WARNINGS: 4.21 reaction fic and deals with possible OCD.
Blaine notices the counting. He notices the nose tapping, the light blue. He notices the way he slides the lock on his phone seven times before checking a text message. He notices the way he clicks the lock button on his key fob fourteen times when they're walking through the parking lots of The Lima Bean and McKinley.
Blaine hates to admit it because he knows that it makes him a horrible person, but he is more worried about what will happen to Kurt if Burt's treatment doesn't work. He can't handle it. He says he can because he says he can handle everything: school, interning, his dad's cancer, altering Rachel's new wardrobe, participating in biweekly staged readings of Tennessee Williams plays. Blaine knows he can't handle it. He had just been hoping that being busy kept Kurt from thinking about anything else. Plus there was that new guy. As much as Blaine hated him, he really hoped that the new guy would…well, he didn't want anyone else taking care of Kurt and he certainly didn't want to think of the new guy distracting Kurt. Blaine had basically been hoping that the new guy would keep an eye out and that this wouldn't happen.
The counting is new. Blaine has never seen it before. He knows that Kurt has some OCD tendencies. He lines skin products on his shelf with labels facing a specific way. His magazines are perfectly aligned and he doesn't subscribe to physical copies of magazines that aren't the same size as Vogue (he subscribes to those digitally). In school, his pencil would always sit at the top of the desk in the groove sitting all the way to the right with the point facing the left. He is neat and meticulous and Blaine has never tried to stop him.
Blaine noticed his habits a long time ago, well before they were together. He knew what it was: control. It was a consuming need to have control over something in his life, and that's why Blaine didn't interfere. He understood it and it wasn't as if his tendencies got in the way of his life.
Blaine had talked to his therapist about Kurt's habits when they first met.
"Should I stop him?"
"Do you feel like you should?" the therapist asked. It was clichéd, Blaine knew, but he didn't mind Susan being a cliché. She really just helped him get stuff off his chest, and after the Sadie Hawkins incident, he needed that.
"I don't know. I don't think it's a problem. I think he just needs control."
"That's usually where OCD stems from."
"Is it? I'd never thought about it. Even when things got crazy, I just got angry. I guess he found a way to funnel that energy. I just worry about him. I don't know if I should intervene."
"Blaine, if it gets in the way of his life, if it were to prevent him from doing everyday tasks or just from being happy, I would consider it an issue. Arranging personal items, though, seem fairly normal."
Blaine raised his eyebrows. Susan usually let him talk things out without saying much. Blaine nodded. "Thank you."
He left it alone. But the counting now isn't okay. He yelled in The Lima Bean. He yelled in a public place because Mike was asking him about the vapo-rape incident while Kurt was counting. He was going to find out if his father was going to die. He was allowed not to be okay. So he left it alone again.
Blaine goes to his normal Thursday therapy session. He talks to Susan about Kurt, which is really all he ever does. "I need information on OCD."
"Do you think you have OCD, Blaine?"
"Oh no, not at all. Kurt, though, he's been counting. Everything. In multiples of seven. I'm not trying to diagnose Kurt. But I know that he has some OCD tendencies on a good day, and things haven't been good. He's counting sugar packets and wearing light blue socks and pressing the lock button on his car keys fourteen times. It's—Look, I don't know that it's interfering with his life, but it's escalating. I just need to understand it before I can decide if something should be done about it."
Susan takes a deep breath because this isn't something she does with patients. Blaine knows that telling patients the details of another disease can lead to paranoia and hypochondria. "The thing about OCD is that it isn't something you can turn on and off, even if the patient thinks they can," she begins. She tells Blaine a brief overview of the subject, and Blaine tries to think of ways that Kurt doesn't fit the description. He can't.
After Burt is given the all clear, Blaine hopes it will stop. He knows, though, that it won't. He watches for it, and Kurt is good at hiding it.
Maybe though, Blaine thinks, it did stop. Maybe his therapist is wrong, and really, no one knows how the human brain works.
After Burt turns down his request for permission, Burt goes to leave, but stops before he gets off stage.
"Hey Blaine?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you notice Kurt do anything, uh, funny lately? Like weird funny?"
"The counting? The light blue? Tapping his nose?" Blaine asks.
"You know what's up with that?"
"It's a coping mechanism. But he hasn't done it around me within the last couple days. I'm hoping it disappears now that you're better."
Burt frowns. "He's still doing it. He made seven cups of tea because there were that many left in the box last night."
Blaine sighs. He knew it was false hope. "Can I come over tonight? After dinner?"
Burt agrees, of course. Blaine doesn't tell Kurt that he's coming. He wants to know how he'll react to a surprise.
"Blaine!" Kurt exclaims when he opens the door. He greets Blaine with a hug, but Blaine sees his right hand twisting the door knob.
"We need to talk," Blaine says.
"Okay," Kurt keeps his hand on the doorknob.
"Stop twisting the doorknob, Kurt."
"It's fine."
"Kurt," Blaine puts a hand on his wrist, "please stop."
Kurt waits another two twists before taking his hand off.
"How many times did you just turn the doorknob?"
"What? I don't know."
"It had to be more than seven. Fourteen? Twenty one?"
Kurt looks down and walks towards the living room. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"The things you've been doing. Your habits, Kurt. You think I don't notice?"
"I'm fine, Blaine." They don't sit when they reach the couch.
"You couldn't take your hand off the doorknob just now. You had an outburst at The Lima Bean."
"I don't like to talk about the Tina incident! I still think she violated you and she's been a total bitch this year—"
"Kurt, stop."
"No, just because I count a few things you think I'm breaking down. I'm fine."
"Hey, Blaine," Burt says as he enters the living room. "Everything alright?" he asks, sensing the tension.
"Everything is fine," Kurt says.
"Alright then," Burt leaves the living room, and Blaine can't help but be thankful. He wants to do this on his own.
"You're not okay."
"I'm fine."
"You think that tapping your nose seven times at 14 and 28 minutes past the hour is fine? You think buying light blue socks in bulk is normal?"
"Who the hell are you to tell me what's normal?" Kurt spits. "You let your best friend vapo rape you! You sleep around because you think your boyfriend is moving on! You box because you're so freaking angry after walking around trying to be fucking perfect all day! You think you're normal, Blaine?"
It cuts Blaine inside. It makes him want to throw up. He keeps his voice even and calm. "I didn't mean you had something wrong with you."
"Good because I don't. You can go now."
"I'm not going anywhere. We have to talk about this. You're losing control and trying to keep it—"
"Oh, don't psychoanalyze me, Blaine! Don't spew the shit you read in a pamphlet at your therapist's office at me! I'm nineteen years old. I can handle myself. I'm not some little bitch getting shoved into lockers anymore. I have managed just fine on my own." The tears well up in Kurt's eyes.
Blaine's voice stays calm. "I can help you, Kurt."
"I'm fine without you, Blaine! I actually learned how to take care of myself after you slept with some random guy on the internet!" The tears start to run down Kurt's face. "I learned how to hold myself up without anyone's help because that's what I've always done! I did it before you and I'll do it after you, so don't come into my fucking house telling me how you can fix my shit because I know damn well how to take care of myself!"
That's when Blaine loses it. He can't stay calm when Kurt is being destructive. "I FUCKED UP! You think I don't get that?! You know that I understand what I did, and I owned up to it, and this is you deflecting! You can't just ignore it Kurt! If you ignore it, it'll get worse and I don't want you pacing across the fucking altar at our wedding in multiples of seven! I get that everything in your life is falling apart—"
"GET OUT! JUST FUCKING LEAVE!"
"NO! I LEFT YOU WHEN I SHOULDN'T HAVE IN NEW YORK AND I'M NOT LEAVING YOU NOW! I'M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET USED TO IT BECAUSE I'M NOT PLANNING ON STOPPING AT ANY POINT FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!" Blaine feels hot tears on his face and he isn't quite sure when he started crying.
The tears are what stop Kurt. He hates making Blaine cry. He doesn't do it often, but it's a big deal when he does. Kurt sniffs. "You aren't even my boyfriend. Just stop. You don't have to take care of me."
Blaine steps closer to Kurt and cups his face with his hands. "Kurt, I love you. I will always love you. I don't care if you're seeing other people or if you get married to someone else. I will always belong to you. I will always care about your well-being, and right now," he presses their foreheads together. "I think you might be hurting the person I love. I'd like to do something about that."
Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine's middle and buries his face in Blaine's neck. They stay like that a while, neither are sure how long it is. Blaine waits until Kurt is ready to let go. They both stop crying. When Kurt lets go, he says, "I'm really tired right now, but we should talk about stuff."
"Sleep for a while. We can talk later."
"Come upstairs and lay down with me."
Blaine gives a small smile. "I'm going to grab a couple waters for us out of the fridge first."
Kurt nods and goes upstairs. Blaine nearly jumps out of his skin when he sees Burt in the kitchen.
"Forget I was here, kid?"
"Sorry, Burt. Just grabbing a couple waters."
"Yeah, yelling and crying can be rough on your voice."
"You heard everything, huh?"
"Yeah, I did. You know, Blaine, I still can't give you permission. You're in high school. But you are different from Finn and Rachel. Don't think I don't know that. You're…Forever is a long time, Blaine. It doesn't really matter when it starts."
"When I ask you again, will you say yes?" Blaine asks.
"If you have a diploma and are close to a degree, yeah. You're just young. I know you're sure, but if it's forever, the starting point can be anywhere. Promise. I guarantee he is already passed out up there. I can take care of him, if you want."
"I'd rather stay if that's alright. I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone after that."
Burt smiles. "You can stay the night if your parents give the okay."
"Thanks, Burt." Blaine starts to walk out of the kitchen but stops at the door. "Was that a test?"
"Hmm?"
"Giving me an out to leave Kurt right now, was that a test?" Blaine ass.
"Testing you? That's absurd. If I had been, you would've passed with flying colors though."
Blaine grins.
When he gets up to the room, Kurt looks completely asleep. He sets the waters on Kurt's night stand and slides under the covers. Kurt's arms wrap around him immediately.
"Thought you passed out already." Blaine turns on his side so Kurt can spoon him.
"Nope," Kurt says into the back of his neck. "Blaine?"
"Hmm?"
"Am I going to have to go to a therapist?"
"I don't know. If it's too serious for us to handle, maybe." Kurt is silent. "There's nothing wrong with it if you go."
"I know. I just-I don't want anything to be wrong with me."
Blaine turned over so they were facing each other. "Kurt, nothing is wrong with you, okay? Nothing. We'll deal with it and figure it out. We'll do whatever we have to for you to be alright. Okay?"
"Okay." Kurt slides his hand into Blaine's and they fall asleep like that.
Kurt isn't okay, and neither is Blaine, really. But they'll work on being okay together. They'll get there eventually because forever is a long time.
A/N: Thoughts are always appreciated!