A/N: This episode caused all the feels to hit me all at once. I hadn't originally planned on writing a story based off of it, but I was struck with this idea a few days ago, and I couldn't get it out of my head. It's probably a good thing that I've written this, as it's got me considering Cavendish's feelings and reasons a little more, so maybe now I won't be so angry at him for what he did to Dakota.
And just in general there needs to be more fanfiction that talk about this episode, because it was heartbreaking.
Cavendish had thought ahead when he had decided that he and Dakota should break into the P.I.G. armory. If they weren't going to be getting support from P.I.G., then they would have to do things are bit off the book. Cavendish was surprisingly fine about the lack of support from their boss, he was far too used to used to it at this point. It seemed as though nobody believed in him, and that was just fine. Cavendish would just have to prove them all wrong, and he would.
Cavendish had accepted that a chance to prove himself wasn't just going to fall out of the sky. In the past, Cavendish had just rolled over and did what he was told to do. He had thought that if he worked hard, his dedication would be rewarded and he would get the acknowledgement that he really deserved. Now, he knew better. If he wanted to show just what he could do, he would have to find the opportunity for himself, because it was apparent that nobody else was going to give it to him.
Cavendish had just thought, or maybe he had hoped, that Dakota would be a bit more on board with this small defiance towards their employer. Dakota had never exactly been a rule breaker, but he didn't hesitate to bend things a bit if he didn't like how things were going. Cavendish had thought that Dakota would jump at the chance to mix things up a bit if it meant the possibility of getting a promotion and doing something worthwhile with themselves. Cavendish was surprised, and infuriated, about Dakota's reluctance. Cavendish had come to rely on Dakota's support, so he didn't react well when he felt like he didn't have it.
On a normal day, Cavendish would be annoyed with Dakota's un-ambitious nature, but he would ultimately get over it. Today though, Cavendish had been faced with rejection after rejection, and Dakota's reluctance to believe that somebody had, in fact, been abducted by aliens, was the straw to break the camel's back.
Despite the fact that Cavendish felt slightly betrayed by Dakota, he didn't wish any ill intent on his partner. Cavendish had been eager to show all those doubters that they were wrong about him, so he had been in a bit of a rush when leaving the P.I.G. armory. It had taken Cavendish longer than it probably should have for him to notice that Dakota wasn't right behind him, but was instead stuck back with the guard, with the weapons that they had borrowed sitting on the ground next to him. Dakota looked like a child who was caught with his hand caught in the cookie jar, and the guard did not look very happy. Dakota was certainly in trouble, but Cavendish couldn't worry about that, so he just left. It was the only thing he could think to do.
Cavendish did his best to push back the feeling that he was betraying Dakota by leaving him behind, when the only reason that Dakota was there in the first place was because of Cavendish. He couldn't afford to get caught as well though, as that would likely just make things worse for both of them. Mr. Block knew that Cavendish was the one who had seen someone get abducted by aliens. Surely he would recognize that if Dakota was caught doing something wrong, he would know that it would have been Cavendish's idea. Maybe if Dakota was the only one caught, Mr. Block would let him off more easily than he would if Cavendish was there as well. Cavendish was pretty sure that Dakota would be fine...at least, he tried really hard to tell himself that it would all be fine.
The truth was, Cavendish felt horrible. He didn't feel bad about taking weapons from P.I.G., because he was sure that he could make use of them and prove himself. However, he felt bad that Dakota could potentially get in trouble for it. Cavendish felt like his actions were justified, but Dakota didn't truly believe that anybody had been abducted by aliens in the first place. Dakota was about to get in trouble, and it would be for doing something that he didn't truly believe in. It wasn't exactly fair.
As Cavendish made his way back to the small office space that acted as their apartment, he tried to focus on how he could go about helping the individual who had been abducted, but his thoughts continued to return back to Dakota.
They had been partners for a long time. There had been many times when Cavendish had wondered how they could possibly work together as partners, as they were so different from each other. Cavendish was ambitious, and he doubted that Dakota had ever had a truly ambitious thought in his life. Dakota was always laid-back and relaxed. He was perfectly capable when he put his mind to doing something, but for the most part he just didn't care enough to put in the effort.
Cavendish was extremely frustrated with Dakota's attitude and behavior during their demeaning assignments. It seemed that the more annoyed and ambitious Cavendish tried to be, Dakota became more and more relaxed about it. Their personalities just seemed to clash even more lately, and Cavendish just didn't think that it was healthy.
He found himself thinking back to their assignments since being hired by the P.I.G..Cavendish frequently found himself losing his patience with the lack of respect that they were given. He had also been finding himself getting more irritated with Dakota for seeming to not care about that kind of thing. It made Cavendish feel like he was somehow being unreasonable about his more ambitious desires, which was absurd. All he wanted was some respect, that shouldn't be all that ridiculous of a request.
Cavendish had also been getting annoyed and frustrated with Dakota because he just didn't know what was going on his that head of his. Dakota didn't get angry about assignments going wrong, or being undermined at every turn. Dakota didn't even seem to be annoyed by it. If Cavendish had to think of a word to describe Dakota's mood lately, it would be tired, and that concerned and confused Cavendish.
Dakota had always been strangely lazy, but this seemed like something different. Whenever Cavendish lost his patience with their circumstances, Dakota's mood seemed to deflate. Cavendish had never really thought about it before, but because this seemed to be Dakota's constant mood that day, he couldn't help but consider it a bit more than he usually did. Dakota just seemed so tired of everything, their assignments, Cavendish's decisions, Mr. BLock's attitude towards them. He just seemed drained from it all, and Cavendish was slightly concerned about it.
Cavendish knew what it felt like to be tired of the circumstances around him. Back when they had worked for B.o.T.T. Cavendish remembered how hard it was for him to motivate himself to just get out of bed in the morning. More often than not he had felt like there hadn't been a point to any of it. Cavendish didn't want to feel like everything was pointless again, which was why he was so desperate to make something of himself. He didn't want to see that constant look of exhaustion every time he looked in the mirror.
Now that Cavendish had a bit of a purpose, he had more of a reason to get up and do something, and he no longer saw that hopeless look in his eyes. However, not that look was starting to show up in Dakota's eyes. Cavendish had seen it more and more frequently, and he had recognized it for what it was as he was abandoning Dakota.
It hurt a bit. When they had been time travelers, Cavendish had been in a slump, and meanwhile Dakota had been able to find his own purpose, which was to keep Cavendish alive and well. Now, Cavendish had taken control of his future and had something to do with himself, but Dakota was going even more with the flow than he normally did. Cavendish rarely saw that old look of pure, childish joy in Dakota's eyes. He was strangely solemn, and it was unnerving.
Cavendish had really come to enjoy being Dakota's partner, but not for the first time he wondered if they maybe weren't so good for each other. In the past, Cavendish's doubts about his partner had been because he didn't think that Dakota could be responsible for the life of him. Cavendish knew better now. However, when he considered the way that the two of them responded to their circumstances, he wondered if it would be in both of their best interest to go their separate ways.
Cavendish couldn't be content to just do mundane tasks for the rest of his life. He wanted to make something of himself. Dakota may not be as ambitious as he was, but he was able to find happiness in the little joys in life. Dakota was willing to bare through the not so good moments, and that was something that Cavendish just couldn't do. He couldn't change who he was, and he didn't want Dakota to change either. Up until now they had been able to put aside their differences and they made a great partnership, but now Cavendish wondered if they had gotten to the point in their relationship where they were holding themselves back more than they were building each other up.
By the time Cavendish got back to their office apartment, he had come to a decision. He knew that he wanted to prove himself, and that hadn't changed. What had changed though was that he thought that this was a journey that he should continue on his own, without Dakota. He would be happy to bring Dakota along with him, but he didn't think it would be good for either of them. Cavendish had ambitions and dreams, and he didn't want to work with someone who didn't even believe in him. And Dakota...Dakota…
The younger man may not be all that ambitious, but he was the most loyal person that Cavendish had ever met. Dakota had already shown time and time again that he would follow Cavendish to the ends of the Earth, but he was probably too loyal. With Dakota constantly bending over backwards to make Cavendish happy, he seemed to always forget about himself, and Cavendish thought that this was the reason why Dakota had been somewhat depressed lately. He wasn't properly taking care of himself.
As soon as Cavendish walked through the door of their office apartment, he began to gather his things. It was almost surreal to just be walking away from his career that he had worked so hard for, and the partnership that meant so much for him. However, he didn't doubt his decision to go rogue. He was doing what he thought was best. It was hard, but often the right thing to do was also hard.
By the time that Dakota returned, Cavendish was nearly ready to leave. He had mentally prepared himself for Dakota's return. Dakota would surely try to convince him to stay, and Cavendish had to stay strong. He couldn't allow his will to be swayed. He had already made his decision, and he was going to stand by it.
Cavendish had expected Dakota to be mad at him, or at least confused. He had been abandoned, after all, and Cavendish knew that if their roles were reversed he would be both confused and absolutely furious. Dakota didn't seem to be either of those things. He wasn't mad at Cavendish for leaving, and he didn't seem to wonder why he hadn't stayed, he just seemed tired, and this was exactly why Cavendish had to leave. Nobody should have to find themselves in a situation where they almost expected their partner to leave them holding the smoking gun, but especially not Dakota. He deserved more than that.
And Cavendish deserved more than to have a partner who expected him to just settle for less.
Cavendish was sure of what he was doing, and he only hesitated for a moment before using the alien amnesia device on his partner. Despite his certainty about what he was doing, Cavendish made himself turn away when the device made Dakota act absurdly. He was already abandoning Dakota, he didn't have to watch him make a fool of himself before leaving. Fortunately, Dakota was only at the office for a moment before leaving to do whatever the alien amnesia device made him do. Cavendish could finish packing, and he could leave before Dakota came back.
Far too soon Cavendish had all of his things gathered, and he was ready to walk out the door. He considered leaving a note for Dakota, explaining where he was going and why, but he didn't think anything that he could write would be nearly enough. No matter how he explained it, he was leaving Dakota, and nothing that he could say or write could possibly be enough to keep Dakota from feeling abandoned.
Cavendish didn't feel like he could leave a note behind, but he didn't think that he could just walk away. It wouldn't feel right. Cavendish knew that this would be for the best for both of them, but Dakota probably wouldn't recognize that. He would just feel alone. Cavendish couldn't make himself stay with Dakota, but he could, however, leave something for Dakota that would hopefully make him feel a little better.
Cavendish took Dennis, his old stuffed bear, out of his bag and set it on the couch. This bear had been Cavendish's companion whenever he felt all alone in the universe, and Dakota knew this. Cavendish didn't want Dakota to feel alone, and he hoped that Dennis would help Dakota the way that it had helped him.
Not knowing what else he could possibly do for Dakota, Cavendish closed his bag and draped the strap over his shoulder. Cavendish took one last look at their office apartment before he walked away and didn't look back. He knew what he was doing, and he felt like it was right. He just hoped that Dakota would understand, or, at the very least, that he would forgive him someday.
After all, Cavendish was doing this for both of them.