A/N: This is a little one-shot about Jacob. Its set a couple of years after his mom died. Even though he is over his mother's death he still misses her.
Dear Mom,
This is Jake, I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and I wish you were here to help me now.
Today was the day my mom died, three years ago. I was ten when she died now I'm thirteen. I miss her so much. When she died it was almost like she was never here in the first place. Dad, Rachel, and Rebecca took all of her things away. Family portraits that had been there since I was born were now gone, never to be seen again. I was so destroyed when she died. I kept forgetting she was really gone. For the first week I would sit up and wait for her to come tuck me into bed and then after I had been waiting for like five minutes I would remember she would never be there to tuck me in again. Then Dad and the girls were always crying and let's just say I have been witness to my fair share of breakdowns. Some were my own; I'm not too much of a wussy to admit it. I love my mom like no one else.
I was laying on my bed trying to remember her. It was amazing how much you could forget. Tears started to roll down my face. I couldn't remember anything. All I could see is the way her hair fell down her back almost touching her butt. It was always up in a ponytail or a bun. I could remember her holding me one time when me and Embry and Quil had gotten into a fight when I was six she was telling me how it would be ok and we were still friends. She was always there for me and then one day she wasn't.
I heard a knock on my door and I knew it was my dad. I was laying on my bed holding on to my pillow tears streaming down my face.
"Come in," I managed to croak out.
I heard my door open and my dad wheeled himself into my tiny closet bedroom. I felt him put is hand on my shoulder and rub it trying to comfort me. I knew in my heart it hurt worse because I couldn't remember. I envied the girls because they could remember her. That's why they were never here. I rolled over and looked at my dad. He too was crying and that made my heart hurt even more. Here he was the comforting me when it was so obvious that he needed comforting himself. I sat up and pulled his body out of his wheelchair I heard something fall to the floor but I didn't pay any attention. I lay him down on the side of my bed and then I lay down beside him. We both lay there crying for my dead mother and his dead wife. It hurt me so much and I know he felt worse. We cried together like that for about an hour when my father went to sit up. I knew he would want to do it by himself so I didn't try to help him. He made it over to his chair and pulled himself up into it.
"Jake, I know you were young when your mom died but I want you to know that she loved you with her whole heart. You were her pride and joy. When we found out you were a boy she burst out into tears. I thought she wanted another girl so I went over to comfort her and she was the one who pulled me into the hug. She kept saying "He's a boy, He's a boy" she loved you so much. I know you don't remember all that much about her so I thought I'd give you this. She started making it for you the day she found out she was pregnant. It's how I found out to. She was sitting on our bed after the girls had fallen asleep holding a book. I walked in and asked what she was reading and she just handed it over to me smiling. One of the first questions in the book is "When did mommy and daddy find out you were coming into this world? And she had the date written down on the line. She wanted to give it to you when she thought you would appreciate it enough to take care of it. I think she would want you to have it now. She was a wonderful person and just always know that she is here with us, we just can't see her." With that he rolled himself out and closed the door behind him.
I looked down at my baby book and their was a picture on the front of it. She was laying on a hospital bed her hair was soaked with what I was guessing was sweat. My dad was standing beside her and they both were looking down at a baby wrapped in a blanket. She was holding the baby and she was looking at it with the biggest smile on her face. At the bottom of the book in someone's writing I didn't recognize were the words, Jacob William Black We Will Always Love You. I knew it was her handwriting and just that little bit of information brought joy to my heart, but the pain was still there.
I hurriedly opened the book and read until I came to the end of it. It had everything in it. The funniest was that when she was pregnant with me she craved watermelon but as soon as she ate some she would have to go into the bathroom to puke it back up. To this day I love the way watermelon smells but the way it feels when you chew it makes me want to puke. At the very end of the book there was an envelope taped to the back cover. It said Jake's eyes only. After a few minutes I tore it off and carefully ripped it open so I didn't tare it. Inside were a cassette tape and a letter.
The Letter Said.
My Dearest Jacob,
I hope you like your baby book. I put a lot of work into it.
I just wanted to let you know that you mean the world to me
And I will always love you.
I know someday I may not be there to help you find your way
If that day ever comes
I want you to listen to this tape.
Love,
Mommy
This letter almost pushed me over the edge. It was like she knew she was going to die or something. I knew I had to listen to this tape. I had to do it. Something important was on it. I leaned over to my dresser. On top of it was a little CD/Cassette player that used to be Rachel's she gave it to me when she left for college. I put the cassette into the slot and mashed play. A song that I had only heard twice in my life came on and I broke down into tears. It was Simple Man. My mom used to sing it to me sometimes before I would go to sleep. After she had died I had never listened to it again because it reminded me so much of her.
I knew from that moment on that I would try to be like it said in that song. It was like her own personal message from the grave. I didn't know it at the time but many times in my life I would go back and listen to that song. It just held so much meaning to me.