Forever
He scans the printed words of the newspaper for any interesting headlines. There is nothing much, just alerts about the weather and articles having to do with politics.
After hearing something light hit the floor in the kitchen, he peers over to see what exactly it was. However, when he is met with her bent over form and her perfectly shaped, ahem, "asset" he finds his mind drifting off to other thoughts.
He restrains himself from leaning to get a better look, but a small smirk appears on his face at the thought of his sneaked glance.
Then, when she straightens up – the runaway coffee filter box now firmly grasped in her hands – she meets his level gaze. A pink tinge appears on her cheeks as she realizes what he had been doing and her hands automatically flutter up to rest on her slightly bulging stomach.
"To think that you're still shy after being married for two years," he teases as she sets his coffee mug down on the table. She turns around and he extends his hand to lightly pinch her butt.
"Levi!" she scolds only half-heartedly before he pulls her back until she teeters on his lap. Wrapping his arms securely around her waist, he leans forward. Carefully maneuvering around her swollen belly he seals his mouth to hers.
His lips move lovingly, gently. When he feels her tongue poke into his mouth, he deepens the kiss. He smells the cinnamon and vanilla from her being in the kitchen, and where his hands hold onto her, the skin is smooth.
Since becoming pregnant, she has grown curvier in the best of places, and her once muscular abs and sides have become soft with the extra weight. Not that he minded when she possessed the tight muscles of a gymnast, but this slightly different body is a welcomed change. Almost ritualistically, she has begun lathering her body in cocoa butter, 'good prenatal bonding she calls it.' Frankly, he thinks it is just an excuse for her to make her skin even more touchable and to taunt him as she rubs her hands all over her body.
Her hands come up and brace themselves on his shoulders, and she begins squirming on his lap. He moves as if to take her to the bedroom, but she stops him when she pulls back and giggles.
"What?" he questions, loving the way he can still make her blush so deeply.
"The baby is kicking," she whispers, grabbing one of his hands and placing it on her stomach.
He feels the flutter of movement against his palm from within her body and cannot keep the smile from his face.
Petra glances up at him and cracks her own grin at the expression on his face, her eyes squinting from the intensity of her action.
At the moment, she is his only family, and in three months their small family will grow by one more.
"I should be back by two this afternoon, so we can go out for a late lunch," Levi says as he pulls on his shoes and winter coat.
"Okay, I'm going to run to the grocery store, is there anything special you want for dinner this week," she asks before helping him wrap a scarf around his neck.
"I'm okay with anything," he tells her as she lightly kisses his nose.
"Look how pretty the snow is," she says quietly, leaning against his chest for a moment as she looks out the window. "It's so peaceful."
He follows her gaze and has to agree with her. Outside is blanketed with white, the sky taking on that appearance of it simply being a bright backdrop that somebody had draped over the usual blue expanse. Snowflakes flutter down slowly as if they have all the time in the world before joining others in the light dusting that covers the ground. Even the small bunny hopping around in their yard is pure in color.
A strange sensation in his stomach causes Levi to embrace Petra just a little tighter, brush back her copper hair just a little gentler, and hold her just a little longer.
"Honey," she whispers as if afraid to ruin the moment. "You'll be late for work."
Slowly he releases her, and for a moment just to takes in her appearance. The angle of her nose, the curve of her jaw, the gentleness of her eyes… everything. "I love you," he tells her.
Sure, he had told her plenty of times before, but it still surprises her. Levi had always been a very personal man, keeping his feelings to himself; it took him two years of dating before he finally proposed. As always, she smiles back genuinely before kissing him lightly and shooing him out the door. "I love you too," she calls out as he gets in the car and begins to pull out of the garage.
She waves and blows a kiss as always before reentering the house and closing the door.
The paper work on his desk is as blank as it had been when Erwin had set it on his desk. The Times New Roman font taunts him on the page as it blurs and focuses, blurs and focuses.
He rises from his chair with enough force to almost knock it over, and moves to the back window of his office.
Glaring out of it, a tight knot pulls in his stomach as he watches the wind pick up and the once calm snow dance around until it hits the glass forcefully. He glances at the phone on his desk and has a strong urge to call his wife, his Petra, to see if she is sitting at home, sipping tea and waiting for him.
Just when he picks up the black receiver and begins pressing the first number of their house number, his co-worker, Eld, bursts through the door, a panicked expression on his face.
"Levi!" he gasps out, "there's been an accident."
Without another word, he is out the door, a grave expression dominating his features.
The ride to the hospital goes by in a blur. He drives quick, but carefully on the – now slick – roads. He mentally berates himself for not telling Petra to stay in today. He should have volunteered to go to the store on his way home from work. He should have held her tighter this morning. He should have kissed her longer.
He should have…
He should have…
But he did not.
Parking quickly he runs into the ER, practically yelling at the woman behind the desk.
"My wife was just brought in," he sounds panicky, but he could not care less. He just needs to see her, he just needs to see her smile and know that she is alright. "Her name is Petra Ackerman, she is pregnant."
The woman's eyes widen momentarily before she moves out from behind the desk.
"Please follow me, sir," she walks quickly, ushering him down harshly lit hallways that reek of antiseptic.
"She was just brought in a little bit ago," she begins telling him. "A semi truck jackknifed on the road and when she tried to avoid it, she skidded on ice and hit a tree."
She comes to a stop in front of a closed door that lacks windows and Levi pushes past her to get inside. She stops him with a firm hand on his chest. "The trauma has caused her body to go into labor."
"But, she's only six months along," Levi says now itching to get into the room.
The nurse shakes her head slightly before stepping aside and opening the door.
Instantly, he is assaulted with the sound of Petra yelling in pain.
"Petra!" he calls, and her head instantly turns to him.
"L-Levi," she pants before another cry escapes her. "Levi, the baby, it's too soon."
Sweat and tears stream down her face and her legs are dyed red with her own blood. Monitors next to her bed beep loudly and nurses bustle around with grave looks on their faces.
By her side now, Levi takes her hand, which she squeezes weakly. "I'm here, Petra," he says pressing a kiss on top of her head. "I'm here."
The doctor tells her to push, and Petra complies with shout. Her face is as white as a sheet and her whole body trembles. "I-I can't do this," she sobs and Levi cannot stand how absolutely hopeless she sounds.
"Petra, look at me," he orders, sounding much more calm than he actually is. "You can do this because you are strong."
She sobs loudly and Levi moves closer to her face so that she focuses on him. "You are the most amazing woman I have ever met, beautiful, kind, determined."
A painful smile slips on her face at his words and a shaky hand comes up to cup his cheek.
"And ever since I met you that rainy day in the bar five years ago, my life has never been better."
She kisses him quickly on the lips before tensing up and giving one final push. She falls heavily back on the bed, her eyes fluttering shut.
Levi looks down to see a sad expression on the doctor's face, and one of the nurses wrapping up a completely still bundle in a blue blanket.
"Doctor?" Levi asks, his unoccupied hand curling into a tight fist.
The doctor just shakes his head, but presses a finger to his lips gesturing to Petra.
One of the nurses in pink scrubs walks over to him as another doctor begins examining Petra's battered torso.
"Mister Ackerman," she whispers into his ear. "I'm so sorry, but the baby was stillborn." He notices a lone tear running down the nurse's cheek. "We should not tell Missus Ackerman yet because she doesn't need anymore stress on her body at the moment."
"Levi?" Petra's small voice croaks out and the nurse gently tells her to remain still and not strain herself.
"Yes?" Levi asks, his voice choked and quiet.
Her eyes are still shut as if it is just too much effort to open them, but she raises shaky arms.
"Can I hold our baby?" she asks.
The nurse looks at Levi and he nods, gesturing for her to bring the bundle wrapped in the blue blanket over.
She sets the baby in Levi's arms and he is shocked at how light it is. He moves back the fabric so he can see his son's face and it is so small and tinged blue. His little eyes are closed and he does not move and squirm like a baby should.
He sets the baby in Petra's arms, wrapping his own underneath so that she does not actually have to support any of the weight. He leans her tired head against his shoulder and rests his chin on top of her head.
"It's a boy," he murmurs sadly, and watches as Petra's eyes open slightly. She looks down at the baby and confusion passes over her features.
"Why isn't he crying?" she asks, and Levi barely acknowledges one of the nurses leaving the room in tears.
"He's sleeping, but the nurse has to take him now, so the doctor can work on you, Petra."
She nods, but the movement is barely more than a tremble of her chin. Passing his son to the nurse, she sets him in a portable crib and wheels him out of the room.
"Levi?" Petra begins, "I'm so tired."
Her eyes shut again and her head falls heavily.
"I know you are, the doctors need to put you to sleep so they can work on your injuries. But you did amazing, Petra. I told you that you could do it."
"Do you really think so?" she breathes, her voice trailing off.
"Of course," he says as tears gather in his eyes.
"I'm going to go to sleep now," she tells him and he gently sets her back so that she is lying on the hospital bed. "Watch after our son for me, okay?"
"Okay, Petra," he tells her. "You go to sleep now."
She hums out a little response, and Levi wipes a hand down his face in frustration. She lies down for only a moment, her hand now limp in his, when the machines begin to tone singularly, the sound of a flat line.
"Doctor, what's happening?" he asks, though he already knows the answer.
"Her wounds were bad enough, but after delivering the baby," he yells slightly as nurses begin CPR. "It was too much on her body."
"No," Levi retorts, though he can already feel the warmth leaving his wife's hand. "No, I am not losing her."
"We are doing everything we can," the same nurse that had given him his son says as she tries to usher him from the room.
"I'm not leaving her," he says sternly as he watches the doctor try to breath life into Petra's motionless body. "Don't ask me to leave her."
"Mister Ackerman –"
"No."
He watches the chest compressions, urging Petra to respond to them. He listens as the long beep continues to carry on, wishing for it to take a pause, signaling the restart of her heart.
White noise fills his ears and he just barely hears the doctor sadly mention something about the time of death. Somebody pats his back as they exit the room, leaving him alone with his dead wife.
It does not register in his mind what has truly happened. Petra is not dead. How could she be dead? She had woken up next to him happy and healthy this morning just like all the others. She is not gone.
Not gone.
He leans over the bed and lightly brushes his lips against hers, waiting for her to let out a giggle, waiting for her cheeks to gain a dusting of pink, waiting for her to teasingly smack him and say how much she loves him.
But it does not happen.
She remains silent.
Her cheeks stay pale.
Dainty arms continue to lie lifelessly beside her.
She is gone.
Dead.
Never to return to him.
He picks her cold hand and brings to his lips as he leans over her small body. Closing his eyes, he rocks slightly as he tries to hold in the emotions.
She did not deserve this. She did not deserve this. She did not fucking deserve this.
Of all people in the world who deserve to live a long life filled with loving people, Petra is at the top of the list.
He traces his fingers through her hair, down her nose, over her neck, brushes the veins in her arms, skirting by her hips, drawing circles down her legs to her toes, and back up again.
He sits with her for a long time, it feels like weeks. He just looks at her body and thinks of her. He vaguely remembers Erwin coming in and ushering him to a car, but the ride home is engraved in his mine.
It is silent, and he is thankful. Erwin does not try to console him; he simply drives Levi to the small white house on the corner of the street.
Erwin Smith is not simply his boss, he is easily his best friend – apart from Petra, of course. The blonde man had stumbled into Levi's life many years ago, back in a dark time that he often attempts to block out. Erwin had helped him straighten everything out, had given him a job, and had put him on the right path.
Eventually, when they were at a dusty, old bar that they frequently occupied, Erwin had bet Levi to speak with the copper haired girl at the opposite booth.
The car jolts to a halt in the driveway and Erwin tells Levi that he will have Mike drop his car off later. Stumbling out of the car, the man's voice stops him.
"Levi, I truly am deeply sorry. Petra was an amazing woman. Neither of you deserved this."
He nods his head because it seems like the appropriate thing to do before unlocking the front door and entering his home.
The silence is deafening.
It feels like forever since he has returned to an empty house.
Petra would always have music playing softly in the background, and as she makes dinner or reads she always hums along.
On grey days like this, candles would be lit around the house.
But the house is cold and vacant.
Walking through the entryway, he can imagine her peaking around the corner before launching herself at him with open arms. He would just hold her and listen as she chatters away about her teaching job or the long lost friend she stumbled upon that day.
He walks to their bedroom, flinching as the sounds of his footsteps reverberate off the wooden floors. He drags his feet across the room and sits on top of their bed.
Their first night in here had been their wedding night.
He had purchased the house in secret, and driven her here after the ceremony under the ruse of going to a fancy hotel. She had giggled the whole ride, her cupcake of a dress bunched up around her in the passenger seat of his car.
But, she had sharp eyes and the moment he turned into the suburbs, had begun to interrogate him. He had played it cool, acting like they were just turning around, before pulling up into the driveway.
Her little giggles stopped when he exited the vehicle and walked around to her side. Opening the passenger door, he picked her up and carried her small body up the front porch.
By now, she had figured out what was happening and happy tears began running down her cheeks. He had saved up for a long time, and bought them this house so that they could escape the rundown deathtrap of an apartment that they used to have.
It was his first step in starting his family, purposefully choosing the ranch style house because of the two extra bedrooms.
As he carried her through the front door, she buried her face in his chest, trying to hide the absolute mess the tears had made of her makeup. Then, taking her to the bedroom, he laid her on the bed on the very same duvet that he sits on now.
The look on her face at that moment was truly stunning. She looked excited, thankful, and amazed all at once.
Her hair fanned around her head, and her hazel eyes shown with appreciation and love. Her giant ruffled dress had nearly taken up the entire bed by its sheer size, and as he carefully unsnapped, untied, and removed the monstrous thing, her laughter filled the room.
At the thought, a strangled sob escapes Levi's throat. She had easily been his true love, a light in his dark life, and he has no idea what to do without her.
He stalks to the kitchen ignoring all the pictures hanging on the walls. He felt the eyes of his past-self judging him, blaming him for losing his entire family.
He had that sickening feeling in his stomach that morning, he had felt so uneasy at work, but he ignored all of if. He had left her at the house.
He left her.
The bedroom has many memories, but the kitchen has even more. Her cup still sits on the table, the remnants of her tea having grown cold, a light pink lipstick stain along the rim.
He imagines her bustling around the area, making dinner as he follows along behind her, cleaning up the mess. He remembers her laughing as he tidied any little mess she made. They had fallen into a routine so easily. She would cook, he would clean, she would experiment with spices and he would be her loyal taster.
Bustling through the cabinets, he finds a brown bottle with a black label. Silently he takes it to the table and sits down in his spot, eying the abandoned cup across from him. Tilting the bottle in cheers, he untwists the top and takes a giant gulp.
The whiskey burns all the way down.
Looking out the window, he watches as the snow continues to fall, calm once again. The small white flakes seem to mock him as they drift gently down.
We caused the accident, they seemed to say. We took her from you.
After downing more of the whiskey, he pulls open the sliding door and walks into the back yard. Without thinking, he lobs the empty bottle, gaining a sick sort of satisfaction as the sound of glass shattering reaches his ears. Falling to his knees, he raucously yells her name.
His voice is desperate and needy. Which he supposes fits in the situation.
She left him.
He sits in the snow, the numbness from loss worse than the numbness from the cold. As the wind picks up and the snowflakes grow massive in size, he could have sworn he saw her standing there, in a brilliant white gown laughing as she danced around.
Somehow he finds himself sitting on the couch in the living room, the news blaring on the television.
"Snow storm Titan is on the move again and its bringing harsh winds and heavy snowfalls with it," the man says, gesturing to the swirling animation of white behind him as it moves across a map. "Make sure you drive carefully and have plenty of nonperishables in your pantries."
The scene changes to a woman sitting behind a desk, a sad expressions on her face. "Speaking of driving carefully, a deadly crash occurred today."
Levi's eyes widen as a picture of Petra's blue Civic smashed into a drive is shown. It is scrunched up like an accordion, the driver door is gone, probably cut away, and the all the visible windows are broken.
"Second grade teacher, Petra Ackerman who was currently on maternity leave, was driving down the road when her car slipped on ice as she attempted to avoid an out of control semi truck." Levi tenses as a photo of Petra taken for her job flashes on the screen. "Missus Ackerman was taken to the hospital in critical condition and though the doctors tried all they could, she and the baby passed away there."
Levi kicks over the table in front of him and sends the television plummeting to the ground.
Now on her side, the woman continues speaking about his dead wife. She mentions how loved Petra was, something about a memorial ceremony at her school, before adding how much she will be missed.
"She is my wife!" Levi shouts at the cracked screen, before raiding the kitchen for any more alcohol. He finds two bottles of wine and downs them without thinking.
As the drink begins to hinder his movements, he stumbles through the house, memories of bright smiles and copper hair haunting him. He ends up in the would-be nursery, which only has a changing table pressed against one wall. Petra had convinced Levi to wait until after the baby shower to buy anything else.
He imagines how her pregnancy should have gone. He would receive a call at work from one the hospital staff saying that Petra's water broke while she was at home taking a nap. He would rush to the maternity ward of the hospital rather than the emergency room and witness her give birth with no complications. He would hug her as she holds their new son and whisper sweet nothings in her hair. They would come home and take turns waking up in the middle of the night to comfort the child. She would be a great mother, kissing scraped knees, washing dirty hands, and eventually another would come along.
Not able to take it anymore, he walks out of the room, tripping over his own feet Landing on the ground with a light thud, his palm begins to sting, prompting him to look down.
He finds little pieces of glass embedded in his skin, as blood trickles down his arm. Not recalling breaking anything, he begins to search the ground for the source of the glass. He finds an overturned picture frame with the very corner of its content sticking out. Curious, he pulls on the pointed end until he can see a picture he recognizes as being taken right after they had gotten engaged.
They lay on the grass, Petra smiling widely at the camera that she holds above them, so much so that her eyes are closed. His arms are wrapped around her. Rather than looking at the camera, his eyes are glued to her face, and a shadow of a smile can be seen.
Flipping it over, he sees a note scribbled in Petra's handwriting.
Engaged! I will always be yours, forever.
As he leans against the wall, Levi cries over the love that he had just lost, thinking that the world has never been so cruel or ever felt so cold.