A/N: This is a labor of love for my girls at the SS/HG Newbies Fest on LiveJournal as well as for its recipient ArticCat621 (Her stories are a hoot, if you have not read them…go over there and show her some love.) The story is complete and the chapters will be posted over the course of the next few days so as to keep you in suspense. Show your love and drop a review if you enjoyed it. There will be smut, horror, humor and overall fun.

CHAPTER ONE

She couldn't concentrate.

She was going mad.

Mad with need, gods she was horny. It didn't help that she had about fifty requisition forms to fill out and no inclination or desire to get started. The only thing she wanted to start on was the row of buttons that would surely line the robes of the dour man she shared her office space with.

No one really knew this about Hermione Granger, but the reason she had studied so hard at school was because she was a scatter brain. The parchments marring her desk were a clear representation of her brain at the moment and most of the time that she was assigned one of these inane projects. Working for the ministry had been a logical step for her after the war. She had requested and been granted the ability to sit for her NEWTS just a few weeks after the war. There was no way she was going to lose all the information she had burned into her brain by wasting away at the Burrow or partying at Grimmauld Place. She also got her own place. The ministry decided that those that helped bring down the Dark Lord, namely Ronald, Harry, Severus and Hermione, be granted a very hefty stipend as well as the prerequisite Orders of Merlin medals. The medal made a great place to sit her coffee cup on her desk but the money was what interested Hermione. It allowed her to live on her own. There was no way she was going to spend another minute cooped up with the boys. Merlin knew she loved both of them but she was fed up with the smell of corn chips and feet. She couldn't understand how everyone expected her to marry Ron. When he heard this too the three burst into peals of laughter. As if she would marry someone she saw as a brother. It was just as ludicrous to think she would marry Harry. Not that they weren't cute and they had certainly grown into fine looking young men but once you have had to use your wand to blast away skid-marked underwear and cum covered socks to get out of a tent, any and all illusions of romance are quashed. In fact, besides Viktor and Cormac, she hadn't been with anyone else in the wizarding world and those two were just used for snogging practice and nothing more. Viktor had turned out to be very much asexual. She had kept his secret and they had remained very good friends. Cormac had tired of her refusing to give him anything more than the occasional blowjob but as gorgeous as he was, he was denser than dirt and Hermione just couldn't do it. She shuddered at the thought of him as her first so she had in fact lost her virginity to a muggle boy the summer before her sixth year. He had been her friend since primary school, before she received her letter to Hogwarts. They had remained in touch during holidays and letters he would send through her mother. Last Hermione had heard he was in medical school and dating a very nice girl. He was one of the few people that knew she was a witch which resulted in their relationship becoming a bit strained. However they had managed to work through it and remained friends. Their sexual exploits were merely experimental and done to achieve a purpose, to learn as much as they could about the act. She found it better this way, but since she hadn't been with anyone and now as she found her feelings growing deeper for Snape, she found her libido raging. The war didn't help; all the adrenaline had her going mad with need. A vibrator only helped so much.

The final battle ended much as it had been predicted with Harry defeating the Lord of all Suck and the school being almost completely destroyed which left little opportunity to return for another year of study. As if she would be crazy enough to return, after having lived on the road and the excitement of the battle she would be damned if she was stuck again in school robes and writing long winded parchments for little to no recognition, let alone money. She wasn't the brightest witch of her era for nothing and she knew being cooped up in a school teaching dunderheads would be a waste of her talents. She had seen what it had done to Snape and the other teachers, their lifeless eyes, their zombie-like walk, the children sucking the will to live as if miniature dementors. She shuddered at the thought. Maybe after she had tired of the world and all it had to offer would she maybe consider a career in academia.

She was working for the Department of Mysteries. It was a special division set up after the war. It required those in her department to start at the bottom. Cataloguing dark objects, conducting raids of former death eater front holds, overall it was a lot of grunt work. Of course her grunts were not the only ones that she had to listen to while on the job. After surviving the final battle thanks to none other than the combined efforts of one know-it-all and a semi-reformed Malfoy, Severus Snape had been recruited to help lead this particular division of the department. With his intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the death eaters he was the perfect person to handle what no one else wanted to do, well except Hermione. When the new minister had given her the option between this division and the records department she jumped at the chance of working with Snape. Fine maybe he wasn't the nicest person in the world but Hermione found niceness overrated. He was honest to a fault and his quick wit and sarcasm was a mirror of her own. His honesty and snark was a breath of fresh air. He was a constant and now more than ever she needed this. The fact that he had a phenomenal arse that she lovingly stared at from behind her piles of parchment didn't hurt either.

"I cannot believe that we are being sent all the way to Transylvania! Will we not get any rest this year?" Severus had stomped in a whirl of black robes. He worked at the bridge of his nose with the deliciously long fingers that Hermione had fantasized about one too many times.

At times Hermione thought he behaved much like a petulant child. His arrival at the office was honestly the best part of her day. He would remove his outer robes and leave only his white dress shirt, waist coat and trousers. The material of his trousers had a way of molding itself to every plane and ahem….bulge of his lithe form. He would pull down his waistcoat and adjust his cufflinks with a cocky swagger that had her forgetting most of what she was doing just to observe the ritual. Sure she knew many thought he was as ugly as sin but in her eyes he was a sexy beast. Sometimes she thought that he knew she was watching and wondering what his neck might taste like if she ran her tongue over it.

His robes weren't as threadbare as they had been at school and his shirts were always starched. He also looked more groomed than ever which let her to believe he was at least trying to look good for someone, she foolishly hoped it was for her. As childish as it sounded, she had never lost those butterflies that she developed the first moment she had heard him deliver his first years' potions speech. She had often bought herself to orgasm remembering him go on about bewitching the mind and ensnaring the senses. Alas, he only thought of her as an annoying swot that he had been saddled with as a sort of babysitter. There was no way of convincing him that she had chosen this particular assignment. He was suspicious that placing her in his department was the minister's idea of keeping tabs on him. There were still those that believed him to be somewhat an active participant in the Lord of Suck's army so they employed the method of keeping their enemies closer which is why the third member of their team was none other than Lucius Malfoy. Thankfully Malfoy was only being used in an adjunct capacity, most of the time it was just Hermione and Snape working together. Lucius would not be at the office daily or in the field with them as investigators. No Malfoy could stay in his lofty manor with his ponce peacocks and expensive wines. Snape only called on him when they were going on a raid of a place that still showed strong signatures of dark magic being used. What many didn't know was that Lucius was an excellent duelist. His rapid fire wand work was second only to Snape. Hermione remembered a time they had been surrounded by a band of dark wizards on the outskirts of Bulgaria while trying to recover a sacred skull. Malfoy and Snape had taken down ten assailants it was a fantastic sight to see. They worked in perfect unison, so much strength and power, long fluid limbs and sweaty brows, hair flowing and taut muscles flexed. The display left Hermione breathing heavily and in need of a shower and a cigarette (and she didn't even smoke!). She blushed at the memory and put her head down again attempting to finish whatever she was doing before getting lost in images of finely sculpted arses, wet knickers and softly simmering cauldrons.