Set post 5X21 Regina faces the prospect of Robin being gone whilst carrying around a burdening secret

Sweet Dreams

Chapter 1

Her gaze never leaves the coffin, the one that's covered with his beloved gold tipped arrows ( a present she'd given him.) Why was life so cruel? Was this her karma, her fate? Was she destined to pay for all the lives she stole? Regina keeps up her wall, determined not to crack and shatter here. Not in front of the Charmings, in front of Henry. Her sweet Henry. The whole situation felt so cruelly familiar, she'd been here before. Daniel. But this was different. She had a future mapped out with her 'thief', she was his future, a future that thanks to Hades was no longer possible. Her happiness was no longer possible. The guilt she felt as she watched Roland, bewildered, confused and innocent, place down his rose, nearly cracked her mask. She was the reason Robin's body now lay in that box. If for once he hadn't protected her, saved her like the damsel in distress she was, he'd still be alive. Robin would be able to wrap his protective arms around her waist, whisper sweet nothings in her ear as his unshaved jaw gently scratched at her cheek. She'd be able to watch the interaction of father and son as Roland's legs fly through the air followed by the distinct squealing of a child who feels safe and whose only hero was his father. She'd be able to admire the change of him fathering a daughter, the rough and tumble with Roland being exchanged for lullabies and a need to protect his little princess. She'd still be able to watch Henry mature under the watchful guidance of a positive male role model, the father figure he always craved. But the thing that hurt the most, the one thing that was destroying every beautiful memory she shared with her soulmate. Her secret. A secret that she had kept out of shock, disbelief and the need for the moment to be right. She'd nearly shared it before they embarked on the trip to hell, but it was far too important to be contaminated by that catastrophe. The irony in that would have bruised her heart if it hadn't already been ripped out and destroyed with her love. He'd been contaminated by the darkness. A rogue mission to save Hook and Robin took the fall. Robin always took the fall. All because he loved her, he was in love with her. At the thought a lone tear trickles down her cheek, too paralysed by her own thoughts and need to be in control she allows it to fall. They'd never even got the chance to share ' I love you.' She knew he loved her and she was certain he knew of how she felt about him. But not being able to have said those words to him was a thought that nearly killed her. The muffled distress of Roland instinctively attracted her attention. She'd developed a maternal relationship with this boy, his boy. Regina needn't have considered the decision to stay within the boy's life. As far as she was concerned, Roland was her own. He always would be. Robin would have wanted that. Regina knew however she wasn't the best thing for him today, not when she had to say goodbye. Hence Little John and the merry men taking guardianship of the smallest merry man. But as she heard the little boy's distress her, she couldn't help but want to rush over and protect him. She wanted more than anything to scoop him up, pepper his head with kisses and take away all the pain. She tried her best to catch Roland's gaze, giving him a look of reassurance despite her tear stained eyes, that she would protect him. As Roland appeared to settle in Little John's arms, her attention easily fell back to her secret. Her gaze fell down towards her hands which had settled comfortably in front of her stomach. A tear that had been threatening to fall landed upon her hands. The sadness was overwhelming. It was all consuming. But she couldn't let it be. She was a mother and she knew Robin would want her to be there for his children. But that didn't stop how much it hurt to not have him here beside her ever again.

Her cloak had been an easy choice. If Robin had been denied the right of knowing then why should others know. It wasn't noticeable, but to Regina it was the last thing she had of him and today was a day where the unwanted focus was on her. She wrapped herself up in a need to protect and hide. The maternal instinct she'd always had since the day she took Henry into her arms had been heightened and now more than ever she would be the mother they would all need. After all she'd have to be mother and father. She wasn't ready for people to feel sorry for her, to pity her. It was hard enough already. It was tough enough at the funeral, but it was a label that would now follow her around forever. She wanted to be happy, she wanted to have shared in the shock in the acceptance of their true love. The belief that it would appear, true love really can break any curse. The acknowledgement that Robin had fixed her, pieced back together the self inflicted destruction. But now she'd never have the chance. She'd never get to enjoy the one thing she now had. The one thing she'd always believed she'd denied herself of. However the miracle was now painful and not euphoric. She'd always believe she'd taken the one person away who should be here too. She felt responsible. A life of tragedy had left her accepting responsibility for the death of her soulmate, despite her situation being an example of her work towards her happy ending succeeding. She wasn't the person to drive the crystal towards Robin. She wasn't the one who inflicted magic upon the situation. She'd wanted to protect his daughter and in return he protected her. Before she could throw more blame at herself, she felt the gentle reassuring hand of her sister upon her shoulder. She finally had her sister. Why couldn't she have her soulmate and her sister? Regina was grateful for Zelena's presence even though she held the product of her soulmate swaddled in her arms, a painful reminder of everything Robin was to miss out on. But there was a certainty, an underlying promise, yet unspoken, between the two sisters. Robin's little girl would always be loved and would always know what a hero her daddy was, her daddy being the knight in shining armour that saved her from the hands of the god of the underworld. From Hades. Therefore it only seemed fitting that she would be honoured to carry his name. They'd decided to change the spelling, after all she would be her own person and shouldn't have to live in her father's shadow entirely. Regina made a promise to herself that however painful she would always be Auntie Regina for little Robyn, she would be there for everything that was to come, everything that little girl would ever have to deal with. She promised to always talk of her father. She promised to do everything that Robin would have wanted for his little girl. Most of all she would allow Zelena to be the mother figure within Robyn's life, but if darkness ever tempted her again, Regina would be there to end it in a second.

As they all gradually began to leave the graveside, Regina turned to find Henry. He'd been stood with Emma for the whole day. Regina couldn't have been more grateful at this moment in time,for the day Henry had decided to go off and find his birth mother. Emma had been a rock today, she had her own grief to deal with and yet she understood that Regina needed her to be there for Henry. But now Emma could sense Regina's need to comfort her son, she promised herself she wouldn't shut him out this time. She wouldn't make him feel worthless, that she didn't love him. He may be that much older and understand the significance of his mother losing her soulmate, that didn't mean he didn't need his mother to hold him while he cried. Regina could read her son's expression like a book, there was no need for decoding. She instinctively wrapped her arms around her son, whilst Zelena and Robyn stood by as a reassuring presence. Henry instantly broke down in her arms. She allowed herself to be vulnerable in front of Henry, over the years they'd really built upon their relationship and she wanted him to be able to trust her for him to tell her exactly how he was feeling.

"It's all so unfair mom"

"I know Henry" was all Regina could say, she kissed his head and held him tighter before stopping and turning to face him.

"He'd be so proud of you today, how brave you're being. I know you really cared about him, he cared about you just as much. You were like a son to him"

"And a big brother to Roland… he's got nobody." Henry was breaking down, Regina had never seen her son so broken.

"NO!" she replied abruptly. "He's got us, he will always have us. He'll always need his big brother, who else is going to teach him how to shoot an arrow."

Regina's words were hinged with sadness but she wanted to acknowledge the impact Robin had, had on all of them and how it was important that he'd still want them to be together. A family, however broken that may be right now. Whilst mother and son embraced, the little bundle in Zelena's arms grizzled.

"He didn't even get to name his daughter" Henry so sweetly mumbles on his mother's shoulder, which makes her smile with how in tune they both are, both having asked themselves the same question today.

"I know he'd be honoured" Regina responds, her mind finally allowing herself to have a happy moment in remembering Robin, in remembering her through her beautiful niece. Henry's head snapped up.

"You've named her?"

"Zelena has, it's perfect" Regina reassured her son, "he'd approve." As he nestles his head back to her shoulder in much the same way he did as a baby, Zelena introduces cousins to one another properly.

"Henry meet Robyn."

They enter Granny's the room falling silent at their entrance, Henry can sense his mom's desire to be swallowed by the ground, for everyone's attention's to remain on one another. He reaches out for her hand and squeezes reassuringly because after today, after all of this they need each other. They have each other. Before Regina can quantify what her next move shall be Roland is suddenly in view, tear streamed face his little legs carrying himself towards her as he wraps his arms around her and cries. Regina instinctively picks him up and holds him tight as only a mother would, before taking him away from being made a spectacle she glances up to meet Little John's eyes, almost apologetic for not being able to keep the child within his grasp, knowing she was delicate, knowing she wasn't necessarily ready to look after Roland yet, but she gives them a look of gratitude and reassurance that she's ok, she'll protect him. They sit together in a booth, Regina and the boys. Henry sits protectively next to his mother whilst Roland is on her lap, her arms encasing him as he fiddles with her fingers that meet around his middle. Her chin rests upon his head before she places a delicate kiss upon it.

"Gina?" Roland's fragile voice, so quiet she nearly misses it.

"Yes my little knight"

"you're not going to leave me are you?" what's left of Regina's heart is nearly smeared across the floor. She wants to be able to tell him that, that's never going to happen but in a place like Storybrooke, uncertainty is the town's middle name. Instead she squeezes him tighter and responds with

"we aren't going anywhere" gesturing to Henry with her head. Roland doesn't smile, her sweet boy doesn't have one to give her. But he leans over to Henry, so that he can wrap an arm around each of them.

"And you have a little sister to protect now" Zelena adds to the conversation. She wants to make it clear that for whatever wrong she has done in the past, these people in front of her are her family and she will protect them.

Roland nudges back into Regina's lap becoming shy and uncertain.

"it's ok Roland" she tries to reassure him. He's having to deal with so much and yet being able to understand none of it. Daddy had told him of his little sister, he hadn't properly got to meet her yet and now felt as good a time as any.

"Can I hold her?" Roland whispered.

"Of course you can, big brothers don't need to ask" Zelena replied sweetly as Regina helped him up to sit round by her sister. She was grateful that her sister was taking responsibility of the mess. Of the situation she had created. Regina felt so conflicted, how could something so horrible have reached a moment so beautiful. But today had proven to her just how quickly circumstances can be altered and lives changed so she embraced it and knew that Robin more than anything wanted his children to be close. To always have one another.

She watched as Roland held his little sister, his eyes lighting up with that sparkle she had so missed today, knowing that this would be a picture that would soon be recreated. It scared her, but watching Roland interact with his baby sister gave her hope for the future. The reassurance that as tough as this whole thing was going to be and as much as she resented having to do this all on her own, she knew she'd have the boys. She'd always have the boys.

"What's sissy's name?" Roland asked sweetly.

"Robyn" Zelena replied proudly. She never thought she'd find the sight in front of her to be something so heart warming, who knew the wicked witch of the west had such a heart.

Roland hadn't yet responded and Regina knew he wasn't stupid or naive, he knew his sister had the same name as daddy. She was all ready to remove him from the situation, protect him at all costs when he simply replied.

"I will always look after you Bobbins, just like Henry will. We are your big brothers."

As if Regina couldn't have shed anymore tears today, she found herself swiftly wiping away a fresh stream. Roland had already asserted his protective role as big brother and given his baby sister a nickname he was comfortable with, a name they would now all adopt. As pride managed to overtake the feeling of grief, though be it a small moment, Robin's words of 'Who knew the queen had a soft spot for children' filtered through her mind. It was then that she knew she had to tell the boys of the impending arrival, that this was something they would all get through together and this news may be exactly what they all needed in order to carry on, in order to even begin to digest the loss of Robin.

As Henry took Roland to get a chocolate milkshake giving his mother a moment free from making sure they were both ok and whilst Zelena sat out the back trying to get little Robyn to drift off to sleep, Gold took his opportunity.

"Why are you here imp?" Regina didn't even look up. He was one of the last people she wanted to see today, a reminder of the evil magic could create. But equally with the history they shared, she knew if she looked him in the eyes she would break down once more.

"What if I told you there was a way to bring back your beloved 'Thief' ?" Regina's eye level shot up and a hand subtly came to rest upon her gently rounding stomach.

"Don't torture me like that. He's gone. We lost him."

"But what if he didn't have to be?" Gold's usual snarky, manipulative tone dropped. There was a genuine care within his words, Gold had always wanted what was best for Regina, he'd known her since he was a young girl, they had an understanding. His only condition being that happiness was to not be had at his expense.

"I don't want anything to do with your magic, magic is what caused me to lose Robin" Regina was fighting back tears.

"But it's the only thing that can bring him back."