Hi. I'm alive. This is immense crack. It's what you get when into my brain goes the commands KaiRay + KaiMax + drunk people.
Enjoy!
Tyson had often heard it said that alcohol was the world's greatest social leveller - it made all men the same.
Bollocks to that.
He wandered around the dojo on perfectly steady legs, though several doorways got in the way of his shoulder instead.
Alcohol did weird and different things to everybody. Take himself, for example. He hadn't said a word to anyone in, what, twenty minutes? Just wandered around and made searching philosophical observations like the above and felt cleverer than ever before. More secure, too. No more hollow empty feeling when the house was full of Bladebreakers and his stomach full of alcohol. Nope.
Still, it was funny, watching everyone undergo this ... metamorphosis. Oh, now we're onto something. Metamorphosis! What a word! Sheer genius.
No surprises for the drunkest boy - Kenny had given up on coherence a long time ago and was curled up on the mass of sleeping bags on the wooden floor. What was a surprise, though, wow, that's gotta be wrong, was who was curled up with him.
It was one of those things about Kenny, that he liked hugging people. Tyson especially didn't like hugging him, so he supposed he must have felt pretty lonely the past year. Obvious, then, that when tipsy and beyond, Kenny latched onto anyone willing.
Just a bit weird that the willing party had been, of all people, Ray. Leadership had made him a bit Kai-like, really, harsh and determined and lacking empathy, so, no, not at all what Tyson had expected. He didn't even look drunk!
"What you doing?" Ray asked as Tyson remained in the doorway, sitting up as best he could since one arm was pinioned under Kenny's semi-conscious form and one of Kenny's legs was curved over his thigh. His hair was starting to come loose from its tight wrap.
"Looking at you," Tyson replied, feeling proud of his clarity and conciseness. He frowned. "How can you ..." He trailed off and waved one arm expressively, frowning more deeply when he smacked his hand against the wall.
"How can I what?" Ray yawned and carefully moved Kenny's limbs to rest on the sleeping bags. He looked up at Tyson with a direct, scornful gaze that made Tyson's mind go foggy with confusion. "How can I give the poor thing a hug when it's all he's wanted for I don't know how long?"
Tyson shuffled his feet.
"Anyway," Ray continued, "I like hugs." The frank, childish way in which this was said relieved Tyson. Ray was under the influence. Not much. But a bit. All behaviour made sense then. "It's not gay, you know."
Tyson twitched.
"Didn't say it was," he retorted hotly as Ray stood up in one enviously graceful movement.
"No, but you thought it," he said with a fanged smile. The mischief smile, Tyson had dubbed it three years ago. "I can see your point. Kenny's small, weedy and touchy-feely and I ... have long hair."
Tyson scowled. He knew when he was being made fun of!
"I didn't say that!" he protested. Suddenly Ray was in his face, invading his personal space - that rhymed - less than a fist's width between his face and Ray's, and bodies too, all the way down, and Ray's eyes looked terrifying from this distance, like a predator -
He jerked away. Ray sighed.
"So, so easy, Tyson. Again; you were thinking it. Intolerance isn't clever, you know."
Onto the next room, where Max was watching TV with an expression of utter boredom and a scattering of empty cans around him.
"Tyson!" he yelled upon seeing him. Tyson grinned and waved and sat down next to him.
"What you watching?"
"Don't know, but it's boring! Can we do something fun?"
Tyson winced at Max's volume.
"I know!" Max jumped up from his seat and pulled Tyson up too. He came begrudgingly. It had been soft and comfy down there. "Let's play I-Spy! Ok, me first! I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with - Kai?"
"Well, that was stupidly easy," Tyson complained, before realising that Kai was in fact, walking through the doorway with a half-empty glass in his hand and his scarf unknotted. "Hi, Kai!"
Grunt.
Well, that was rude.
"That was rude!" Max told Kai hotly. Tyson gaped at Max.
"Are you a mind-reader?" he demanded. "I was just thinking that!"
Max grinned wickedly. "Perhaps." He tapped his nose with one finger. It was supposed to be two, but he misjudged it. Tyson sniggered.
"You're drunk."
"I'm not! You are!"
"I am not!" Tyson played his master card; "I used the word metphorposis!"
Max pulled a face. "You mean metamorphoph...sis, idiot! And, really? That probably proves you're drunk. Never that clever sober." He cackled with laughter.
"I'm surrounded by idiots," Kai proclaimed with a touch of melodrama, slouching into the seat they had recently left. Tyson made a mental note; when Kai gets drunk, he goes scruffy and over the top. Well, over the top for Kai. Which was about ten degrees below normal for everybody else, but still. "Max," Kai said commandingly and downed the remainder of his drink.
"Yeah?" Max turned until he was standing in front of Kai. "What is it?"
Kai said nothing. Just stared.
Like a snake.
Max stared back.
"Uh, Max?" Tyson poked him nervously. "Hi?"
Not as much as a blink. Kai stood up, still clasping his glass. Now they were as close together as Ray had been to him earlier. Kai put a hand on Max's shoulder, slid it down to touch ever so briefly, spider web briefly, his elbow, his wrist. His fingers. Abruptly he turned and strode out.
Max turned to look at Tyson with wide eyes.
"I ... what?"
Tyson blinked and shrugged and screwed up his face. What was it tonight with people shoving blatantly gay behaviour in his face? Well, not in his face, this time. Good. He wasn't ... Kai was commanding. Even drunk he had every inch of self-posession. He wasn't ... sure. Glad it had been Max.
He left Max to sit in his seat and stare at his Kai-ed arm with a strange look on his face. He reckoned he knew where Kai might be heading to. Yet, when he got back to the main room, where Kenny was sleeping peacefully, it was empty. Apart from Kenny.
He'd been so sure. Ah. That was it. He'd been too clever. They would come in later, having met somewhere else. Probably soon.
He heard clanking coming from the kitchen - Ray - and fell to his hands and knees to crawl behind the sofa. For what felt like at least half an hour (but when he checked his watch was only five minutes) he stayed behind the sofa. Not in silence, what was the point when there was no-one else there? No, he was busy wriggling around to get into a comfortable position where he could see the most.
His logic seemed impeccable. They were both acting gay and so therefore were clearly going to be gay together. Not that he wanted to watch this, he just wanted to prove his theory right, and possibly accumulate some good blackmail material for more sober times.
Sure enough, Ray came in from the kitchen. Tyson could tell it was Ray because of the easy stuff (shoes) but also, proudly, because of the tricky stuff. Ray walked very quietly, making a shuffling sound that became very easy to recognise after so many years of listening to it late at night in hotel rooms. Intelligence, see?
By watching the shadows and picturing the room layout, he decided that Ray had sat down on the edge of the sleeping bag pile, a little way from Kenny's foot. Silence fell. He bit his lip and tried not to giggle.
"You're not drunk," Kai accused, sweeping into the room, coming for a split second into Tyson's line of vision. He had discarded his scarf completely now.
Tyson jumped so badly that the sofa creaked, but Ray didn't seem to notice.
"Not yet," he replied. There was a slurping sound as someone drained a glass. "You are, though."
"Yes."
Tyson nearly shrieked as Kai threw himself down ontop the sofa, making it shift dangerously close to squishing Tyson between it and the wall.
"Max is ... nice," he said at last. He sounded on edge. Ray snorted.
"Oh, tell me you didn't try it on him?"
"Not as such. Just a look. Nothing." The shadows on the floor shifted and when Ray's voice spoke again it sounded closer.
"Honestly. You shouldn't get drunk, you'll end up doing something really stupid one day."
Kai laughed through his nose.
"Stupider than the other crap I do sober? Anyway, you help." There was an odd intonation to this. Tyson, still reeling from the knowledge that Kai did actually seriously seem to be gay, couldn't spare the brain space to figure it out before Ray spoke again. He sounded even closer.
"I suppose Tala did this for you?" The sofa creaked loudly.
"Sometimes. Sometimes Bryan."
There was a loud thud. Tyson jumped again.
"Oh! That's going to encourage me! Him?!" Ray wasn't as sober as he was claiming, Tyson thought wickedly.
"Yes." Kai's uncaring attitude was foiled when he added hopefully, "You're better, though."
"All the same." Ray sounded sulky. Tyson was concentrating as hard as he could on tones of voice and shadows and trying with all his might not to think about what was being said and implied. He twitched when Ray said his name - "Tyson thinks I'm gay, you know." He was still sulky.
"Well, I'd hate to disappoint the moron." A particularly loud creak. Tyson stuffed his fingers in his ears but just quickly removed them. The blackmail here was just too good to miss.
"I'm not gay! I'm just ..." Ray's voice caught raggedly.
"Willing?"
A long silence.
"Yes."
"How willing?"
The noises were just too disturbing now. Enough for blackmail - screw that, enough to drive him insane! He scrambled out from his hiding place but couldn't resist one last look back. Both were staring at him. Ray looked rather like he was contemplating murder - so not eating anything cooked for the next few days - and Kai ... he was definitely drunk. He gave Tyson a long, burning look then asked with a malicious smile,
"Wanna join?"
Tyson ran.
He couldn't look them in the face again for weeks.
Random fic is random. And mega-fun. All opinions welcome!
xIlbx