Chapter 1.

AN: Special tanks (get it, coz Im commanre) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) liara, Teh Shdow Brockur 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Ray Myzuka ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! BIOWARE ROX!

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Hi my name is Commander Jane Shepard and I am a commander (that's how I got my name) with red hair and normal coloured tips that reaches my mid-back and normal coloured blue eyes that don't look like tears and a lot of people tell me I look like a video game character(AN: if u don't know what a video game is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to the shepherd from the Bible but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a human but my teeth are straight and white because I am human. I have normal skin. I'm also saviour of the galaxy, and I own a ship called the Sr-2 Normandy in the milky way where I'm part of the Alliance fleet. I'm a Soldier (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly my armor. I love Omega Market and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a suit of armor that was completely black, with a red stripe down the left of the arm and N7 across the chestplate. I was walking inside the Normandy. It was in space so there was no sun on the inside, which I was very happy about. A lot of Cerberus operatives stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Shepard!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Garrus Vakarian!

"What's up Garrus?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

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AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me tanks!

Chapter 2.

AN: Tanks 2 Teh Shdow Brockur 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW reapers stop flaming ma story ok!

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It wasn't snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my Commander's Cabin and drank some liquor from a bottle I had. My cabin had a fish tank AND a space hamster :))). I got out of my cabin and took of my giant Bioware t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, Exactly what I wore yesterday.
My friend, Dr T'soni (AN: Liara dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long blue hair tentacles and opened her eyes. She put on her white suit with blue lines and stuff on it.

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Garrus Vakarian yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Garrus?" she asked as we went out of the elevator room and into the Mess Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Garrus walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Naughty Dog's having an autograph on the citadel." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love Naughty Dog. They are my favorite company, besides Bioware.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY REAPERZ OK! odderwize tanks 2 da soldierz ppl 4 da good reveiws! TANKZ AGEN LIARA! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Naughty Dog.

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On the night of the concert I wore EXACTLY WHAT I WORE THE DAYS B4. I felt a little bored then, so I got Kelly Chambers to feed my fish. I read the instruction manual to Mass Effect while I waited for Kelly to leave and I played some Mario Party. I drank some liquor so I was ready to go to the autograph session.

I went outside. Garrus was waiting there in front of his flying car (Painted in rooperz bludd). He was wearing silver turian armor with blue streaks and a visor. (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Garrus!" I said in a renegade voice.

"Hi Shep." he said back. We walked into his flying black Space Car (the license plate said C4L1BR8IONZ) and flew to the Citadel. On the way we listened excitedly to MSI and the elevator music. We both smoked red sand. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stand and jumped up and down as we got our autographs from them.

"Andrew S. Gavin is so fucking hot." I said to Garrus, pointing to him as he signed stuff.

Suddenly Garrus looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Garrus sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Andrew and he's not as bad as E fucking A. I fucking hate that company." I said disgustedly, thinking of their early release of Battlefield 4.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Garrus. After the session, we drank some beer. Garrus and I crawled back into the

Space Car, but Garrus didn't go back into Normandy, instead he drove the car into… Eden Prime!

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok shepard's name is SHEPRAD nut mary su OK! GARRUS IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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"Garrus!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Garrus didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Shepard?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Garrus leaned in extra-close and I looked into his turian blue eyes (he was wearing a visor) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and Archangel-ness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then Garrus popped some batteries into my X-box Remote, and we started playing Bioshock Infinite.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was being shot by the bad guys. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Admiral Anderson!