Warning: Gate Travel Can Be Hazardous to your Comp, a stargate: sg-1 fanfic

Title: Warning: Gate Travel Can Be Hazardous to your Complexion

Author: SeaChanter

Categories: Alternate Reality, Point of View – Paul Davis

Rating: K

Season: End of Season 8 Alternate Reality

Summary: A new posting is in sight for an old SGC friend.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks are intended. Previously unrecognized characters, places and this story are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Archive: Please do not archive anywhere without the author's permission.

Author's Note: My many, many thanks to my editor, Marianne H. Stillie, who took my idea, poked me in the head often enough I was finally able to give her something to help polish up so as to not embarrass either of us. To Hannah, for all her encouragement, and to The BeccaBear, my granddaughter, who is the life of my soul

Warning: Gate Travel Can Be Hazardous to your Complexion

Paul Davis sat in a chair in Colonel Samantha Carter's living room, and wondered what in the world he was doing here. In the month since he'd been promoted to Lt. Colonel, he'd been waiting for a new assignment to come through to go with it. When his orders had finally come through, to report to the Cheyenne Mountain Complex in Colorado Springs, he'd been stunned.

His trips to the SGC had become fewer over the past year and a half so he assumed he would eventually be reassigned, either within the Pentagon or perhaps to one of the research facilities that dealt with artifacts found during the Gate travel missions.

With the defeat of the Goa'uld and the Replicators, Stargate Command's primary focus was shifting to exploration and the possibility of setting up small bases on planets the teams had found during the past eight years. His lack of experience in the field ruled out any position there. It made his new assignment even more puzzling.

The day he'd arrived on base, he'd just started unpacking in his guest quarters, when Sam Carter had knocked on his door and proceeded to invite him to a casual get-together at her house on Sunday.

Other than one or two formal occasions during the years he'd been liaison between the SGC and the Pentagon, he'd never been included in any informal gatherings with program personnel. That the Colonel would personally invite him was even more peculiar.

He'd gotten a hearty welcome from everyone and, from General O'Neill, a chilled beer put in his hand. Finding a quiet corner with a comfortable armchair, he'd made himself comfortable.

Jonas Quinn and Cassie Fraiser waved hello from their spot on the floor in front of the fireplace. He knew Jonas was now an independent consultant with the SGC, working with Daniel Jackson, as well as going with other SG teams when he was needed and available. Most of the time he went offworld with SG-1.

Teal'c's presence was unusual since he had been spending so much time on Dakaara, participating in the founding and governance of the Free Jaffa Nation.

At first he'd been surprised to see Colonel Cameron Mitchell at the party, but realized, as the new member of SG-1, it made more sense than his being here.

As the afternoon wore on, the conversations had turned from simple chit chat about the weather, sports and how to keep Jack from burning everyone's food, to detailed monologues about specific trips and missions through or connected to the Gate, some of which he was personally familiar with.

After three beers, he was feeling more than a little out of place and decided it was time to say good-bye. Heading into the kitchen to deposit his empty beer bottle in the trash, he ran right into the general, who was just coming in from the deck where he had been in full charge of the barbecue.

"Going somewhere, Davis?" Jack O'Neill asked as he picked up a large empty platter from the counter.

"I still have some unpacking to do, sir, so I thought I'd head out."

"Come on, Davis. Just this once, stick around and have another beer. Relax a bit," and he handed Paul another chilled bottle from the cooler on the table.

"Thanks," Paul said taking the beer and heading back to the living room.

Finding his original chair still empty, he made himself comfortable again. As he went back to listening to this group of people he'd worked with numerous times over the years, he realized he really didn't know them as well as he thought he did. He was an outsider and he was feeling it, despite all the friendly catching up earlier.

A loud peel of laughter brought his attention back to Janet Fraiser-Jackson, who had been talking about some of the more unusual injuries her archeologist husband had returned with. Each story had been sillier than the last one.

Looking at his wife, Daniel said, "I thought JACK was the one with the thickest medical file among us?"

Janet replied, with just a touch of glee, "He sure does, but some of YOUR injuries were from the most bazaar causes anyone could imagine."

Watching everyone laughing, Paul almost missed the general's return to the room, where he plopped down on the sofa, Sam Carter scooting back until General O'Neill was holding her around the waist. He always knew there was an almost instinctive interaction between the two officers, but even though they were no longer in any way in the same chain of command, he didn't realize there might be another reason.

Daniel and Janet had shifted to the other end of the couch to make room for the general. As his long legs stretched out on the carpet, Cam Mitchell moved closer to Teal'c in front of the couch.

Paul tried to pull his mind back to the increasingly loud and funny conversation going on, and realized, with a shock, that they had switched topics again. Mitchell's first trip through the Gate was under discussion. It was a story he didn't know and found he wanted to hear. He'd always known SG-1 was the best-trained and best functioning unit at the Mountain, but he never really thought about how they had become that exceptional entity.

"When Cam got to the Mountain, I decided he needed one trip through the Gate as part of MY SG-1 before I turned him over to Landry," Jack was explaining. "What he DIDN'T know was we'd picked a planet the Tok'ra had suggested we might be interested in. No ruins, no monument, just a Stargate. What I also didn't tell Cam was that the MALP showed constant rain and mud.'

Mitchell continued, "There I was in full mission gear and all I could do was stand there. I was so stunned to SEE that Gate up close, I just stood there, looking at the event horizon, when all of a sudden there was this hand on my back, pushing me through. I got to the other side, and plain old rolled down the platform into a face full of mud."

He continued, "I just lay there wondering what in the heck to say when I felt Teal'c pulling me up. I looked over at the general and saw what I thought was the biggest smirk on his face. Then Daniel and Sam's very loud laughter really brought home how stupid I felt."

The newest member of SG-1 glared at Sam and Daniel as they started up a fresh round of laughter, with Janet, Jonas and Cassie quickly joining in. With Teal'c's first real grin of the day, Paul found himself laughing at the story despite Mitchell's embarrassment.

Mitchell continued, "There I was, covered in mud, having made what I figured was the worst impression I could make. Then the general got us moving out, me in the middle. I decided, right then and there, I'd better pay more attention to what I was doing."

"Yeah," drawled O'Neill. "I figured putting you in the middle was the best way to go. Little did I know it'd be the start of something big."

"We'd just about gotten to the tree line," Jack continued. Turning to Paul, he asked, "You know I love trees, don't ya?"

Paul sat there for a moment, not only surprised the general was looking at him, but realizing he had no idea what to say about the tree comment. All he could stutter out was, "Err, yes, sir. I believe I remember that from a couple of your mission reports."

O'Neill looked at Carter, turned back to Paul and dead panned, "Yeah, you do get to read all our reports."

Before Paul could answer back, Mitchell began again, almost turning beet red as he grinned and continued the story. "We were slogging through a lot more of that mud and rain, and before I knew it, I was face down in it again, thanks to a tree root. Loudest sounding splat you can imagine"

"I got myself up, only to see Sam and Daniel snickering at me again, and me feeling like the biggest idiot in the galaxy. Then, the general turns around, looks me over and tells me I look good in purple. Looking down, I saw that the mud I was covered in was definitely purple. Tried to wipe some of it off, and just got more of the purple stuff on my fatigues. Then like a real jerk, I ran my hands through my hair under my hat, and turned that purple too. At that point I just shrugged and decided there wasn't much I was gonna be able to do with all that purple at the moment."

While trying to control a big grin, Sam picked up the story, "We were only on the planet about six hours, mostly checking for any signs of habitation the Tok'ra might have missed. Every sensor Cam put out was covered in that damn purple mud. No matter what he did, he couldn't wipe that stuff off his hands."

By that point everyone was laughing hysterically. O'Neill declared a break by announcing he was getting another beer and that the next round of barbecue should be ready. Teal'c got up and started collecting the empties and taking orders for the next round of drinks. Paul, who never drank much out of old habit, surprised himself and asked for what he calculated would be his fifth beer.

Returning from the kitchen O'Neill and Teal'c handed out the fresh bottles of beer. Teal'c settled himself on the floor in front of the couch with his can of soda, after handing Cassie the other soda can he carried. The general sat back down, pulling Sam beside him again.

Looking around at the group, he said, "Since no one seems to want any food, we'll get back to the purple mud."

Knowing all eyes were on him, Mitchell began again, "We finished up the sensor and soil sampling and headed back to the Gate. On the way, I managed to trip over the same tree root and fell into that mud puddle, AGAIN. This time I noticed the others were trying NOT to laugh at me. Man, talk about feeling like a fool, yet again.

"As Sam dialed us home, I was sure this was gonna be my first, and my last trip through any Stargate, anywhere."

His voice totally serious, Jack said, "I activated the MALP, right before we went through the gate and ordered the decon team to set up and meet us in the Gate room. From the top of the ramp, I looked up at the control room and saw Walter picking up the phone, trying not to laugh. I looked over at my team and we headed for the decon showers. Everything on us was glowing iridescent purple. Mitchell was the worst, his hands, face, and hair were blinding purple from the lights in the Gate room."

Paul watched everyone break out laughing again. He joined in, glad he'd decided to stay after all. He also decided another beer or two wouldn't be so bad either.

Janet picked up the story from there. "I sent samples of the purple mud right to the lab and got all of them into the showers. Luckily, the mud was harmless. Except for their clothes and some stubborn spots on the floors, four members of SG-1 were fine. It took a lot longer to get the thick layers of mud and the bright purple glow off Cam's body since it had thoroughly soaked into every layer of clothing he was wearing."

"I never enjoyed taking so many showers in my life," Mitchell said. "I was just glad to be back and getting that stuff off me. What was tough was going into the commissary and being the center of attention. I just groaned to myself and knew I'd totally blown it. No more Gate travel, ever."

Jack grinned. "By that time I was kinda feeling a bit of pity for him. Carter just had it on her hands from the soil and mud samples. Colonel Mitchell, well, he didn't stop glowing for over a week. Took that long to wear off, and I decided we needed him confined to base until he got back to normal, or whatever normal for him was. Still ain't sure about that one. Took the Maintenance guys about that long to clean up what we'd tramped onto the base. Didn't want to wash out. Figured we'd have bright purple, GLOWING stuff as new décor forever."

The usually silent Teal'c decided to add his own comment. "I did believe Colonel Mitchell would never return to normal and found it quite fascinating to see how those in the SGC reacted to his problem."

"Well, buddy," Mitchell said, "by then I really knew I was out. General O'Neill never said word one to me without coming close to laughing that whole week."

"After a week, I figured Cam had had enough torture and I'd better let him know he hadn't 'washed out." Jack continued, with one great big grin, "Told him he was in. Didn't expect him to almost pass out, though."

In the fresh round of laughter that he participated in, Paul KNEW he was drunk. He admitted that it felt very good. Without warning, the laughter died out and he heard the general's clear voice.

"You've only been in the rings, right Davis? Never gone through the Gate?"

"No, sir. I've only been ringed to the Tok'ra ship and then the Goa'uld mother ship where we found Thor in the computer, the one that crashed in the Pacific."

"Some adventure, eh?" O'Neill commented.

Paul saw the general break out into one of those grins he'd learned over the years meant trouble. "Yes, that was quite some experience."

"Even better than handling communications when we were in the Russian sub? Even better than those boring meetings you always have to do when you're here?"

Paul looked around, and noticed everyone was looking at him. No laughing, no smirking, just serious faces. He saw the General, Sam, Daniel, Teal'c and Cam looking at each other, and then all nodding. He couldn't think of one reason they would all get so serious.

"You know, we haven't even toasted you on your promotion, yet. Guess you thought we forgot."

All of a sudden Paul felt himself get sober. He had no idea where this was leading. He noticed everyone was still quiet and looking from General O'Neill to him.

"Well, Lt. Colonel Paul Davis, I guess this is a good time to tell you you are going through that Gate. With SG-1. All of us. We have another nice planet to check out from the Tok'ra list."

Paul sat there, totally stunned. His heart began to beat faster. He had always wanted to see the other side of that big ring in the basement of the Mountain, but had convinced himself he never would.

"I don't understand," he said to the general. 'Why would you let me go through the Gate and why with SG-1?"

"Don't you want to?" Jack asked very seriously.

Taking a deep breath, he answered, "Yes, I do. I just never expected I ever would."

"When we knew you were being promoted, General Landry and I decided we knew the perfect posting for you. We requested that you be reassigned to our Mountain. We also wanted to be the ones to tell you that your days of doing meetings are over and you'll be going through the gate on regular missions."

Paul sat there, this time feeling his jaw drop. 'I'm, I'm, not sure what to say. I guess I never thought I'd be wanted here full time."

"Well, you know different now. We always figured there was more to you than that 'meeting' face of yours." Jack sat back, and took a long drink from his beer bottle. "And we also decided you should have a special introductory trip through the Gate. It was a unanimous SG-1 decision. Interested, Davis?"

Paul looked at everyone for a few seconds, and decided two things. "General, do you think I could have another beer?" At the general's nod, he broke into a huge grin. "And, with all due respect, sir, I think you're all NUTS!"

Jack smirked back. "Ya just figurin' that out?"

The End