Broken Glass
A/N: Now this is Sweet, Sweet Poison' and the first of the three sequals that will come to it. This file will be updated randomly...so don't expect anything new here until Febuary.
~*~
Sweet, Sweet Poison
A/N: Poor, little Dai-chan...*sniffle* Ne, guess what? I'm actually writing a *sequal* to this! And I know, I AM heavy on the swears...
But, let me tell you-I went through the same exact thing when I was his age-and this is pretty much how I felt, so...
~*~
~Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort, suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Mutilation out of sight and I'm comtemplating suicide~
7:00 PM, Sunday, March 2000.
This is-well, will be-the date that they'll put in my obituary in the next paper.
Ooo, I can hardly wait. I bet the group'll take that obituary and frame it-I know I would, if I where them. I mean, I hate me, they hate me...so that should be a priceless object to them.
I hate them. I hate every one of them-and they hate me. Why shouldn't I?
Dammit, they treat me like shit! A fucking piece of shit. Do you have any idea how degrading that is!? How BAD it feels!?
Oh, shit...I'm yelling at myself...god, I'm a fucking psycho...ah, that won't matter in a few. It's 6:50 now. Man...10 more minutes.
~Cause I'm loosing my sight
Loosing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying~
Hate them all...
Parents, family, 'friends'...
Every. Single. One of them.
Well...maybe not one of them...
I really don't hate...him...
Whatever. Doesn't matter anyway. It's not like he likes me...he hates me, just like everyone else.
Just like everyone else...
~I never realized I was spread so thin
Till it was too late and I'm empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living on sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself no love for another
Searching to find love on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils~
I always thought I was...'normal'.
You know, happy.
I think it came to me around three years ago..in the convention center. I don't know how...it just came to me that I wasn't really happy with the way my life was going...
I'm still not happy. Well, that's a duh...otherwise why would I be doing this? Because I was perfectly happy with the way my life was going?
Ever since I got...not happy...I've been 'acting out' in school. You know...I was the kid who had to scrape the gum off the bottom of desks in detention. And I liked it. It was nice...you know, I didn't have to talk to anyone, I didn't have to be enjoying anything, and I could wallow in my self-misery.
And it went on my personal record.
Heaven.
I can still hear my parents yelling at me every time I came home from one of those-and I liked that too. I could just sit back, be quiet, and relish in the fact that I did something that set them off edge-oh, sure, it wasn't something good, but beggars can't be choosers.
It's kind of weird...but I always wanted to be loved...that way.
Especially by...him...
Ugh! Dammit, I'm acting like a love-struck virgin. See, I'm a suicidal love-struck virgin.
~Cause I'm loosing my sight
Loosing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying~
I really guess I can't call myself a virgin, though..
According to...everyone, virgins are either
A) Horny guys desperate to get some
or
B) Girls with no intention of doing it.
I'm neither. But, according to the British guys from Webster...or, gang members from America, I am.
But...that won't matter in a few...at least I'll die 'pure'.
~I...~
Heh...I wonder what time it is?
~Can't...~
Oh....6:59...
~Go...~
Can I do it a minute early?
~On...~
No, no...it's only a minute...well, less. But, then again, a minute can be a very, very long time...
~Living...~
6:59:45. I can wait 15 seconds. I can.
~This...~
5...4...3...
Can I do this?
Yes...I can...
Zero.
It's time...
~Life...~
Come on, just take the knife and cut, just take the knife and cut...
...
~Can't go on~
See...was...that...so...hard?
Oooo...everythings...getting all..black...what's that creaking noise?
~Living this~
The door's open...it's just the wind...
I'm...so...tired...I think...I might...
~Nothing's all...~
Just go to sleep for a little while...
Sayo...nara...
~Right!~
"Daisuke? Daisuke! DAISUKE!"
~*~
Retrospect-Ken x Daisuke
A/N: And this is version 1.0 of Retrospect...ne, if you want to know, there will be *three* versions of this same fic, with different couples. More, if you ask nicely...so far, I have a Takeru x Daisuke version and a Iori x Daisuke (by request...-_-;;;;) version planned. I know, I know...all will suck. . I know, I know, Daisuke's kind of crazy in this, and Ken is *very* crazy, but...I can't help it, dammit! It wrote its self to be this way.
Before I forget: I deleted Bittersweet Symphony off FFN. I'm sorry, but it was a horrible fan fic series with parts-if I got lucky-2 KB long. It barely had a plot, had god awful spelling, and took focus off really good yaoi/yuri serials on FFN, like 'Cinderella's Broken Heels'. (a personal favorite of mine...I seriously recommend Ken, Daisuke, or Ken x Daisuke fans to check it out. ^ ^)
~*~
~Fuck them. Fuck them all. What the hell do they know?~
"Daisuke, I really think that if you opened up to some people..."
"Daisuke, just get over this..."
"Daisuke, just because you feel a little sad doesn't mean..."
"Daisuke, this is scaring me, stop it..."
"Daisuke, get a grip..."
"Daisuke, I really don't know what to say..."
"Daisuke, if you just went to therapy or took a drug for clinical depression before this, this could have been avoided..."
"Daisuke, I'm sorry about this..."
"Daisuke, you can beat this..."
"Daisuke, if you would just listen..."
~Fuck. Them. ALL!~
What did they know? Nothing. Have they ever been suicidal? Have they hate their heart broken over and over again? Have they been totally alone? Have they been suicidal? No. Did they know that they had forced him to act of all of those feelings? Of course not. Did they even care, just as long as he was mentally stable enough to send Veemon in to fight?
"FUCK THEM ALL! FUCK YOU ALL!" Screaming in rage at a rather unlucky door, he sucked in a breath and continued. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW!? DO YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL RIGHT NOW?! DO YOU EVEN *CARE!?* No, goddammit! No!" Breaking down further into hysteria, Daisuke went into a full out temper tantrum, perfectly ready to scream if a nurse barged in, even thinking about giving him a 'happy pill.'
"Fuck them..." he breathed, overcome by feelings of rage and sorrow, regret and depression, and torn between the choices of life or death. "Fuck then...all..."
~*~
"I hate myself...I hate everyone else...and I hate you."
Ichijouji Ken merely blinked, not allowing himself to be threatened by the boy resting the hospital bed's change in behavior. What had gotten all the others so freaked out about this? If they had just paid attention to Daisuke's behavior-and Daisuke himself-for once, they could have seen this coming.
Any baka could plainly see that Motomiya Daisuke was *this* close to committing suicide-but Ken, despite his I.Q, never thought that Daisuke would *act* on it. It was obvious that Daisuke was depressed, it was obvious that Daisuke was lonely, and it was obvious that Daisuke was...heartsick, if that's the way you wanted to put it, but Ken would have never thought that Daisuke would ever act on these emotions.
"Well, that's nice. Anything else you want to say before the nice nurse lady comes in here with a bottle of Prosaic?" Daisuke crossed his arms and jerked his gaze away from Ken.
"Get out. And don't fucking patronize me." Ken shrugged, and instead of acting on Daisuke's wishes, he took a step forward.
"Big word." Ken smirked, leaning down on the hospital bed. "You can't do anything if I don't. Besides...I want to talk."
"Well I don't."
"No one said you had to talk, Daisuke. Just...listen."
Daisuke sighed, an icy glare on his face. "I don't need any more of that 'you have so much to live for' and 'we want to help you' bullshit."
Ken snorted. "You want the truth? Fine. You had every right reason to do it, Daisuke. You're the leader no one listens too, who everyone mocks, the friendless one, the lonely one, the foolish one...there. Is that what you wanted to hear? That your life has no hope? You'll die miserable and young, and by your own hand?" Giving a bitter laugh, he leaned in to get a good look at Daisuke. "Hate to break it to you, but that won't happen."
Trapped into silence, Daisuke merely shrugged. "How do you know? It's not like you control what I do or anything.
Now nose-to-nose with Daisuke, Ken laughed once again, as if that was the funniest thing he'd heard in years.
"Oh, I don't, Daisuke." ~At least...not yet...~ "But I think you're forgetting something. *They* do. You're just the Digi-Destined's little pet, aren't you? One hit, tell you to go this way. One hit, the other way. You mean nothing to them. Nothing special." ~Not to them...~ "They get you to do what they want, that's fine. As soon as they have no use for you, and you no longer provide a source of amusement to them, they toss you aside, like a discarded pair of clothing. But I..." a wide grin spread across Ken's face. "I have more use for you then that."
"...You're...you're...evil...you're crazy! You're fucking crazy!"
"Evil, Daisuke?" Ken flashed Daisuke an innocent look with not-so-innocent intentions. "Can you really call me evil? I don't do...what I used to do anymore, do I? I joined your side, didn't I? Isn't that enough? You can't qualify me as evil. Just because I'm not afraid to push a few people aside to get what I want? In the end, this will happen the way that they were meant to. I'm just...pushing things along.
"But let's get back on topic here, shall we? Let's see. They don't want you. I do. Oh, and by the way..." Now close enough to kiss him, Ken hissed the last words. "You are really one to talk about being crazy."
Not giving the other boy a chance to speak, Ken clapped his hand over his mouth. "I know exactly what's going to happen. After you go to a few therapy sessions and pop a few pills, everything will go back to 'normal'. You'll be the Digi-Destined's slave, they'll all make fun of you, and you hold up all your feelings until the next time you let them all out at once...the end. Well...let's just say that I won't let that happen.
"I'm not crazy, Daisuke. I'm not evil either. Somewhere along the line, it became wrong to fight fiercely for what you want...just like it became wrong you know that you're the best. I'm not in denial like you, Daisuke. I know what I want..."
Bringing his lips down to Daisuke's, Ken gave him a full, rough kiss, loving the feeling of Daisuke freezing up beneath him.
~He may have been theirs...~ Ken thought, resisting the urge to laugh, ~But now he's mine.~
~*~
A/N: Now this is Sweet, Sweet Poison' and the first of the three sequals that will come to it. This file will be updated randomly...so don't expect anything new here until Febuary.
~*~
Sweet, Sweet Poison
A/N: Poor, little Dai-chan...*sniffle* Ne, guess what? I'm actually writing a *sequal* to this! And I know, I AM heavy on the swears...
But, let me tell you-I went through the same exact thing when I was his age-and this is pretty much how I felt, so...
~*~
~Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort, suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Mutilation out of sight and I'm comtemplating suicide~
7:00 PM, Sunday, March 2000.
This is-well, will be-the date that they'll put in my obituary in the next paper.
Ooo, I can hardly wait. I bet the group'll take that obituary and frame it-I know I would, if I where them. I mean, I hate me, they hate me...so that should be a priceless object to them.
I hate them. I hate every one of them-and they hate me. Why shouldn't I?
Dammit, they treat me like shit! A fucking piece of shit. Do you have any idea how degrading that is!? How BAD it feels!?
Oh, shit...I'm yelling at myself...god, I'm a fucking psycho...ah, that won't matter in a few. It's 6:50 now. Man...10 more minutes.
~Cause I'm loosing my sight
Loosing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying~
Hate them all...
Parents, family, 'friends'...
Every. Single. One of them.
Well...maybe not one of them...
I really don't hate...him...
Whatever. Doesn't matter anyway. It's not like he likes me...he hates me, just like everyone else.
Just like everyone else...
~I never realized I was spread so thin
Till it was too late and I'm empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living on sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself no love for another
Searching to find love on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils~
I always thought I was...'normal'.
You know, happy.
I think it came to me around three years ago..in the convention center. I don't know how...it just came to me that I wasn't really happy with the way my life was going...
I'm still not happy. Well, that's a duh...otherwise why would I be doing this? Because I was perfectly happy with the way my life was going?
Ever since I got...not happy...I've been 'acting out' in school. You know...I was the kid who had to scrape the gum off the bottom of desks in detention. And I liked it. It was nice...you know, I didn't have to talk to anyone, I didn't have to be enjoying anything, and I could wallow in my self-misery.
And it went on my personal record.
Heaven.
I can still hear my parents yelling at me every time I came home from one of those-and I liked that too. I could just sit back, be quiet, and relish in the fact that I did something that set them off edge-oh, sure, it wasn't something good, but beggars can't be choosers.
It's kind of weird...but I always wanted to be loved...that way.
Especially by...him...
Ugh! Dammit, I'm acting like a love-struck virgin. See, I'm a suicidal love-struck virgin.
~Cause I'm loosing my sight
Loosing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, Nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying~
I really guess I can't call myself a virgin, though..
According to...everyone, virgins are either
A) Horny guys desperate to get some
or
B) Girls with no intention of doing it.
I'm neither. But, according to the British guys from Webster...or, gang members from America, I am.
But...that won't matter in a few...at least I'll die 'pure'.
~I...~
Heh...I wonder what time it is?
~Can't...~
Oh....6:59...
~Go...~
Can I do it a minute early?
~On...~
No, no...it's only a minute...well, less. But, then again, a minute can be a very, very long time...
~Living...~
6:59:45. I can wait 15 seconds. I can.
~This...~
5...4...3...
Can I do this?
Yes...I can...
Zero.
It's time...
~Life...~
Come on, just take the knife and cut, just take the knife and cut...
...
~Can't go on~
See...was...that...so...hard?
Oooo...everythings...getting all..black...what's that creaking noise?
~Living this~
The door's open...it's just the wind...
I'm...so...tired...I think...I might...
~Nothing's all...~
Just go to sleep for a little while...
Sayo...nara...
~Right!~
"Daisuke? Daisuke! DAISUKE!"
~*~
Retrospect-Ken x Daisuke
A/N: And this is version 1.0 of Retrospect...ne, if you want to know, there will be *three* versions of this same fic, with different couples. More, if you ask nicely...so far, I have a Takeru x Daisuke version and a Iori x Daisuke (by request...-_-;;;;) version planned. I know, I know...all will suck. . I know, I know, Daisuke's kind of crazy in this, and Ken is *very* crazy, but...I can't help it, dammit! It wrote its self to be this way.
Before I forget: I deleted Bittersweet Symphony off FFN. I'm sorry, but it was a horrible fan fic series with parts-if I got lucky-2 KB long. It barely had a plot, had god awful spelling, and took focus off really good yaoi/yuri serials on FFN, like 'Cinderella's Broken Heels'. (a personal favorite of mine...I seriously recommend Ken, Daisuke, or Ken x Daisuke fans to check it out. ^ ^)
~*~
~Fuck them. Fuck them all. What the hell do they know?~
"Daisuke, I really think that if you opened up to some people..."
"Daisuke, just get over this..."
"Daisuke, just because you feel a little sad doesn't mean..."
"Daisuke, this is scaring me, stop it..."
"Daisuke, get a grip..."
"Daisuke, I really don't know what to say..."
"Daisuke, if you just went to therapy or took a drug for clinical depression before this, this could have been avoided..."
"Daisuke, I'm sorry about this..."
"Daisuke, you can beat this..."
"Daisuke, if you would just listen..."
~Fuck. Them. ALL!~
What did they know? Nothing. Have they ever been suicidal? Have they hate their heart broken over and over again? Have they been totally alone? Have they been suicidal? No. Did they know that they had forced him to act of all of those feelings? Of course not. Did they even care, just as long as he was mentally stable enough to send Veemon in to fight?
"FUCK THEM ALL! FUCK YOU ALL!" Screaming in rage at a rather unlucky door, he sucked in a breath and continued. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW!? DO YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL RIGHT NOW?! DO YOU EVEN *CARE!?* No, goddammit! No!" Breaking down further into hysteria, Daisuke went into a full out temper tantrum, perfectly ready to scream if a nurse barged in, even thinking about giving him a 'happy pill.'
"Fuck them..." he breathed, overcome by feelings of rage and sorrow, regret and depression, and torn between the choices of life or death. "Fuck then...all..."
~*~
"I hate myself...I hate everyone else...and I hate you."
Ichijouji Ken merely blinked, not allowing himself to be threatened by the boy resting the hospital bed's change in behavior. What had gotten all the others so freaked out about this? If they had just paid attention to Daisuke's behavior-and Daisuke himself-for once, they could have seen this coming.
Any baka could plainly see that Motomiya Daisuke was *this* close to committing suicide-but Ken, despite his I.Q, never thought that Daisuke would *act* on it. It was obvious that Daisuke was depressed, it was obvious that Daisuke was lonely, and it was obvious that Daisuke was...heartsick, if that's the way you wanted to put it, but Ken would have never thought that Daisuke would ever act on these emotions.
"Well, that's nice. Anything else you want to say before the nice nurse lady comes in here with a bottle of Prosaic?" Daisuke crossed his arms and jerked his gaze away from Ken.
"Get out. And don't fucking patronize me." Ken shrugged, and instead of acting on Daisuke's wishes, he took a step forward.
"Big word." Ken smirked, leaning down on the hospital bed. "You can't do anything if I don't. Besides...I want to talk."
"Well I don't."
"No one said you had to talk, Daisuke. Just...listen."
Daisuke sighed, an icy glare on his face. "I don't need any more of that 'you have so much to live for' and 'we want to help you' bullshit."
Ken snorted. "You want the truth? Fine. You had every right reason to do it, Daisuke. You're the leader no one listens too, who everyone mocks, the friendless one, the lonely one, the foolish one...there. Is that what you wanted to hear? That your life has no hope? You'll die miserable and young, and by your own hand?" Giving a bitter laugh, he leaned in to get a good look at Daisuke. "Hate to break it to you, but that won't happen."
Trapped into silence, Daisuke merely shrugged. "How do you know? It's not like you control what I do or anything.
Now nose-to-nose with Daisuke, Ken laughed once again, as if that was the funniest thing he'd heard in years.
"Oh, I don't, Daisuke." ~At least...not yet...~ "But I think you're forgetting something. *They* do. You're just the Digi-Destined's little pet, aren't you? One hit, tell you to go this way. One hit, the other way. You mean nothing to them. Nothing special." ~Not to them...~ "They get you to do what they want, that's fine. As soon as they have no use for you, and you no longer provide a source of amusement to them, they toss you aside, like a discarded pair of clothing. But I..." a wide grin spread across Ken's face. "I have more use for you then that."
"...You're...you're...evil...you're crazy! You're fucking crazy!"
"Evil, Daisuke?" Ken flashed Daisuke an innocent look with not-so-innocent intentions. "Can you really call me evil? I don't do...what I used to do anymore, do I? I joined your side, didn't I? Isn't that enough? You can't qualify me as evil. Just because I'm not afraid to push a few people aside to get what I want? In the end, this will happen the way that they were meant to. I'm just...pushing things along.
"But let's get back on topic here, shall we? Let's see. They don't want you. I do. Oh, and by the way..." Now close enough to kiss him, Ken hissed the last words. "You are really one to talk about being crazy."
Not giving the other boy a chance to speak, Ken clapped his hand over his mouth. "I know exactly what's going to happen. After you go to a few therapy sessions and pop a few pills, everything will go back to 'normal'. You'll be the Digi-Destined's slave, they'll all make fun of you, and you hold up all your feelings until the next time you let them all out at once...the end. Well...let's just say that I won't let that happen.
"I'm not crazy, Daisuke. I'm not evil either. Somewhere along the line, it became wrong to fight fiercely for what you want...just like it became wrong you know that you're the best. I'm not in denial like you, Daisuke. I know what I want..."
Bringing his lips down to Daisuke's, Ken gave him a full, rough kiss, loving the feeling of Daisuke freezing up beneath him.
~He may have been theirs...~ Ken thought, resisting the urge to laugh, ~But now he's mine.~
~*~