasley. Katie had liked Ron ever since he had acknowledged Katie's presence by walking past her in the hall. Katie just knew that he loved her.
Katie walked downstairs and entered the kitchen. As soon as she walked in, the smell of rotting flesh hit her. Katie held her nose and approached the kitchen's window where her grandma was seated.
"Say hello, Katie. Don't be rude." Her mother insisted, who was taking a bath in the sink. Katie sighed. Her mom didn't really understand that dead people can't hear you.
"Hello, grandma." Katie said. Of course, her grandma didn't answer. She just sat there being dead and festering in the rocking chair.
"I guess she doesn't feel like talking today, dear. It's okay. It's nothing personal." Katie's mom was squealing and splashing around in the sink, a rubber ducky floating in the water.
After Katie had given her vegetable of a grandparent a scrubbing with a sponge, she decided she'd go outside and find her father. He was the only one who really understood her. She figured he'd be the one to tell about the Hogwarts letter. She hoped he'd see it through her eyes.
Her dad was lying in the middle of the road playing with his toy action figures. Katie did a cartwheel and skipped over. "Hey dad!"
He looked up with his stupid crooked eyes and one tooth and grinned. "Hey, sissy!"
Katie sat down beside him. She didn't mind her father acting like such a child all the time. He was almost like a sibling, someone to play with and talk to.
"Parnsips! Vrrooom!" Her dad played with his little toys. Katie kicked him in the head and watched him cry. She laughed.
When he was done sobbing, she gave him a titty-twister and decided to ask about the Hogwarts letter. "Dad...I got a letter in the mail today about"-
"I know already. About Hogwarts, right? Yeah I already saw the letter." He rubbed his round childish ass. "I found it under the pornos in your room."
"You bitch!" Katie bit off his nose and spit it out onto the road. A hungry cat pounced on it, and the stupid-ass feline got hit by a speeding car.
"Why were you in my room, dad?" She roared like a cheetah and ripped off all that was left of his balding hair. He whimpered and fingered his bleeding scalp.
"I was only cleaning it like you told me to! Anyways you can go to Hogwarts. I don't care, tampon." Her dad stood up and dusted off his childish britches.
"Oh thank you dad!" Katie said, standing up as well, and clawing at his face. He took off to go nurse his wounds and find some more toys to play with. Katie watched him go, her spirit lifted and her heart light. She would be going to Hogwarts.