The Heart of Me

by tmntfan4eva

Alopex AU. Alopex is raised as the turtles sister. Many cute moments ensue and Splinter finds she is the perfect person to fill the void of Miwa, a daughter amongst his much beloved boys. But danger lurks around every corner and soon the happy family may find their world shattered and rattled to the very core. For even angels have shadows that lurk in their past.

So I've been particularly uninspired for the topic of the next chapter of PaSDaS and to apologize for that I decided I'd post the beginning of this. I hope you all love it and get excited for this AU. Admittedly I've never tried AU's. I prefer to remain semi canonical, but this idea just wouldn't leave me alone. So here you are. The Heart of Me (also known as Dark Side of the Moon). I choose the first, but I still love the second title and anyone who does the same may consider the second one the official title. It does have a bearing on the story later.

Also I don't know if I captured the voice of a child well. They're supposed to be three or four yet they talk a bit like older kids I think. idk, maybe not. Well, enjoy!

The lair is dark and the night is heavy with a chill uncommon to even New York. It seeps down into the sewers and settles in their home despite all of Splinter's efforts. He made sure however that deep within the lair, in his children's' rooms, it is as warm as they could want. As long as they stay in their rooms they will be wholly protected from this frigid December night.

Only they don't. Not any of them. One by one they creep out from their rooms and into the center of the lair. They are not stupid though. They grab their coats and hoodies hanging on the wall as they go, one by one stumbling upon the others with much surprise. The only one they aren't surprised to see is Mikey, leaning over the side of the couch and staring mystified at their Christmas tree. He bounces his feet lightly all the while.

The other three exchange fleeting glances before heading over to where their little brother lays. "Mikey," Leo moves in front of Mikey, blocking his view of the tree. He tilts his head slightly. "What are you doing?" He already knows though. It's the same as every year at this time.

Mikey slowly lifts his head and meets Leo's gaze. He blinks twice at his oldest brother. He tilts his head to match Leo's, for no other relevant reason. "I'm waiting for Santa." A smile breaks across his face. "I'm gonna catch him this year." His freckles stand out even more with his smile.

Raph snorts. He crosses his arms as he makes his way to Leo's side. "Mikey, you dork." He looks hard at his youngest brother. "Nobody can catch Santa. He's made of magic and will throw some in your eyes if you don't get to bed before he comes." He nods firmly. "He'll kick your butt."

Mikey narrows his eyes and puffs his lips out. "No!" His voice rises higher than any of them could manage. "Santa is nice! He gives presents, not hurt people! Stupid head!" He jumps up to his knees on the couch and clenches his fists, ready to fight.

Raph scoffs. "Says you, you idiot." He furls his hands into fists and tenses in preparation. A smirk curls his lips and he bounces eagerly from one foot to another.

"Oh, stop it." Donnie interjects. He rolls his eyes at all three of them. "Everyone knows Santa doesn't exist." He crosses his arms and looks in disbelief at his brothers.

All three of their mouths gape. "Donnie!" Their voices ring with varying degrees of offense.

"Don't say that!" Mikey gasps. His eyes bulge from his head. "Or else you won't get anythin' for Christmas!" He points at Donnie with a trembling hand. "You'll be sad."

"Yeah!" Raph nods firmly. "Santa will come afta you with his reindeer and let em' eat you if you don't believe." A flash of genuine fear flashes in his eyes. "They'll shank you with their antlers an everything." He draws his hands close to himself.

"Raph!" Leo scowls at his brother. "Santa will not do that. So you better stop or else you won't get nothing either."

"Anything." Donnie instinctively corrects.

Leo looks up. "What?" He blinks and frowns deeply.

"Anything." Donnie repeats. "You said nothing. But it's actually anything. You used a double negative and-"

Leo sighs heavily. He shakes his head. "Anyway," He turns his focus back on Raph. "Don't say those things." He points a finger at his brother. "And you," He whirls around to Donnie. "They're right. Don't say those things. Santa might not kill you," He glares at Raph and Raph rolls his eyes. "But you will be in trouble. No presents for you for sure."

Donnie finds it hard to believe that Leo is genuine in what he says, but at the same he doesn't think Leo would lie about 'Santa' without some sort of hint at his true beliefs. A sharp look meant only for Donnie would surely follow in such a case. Yet there is not one. So with a heavy breath out he gives it up. "Whatever." He throws his hands up and turns away, heading for the turnstiles blocking the entrance to their home.

Mikey immediately snaps to attention and forgets his indignation toward Raph. He looks with wide eyes after Donnie. "Hey," He hops up and trots after his brother. "Where you goin' Donnie?" Apprehension wells within him. The stories Splinter tells them resonate all too clearly.

Donnie pauses, tilting his head back to glance at his little brother. One look and he can't keep it in. He sighs and hangs his head. He turns slowly, in resignation. "I'm out of parts." He admits in a small voice he hopes they might not hear. "I need more. Now. So I have to go out and find some. I-"

"What!?" Leo says a little too loudly. Even he cringes at the sound of it. "Donnie," He says much lower. "Are you crazy? We're not allowed to go out without permission. And we definitely aren't allowed to go to the surface without dad with us."

"Yeah." Mikey curls his fingers so hard his nails leave a mark in his skin. "It's dangerous out there. Who knows what kind of monsters might get you." A shudder races up his spine and he draws in a sharp breath.

Donnie rolls his eyes. Then again, he knew all along that would be their sentiments. "What about you?" He shoots at Raph. "Aren't you going to lecture me too? Maybe I'll get frostbite or lost."

Raph shakes his head. "No," There is a pause where Donnie thinks that might be all. Then Raph adds, "But Santa'll get you." He says matter of factly. "It's Christmas Eve Donnie. He'll be out catching little kids who aren't in bed."

Donnie throws his head back and groans. "Please, enough with the Santa thing." He scowls at each of them in turn. "And look, I know the stories. I know it's cold. But it's fine. I know all about the surface. I researched. So just go back to bed and sleep. I can do this on my own."

Leo steps forward with a defiant step. "No way." He shakes his head. "If you're gonna go out there alone then we're going with you. No turtle left behind."

Donnie smiles meekly. "Thank you." He nods.

Mikey's eyes bulge. "W-What…but…" His eyes flit to Raph. He already sees the insult in his brother's eyes and the upward curve of his lips. There's no taking back his words.

Raph grins. "What's the matter Mikey?" He snickers. "You scared?" It doesn't matter that he too is. Mikey will never point out the fact.

Mikey glares up at Raph. "No!" His cheeks turn a shade darker. He ducks his head to hide it slightly. "I'm not afraid of anythin'!" He clenches his hands into fists.

Raph laughs. "Mikey's afraid, Mikey's afraid." He sings it over and over again.

"Shut up!" Mikey launches himself at Raph. He takes his brother to the ground with a loud grunt on both their parts. They go tumbling in a heap as they struggle for dominance. "I'm not!"

Raph could win, and for a while he tries to. But within a few seconds he gives up, letting Mikey pin him to the ground. The grin never falls from his face.

"Say it." Mikey demands. He leans in close to Raph's face. "Say I'm not afraid."

Raph chuckles. "Alright, alright." He nods. "Mikey isn't afraid." The pressure eases off of him and Mikey stands back up. Raph rises to his feet and brushes himself off. Then, with a particularly sly grin, he murmurs, "But he is a crybaby."

Mikey draws in a deep breathe meant to scream at Raph. But Leo's hand and voice cut him off.

"Raph." Leo's voice is sharp. "Enough." He looks hard at both of the roughhousers. He drops his hand and sighs. "Do you want to wake dad up?"

Raph grumbles under his breath, but his answer is not quite so irritated. "No, that'd be awful." The last time Splinter caught them up they were chewed out something fierce. It didn't really bother anyone visibly but Mikey, but they all felt horrible or disobeying him.

Leo frowns slightly. "Yeah…" He trails off, momentarily slipping back into the same moment as Raph. He, however, shakes it off. He turns his head around to Donnie and his blue eyes are especially sharp in the dark. "So we gotta do this fast."

Donnie nods firmly. "Ok." He doesn't say that it's at least a mile from here. With him the trip takes long enough, but dragging three extra appendages with him will only extend the trek. "Then come on." He reaches out and takes Leo's hand in his. He pulls him along.

Leo tilts his head and softly calls for the other two. They scamper along and lock their hands in the chain – Raph to Leo and Mikey to Raph. They wander out into the pitch blackness and move in a straight line until Donnie directs them to stop. He points uselessly up, no one able to see anything, not even their own hands. "Just go up here. It's a manhole." He hops up and leads the way.

Leo should be next, but he lingers. He steps out of line and allows Raph and Mikey to climb first. He pretends it's so he can catch them if they fall, but he knows he is just lying to himself. He swallows hard and tentatively follows their lead. His hands tremble all the while, fumbling with the rungs and nearly falling except for a steading hand that grabs his own. It's Raph, come back to make sure he was still coming. With a tiny smile Leo then proceeds to go the rest of the way.

On the surface they are met with a harsh blast of frigid air and frenzied flurries of pure white. It sends a chill across their skin and obscures their vision terribly. It's almost as bad as the darkness of the tunnels. "Woah…" Mikey gasps, ignoring the shudders that are already wracking his body.

Donnie smiles back at his little brother. "It's snow." His teeth clatter as he says it. He rubs his arms without thinking. Splinter had never brought them above when the weather was cold and they could only watch such displays through grates which definitely dampens the profound effect of the beauty and wonder.

Leo's brow furrows. "I don't know about this Donnie." He says carefully. A particularly violent shiver races up his spine. He hunches over a little and wraps his arms around himself. "This looks bad." As fast as the cold is taking hold he might even go as far as to say it is more dangerous than any of the monsters in the stories Splinter tells.

Donnie can't deny it, but he needs to do this. "I told you you didn't have to come." He doesn't even look at Leo. He calculates just how much of a setback this storm will mean. "If you think it's dangerous then you can go back." He takes a single step forward, the snow that crunches beneath his foot like ice shards against his soles. He clenches his eyes shut and his face twists in pain.

Raph is not one to back down, but one look at Mikey and he too is one Leo's side. "Come on," He urges. "Mikey's already freezing to death and it's been a minute." He moves closer to his youngest brother and hugs him close both for Mikey's sake and his own.

Mikey's teeth chatter and his body shivers terribly. "N-No, I-I'm…no-not…cold." Every word is a challenge. He sniffles then and wipes his arm across his nose. "Aw…" Others could scarcely tell, but snot rests on his skin now.

Leo looks sharply at Donnie. "Enough Donnie." He ignores the needles in his feet as he places himself in front of his brother. "You don't even have pants or shoes on. There's no way you can go out there." He points out, to what he isn't sure. It's too white, everything so white. Only their masks stand out well.

Donnie scowls back. "No. You aren't the leader. I am." He jabs his finger into his own chest. "So I make the decisions. And I say I'm not going back without my part." He shoves Leo enough to knock his over. "You guys can do whatever." He walks around the blue banded turtle. "But I'm going on."

Leo can't catch himself. He falls with a grunt and a squeak from the sharp pain of the icy snow. His hoodie soaks at the rim and the fabric no longer helps as it clings to his skin. "Donnie!" He twists around and bounces to his feet. "Get back here! Or I…I'll…I'll tell dad!" But before the words leave his mouth it is already too late. The purple fades and finally disappears completely, leaving him alone with his remaining brothers.

Raph steps forward with Mikey hugged tightly to his side. "Are we really gonna tell dad?" His eyes widen and the green is bright against the stark white swirling around them.

Mikey ducks his head. His lip trembles and it's not from the cold. "Donnie'll get hurt out there." His voice is soft and he stutters, his teeth still chattering. "It's so cold…"

Leo bites his lip, hard. Fear shines clearly in his eyes as he looks from the frightened face of one brother to the other, perfect mirrors of each other. He glances back in the direction Donnie disappeared and guilt weighs heavy on him. Can he really leave Donnie like this, even if it is to tell Splinter? "Let's go," There is a tremor to his voice. He walks to them and grabs Raph's arm, pulling him along. "We gotta tell dad." And they disappear just like Donnie, down into a darkness of black instead of white.

Donnie shivers violently. He stuffs his hands into the pocket on his hoodie. Great. He squints as he tries to make out one form from another. He was sure the landmarks would be easier to pick out than this. Splinter had taken him a few times to a place ripe for scavenging, their way of spending quality time together completely away from the others. But…Donnie grimaces. This is all wrong.

A flake of snow attacks his eye and he jerks back and swipes his hand vindictively over his face. He throws his head back and screams into the nothingness. He glances over his shoulder, chastising himself for the reflex instantly afterward. If he can't see in front of him then how is going to be able to see them behind him? It's been ten minutes anyway. If they were still following him then he would hear their footsteps or at the very least their voices. He sighs miserably. So much for no turtle left behind. Then again, he did tell them to leave.

Donnie hunches over as he continues on. The wind whips at him especially harshly now. He whines softly to himself. He bemoans his idiocy. He knew the risks of such weather. He probably will get frostbite in the end. Or maybe…! He bounces a little, a faint shine coming to his dark brown eyes. Maybe they went back and got dad and they'll be back to get him soon. He smiles to himself, but he feels the hopelessness of the action before his mind even settles on the unlikelihood of it all.

Then he slams headfirst into something solid, something metal. It rattles his teeth and his head rings as he stumbles back and falls to the ground. Pain pulses in his forehead and he reaches up to touch it tenderly. A word is on his lips, he even draws in his breath to scream it, but then suddenly is dies. Reality hits him. There's no one here to help. His lip trembles and his face shatters. He draws his hands close to him and bends over, crying softly.

He slowly draws into himself. Before he completely cuts himself off from the world around him, however, a tiny noise breaches the barrier. He draws in a tiny breath, stifling his crying. His eyes shoot open and he goes stiff. His gaze darts about him in a panic. He wants to ask, he wants to know if he's dealing with a person or a beast, but then whatever it is will know where he is. Maybe they don't know yet. Maybe… He holds his breath.

Then it comes again. He slowly lifts his head and turns it in the direction of the sound. It tampers off for a moment, but it quickly comes back. It's not of a person moving. Instead it sounds a lot like crying. Donnie carefully makes his way to his feet, his tiny body tense all the while. Even if the person is sad, they are still a person. People fear them above all else. They are never allowed to show their faces least someone react negatively and attack them or worse flee and start a manhunt against them. Still, he can't stop himself. He moves steadily toward the sound.

Gradually an outline appears. It is laid out vertical though. Donnie's brows knit together. He creeps closer and closer still until the startling red pops out at him in the sea of white. He starts and his throat tightens. No… He bends over the figure and the red covering his chest is all the confirmation Donnie needs. Terror twists his face and a blood curdling scream rips from his throat. He scrambles backward, tripping over himself and landing roughly in the snow.

Donnie clenches at his chest and struggles to breathe. Th-That man…he…he's dead. His mind screams it to him. No…gotta calm down. Gotta calm down! His heart hammers in his chest and he feels light headed. He feels as if the walls of the buildings are closing in on him. He cowers, throwing his hands over his head.

In his spinning world the sound of crying again finds him. He looks up with wide, wild eyes. His breathing still comes to fast, but the knot in his stomach loosens. He carefully keeps his eyes away from the bloody sight ahead of him. He locks his gaze on the ground and takes tiny steps into the alley, the crying growing stronger still.

Donnie leans heavily against the dumpster at the entrance and tries again to bring his breathing down. There's no one else to help him or work him through it. Control it. You don't have to freak. He pushes himself along, the dumpster icy and slick. "W-Who's there…?" He brings himself to ask as one of the sounds strikes him as particularly high pitched, nothing like the adult lying dead in the snow.

There's no response. If anything the crying rises in intensity. Wouldn't normal children shrink inward at the sound of a stranger? In fact, wouldn't their cries be louder in general. Babies have cries like screams, not soft yet sharp. Donnie swallows hard. He pushes himself around the corner and starts. He grips the corner to remain upright, his eyes widening and mouth gaping.

At his feet sits a ball of white, a ball of shivering white that blends almost seamlessly with the snow. As she lifts her head though the startling purple pops out at him. It sits like a mask around her eyes and it contrasts beautifully with her deep golden orbs. Soft mewing cries continue to pass her lips even though Donnie now stands over her, in a perfect position to end her if he was anyone else.

Donnie holds his breath. He bends down and tentatively reaches out toward the figure. His eyes widen further and sparkle with renewed life. "What…?" He gasps. His fingers graze the top of her head and she instantly squeals. He jerks back and tumbles over, back onto his shell. He whines softly.

The creature swivels and runs headfirst into the dumpster. She squeaks and stumbles backward. She lifts her head to try and follow the sudden spin of her world, but everything keeps going. Up and down, up and down, she bobs her head. As everything settles, the pain sets in. Tears well in her large eyes and she bawls, making the same sound as before.

Donnie rolls over and crawls toward her. "Easy," He words are a breath on his lips. "I don't want to hurt you." He holds his hand above her head, waiting with baited breath for her eyes to focus on it. As they do her cries silence and she watches warily. Donnie takes it as a cue and lays his hand on her again.

She flinches, but she does not pull away. As the moments pass she even slowly leans into Donnie's touch. Her eyes brighten and a ghost of a smile lights her lips. She purrs softly, only the tears streaking her face remaining a sign of her distress.

Donnie grins back at her. He ruffles her fur. A violent shudder wracks his body and he remembers where he is and just how dangerous the circumstances are. "Hey," He pulls his hand back and rubs his arms to try and bring back some warmth. "Hey…wanna come home with me?" He reaches toward her and opens his arms wide.

She hesitates, eyeing him carefully. She glances back toward the unmoving body, cloaked by the swirling clouds of snow, slowly being buried beneath white. She can't see it, but she does in her mind, in her memory. It burns and she ducks her head slightly. It's been a while since he moved – too long. She hates to leave him, the only person she's ever known, but she knows with frightening certainty that he isn't coming back. So she brings her eyes back around to the boy before her. With a tiny hop she bounces to all fours and with a stronger leap she catapults herself at Donnie.

Donnie grunts softly, but her body is too small to move him even an inch. He tilts his head and thinks hard about the best way to do this. Quickly he decides to spin her around and then he wraps his arms around her middle, lugging her up with him as he stands, her feet dangling well off the ground. She's not particularly heavy, but Donnie isn't especially strong either and for a moment he teeters. He steadies himself and rests his head upon the top of hers. It's soft and surprisingly warm.

He holds her tighter, something grazing his arms as he starts to waddle back out into the full blast of the snowstorm. Any other instance he would have stopped to check, but right now all he can think of is the frigid winds and getting back underground where it can't touch him. All he has to do is find the nearest manhole and pray for a keen sense of direction.

He finds one only a few feet away and breathes out a sigh of relief. He puts her down briefly to lift the cover away then picks her back up. He peers down into the darkness. Without even the slightest clue as to how far it goes he makes a leap of faith. He lands hard, his whole body vibrating with the backlash. He moans softly, but sucks it up and wanders deeper into the long endless tunnels. If he goes long enough surely he'll find his way home. Hopefully.

…

Splinter moves in a flurry around the lair. He scoops up his jacket and shoves his arms through it. He jerks items off of shelves and tucks them under his arms. All the while he expertly if a bit clumsily avoids the children scurrying along beneath his feet. Then he turns sharply. His eyes are hard, demanding. "Boys," He looks at each of them in turn. "Stay here. Do not follow me."

They each nod in turn with varying degrees of emphasis. They do not speak their submission, too terrified to even breathe. They all bite down hard on their lips. Their bodies' quake and they unconsciously cling to one another's hands.

Then, with Splinter halfway turned around, Mikey draws in a sharp breath. His eyes widen and a smile breaks across his face. "Donnie?" He wrenches his hand from Raph and launches himself at Donnie, sweeping beneath Splinter's legs to reach his brother. "Donnie!" He stops only as he sees the ball of white sitting contently in Donnie's arms.

Splinter's heart clenches and eases as he lays eyes on his lost son. He lets out a heavy breath and smiles weakly. He takes large strides to reach his son, ready to tear into him with reprimands yet simultaneously draw him in and never let him go. "Donatello," His voice has an obvious edge.

Donnie ducks his head, only his eyes peeking up from the animal's fur.

"What were you thinking?" Splinter's eyes catch fire. "What have I told you about going up there?" His fists clench and his lips draw into a tight line.

Donnie whimpers softly. The sound is muffled further by the fur covering his mouth.

Splinter raises a brow and lines suddenly crease his face. The fearful fury ebbs in the face of the strange creature his son holds close. How had he missed it at first glance? "What do you have there, son?" He bends down to get a better look.

The other three crowd in around them. They peek over at the form in Donnie's arms. Their eyes widen in awe and their mouths gape slightly. They want to ask exactly what it is, but they are to captivated to say a word. They barely even breathe.

Donnie slowly lifts his head. He swallows hard and opens his mouth to tell the truth, part of it anyway. "I…I found her. In-In the storm. She…was alone. And I-I, couldn't leave her. She…" He peers down at her. "Almost seems like us." She's too big to be a normal fox, too expressive. She's obviously very young though. Or maybe she's not exactly like them. Maybe she is incapable of speech.

Splinter's eyes widen and shock flashes across his expression before he can conceal it. "I see." He notes the stutter in his son's speech and the tremors wracking his body, even if only slightly now. His face softens greatly. "Are you cold?"

Donnie is freezing even in this much protected setting. Still, he shakes his head. "I…" He nearly tells of the sight he saw just before finding this creature, but he changes directions at the last moment. "…just want to sleep."

"Hm." Splinter holds his arms out. "Then you may do so. But let me have this little one." She certainly does look a bit altered, not like a fox naturally would.

Donnie tightens his hold on her and steps back one pace. "I…wanna take her with me." He frowns slightly and bows his head just as unnoticeably. "She's…" He doesn't know. Warm he supposes. Perhaps a comfort for the unforgettable sight of startling red splayed across the snow with the body sinking deeper among it.

Splinter sees the terror in his son's dark brown eyes, but he does not pry. Instead, he goes at a different angle. "Well, she'll need a name." He brings his gaze down to hers, peering deep into her golden eyes. In them he sees Miwa, long lost to him. They're the same shade and for a moment he even sees his daughter, smiling up at him. Then he snaps back, the whiteness bringing him down. He shakes his head imperceptibly. No, it's not her. She'd be older now anyway.

"Snow!" Mikey chirps by Splinter's right side.

"What?" Raph interjects. He makes a face. "That's just stupid!"

Mikey scowls around Splinter at Raph. "Is not!" He cries. He clenches his tiny hands. "It's perfect! She's white, just like the snow." He nods firmly. "I'm the greatest name giver ever."

Leo rolls his eyes. "She's not a dog Mikey. You can't just give her a name because of her color." A thought strikes him and he blinks up at Splinter. He bites his lip, "…right?"

Splinter opens his mouth to answer, but instead Donnie's voice responds. "Yeah, she's not an animal." He rubs his face in her fur. He smiles as he looks back up, a smile that matches hers as she giggles softly. "See? She's like us. She's just…little."

Raph shoots a smirk at Mikey, quickly turning his gaze back to Donnie. "Well, how about Alexis? That's pretty nice." He tilts his head slightly.

Leo makes a face. "Ew," He sticks his tongue out. "No, that's horrible." He shakes his head. "It should be just like us, not like those people up there. It should be after those artists." He looks up at Splinter. "Know anymore dad?"

Uh-uh." Donnie doesn't give their father time to give his two cents. "I already have a name." All their eyes rest on him, making him feel a little smaller, as if he is on display. "I…I mean, if that's ok daddy." He silently pleads with wide eyes.

Splinter frowns slightly. He doesn't want to outright say yes. If the name is anything like his other two sons' choices then this will be awful. Still, Donnie is not quite the same as the others. So, carefully, he says, "Alright. What is it?"

Donnie grins from ear to ear. "Well," He bounces lightly on his feet. "She's a fox, see. Probably an artic one. I don't know how or why one would be here, but oh well she is." He draws in a deep breath. "Another name for it is alopex lagopus. So, I, um…want to call her Alopex." His voice grows tiny as he adds, "I think it fits."

Splinter nods faintly. He taps his chin thoughtfully. Definitely better than Alexis or Snow, that's for sure. It doesn't match the theme of his children's names, but perhaps that is for the best. She doesn't need to blend in. Her circumstances are different. She should stand out because of it. "Yes," He says softly. "Alopex…"

Mikey bursts out. "Our snow blown angel!" He grins from ear to ear. His eyes dart from one face to the next, the blue sparkling brightly.

Alopex grins up at all of them. Her tail wags gently.

Splinter chuckles softly and rubs Mikey's head. "Indeed."

Wow. I did not expect some of the details that got in there to get in there. I was just writing and suddenly ideas fell on me. The full impact of all the little details won't be apparent for a while, but eventually we'll get there. ;) So what did you think? A good start? Was my attempt at writing children God awful? Know how I can improve? I'd love to hear all your thoughts! Please review!