Title: 'How to get lost in the White House'
Author: Celery
Genre: Humour
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own any of the characters but if anyone would like to give me Sam for Christmas it would be most appreciated!
Note: This is my first fic so please humour me.
1.1.1.1 'How to Get Lost in The White House'
'Well, well, well.' Sam Seaborn muttered to himself as he walked towards his office. It was that time again, the time all of them hated.financial disclosure.
'It's humiliating' he continued as he greeted his friend and colleague Josh Lyman.
'What is?' questioned Josh as the two of them walked down the corridor.
'Financial disclosure' Sam sighed 'and this time it's even worse. It isn't so bad when CJ talks to the press about our assets or lack of them but doing it ourselves..' He groaned miserably and turned to Josh for some sort of consolidation.
'I think it's a brilliant opportunity to talk directly to our public' beamed Josh as if he was the president himself 'I'm sure my fans will love me whatever.'
'Oh I'm sure' said Sam some what sarcastically 'Anyhow Josh you have nothing to be afraid of. You're always receiving some present or other from an admirer whereas all this will just reveal that I am a pathetic mess.'
'What's that supposed to mean?' probed Josh but Sam had already turned and gone into his office shutting the door behind him.
'Danny not now' screamed CJ Creig as Danny Concannon followed her out of the pressroom toward her office.
'Why CJ? You can't be like this with me.I brought you a goldfish!' Danny said frustrated.
'Well I'm working' CJ muttered unconvincingly
'Danny grabbed CJ and kissed her. It seemed the initiative in the grab and kiss strategy had entirely changed hands.
'But Donna.' Josh whined 'why can't I have another one? Just one more.please!'
'Josh quit behaving like a baby, it's only a doughnut and you have already had five even though you are meant to be on a diet!' Donna Moss, Josh's secretary, said firmly.
Josh stamped his foot and turned to stand with his back to Donna.
'I'm not talking to you' he said in the manner of a five-year-old girl whose brother had just stolen her doll.
'That's until you want me to get you something. Donna fetch me a doughnut.Donna get me some water.Donna find me some rare beverage that no one in Washington stocks!' Donna turned and slammed the door behind her.
Sam sat sulking in his office. He found this was a peaceful way to spend the day as it kept him out of the way of people he disliked or generally just didn't wish to speak to. He was just thinking how nice it would be if coming to work was always this pleasant when a sharp knock at the door disturbed him from his thought. He turned round to see Mallory staring through the window with a look he didn't remember ever seeing on her face before. It was a look of contentment. He jumped up and ran to open the door (well as far as he could run in his 'I'm only a deputy so I get no space' office.).
'Mallory. Hi.' Sam said grinning foolishly like a Cheshire cat, 'what are you doing here?'
'That's a fine way to greet a women who's just come to present you with tickets for two to the "amazing spectacle" that is Fame.' Mallory smirked
'Fame. That's.erm.interesting.' Sam managed to say.
'Just a little treat to continue with our series of fascinating dates to wacky destinations.'
'First Chinese opera and now 80s musicals: we are pushing the boat out.' Sam joked back. He gently pulled Mallory into the room and shut the door. She smiled, put her arms around his neck and kissed him.
'Can't we stop yet?' panted Josh as he jogged down the street for the third time.
'No' said Donna 'Not until you have worked off all the calories that those five doughnuts contained. You have another five minutes of jogging to go but you could be out here all day if you continue to go this slowly. A baby could crawl faster than you jog.'
'Okay, Okay' Josh shouted as he turned and began to run, slowly, in the opposite direction.
'Danny, not here' cooed CJ as Danny started to move towards the desk still holding CJ tight.
'You're right CJ we should go some place else.' Danny cooed back ' Like a hotel room'
He led her out of the room, past the rows of staring secretaries and out of the building to his car; and drove off.
Donna stood alone in the senior staff parking lot from where Josh had run off half and hour ago. She couldn't believe it; he had done a runner. The stupid prat had run round the building and gone in: to eat more doughnuts no doubt. Days like these made here realise how glad she was that Josh was only her boss and not her husband.
Donna walked calmly into the building and up to Josh's office. She walked to her desk and shouted across.
'Josh, you could at least have told me you were giving up'
There was no reply. Donna laughed.
'You can't fool me, I know you're there'
Still no reply. She turned and walked across the hallway to Josh's office. He wasn't there.
Sam was just getting past the 'Oh my word she's kissing me' feeling when his phone rang. He pulled away and picked up the receiver.
'Hellop' he sang cheerfully into the phone. He listened for a while. 'Oh my word' he whispered 'I'll be there'. He slammed the phone down and ran pausing only to shout.
'I'll be back' to a bemused Mallory.
Mallory kept her head long enough to shout ' I'm coming' and run down the hallway after Sam.
'CJ, I wanted to ask you about the arrangements for the big show, other wise know as financial disclosure.' Mandy barked in her usually brisk voice.
She pushed the door further open to find the room empty.
'Hey,' she called, ' any one seen CJ?'
Josh was actually starting to enjoy his jog, or was it that he had got used to the fact that Donna really did control him, when he noticed a pleasant smell. It was doughnuts! He couldn't see where it was coming from but he knew he had to get to those doughnuts as fast as possible. He let his sense of smell, impeccable in matters of dessert; lead him toward those delicious doughnuts.
Mallory caught up with Sam in the senior staff parking lot where he was running towards his car.
'Sam' she cried 'what's wrong? Where are you going?'
'I'll tell you in the car. Jump in.' Sam shouted.
They got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot.
'Danny, do you know where we are going?' CJ asked.
'Of course' he replied 'we're going somewhere.'
'Oh clever you' CJ said somewhat sarcastically.
Danny turned the car round the corner.
'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' CJ screamed as they cam to an abrupt halt.
2 Meanwhile.back at the White House.
'Leo have you seen CJ anywhere? I need to speak to her about the financial disclosure briefing.' Toby Ziegler asked.
'No, sorry Toby. I did see her go into her office after this morning's briefing with Danny Concannon but that was a long while back.' Leo McGarry, White House chief of staff replied. 'Speaking of lost people have you seen Mallory anywhere? She was meant to be meeting me for lunch but she hasn't shown up.'
'No, sorry Leo, I haven't seen her since this morning.' Toby answered.
'She was here this morning'
'Yeah, she was here to see Sam I think.' Toby said innocently. He knew that Leo didn't like the fact that Mallory and Sam were kind of dating.
'Right I'm going after them. You'd better find CJ too; that briefing is supposed to start in an hour.'
Leo and Toby hurried out the door and turned to make their ways to their waiting cars.
'Hey Charlie' Zoë Bartlett kissed her boyfriend on the cheek.
'Hey Zoë' Charlie Young, personal aid to the President replied. 'What are you doing here?'
'Oh, I had a break at college so I thought I'd come and steal you for a quick ice cream date.'
'Oh did you now. Well I don't think that I'm supposed to do that. What if the President needs me while I'm gone? You know world war three could break out and I wouldn't know!' Charlie finished with a flourish.
'But Charlie.we never go anywhere like normal couples.' Zoë whined.
'Yeah Zoë. That's cos we're not a normal couple. In case you hadn't noticed. You're the President's daughter and I'm personal aid to the President. I think that pretty much makes us stand out from the crowd.'
'Please' Zoë smiled.
'Oh okay then but only for a minute.' Charlie agreed.
3
4 Half an hour later. at the White House
'Charlie' the President shouted 'where are my glasses?'
There was no reply.
'Charlie' he shouted 'Charlie, where are you?'
Still no reply.
'Mrs Landingham' he called
'Yes Mr President?' she answered
'Where's Charlie?'
'I don't know sir, I'll go look.'
4.1 A few minutes later.
'Nobody knows where he has gone sir. Can I do anything for you?' Mrs Landingham asked.
'Yes. Find my glasses.' The President replied.
He walked through the door that led to Leo's office where he was supposed to be having a senior staff meeting.
There was no one there.
'Mrs Landingham' He shouted. 'Where is everybody?'
'I don't know Sir but I'm sure I can find out.' She replied.
'Well hurry' the President called
The pressroom was buzzing. They couldn't wait. The readers of their various papers and magazines always loved hearing the gory details surfaced by the financial disclosure report. It was five minutes past the hour and although it was not unusual for CJ to be late, they were slightly surprised that the whole of the senior staff team were all late.
They waited.and waited.and waited. This was just silly. The White House was usually punctual and even when it wasn't there was usually an explanation.
They continued to wait. It was now forty minutes after the briefing had been due to start and not a senior staff member was in sight. Another thing that puzzled many of them was the absence of Danny Concannon. He was usually the first there and the last to leave but nobody had seen him since first thing this morning.
4.1.1 The Oval Office.The West Wing.The White House.An hour after scheduled briefing.
'And now, Mrs Landingham, I will perform my greatest trick. I will conjure up my entire senior staff at the click of my finger.' The President laughed and clicked his finger.
Just then Sam, Mallory, Charlie, Zoë and Leo rushed through the door.
'And where on earth, or elsewhere, have you been?' The President queried.
'Well,' said Sam ' I had a phone call to go and attend an emergency at my erm.ice cream parlour.'
'Your what?' cried the President.
'My ice cream parlour sir.' Sam said sheepishly
'Do you mind telling me what you, my deputy communications director, are doing owing an ice cream parlour?' The President questioned.
'Well this guy came for an appointment with me on Leo's big cheese day to plead for funding for his ice cream business. Well of course I couldn't give him government funding but I felt so sorry for him that I bought the business and gave him money to go and make the improvements he wanted to. So now I own an ice cream parlour. It appears they had broken the chocolate machine and I had to go and fix it? Sam explained.
' And where do the rest of you fit into this?' The president asked.
'Well,' said Leo, 'Mallory went with Sam, I went to look for her, and Charlie and Zoë were having a secret ice cream date at Sam's ice cream parlour.'
Just as Leo finished the sentence CJ and Toby entered the room.
'CJ, how nice of you to join us.' The President said.
'I'm soooooo sorry Mr President.' CJ pleaded ' I went for a drive with Danny and we ran over a hedgehog. Of course we couldn't just leave it there so we had to wrap it up into some blankets and take it to the Animal Shelter.'
'Was it okay?' Mallory and Zoë asked 'It didn't die?'
'Thankfully no, I couldn't have lived with myself if it had.' CJ replied.
'And you Toby, where have you been?' asked the President.
'Well I went looking for CJ and found her and Danny at the Animal Shelter.' Toby explained
'I won't ask why you were looking for CJ in an Animal Shelter.' Muttered the President.
Just then the last of the group crawled in. It was Josh looking very hot, tired, and grumpy.
'And where have you been Josh?' asked the President.
He replied. 'I got lost'.
Author: Celery
Genre: Humour
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own any of the characters but if anyone would like to give me Sam for Christmas it would be most appreciated!
Note: This is my first fic so please humour me.
1.1.1.1 'How to Get Lost in The White House'
'Well, well, well.' Sam Seaborn muttered to himself as he walked towards his office. It was that time again, the time all of them hated.financial disclosure.
'It's humiliating' he continued as he greeted his friend and colleague Josh Lyman.
'What is?' questioned Josh as the two of them walked down the corridor.
'Financial disclosure' Sam sighed 'and this time it's even worse. It isn't so bad when CJ talks to the press about our assets or lack of them but doing it ourselves..' He groaned miserably and turned to Josh for some sort of consolidation.
'I think it's a brilliant opportunity to talk directly to our public' beamed Josh as if he was the president himself 'I'm sure my fans will love me whatever.'
'Oh I'm sure' said Sam some what sarcastically 'Anyhow Josh you have nothing to be afraid of. You're always receiving some present or other from an admirer whereas all this will just reveal that I am a pathetic mess.'
'What's that supposed to mean?' probed Josh but Sam had already turned and gone into his office shutting the door behind him.
'Danny not now' screamed CJ Creig as Danny Concannon followed her out of the pressroom toward her office.
'Why CJ? You can't be like this with me.I brought you a goldfish!' Danny said frustrated.
'Well I'm working' CJ muttered unconvincingly
'Danny grabbed CJ and kissed her. It seemed the initiative in the grab and kiss strategy had entirely changed hands.
'But Donna.' Josh whined 'why can't I have another one? Just one more.please!'
'Josh quit behaving like a baby, it's only a doughnut and you have already had five even though you are meant to be on a diet!' Donna Moss, Josh's secretary, said firmly.
Josh stamped his foot and turned to stand with his back to Donna.
'I'm not talking to you' he said in the manner of a five-year-old girl whose brother had just stolen her doll.
'That's until you want me to get you something. Donna fetch me a doughnut.Donna get me some water.Donna find me some rare beverage that no one in Washington stocks!' Donna turned and slammed the door behind her.
Sam sat sulking in his office. He found this was a peaceful way to spend the day as it kept him out of the way of people he disliked or generally just didn't wish to speak to. He was just thinking how nice it would be if coming to work was always this pleasant when a sharp knock at the door disturbed him from his thought. He turned round to see Mallory staring through the window with a look he didn't remember ever seeing on her face before. It was a look of contentment. He jumped up and ran to open the door (well as far as he could run in his 'I'm only a deputy so I get no space' office.).
'Mallory. Hi.' Sam said grinning foolishly like a Cheshire cat, 'what are you doing here?'
'That's a fine way to greet a women who's just come to present you with tickets for two to the "amazing spectacle" that is Fame.' Mallory smirked
'Fame. That's.erm.interesting.' Sam managed to say.
'Just a little treat to continue with our series of fascinating dates to wacky destinations.'
'First Chinese opera and now 80s musicals: we are pushing the boat out.' Sam joked back. He gently pulled Mallory into the room and shut the door. She smiled, put her arms around his neck and kissed him.
'Can't we stop yet?' panted Josh as he jogged down the street for the third time.
'No' said Donna 'Not until you have worked off all the calories that those five doughnuts contained. You have another five minutes of jogging to go but you could be out here all day if you continue to go this slowly. A baby could crawl faster than you jog.'
'Okay, Okay' Josh shouted as he turned and began to run, slowly, in the opposite direction.
'Danny, not here' cooed CJ as Danny started to move towards the desk still holding CJ tight.
'You're right CJ we should go some place else.' Danny cooed back ' Like a hotel room'
He led her out of the room, past the rows of staring secretaries and out of the building to his car; and drove off.
Donna stood alone in the senior staff parking lot from where Josh had run off half and hour ago. She couldn't believe it; he had done a runner. The stupid prat had run round the building and gone in: to eat more doughnuts no doubt. Days like these made here realise how glad she was that Josh was only her boss and not her husband.
Donna walked calmly into the building and up to Josh's office. She walked to her desk and shouted across.
'Josh, you could at least have told me you were giving up'
There was no reply. Donna laughed.
'You can't fool me, I know you're there'
Still no reply. She turned and walked across the hallway to Josh's office. He wasn't there.
Sam was just getting past the 'Oh my word she's kissing me' feeling when his phone rang. He pulled away and picked up the receiver.
'Hellop' he sang cheerfully into the phone. He listened for a while. 'Oh my word' he whispered 'I'll be there'. He slammed the phone down and ran pausing only to shout.
'I'll be back' to a bemused Mallory.
Mallory kept her head long enough to shout ' I'm coming' and run down the hallway after Sam.
'CJ, I wanted to ask you about the arrangements for the big show, other wise know as financial disclosure.' Mandy barked in her usually brisk voice.
She pushed the door further open to find the room empty.
'Hey,' she called, ' any one seen CJ?'
Josh was actually starting to enjoy his jog, or was it that he had got used to the fact that Donna really did control him, when he noticed a pleasant smell. It was doughnuts! He couldn't see where it was coming from but he knew he had to get to those doughnuts as fast as possible. He let his sense of smell, impeccable in matters of dessert; lead him toward those delicious doughnuts.
Mallory caught up with Sam in the senior staff parking lot where he was running towards his car.
'Sam' she cried 'what's wrong? Where are you going?'
'I'll tell you in the car. Jump in.' Sam shouted.
They got in the car and pulled out of the parking lot.
'Danny, do you know where we are going?' CJ asked.
'Of course' he replied 'we're going somewhere.'
'Oh clever you' CJ said somewhat sarcastically.
Danny turned the car round the corner.
'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' CJ screamed as they cam to an abrupt halt.
2 Meanwhile.back at the White House.
'Leo have you seen CJ anywhere? I need to speak to her about the financial disclosure briefing.' Toby Ziegler asked.
'No, sorry Toby. I did see her go into her office after this morning's briefing with Danny Concannon but that was a long while back.' Leo McGarry, White House chief of staff replied. 'Speaking of lost people have you seen Mallory anywhere? She was meant to be meeting me for lunch but she hasn't shown up.'
'No, sorry Leo, I haven't seen her since this morning.' Toby answered.
'She was here this morning'
'Yeah, she was here to see Sam I think.' Toby said innocently. He knew that Leo didn't like the fact that Mallory and Sam were kind of dating.
'Right I'm going after them. You'd better find CJ too; that briefing is supposed to start in an hour.'
Leo and Toby hurried out the door and turned to make their ways to their waiting cars.
'Hey Charlie' Zoë Bartlett kissed her boyfriend on the cheek.
'Hey Zoë' Charlie Young, personal aid to the President replied. 'What are you doing here?'
'Oh, I had a break at college so I thought I'd come and steal you for a quick ice cream date.'
'Oh did you now. Well I don't think that I'm supposed to do that. What if the President needs me while I'm gone? You know world war three could break out and I wouldn't know!' Charlie finished with a flourish.
'But Charlie.we never go anywhere like normal couples.' Zoë whined.
'Yeah Zoë. That's cos we're not a normal couple. In case you hadn't noticed. You're the President's daughter and I'm personal aid to the President. I think that pretty much makes us stand out from the crowd.'
'Please' Zoë smiled.
'Oh okay then but only for a minute.' Charlie agreed.
3
4 Half an hour later. at the White House
'Charlie' the President shouted 'where are my glasses?'
There was no reply.
'Charlie' he shouted 'Charlie, where are you?'
Still no reply.
'Mrs Landingham' he called
'Yes Mr President?' she answered
'Where's Charlie?'
'I don't know sir, I'll go look.'
4.1 A few minutes later.
'Nobody knows where he has gone sir. Can I do anything for you?' Mrs Landingham asked.
'Yes. Find my glasses.' The President replied.
He walked through the door that led to Leo's office where he was supposed to be having a senior staff meeting.
There was no one there.
'Mrs Landingham' He shouted. 'Where is everybody?'
'I don't know Sir but I'm sure I can find out.' She replied.
'Well hurry' the President called
The pressroom was buzzing. They couldn't wait. The readers of their various papers and magazines always loved hearing the gory details surfaced by the financial disclosure report. It was five minutes past the hour and although it was not unusual for CJ to be late, they were slightly surprised that the whole of the senior staff team were all late.
They waited.and waited.and waited. This was just silly. The White House was usually punctual and even when it wasn't there was usually an explanation.
They continued to wait. It was now forty minutes after the briefing had been due to start and not a senior staff member was in sight. Another thing that puzzled many of them was the absence of Danny Concannon. He was usually the first there and the last to leave but nobody had seen him since first thing this morning.
4.1.1 The Oval Office.The West Wing.The White House.An hour after scheduled briefing.
'And now, Mrs Landingham, I will perform my greatest trick. I will conjure up my entire senior staff at the click of my finger.' The President laughed and clicked his finger.
Just then Sam, Mallory, Charlie, Zoë and Leo rushed through the door.
'And where on earth, or elsewhere, have you been?' The President queried.
'Well,' said Sam ' I had a phone call to go and attend an emergency at my erm.ice cream parlour.'
'Your what?' cried the President.
'My ice cream parlour sir.' Sam said sheepishly
'Do you mind telling me what you, my deputy communications director, are doing owing an ice cream parlour?' The President questioned.
'Well this guy came for an appointment with me on Leo's big cheese day to plead for funding for his ice cream business. Well of course I couldn't give him government funding but I felt so sorry for him that I bought the business and gave him money to go and make the improvements he wanted to. So now I own an ice cream parlour. It appears they had broken the chocolate machine and I had to go and fix it? Sam explained.
' And where do the rest of you fit into this?' The president asked.
'Well,' said Leo, 'Mallory went with Sam, I went to look for her, and Charlie and Zoë were having a secret ice cream date at Sam's ice cream parlour.'
Just as Leo finished the sentence CJ and Toby entered the room.
'CJ, how nice of you to join us.' The President said.
'I'm soooooo sorry Mr President.' CJ pleaded ' I went for a drive with Danny and we ran over a hedgehog. Of course we couldn't just leave it there so we had to wrap it up into some blankets and take it to the Animal Shelter.'
'Was it okay?' Mallory and Zoë asked 'It didn't die?'
'Thankfully no, I couldn't have lived with myself if it had.' CJ replied.
'And you Toby, where have you been?' asked the President.
'Well I went looking for CJ and found her and Danny at the Animal Shelter.' Toby explained
'I won't ask why you were looking for CJ in an Animal Shelter.' Muttered the President.
Just then the last of the group crawled in. It was Josh looking very hot, tired, and grumpy.
'And where have you been Josh?' asked the President.
He replied. 'I got lost'.