Summary: Hashirama is a terrible cook, and he figured out the hard way. Too bad his mistake was just a good intention, and to bad he blew up Madara's kitchen in the process and oh, may have burned off some of his own hair.
Genre: Romance, Humor, Oneshot.
It was the smell of burning rice that woke Madara so suddenly. He was alarmed and partially ashamed of himself for maybe accidently leaving the stove on all night. But he was smarter than that, and he wouldn't ever let something like that slip his mind. Perhaps someone had broken into his house during the middle of the night, and their plans were to burn him alive as he slept.
His suspicions were confirmed when he heard the clanging of pots and pans coming from the kitchen. He also heard someone, or something opening and slamming his cabinet doors, and setting things down unnecessarily hard on his table.
That's Mahogany wood...I swear if there's a scratch...Madara thought to himself as he quickly got out of bed and wrapped his night robe around him. He rushed to the bathroom to clean himself up a bit and at least look somewhat presentable, and then slowly he crept downstairs.
He first heard a soft melodic humming, the voice was somewhat familiar. Creeping even farther down stairs and to the kitchen door way, he gasped when he saw the man standing by the stove.
Brown hairs and all smiles stood Hashirama, who was mixing substances and burning most of Madara's rice. There was smoke coming from all four burners, and the foul stench of burnt bacon, rice, eggs, toast, even water rang through Madara's nostrils.
Hashirama stood there, composed and all focused. He was humming to himself, which meant that he was in good spirits. And much to Madara's dismay, Hashirama probably_no, Hashirama didn't think he was doing anything wrong.
"Hashirama!" Madara yelled. His voice was a little squeaky, since it was early in the morning but he still kept his firm posture.
The brunette man, quickly turned around and wore a face of shock but gentle happiness. The smoke from the poor substances he was burning began to rise behind him, but he didn't seem to notice.
"You caught me red - handed." He said in a calming voice.
That morning he wore his Hokage garb, excluding the God awful hat. He looked graceful, as he always did, no matter what situation he was in. Still, Madara couldn't find his voice or his posture relaxing.
"What the hell are you doing in my house?!" Madara yelled louder than he wanted to. Too loud for the time, but he couldn't contain his anger.
"I'm making you breakfast." Hashirama admitted, still with that annoying smile on his face.
Madara didn't know how to reply to that. The fact that Hashirama thought that he was actually cooking something, appalled him, but the fact that he wanted to make Madara breakfast? The fact that he had actually made the effort to sneak into his house_Wait! How did he get in the house?
"Hashirama," Madara still stood in the kitchen doorway. "How did you get in my house?"
"That's a long story." Hashirama replied, turning around to stir the ashes of whatever was in one of the many pans. "I confess that I was surprised when I discovered you didn't live in the main house."
Madara felt anger flare in his chest. "If you recall, I was impeached from my position as the Clan Leader after trying to warn my people of your brother. And if I'm not the clan Leader any more, then I have no place in the main house." Madara's arms were crossed, as he leaned on the door frame.
He saw the shocked realization in Hashirama's face and for a second believed he went to far. The smile had actually vanished from Shodai's lips. "Please continue your story though." Madara breathed.
"Oh yes." Hashirama spun back around, and began mixing something putrid in another pan. "Some clan members told me where you resided and um...I just followed the address. I didn't know you left your door unlocked at night."
"It's a habit." Madara snapped.
"You should fix it."
"Why do you care?" Madara snapped, taking a step closer. "And why the hell would a bloke like you make me breakfast? Don't you have better things to do?"
"Madara," Hashirama faced him and held his hands up in defeat. "I know what happened in the past, between us, defined your thoughts about me, and I'm sorry. I really got to thinking last night and...and well, this is my apology."
"Your apology_"
"The first part of my apology_"
"You think," Madara clenched his fists tighter. "You think that making me a burnt breakfast, breaking into my house, and stalking me is going to fix anything that's happened between us? No, it's not! So get the hell out of my house." His voice was firm, but his clothing betrayed him.
He wore a light blue button blouse, blue sleeping pants and blue house slippers. On top of that, he wore a very strange colored night robe. He didn't at all look like the Madara Uchiha that everyone feared. He only looked like a very confused man that had trouble sleeping at night.
Much to Madara's dismay, this was all Hashirama seemed to focus on.
Sighing and feeling defeat, the ex-Clan leader made his way to his dining table and sat. He looked up at Hashirama who wore a confused expression on his face. He knew that Hashirama was genuinely sorry for what had happened in the past, and he was trying to make up for everything the best way he could. And as terrible as his meal was, it made Madara's heart warm up a bit.
So sighing again, he slowly moved his lips and spoke, "What's part two?".
The light in Hashirama's eyes returned and he smiled. He first got a plate from Madara's cabinet and started placing some food on it from the pans. Madara realized that Hashirama had prepared eggs, badly burnt bacon, and rice that had been reduced to nothing but ash.
"Hashirama, do you know how to cook?" It was an honest question, no teasing intended.
From behind, Shodai's shoulders sagged in bitter defeat and he sighed. "A little bit, but I'm not the best."
"Okay." Madara stood and walked over to Hashirama, taking the plate from him and setting it on the counter. He then peered over Hashirama's shoulder to see how bad the damage was. It was worse than he thought.
"Hashirama, move you can't cook." He tried to say as politely as possible, but Shodai resisted.
"No! I have to do this for you...just go sit down and wait. It'll be done soon, then you can eat it and_"
"Eat it?" Madara became snappy again. "Are you trying to kill me_" He attempted to shove Hashirama.
"No I'm not!" Hashirama stood his ground.
"I forgot, you already did." Madara said, feeling the wound on his chest. "Now move aside or_"
"No! I can't Madara, I'm sorry. It's my apology and_"
Madara smelt it before he saw it, and it all happened so fast. The smoke from the stove had erupted into a large tongue of fire and altogether, had caught a good portion of Hashirama's hair on fire. Instead of keeping his calm, he decided to run around the kitchen trying to extinguish himself. This only caused fire to get on the walls, on the table...etc.
"Stop running!" Madara yelled in horror, and of course Hashirama didn't listen to him. The man was in shock. Quickly thinking, Madara ran to a kitchen drawer next to the stove and withdrew a large butcher knife. Within seconds, he grabbed Hashirama by the part of his hair that was not on fire and swiftly cut it. It took Hashirama a while to realize that he had been extinguished, but when he did he finally calmed down a bit.
"Thank you..." He said quietly as he turned around to face Madara.
Madara would have replied, but seeing as though his kitchen was on fire and the doorway was being engulfed in flames, he only grabbed Madara's hand and darted out.
It seemed like the situation only got worse when Madara heard a loud explosion and saw a ball of fire heading towards both he and Hashirama. He braced himself for the worst, but instead the two were shielded by one of Hashirama's wood techniques. At least he was doing something right.
"Thanks." Madara said emotionlessly, as he peered back into his burning kitchen.
From what he saw, the stove had exploded, so that explained the ball of fire and seconds later, the pipes from the sink burst open.
Luckily, the water was powerful enough and plentiful enough to put out the fire once and for all.
Madara took a deep breath and slowly walked into his purged kitchen. He closed his eyes for a second, praying that the strange events that had just taken place were only dreams, but he was thrown back into reality when he heard Hashirama's voice.
"I'm...I'm so sorry..." Shodai said, leaning against a burnt wall. He stared into nothingness, somewhat in pure disbelief as he slid down and sat on the hard floor. Madara felt sorry for him.
"It seems like everything I try to do that involves you, ends up turning out terribly."
"True." Madara walked towards Hashirama. "You're right about that."
"Yeah_"
"But in the past, it's been as much my fault as it has been yours." And with that, Madara slid down the wall next to Hashirama. "So what's the second half of the apology. Was your intention to burn down my kitchen?"
"Not exactly..." Hashirama admitted.
"Well, my bedroom is probably going to fall through sooner or later, so I'd better start looking for places to live_"
"You can live with me." Hashirama whispered.
"Are you serious?" Madara knew there was no point in asking, but did it anyway.
"I am."
"So is that the second part of the apology?" Madara teased, not expecting him to say anything more.
"Yes, I guess...do you wanna see what the third part is?"
Madara turned to face the First Hokage and concealed a smile. "It's an object? I hope it's not food."
"Not exactly." Hashirama moved closer to Madara. "Can you close your eyes?"
"When I open them will my kitchen be in tact?" Madara asked rhetorically, as he shut his eyes.
There was a rustle of clothing as Madara felt Hashirama pull him into his lap. As strange as the whole situation was, he kept his eyes sealed. Minutes passed before Madara was in a comfortable position, and finally, Shodai gave him the command to open his eyes.
When he did, everything was the same. His kitchen was still decimated, however, Hashirama held his hands in front of Madara. Madara was pretty sure that Hashirama felt how rapid his breathing was now, and how fast his heart was beating as he stared at the object in Shodai's hands.
It was a box. A small...small...small black box.
Hashirama rested his head on Madara's shoulder and softly whispered, "Open it". Madara took the object from Hashirama's hands and slowly opened it. To his anger there was another box, and then another...another...another until Madara didn't believe the boxes could get any smaller. He was just about ready to get out of Hashirama's lap in anger of revealing yet another box, but this time...he revealed something different.
From the final box, Madara took out and held a very plain, yet dark golden ring. It just sat in his palm as he stared at it. He was able to feel how heavy it was, sitting on his skin, and it was real. He didn't know what to say or what to think, he only stared at it both confused and shocked.
"Would you like to hear part four of the apology?" Hashirama whispered, and Madara only nodded.
Hashirama took a deep breath, and spoke. "I know that this won't make up for what's happened between us, nor will it fix the things that are happening to you now. It's pretty arrogant and bold of me, isn't it? But when you were gone Madara, my whole world shattered, everything was...huh. I know I'm an idiot, I know you practically hate me, and I know that I don't deserve someone as gifted, smart, caring, loving and wonderful as you but...Will you marry me?"
There was silence, mainly from Madara's part as he tried to fathom his decision.
He had feelings for Hashirama, strong feelings, but he'd always kept them hidden. And he thought he was doing a good job at it, apparently not.
Aside from that fact however, Madara knew his answer.
"To casual." He sprung from Shodai's lap and stood up, looking down at him.
"To casual?"
"I want a formal proposal, down on your right knee. Not the pitiful one I just received. Make the fifth part of your apology better, and I might just accept." Madara replied, getting one of the many boxes from the ground and putting the ring back inside. He then handed it back to Hashirama, crossed his arms and turned around. "Don't keep me waiting."
As usual, it took awhile for the slow Hokage to understand what Madara meant. With no time to waste, he quickly kneeled on his right knee, held the ring before him and called out to Madara.
"Madara Uchiha. Will you marry...oh it's just so plain!" Hashirama stood up. "As you can see, I'm not good at these things! But you should know that better than anyone." Madara's back was still turned, but he was listening. "I mean, you're the only one that could ever put up with my personality, my attitude, my idiocy and...Uhg, I feel so stupid right now."
"And you should." Madara finally spoke as he turned around. "For not asking me earlier, when my whole life was turning to shit." Hashirama couldn't tell if he was smiling or not, even looking directly at Madara. So sucking in all his courage, he decided to go for it again.
"Madara, will you marry me?"
And this time, the tired Uchiha didn't even conceal his smile. It didn't take Hashirama a long time to walk close to Madara and give him a soft, chaste kiss on his jaw line.
So he may have lost his clan, his people's trust, and a portion of his sanity, but at least he knew Hashirama wasn't going anywhere soon. And plus, if Hashirama cooked like that for himself, then it was Madara had to accept.
He lost his kitchen, and Hashirama lost his hair.
This would truly make for an amusing relationship.
Their relationship is tragic, and it just hurts me. This story kinda takes place after everything. A different scenario like, what if Madara didn't die. What if he was just badly injured and Hashirama brought him back to the village.
And I don't own Naruto.
Anyway, hope you like it! Please pelase please review/comment/fave/follow, PEACE OUT!
PS: The part where Madara asks "Are you trying to kill me." If you are familiar with the book or Movie "The Color Purple", the I had Shug Avery in mind when I wrote that line.