Difficulties in Dating?
Summary: Strong Bad answers an e-mail about why he doesn't take a few tips from the love master himself in order to get a date with some ladies.
Author Note/Disclaimer: I don't own any characters mentioned and used in this story; it's purely for entertainment value. I would appreciate any criticism about my "Strong Bad" point of view, or whether you liked it or not. Enjoy.
Dear Stro-Bro
Hey, wassup my young parson? Say, why don'tcha ask Pom-Pom for help to get yourself a girlfriend? I mean, seriously, dude, you need one. Even Marzipan would do.
Peace Out,
Thomas, LA
All right, Tommy, let me stop you right there. The only people who call me "Stro-Bro" are Homestar and other lazy people who don't have the seconds to spare to sound, like, the end of my freakin' name. Also, what's with the attempt to be cool? Let's face the facts here, man, 'cause your epic fail in trying to "get with it" is making me sick. It hurts me when people like you try to mimic perfection which is pretty much me when you think about it.
Anyway, on to making fun - er, I mean answering your e-mail. Well, you see, my crap-for-brains pupil, I am not just an expert when it comes to the female types - I'm practically their god (What? There was this one girl with hair like cotton candy and she set a shrine... but I think I had too many Cold Ones then). Seriously though, haven't you read that sbemail where not one, but two potentially hot girls asked me out? And who can forget about fhqwgads - I wish could sometimes... But back to the main point here, Tom-Bomb, which is I am the supreme reigning King of Awesome around these parts.
Oh, sorry, what did you say? You wanted me to ask Pop-Pom for advice? Heh, you think he's actually suited in helping me with the ladies? Hahahah, you crack me up... Why are you looking at me like that? Okay, maybe I ought to explain what happened a couple of nights ago at Technochocolate. Cue the wavy lines!
Pom-Pom partied in the club. It was a rocking Saturday night and he was ready to dance the night away. The beats were getting him in the mood and who better to celebrate his high spirit with than someone of the female kind?
Glancing around, he couldn't immediately spot anybody. Marzipan was too preoccupied with trying to both dance with Strong Sad and ward off Coach Z at the same time, and all of his Pom-Pom girls were out on a business trip (no doubt forming an inside joke as he thought). Suddenly, a quite... curvy figure stepped onto the dance floor, keeping to herself for most of the time.
Smiling as best one could with no mouth, the smooth operator bounced over to her. Soon enough they were dancing and partying whilst in the mostly dark club, only lit up by a few "flashing" lights on the floor ("We gotta cut back on lighting, inspector's coming soon," Bubs told him gleefully, but that didn't quite set well with Pom-Pom) to set the atmosphere. And just as quick as they started moving and grooving, the music stopped, with The Cheat running off to get home before curfew ("Wimp!" yelled Strong Bad, wondering why his supposedly hot step-mother wanted him in by ten?).
The girl chuckled and walked off to get a drink, brown hair bobbing up and down. In fact, it obscured most of her face but this didn't bother Pom-Pom - he had a thing for mysterious ladies. Following her, he sat down at a secluded area away from all the chatter, which was just the way he liked it. This wasn't the first time Pom-Pom hooked up with a lady one night then the next week had another; he just loved the women here, usually because they didn't mind sharing him around with others and he was such a nice boyfriend that they let him dance with other girls.
Anyway, one thing lead to another and without some much as a warning or any type of conversation between the two, she kissed him much to his delight.
Staring lovingly at her, Pom-Pom felt it so right with this lovely lady... heck, he didn't even know her name. They kissed again in the nearly total darkness, about to have a quite intense make-out session. Conveniently, a certain wrestle man happened to walk by and started laughing, at the sight of how intimate the couple where being. Cutting their kiss off, the ladies man bubbled at him, his annoyance quite clear.
"Dude... do you know who you're making in out with?" Strong Bad asked between his bouts of laughter.
Pom-Pom bubbled a definite negative reply, shaking his head and looked inquiringly at him.
"Well, *snerk* maybe you should see for yourself," said Strong Bad and pulled the brunette into a shaft of light. Pom-Pom froze, stomach churning horribly. Perhaps he had too many... no, this could not be right! But it was as clear as day as the mystery lady was revealed and suddenly, the smooth operator felt sick. An almost primal instinct to him to run, very fast and very far away from here!
He bounced away as quickly as he could while hearing his lover's last words to him that night.
"DaAaAa, I'm here for you, sugar-bunny! Don't hop away!"
Ah, now that was a good night. Coincidentally, my new hit, "Dude, Do You Know (Who You're Making Out With)?" has become the number one single in this country. Man, I gotta thank Modestly Hot Homsar once this is over with. Maybe I'll even give him some of my profits... nah; he'll probably think they're like toilet paper or something. Well, I hope this answers your question, Tommy, and that you've learned a valuable lesson out of this: always target the ladies man.
Uh oh, looks like Pompadour's coming around and he's looking none too happy... Well, I better get going before he beats the ever-loving crap out of me, so... bye.
END OF EMAIL
Easter egg 1 - If you click on "Stro-Bro" you will get to see a very rare montage of various characters calling him this nickname, ending with him bashing his head against his keyboard.
Easter egg 2 - If you click on "Dude, Do You Know (Who You're Making Out With)?" a picture will come up of Pom-Pom and Homsar looking at each other with awkward expressions as the cover of the single.