I was looking through my unfinished works last weekend and found this one. Thinking it was decent enough I completed it - and well, here we are.
This is an additional scene for the official DW novel Winner Takes All (which I do encourage you to read because while its plot may not be exactly mind-blowing it's well-written and holds quite a few lovely Nine/Rose moments). If you are unfamiliar with that one, I have added a short version of the official summary. Everything else should be rather self-explanatory I think.
Also I have tried to ensure that this little story does not ruin the entire novel for those who have not yet read it but plan to, as I did my best to not delve into the plot too deeply (a few spoilers cannot be avoided though).
I do hope you enjoy.
TiaKisu
Spoilers for: Winner Takes All by Jacqueline Rayner
"Rose and the Doctor return to present-day Earth. (...) Meanwhile, on another world, an alien war is raging. The Quevvils need to find a new means of attacking the ruthless Mantodeans. Searching the galaxy for cunning, warlike but gullible allies, they find the ideal soldiers - on Earth."
Disclaimer: I own neither Doctor Who nor the novel. Also I don't mean to violate any copyright laws and promise to return all the mentioned characters to their respective owners.
After the Games
„Stay still," the Doctor admonished, his voice tight and low, eye-brows knitted in concentration.
Hunched over her form he worked on the silver disc that was still attached so firmly to Rose's forehead, the metal glowing blue under the screwdriver's light.
In front of him his companion lay on one of the infirmary beds that the TARDIS made sure were in place whenever the need for them arose.
Heaving a sigh, Rose tensed a little and squinted as she tried to follow his actions. "Any reason why you brought me here instead of jus' removing it like you did with the others?"
Resolved to move as little as possible while she spoke, she suppressed the need to shift and seek his attention.
She had known the moment he had beckoned her back into the deeper parts of the TARDIS that something was different with the device. He could have simply rid her of the dreadful thing right there and then, but he had brought her here instead. It really didn't take a genius to figure out that the connection it had made with her wasn't just the basic one that the other Carriers had been exposed to.
And yet she needed to ask, had to hope it wasn't quite as bad as him taking her to the MedBay suggested.
His fingers stilling for a moment the Doctor leant back a little, bringing his face more into the line of her vision. There was a frown in his features that Rose didn't quite know to read and so she just waited for him to explain.
"When I upgraded the control box I also changed how the disc works. Before, the setting was too simple to properly invade a human body. 'T was all just signals to operate the motor cortex. It couldn't have-," he looked away from her, battling something he did not want her to see, and sighed heavily, "spread along the nervous system like it did with you."
For a second it seemed he wanted to say more, his mouth still half-open as the words 'Like I made it do' were on the verge of escaping him. But he kept them sealed within.
His lips pressed into a thin line, he still avoided her gaze when Rose concluded, "So there's really wires in me now? I mean, wires on my nerves and all?"
She sounded almost indifferent, like she had half-expected it to be the case. The feeling she'd had before turning into the super-version of herself had been pretty obvious, and she had to stifle a shudder when involuntarily she remembered that eerie sensation of something worming its way along her spine. Above her, the Doctor's jaw line hardened before suddenly his shoulders slumped.
"I'm sorry." He wanted to say more, but any other words seemed hollow to him.
He knew he had not had much of a choice back in that room, was aware that he had not only saved an entire race with what he had done but also Rose herself. And yet, the price he and she had to pay for this seemed unjustified.
No one should ever be used like this, and no one should ever be forced to possess such power over those closest to them. He had already told Robert so and still, here they were – the Controller and his Carrier, left to deal with the aftermath of a war they had never chosen to take part in.
"I know."
Her voice pulled him out of the short reverie that he hadn't even realised he had fallen into, her dark eyes focusing on him – understanding and always forgiving. And not for the first time the Doctor wondered just what he had ever done to earn this implicit faith and her sympathy.
It would be her downfall one day, he was certain.
Trusting him, believing in him was the very last thing anyone should do, the surest way to doom or a broken heart. He had already seen it happen, one time too often. It was why after the War he had decided not to travel with companions anymore, why he had thought it wiser and safer to roam the universe alone.
It had been a good plan, a sensible plan – a plan that had seemed utterly awful and dull as soon as this impossible pink and yellow girl had crossed his path.
And now he was stuck with her, didn't find it in him to send her home, needed her for reasons that he was not brave enough to unravel; and he put her at risk.
He had long bereft her of her innocent view on the world and now he had had to do the same to her dignity, too – had to leave her exposed and at his mercy when he knew the very last thing that Rose Tyler wanted to be was exactly that: dependent.
His breath left him in a slow and long puff, the lines on his forehead deepening even further while he leant over her again to resume his work.
"Rose" he finally said as he eased away blonde hair, long cold fingers suddenly gliding past her temples and pale gaze still set firmly on the disc. "This might hurt a bit."
Even if he tried he couldn't look her in the eye, didn't dare explore what lay in the hazel as he informed her of what was going to come.
Letting the neural control expand had without a doubt been painful enough and undoing this would be no better. The filaments were everywhere inside of her, not only stimulating the brain but also the muscles themselves. Removing the connection would be all but pleasant and somehow he expected Rose to argue about what had to be done like so many others would.
But she just nodded and inhaled deeply, steeling herself for the inevitable.
She could have debated with him, could have asked for painkillers - which wouldn't be of any use or else he would have long made her take some - but she did none of that. Just accepted the situation as given and did her best to get through with it.
Brave little human Rose. Always so very different from anyone else that he had ever known.
The Doctor closed his eyes briefly, tightly; then he turned the Sonic back on.
Immediately, its shrill whir spread in the otherwise silent infirmary, causing the blonde before him to wince. But just for once he tried to block her out as he concentrated solely on the task he had to perform.
Any mistake in reprogramming the miniscule wires and Rose's nerves could be permanently damaged – with injuries that were beyond even his or the TARDIS' abilities to heal, and that was a chance he was just not willing to take.
So when he moved the screwdriver to hover over the silver metal plate he didn't think of how in a matter of mere seconds her body would have to cope with the entirety of her nerval system being stimulated, or of how the human brain was such a fragile thing that each wrong turn the filaments took while retracting could easily cause a lasting malfunction.
Thinking about all this would do nothing but unsettle him when he had to stay focused, and so he just barred these possibilities from his mind, resetting the instructions he had let the control box send to the disc mere hours before.
.
At first Rose didn't feel anything while the Doctor worked on her forehead, the blue light of the Sonic being somewhat a source of comfort to her.
Like she had once read in a magazine that was giving advice on how to make a visit at the dentist more endurable she funneled her attention on something she liked – something that would make her feel safe.
It didn't surprise her at all that what she ended up focusing on was no other than the man who just now fiddled about with the one thing that, for all she knew, could make her head explode if he didn't do this right.
Sometimes, she decided this very instant, it really was frustrating to travel with him.
Still, she knew that she wouldn't want to miss any of this: Not the adventures, the truly ridiculous situations they sometimes found themselves in; not the vastness of space and phenomena that were beyond her comprehension – not any of this for the world. Even if it came at the high cost of facing danger on a regular basis, and experiencing loss in a way that none of her friends or family could even imagine.
She gasped. The Doctor had flicked the screwdriver to the right and with this had activated the filaments so that they could start the journey back towards their origin.
At once Rose's whole body felt like it was on fire, her fleeting musings dissipating with the too intense sensation. Without her having any control over it her chest heaved as she struggled for air, her throat producing a strangled and odd sound when at the same time it constricted painfully. Her eyes flew wide open, dilating pupils turning their colour a deep and dark shade while she stared at the face that was so close to her own.
It wasn't so much that it truly hurt, as he had warned her it would, not like when the wires had first invaded her that was; but it felt as if the whole of her system was in an uproar – like each and every nerve inside of her sent its electric charge to curse through her body and the sensation was frightening, if not agonizing.
Involuntarily her back arched and her limbs straightened to their full extent - following the command of her misled muscles and sending her into a position that made her wonder, somewhere in her assaulted mind, whether a spine could well and truly snap like this.
While her heart fell into a frenzy rhythm, the precious little organ pounding against her ribcage like it wanted to break through she silently cursed the Quevvil's for the umpteenth time that day. She grunted, a sound distinctly undignified, but it never registered in her head - her mind going blank when finally the wires in her brain, too, retracted.
It was then that stars exploded in her line of vision, battling a busy moving darkness which she believed would have to swallow her as a whole. In that very moment silence and screams mingled under the blinding light of oblivion, her system overwhelmed enough to just give in and shut down a body that felt incredibly light and unbearably heavy all at once.
Maybe that was what dying felt like.
But as sudden as it began it was over, leaving her exhausted and limp while she drew in shaky, uneven breaths.
Flexing her fingers just to test whether she could still move them at all, Rose almost missed the voice that filtered through the rather distracting whooshing noise that her ears were making her hear, and she needed a moment to decipher it as the Doctor's.
Although she wasn't too sure about it she thought him to have called her name, so when she found she could also still turn her head she looked at him, curling her lips into a small smile that was meant to be reassuring but didn't achieve its aim.
In their many travels she had seen the Doctor's eyes display numerous things. She had seen them clouded with sorrow, wild with fury and blazing with ice; had seen them uncaring and masking a hurt that ran deeper than he would ever admit. But never had she seen them be like this.
Their usually light blue colour was now a dark grey shade. It reminded her of a gathering rainstorm. Eyebrows raised in alarm and face sickly pale his whole countenance spoke of the one thing she couldn't bear to see him show:
Fear. It was written all over him.
He was terrified. Not for himself or the world, for the future, the past or any of those things he usually worried about. He was scared for her.
And he had taken her hand.
Although he must have already curled his long fingers around her shorter ones when her body had began its mutiny against her - thanks to the dratted alien technology she had had the misfortune to be upgraded with - she only now became aware of their familiar cold against her skin.
With an iron grip they held on to her, his index finger anxiously pressing against her wrist where he could measure the steady beat of her single human heart.
It took Rose a while to process that at the same time his other hand was busily moving the Sonic around, scanning her like it was absolutely vital that he do so. Almost she felt annoyed by the high-pitched sound it produced and which grated on her still sore nerves, but couldn't truly find it in her to tell him so.
Instead she shifted slightly, pleased with how the muscles in her legs responded as well, and waited patiently until he was done.
When it seemed he was satisfied with the readings the Doctor reclined and released a long audible breath.
"How do you feel?" he asked with genuine concern while he switched the screwdriver off, still watching her warily.
"Like I've just gone from hero to zero," she attempted a bit of a joke but realised quickly that it didn't really go down well with the Time Lord. Thus she quickly sobered.
Clearing her throat she tilted her chin, replying truthfully this time. "Back hurts a bit. And the head, but 'part from that I've been worse I think."
She studied him, too, then, cringing when it occurred to her just how horrid her little stunt must have looked. Surely watching her twist and bend to the very limits of human anatomy had not been a pretty thing to do and perhaps that was also the reason why he seemed so profoundly shaken now.
But his gaze continued to lie heavily on her, shadowed and haunted, and it dawned on her that there might have just been more to it than she was aware of.
Scrunching her face into a suspicious frown she turned the hand that he still had not released and gave his own a little squeeze.
"What happened?"
She sounded sympathetic of a sudden; her voice was warm, cautious yet expectant – right as if she were able to read him. And she'd always had a talent for that anyway, this one. More often than not it meant that hiding something from her was near to impossible.
He wondered how it came she broke through his shields so effortlessly.
"You were out cold for a couple of minutes" he finally sighed, winter-grey eyes closing tiredly, "Complete shutdown of the higher nervous system, only the most basic functions still active."
He didn't even need to say what that one implied. With or without medical education Rose understood that what to her had felt like just a tiny glimpse in time, this one fleeting heartbeat during which she had thought she had avoided fainting, had actually been her having gone all but comatose.
It was no surprise that the Doctor didn't look happy.
While the news slowly sank in Rose bit her bottom lip, producing a small and thoughtful "Oh" before she averted her gaze.
She couldn't quite imagine what it must have been like for him to witness it all; to stand there with her in front of him - unresponsive and barely still alive after the spasms.
If it had been the other way round, if she had been the one to watch she'd most likely panicked. Which, as she deduced from his frantic scanning her, was exactly was he had done. And although she was well aware it wasn't her fault that this had happened she instantly felt bad for having caused the Doctor such distress.
Absent-mindedly lacing her fingers through his callused ones she let herself sink a bit deeper into the cushions, willing but somehow unable to formulate anything that would make him feel better.
She would have liked to tell him how she wasn't fazed, that to her it meant absolutely nothing - only it would have been a lie and the Doctor deserved better than that.
"Couldn't know if the synapses remained un'armed", his voice was uncharacteristically small when he continued, breaking the strangely soothing quietness that had settled between them. His accent thickened while he began to explain, "When you passed out I was tryin' to see whether there was any activity left, any sign that they'd survived the stimulation but…"
Suddenly he trailed off and she felt his hand slip away from hers, the unwelcome sensation making her glance up at him timidly.
He stared at an undefined spot next to her and with his shoulders slumped he looked so utterly defeated – it had her heart go out to him.
"There was nothin', just-" he released the air from his lungs, "nothin'."
Unmoving, not breathing, he appeared lost in a world of his own making, observing things she had no access to and fighting demons invisible to her. But then, without a warning, his head shot up and his eyes transfixed her own with such intensity she wanted to recoil.
"I thought I'd done the settings wrong, Rose. That I'd…"
He didn't carry on but Rose quickly found that words were unnecessary for it was engraved in his very expression and so easy for her to decode – a truth so heavy she felt it like a physical weight on her chest.
He had come close to losing her. And it would have been his fault.
The unspoken confession rang in her ears, stealing her breath for she heard the pain in it, and the guilt that he so readily bestowed upon himself, always. As if he was to blame for that she had been picked as a Carrier in the first place.
"But I'm fine." To her surprise she crooked her lips, pointing out to him what he failed to recognise, "and so are Daisy and Robert, the Snows…"
Pushing herself up on her elbows she puffed out air through her nose, fighting through a wave of nausea when the world around her began to spin and her muscles complained, sore as they were. "You saved us."
Already his left arm was behind her back, steadying her but she shook her head and he withdrew. Allowing her to sit up properly he held her gaze, searched for answers to issues so far untouched.
He looked so tired.
"At what cost though?" It echoed through the silence of the infirmary, this one question she had hoped she wouldn't have to deal with quite so soon; tore through her because she knew exactly what he hinted at.
The removal of the disk and the price she had almost had to pay for that was the lesser of two evils, and somehow she hated that he had brought it up.
"I'm sorry." In a way it seemed wrong that she was the one saying that, having been held prisoner in her own body, and yet –
It had frightened him just as much as it had frightened her. She could see it in the grey: The regret, the pain. He was scared that what had transpired had broken them and she couldn't just give him the absolution he needed. Even when there was nothing else she'd rather do.
But he had possessed her and after Jimmy Stone she had sworn to herself to never let anyone hold any kind of power over her again. No man or woman or child, no one. Still. If there was one soul she trusted not to take advantage of being in control over someone else it was the Doctor.
She trusted him, unconditionally, and he had proven himself worthy of that as well.
Slowly her hands found his again, palm pressed against palm until she knew he was listening to her. Truly listening.
"We'll be alright, yeah."
Imploring him to for once believe in her she left no doubt about it; willed him to find in her eyes whatever it was he wanted to see.
Maybe it would take some time to forget what it felt like to run for him, be a puppet to a benevolent master but in the end they would be okay.
Because they were the Doctor and Rose Tyler and it would take more than this to shatter them.
He just regarded her for what could have been an eternity, or mere seconds, the grey storm dying down until she could find specks of silver blue emerge. She smiled at him, a tiny thing, and he replied in kind.
Stepping aside to let her get up he nodded solemnly, like she had just relieved him of a heavy burden. And perhaps she had.
"If you say so, Rose Tyler." The corners of his lips twitched upwards, the tension in his shoulders subsided. He laughed mutely but with a spark of hope.
He just had to believe in it, put his faith in her. That didn't seem so hard.
Together with her he exited the MedBay, joined Robert and his mother in the console room to take them back to the Estate. And all the time he heard her whisper in his head, like balm on a freshly opened wound.
His consolation.
We'll be alright.