It's Dark Inside - Preface

Dean has no hope - he's a demon now. A monster. Sam has given up. Castiel is the only one determined to save him, but that is easier said than done. Can Cas get to Dean and save what's left of his soul before Dean let's the darkness consume him? Destiel. Demon!Dean

This contains an already existing Destiel, meaning that they had been in a relationship before this story takes place.

This story takes place after the Season 9 finale. Castiel's grace has been restored. Metatron has been defeated. Gabriel has returned and is currently ruling Heaven.

I hope you enjoy this fic, but just a warning, it may hurt your feels.

I do not own Supernatural.

Preface

Dear Cas,

I'm not good with sharing my feelings – you know that. Crowley said that I shouldn't try to find you and Sam . . . that I should just stay away. And I agree with him there. I'm not going to try to find you. And you shouldn't try to find me. It's a bad idea, Cas. I'll miss you like hell, but . . . but it's better this way.

Trust me.

You know me better than anyone, Cas. You can see into my head. You see how I feel when no one else does. You don't judge me for it . . . you understand it and you always try to help. And you know how I think about myself. You know that I think I'm a monster, and you know that I think I deserve to die.

Well, let's just say that that statement has even more truth to it now.

I know you think I'm dead . . . I know Sam thinks it too.

But I'm not.

I'm something much worse.

I guess my subconscious was right . . . I could never escape it. I was always going to become this. I was meant for it . . . destined for it. But I guess it makes sense.

It all makes sense . . .

Look, the reason I'm sitting down and forcing myself to scribble down these meaningless words is because . . . I can't come back. I can't see you ever again. I can't see Sam. I can't see anyone. I just wanted to let you know that I was okay. But what we had, it's over. I can't . . . I can't do it. I can't . . . I can't bring myself to ever lay eyes on you again, let alone . . . let alone call you my own. I don't deserve it – I don't deserve you.

So this is goodbye.

I'm sorry Cas.

I'm so fucking sorry.

-Dean

Castiel crumpled up Dean's letter in his hands. Tears streamed down his cheeks uncontrollably, and a sob rose in his throat. His chest ached as if someone had brought a sledgehammer down on it. His stomach had twisted into a painful knot, and all he could do was sit there in the motel room, staring at the floor. The letter slipped out of his hands and hit the floor almost silently.

Without warning, Castiel threw back his head and let out a heartbreaking cry. All the angels in Heaven, and those on earth heard Castiel's grace screaming in agony. Only a few years previous, they had heard him give a loud, triumphant shout after he had pulled Michael's vessel from hell: "Dean Winchester is saved!" Now, it was different, now his voice was stricken with pain and loss as he declared: "Dean Winchester is dead!"

A/N: Review?