With One Look Back
The Battle is never over, just as life never really ends. You could be shot down by a regular old gun from Earth, a Jaffa staff weapon, or a zat gun, and you could die, but life never really ends. And just as that is true, you lose one team member, one vital person in the battle, but the battle will never be over.
Take a good friend of mine, Dr. Daniel Jackson. That guy has died more times than I can count, yet he always comes back, knowing that the battle is never over. Yet, I give up on the battle, at the moment anyway.
She's all I can think about, she's all I live for, and I can't have her. Regulations, who made up those stupid things anyway? Hell, I know it's probably for the good, but I mean, seriously, who thought up those regulations. You know what, screw the regulations.
I quit.
I don't want anything to do with the SGC anymore, not now, not ever, not after today. I'll hand in my resignation, tell SG-1 goodbye and head up to my cabin, do some fishing, and waste my life away, alone, in peace. Just me and the great outdoors. No more Gou'alds, no more weird alien diseases, no nothing, this is it. I'm walking out the door and I ain't looking back.
Hell, I know that I'll miss Carter, just as much, if not more, as I'll miss Teal'c and Daniel, even General Hammond, possibly Janet. And I know I'll miss Cassandra, but I don't care about any of them. Not anymore. She can have any guy she wants, but she can't, or won't, have me. God, I hate regulations.
So it's time for me to leave the lie behind, I have to say goodbye, cuz I can't stay here anymore, I can't play these games. I'm leaving this base behind and I can't take her with me. I can't....
There are so many freaking things I can't do. I can't make her love me, I can't make her leave the SGC for me, the SGC is her life, she loves her job, but she won't ever love me more than her job, the way I do her.
I punch the wall of my office before walking out, slamming the door on the way. In my right hand, I hold my resignation, and in my heart I hold a lifetime of love and anger.
I walk to General Hammond's office and see her in there, talking to him. I shrug to myself and walked in, planting the resignation on Hammond's desk.
"What in the world is this, Colonel?"
"My resignation, sir, I'm resigning from SG-1 and the SGC." Hammond stands,
"Jack, have you gone mad?"
"Have I gone mad? Hah, yeah, sure, you betcha. No, sir, I went mad a few years ago, when you introduced me to her," I gestured angrily to Samantha Carter, the love of my life, the woman I can't have no matter how much I want her, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving. Thanks for your time. It's been fun, Carter, but it's over. General, Major." Both of them stare after me as I walk out. I jog towards Daniel's office and catch him and Teal'c in there, working on some translations.
"Jack, what's up?" Daniel asks me. I look at him, then Teal'c.
"I just resigned. I'm outta here." I turn to go.
"Resigned? Resigned from what? SG-1?" Daniel asks, not allowing me to leave. I turn back,
"No, I resigned from the SGC, Dannyboy."
"What? Why?" I burst out laughing,
"Why? Come on, Daniel, you're smarter than that, think about it." I turn and leave, aware of both calling after me, as well as Carter coming down the corridor after me. But I ignore them, I tune them out.
I'm in the parking lot when Carter finally catches up with me. She yanks me back and turns me around,
"What is wrong with you? What the hell did you just do in there?"
"I resigned, Sam, and I'm not coming back. Now, let me go so I can leave this torture chamber that is the SGC!" She lets me go and I start to walk towards my truck again, somewhat angrily this time.
As I'm getting in the drivers seat, Sam yells after me that she loves me. Rain starts to pour as though it can sense my pain, but when I hear what she says, I realize its too late, there's nothing I can do now, nothing I could ever do. Her words ring through my brain as I look back at her, standing in the pouring rain, soaked to the bone. She looks back at me, shouting her proclamation again,
"I love you, Jack!" I continue to look at her before I turn around slowly and stare at the steering wheel. I think about the past few years, mostly memories of Samantha Carter.
I tap the steering wheel, rain pouring in through the open door, my mind lost to my thoughts as I wonder where to go from here.
Then it comes to me, there is no question about it. There's only one thing to do. Accept it, but don't indulge. It's time to move on from Samantha Carter, it's time for me to finish my life in peace.
With one look back, I shut the door and start the truck. Then I begin to drive. I drive away from Samantha Carter, away from the Stargate, away from the SGC, away from my life, away from my love. I drive towards my bleak, yet happy and lonely future, but I can make it on my own. With only one look back, and many years worth of memories and pain, to help me through it.
Fins
The Battle is never over, just as life never really ends. You could be shot down by a regular old gun from Earth, a Jaffa staff weapon, or a zat gun, and you could die, but life never really ends. And just as that is true, you lose one team member, one vital person in the battle, but the battle will never be over.
Take a good friend of mine, Dr. Daniel Jackson. That guy has died more times than I can count, yet he always comes back, knowing that the battle is never over. Yet, I give up on the battle, at the moment anyway.
She's all I can think about, she's all I live for, and I can't have her. Regulations, who made up those stupid things anyway? Hell, I know it's probably for the good, but I mean, seriously, who thought up those regulations. You know what, screw the regulations.
I quit.
I don't want anything to do with the SGC anymore, not now, not ever, not after today. I'll hand in my resignation, tell SG-1 goodbye and head up to my cabin, do some fishing, and waste my life away, alone, in peace. Just me and the great outdoors. No more Gou'alds, no more weird alien diseases, no nothing, this is it. I'm walking out the door and I ain't looking back.
Hell, I know that I'll miss Carter, just as much, if not more, as I'll miss Teal'c and Daniel, even General Hammond, possibly Janet. And I know I'll miss Cassandra, but I don't care about any of them. Not anymore. She can have any guy she wants, but she can't, or won't, have me. God, I hate regulations.
So it's time for me to leave the lie behind, I have to say goodbye, cuz I can't stay here anymore, I can't play these games. I'm leaving this base behind and I can't take her with me. I can't....
There are so many freaking things I can't do. I can't make her love me, I can't make her leave the SGC for me, the SGC is her life, she loves her job, but she won't ever love me more than her job, the way I do her.
I punch the wall of my office before walking out, slamming the door on the way. In my right hand, I hold my resignation, and in my heart I hold a lifetime of love and anger.
I walk to General Hammond's office and see her in there, talking to him. I shrug to myself and walked in, planting the resignation on Hammond's desk.
"What in the world is this, Colonel?"
"My resignation, sir, I'm resigning from SG-1 and the SGC." Hammond stands,
"Jack, have you gone mad?"
"Have I gone mad? Hah, yeah, sure, you betcha. No, sir, I went mad a few years ago, when you introduced me to her," I gestured angrily to Samantha Carter, the love of my life, the woman I can't have no matter how much I want her, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving. Thanks for your time. It's been fun, Carter, but it's over. General, Major." Both of them stare after me as I walk out. I jog towards Daniel's office and catch him and Teal'c in there, working on some translations.
"Jack, what's up?" Daniel asks me. I look at him, then Teal'c.
"I just resigned. I'm outta here." I turn to go.
"Resigned? Resigned from what? SG-1?" Daniel asks, not allowing me to leave. I turn back,
"No, I resigned from the SGC, Dannyboy."
"What? Why?" I burst out laughing,
"Why? Come on, Daniel, you're smarter than that, think about it." I turn and leave, aware of both calling after me, as well as Carter coming down the corridor after me. But I ignore them, I tune them out.
I'm in the parking lot when Carter finally catches up with me. She yanks me back and turns me around,
"What is wrong with you? What the hell did you just do in there?"
"I resigned, Sam, and I'm not coming back. Now, let me go so I can leave this torture chamber that is the SGC!" She lets me go and I start to walk towards my truck again, somewhat angrily this time.
As I'm getting in the drivers seat, Sam yells after me that she loves me. Rain starts to pour as though it can sense my pain, but when I hear what she says, I realize its too late, there's nothing I can do now, nothing I could ever do. Her words ring through my brain as I look back at her, standing in the pouring rain, soaked to the bone. She looks back at me, shouting her proclamation again,
"I love you, Jack!" I continue to look at her before I turn around slowly and stare at the steering wheel. I think about the past few years, mostly memories of Samantha Carter.
I tap the steering wheel, rain pouring in through the open door, my mind lost to my thoughts as I wonder where to go from here.
Then it comes to me, there is no question about it. There's only one thing to do. Accept it, but don't indulge. It's time to move on from Samantha Carter, it's time for me to finish my life in peace.
With one look back, I shut the door and start the truck. Then I begin to drive. I drive away from Samantha Carter, away from the Stargate, away from the SGC, away from my life, away from my love. I drive towards my bleak, yet happy and lonely future, but I can make it on my own. With only one look back, and many years worth of memories and pain, to help me through it.
Fins