It was quiet and peaceful near the stream. No sound could be heard for miles, other than the bubbling of the water in the creek. And yet, for Clarke, the silence was deafening. All she could hear was the blood pounding in her ears, and the sound of her heavy breathing drowned out everything else. Kneeling beside the stream, Clarke scrubbed furiously at her hands as she tried to get the blood off of them, her sobs echoing through the silence of the forest.

Clarke kept seeing it. The flashbacks to Finn dying, and Thanks princess echoed over and over in her head. Clarke would never be able to forget the image, watching the light slowly die out of Finn's eyes, his head falling on her shoulder as she drove the knife into him. It was becoming more and more difficult to deal with the grief and the guilt, knowing that she had to do it. She had to kill him. Clarke had blood on her hands now, the blood of someone she really had cared for despite everything. "Come on, come on, why is this not working? Why won't it come off?!" she screamed, letting the grief engulf her. Clarke could see the red all over her hands, even as she continuously washed them in the water.

Bellamy had been walking through the woods looking for Clarke when he heard the cries. It may be safer out her in the woods than before but he still didn't really trust the grounders. Bellamy had been concerned about Clarke since Finn's death, knowing how much Clarke and Finn had cared for each other. He wasn't sure how this would affect her, or how she would deal with the grief. He heard the cries again and immediately, he recognized it as Clarke's anguished wail. Bellamy took off running to find his co-leader. Now, he was really worried. One of the many things he admired about Clarke was her strength, but at this moment, Bellamy didn't think he'd ever heard Clarke sound so broken.

Bellamy found Clarke kneeling beside the creek, sobbing uncontrollably and rubbing her hands raw in the water. He knew something was wrong and as he approached her, she didn't even acknowledge him. He didn't even think she was responsive. "Clarke?" Bellamy asked, panicked. Bellamy reached out and touched her shoulder. Clarke still barely reacted, caught up in her anguish and scrubbing her hands in the creek. He noticed her hands were scrubbed fully raw and were bleeding in places. Bellamy reached out to her again, this time more forcefully and grabbed her hands to stop her from destroying them.

"Clarke, hey, come here. Stop. They're clean. It's okay, you can stop now." he said calmly. He moved Clarke to try and get her to look at him, holding her shoulders. They were now face to face but Clarke wouldn't look at him. "Hey, you're okay. It's alright." Bellamy said, trying to grab her attention. She seemed dazed almost. Bellamy noticed Clarke couldn't really focus on anything, she was nearly unresponsive to him and her breathing was erratic. Worriedly, he grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug, in an attempt to comfort her. He just held her not knowing what else to do and whispered meaningless words of comfort into her hair.

Clarke vaguely heard someone approach behind her, but couldn't bring herself to check who it was. All she knew was the sound of her cries and the feeling of her hands in the water. Then they spoke. "Clarke?" She distantly recognized the voice as Bellamy's but couldn't acknowledge him. Bellamy was trying to speak to her but Clarke kept seeing it. She was finally realizing that Finn was not coming back, and that she was the cause of this. The guilt was eating at her, tearing her apart slowly to the point that she felt she was going mad.

Clarke noticed that Bellamy was hugging her, she assumed in an attempt to calm or comfort her. But Clarke felt she didn't deserve comfort. She felt the panic attack getting worse. The pieces of her were falling apart, spiralling downward to a place she never thought she would reach. She was breaking. Clarke could feel herself losing all of her strength and control. She couldn't breathe properly. She began hyperventilating and couldn't catch her breath back. "I couldn't save him, I can't, I can't- it was my fault, my fault," Clarke kept repeating over and over.

Bellamy felt Clarke begin to really lose it. He could feel her trying to catch her breath but failing. He pulled back to try and get Clarke to focus. "Clarke, look at me, hey, Clarke. Clarke please." he exclaimed worriedly. He noticed she still wasn't breathing properly, her eyes not focusing on anything. She's going to make herself pass out if she continues this way, he thought to himself. "Clarke? Clarke, look at me, please!" Bellamy said worriedly. She was getting worse. Bellamy tried profusely to remember what to do when someone was having a breakdown like this. Panicked and not knowing what else to do to help Clarke, he grabbed her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers. He heard an intake of breath and then quiet.

Clarke vaguely heard Bellamy worrying over her but just kept seeing blood on her hands. Clarke knew she was in the midst of a panic attack but couldn't pull herself out of this one. All of a sudden, Bellamy's face was right in front of hers and Clarke had no time to react. She inhaled once more and in the next half-second, his lips were on hers. Clarke didn't know how long the kiss lasted. All she knew was that it was finally, truly quiet. The worst of her breakdown had subsided. When they broke apart, Clarke was able to breathe normally again.

"Wh-what was that for?" Clarke asked Bellamy, a little dazed and confused as to what just happened.

"You were in the midst of a panic attack, and I remember hearing somewhere that when a person has a panic attack, holding their breath helps get them through it and gets their breathing back to normal. So when I kissed you, well - you held your breath..." Bellamy attempted to explain.

"I did?" Clarke asked.

"Uh yeah," Bellamy replied, almost sheepishly.

"Oh, well thank you. I guess I needed that." Clarke replied. "Ouch," she muttered. She looked down at her hands, the source of the pain, and noticed how raw and bloody they were.

"Well that wasn't very smart of me," Clarke acknowledged, wiping away the worst of the tears and the dirt on her face.

"It's alright. Come on, let's head back to camp and get some bandages on those hands of yours. We can't have one of our only medics hurt and off the job. Those hands are useful around camp!" Bellamy replied, more light-heartedly now.

They began walking back to camp together, when Clarke stops them. She looked up at him, finally meeting his gaze. "Hey Bellamy, thanks, seriously. I appreciate what you did, helping me out through that and all."

"Any time," Bellamy answered, in all seriousness. "But are you sure you're going to be okay Clarke? That wasn't nothing." Bellamy inquired.

Clarke answered him as best as she could, "Honestly Bellamy, I don't know. I just - I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for not finding a way to save him."

"We can't save everyone, Clarke. It sucks but we can't. I know it's hard, believe me, but don't beat yourself up over it. It will kill you. And I can't let that happen, I need you. We all do. So if it's forgiveness you need, then I forgive you for what you had to do Clarke. But you need to forgive yourself eventually, too." Bellamy responded, knowing full well those were Clarke's own words that she had said to him on their "day trip" a while ago.

Clarke looked up at Bellamy and gave a small smile for having her own words repeated back to her. For the first time, she felt like it maybe would be okay eventually. With a last glance back at the creek, Clarke turned around to start the trek back to camp. Bellamy turned and followed her. The two of them walked back to camp together in but in silence, both now prepared to go back to their everyday routines at camp and lost in their own thoughts about wars, alliances and truces.

A/N: *Disclaimer* This is my first ever fic/drabble so please be nice, believe me I know my writing is not great. But I would love feedback and critiques to improve! Also, I ship "Bellarke" but I definitely did not intend for this to be a romantic fic/drabble at all, it's just kind of along the lines of what I want to happen in the next episode (2x09). The title is based off Hozier's lyrics to their song In The Woods Somewhere. Thanks! xx