Iggy

Sometimes I wonder why I let my mouth make sounds against my will. It would really help me avoid potentially disastrous events.

Especially when the event in question is shopping with Max.

See, when Max has to shop for groceries, it usually means stuffing as many food items as physically possible without it looking too suspicious and then booking it out of the store before security can catch us.

We're model kids, really. Upstanding citizens of society.

...God I could choke on my own sarcasm.

If you haven't been following Max's recount of our little adventures, there are six members of the 'flock', as we call it. Max is the leader and one of the oldest, with Fang as her stoic-yet-obnoxious right-hand man. The rest of us are pretty sure that those two are sucking face when they're alone, but we don't have any solid proof as of yet. Angel knows, something about it, but she won't spill the beans. Then there's me (Iggy), who is the third oldest and the token blind kid. I can cook and build bombs and get a fire started just about anywhere and make phenomenal bacon, but I'm still blind. It's no bueno.

Nudge is the next oldest at eleven, and she talks. A lot. She can hack into any computer and build cars out of scraps of metal, and she can feel the presence of people's emotions by touching stuff. Pretty cool, yeah? Then there's Gazzy and Angel. Gazzy is short for the Gasman, for...obvious reasons. Gazzy is a demolitions expert, which is big-word talk that means he blows stuff up like no one's business. I mean, he can make a bomb out of a paper clip, a used napkin and a package of unmixed pudding. I've seen it happen. Angel can basically do everything. She can read and control other peoples' minds, breathe underwater, and talk to fish. If you think being a teen is hard, try being around a seven-year-old who can read your mind. It is not pleasant, my friend. Gazzy and Angel are the only two out of the flock who are actually related to each other, but we're all a family. Especially after finding out that our real families kind of sucked. And the best part is that we even have a lovesick flying, talking dog!

We're not dysfunctional or anything, I swear!

See that? More sarcasm. Sarcasm is my favorite emotion.

Back to business. So I (for some reason lost on me) agreed to go shopping with Fang and Max. Nudge was finally old enough to be considered old enough to watch Angel and Gazzy, a job that formerly belonged to me.

Ironic, I know. But I'd pick listening to Nudge talk my ear off over shopping with Max any day. Especially in this instance.

You see, dear reader, when I take part in Maximum Ride's shoplifting excursions, I am in charge of distracting the guards to give Max and Fang enough time to get out without attracting too much attention. I do this by milking my disability and pulling the guards away from the front doors, and when done correctly, Max and Fang get out without having to drop as much and thus we get to actually eat as much as need be to sustain us. Us mutant bird kids burn more calories than a chemical fire in California, so we have to eat a lot as a result.

"Young man, can I help you with something?" This guard is a total sap. You know how there are just people you just know are total pushovers? This guy would be exhibit A for that. I almost felt bad about the criminal activities I was helping with, but then I remembered that it was for my survival, which, y'know, is kind of important to me, so I didn't feel nearly as bad.

I'm basically guiltless in this.

"I can't find my sister." True enough, I didn't know where Max was, and I don't think anyone gives me enough credit for how awesome I am. I should add 'being a badass actor' to the list of things that I can do. 'Cuz I friggin' owned. I made my voice a little shaky and made it sound like I was kind of afraid even though I usually pass for being sixteen or seventeen. But I'm blind. So it's totally cool. I would have liked to see the look on this guy's face, though. It would have rocked to see how well I was fooling him.

"Where did you last see her?" ...Really? I mean- did he just? Did he really just say that? Oh snap. I stared meaningfully in what I gathered to be his direction until he finally noticed what I was telling him without actually saying anything. The guard did a sharp intake of breath.

"Oh. I'm...I'm so sorry, m'boy. I didn't mean to offend-" I cut him off rather smoothly, "Don't worry about it. I'm used to it by now. I think we were in the produce section last..." Pete the guard (I didn't actually know his name, but Pete seemed like a good name to use) took my arm and led me towards said section of produce, and behind me I could hear Max's footsteps squeak lightly on the linoleum. I figured Fang was with her, but his ninja-feet moved so quietly that I couldn't hear him. It's criminal how often he uses that against me.

"Hold it right there! You have to pay for that!" That was not Pete the guard who said that. Which could only mean that...

Shit.

There were two guards? Small towns shouldn't have that much security. What the hell.

Max would hound me for that later.

"Iggy! Up and away!" I heard Max yell over the usual dull roar of Best Mart. Now, while I heard her yell this, I felt the grip from Pete the guard's bony old-man hand tighten as Max and Fang were caught. Usually this posed no problem; today, for some reason, my mind refused to understand the whole 'up and away' concept. The entire scene happened in less than ten seconds, and I heard Max and Fang running and doing their up and away, leaving me in Best Mart with Pete.

"Wait right here sonny, while I go report this." Scratch that, I was left alone with no one to keep me company. Pete ran off, probably to report the bird-kid sighting, but that really didn't matter because they LEFT. ME. ALONE.

Yeah. Not good, like, at all.

I don't even have anything to entertain myself with. Like matches, or brail porn.

Well, I can't actually read brail, but the idea of porn that a blind person such as myself can read sounded pretty damn good.

The idea of it cheered me up a little, and with no reason to stick around in the store, I made my way outside and sat down on the curb to wait for one of the flock to come get me.

What's funny without being even remotely funny is that this happens a lot more than Max likes to admit. Everyone forgets that I can't see sometimes, and situations like this happen. I never say anything about it, but it really bugs the crap out of me. I'd love to be able to see so that they won't have to forget that I can't, but sometimes...

Whatever. I'm cool. Calm as those Hindu cows that Tyler Durden talks about in Fight Club.

That's right. Fight Club. I love that movie. It is the epitome of badass.

I was probably waiting on the curb for about ten minutes when I suddenly became very aware of a phone ringing behind me. A few minutes went by and no one answered, leading me to believe that the ringing was coming from a pay phone.

Do you ever have those moments when a phone is ringing and you just know that it's for you? That was totally me in this situation. My curiosity finally got the best of me and I followed the source of the ringing and picked up the phone, bringing it to my ear.

"Talk dirty to me." That's right. Who has two thumbs and no filter? This guy.

"Is this Iggy?" See? Phone sense works! I suppressed the urge to laugh and answered.

"Who wants to know?" Cue suspicious tone in my voice there.

"Someone who can help you out. Someone who wants to help you." I snorted again. Snorting is manly. I always feel a little manlier when I snort at people.

"Oh? How's that?" I asked with an accidental yet totally perfect yawn to give an air of confident nonchalance. To be honest, though, I was kind of weirded out. Strangers who call pay phones shouldn't know who they're talking to.

"I can give you sight again." Blindkidsayswhat? My jaw would have dropped, but instead I clenched it, my teeth grinding against each other in shock. I was unable to form anything close to a real sentence, so instead I tilted my head back and blinked a few times, letting the sun hit my face; I was probably staring right at it.

"Who are you?" I asked after regaining my train of thought. The man on the other side of the line laughed, and it creeped me out.

"Just someone who is very interested in your condition and what you're doing to help save the world. You could say we're kindred spirits in that aspect." What, we're both blind?

...Oh wait. He wants to save the world.

"So why are you asking me exactly? Why not talk to Max?" The man on the other end laughed again, and I had to suppress a shudder from the sound. He really needed to tone down the creepiness. Like, majorly.

"Max is busy saving the world in her own way. But there are more groups than just the Coalition to Stop the Madness that want to help save the world. I happen to be part of one very important research facility that desperately needs funding. I could give you sight, and in exchange you could help my group gain the funding they need to help stop the madness." He sounded very confident in what he was talking about, but something was off. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was weird.

The Iggy danger-o-meter wasn't going off, so I wasn't as uncomfortable as I could have been, and the idea of sight for something so simple sounded so nice...But would I have to leave the Flock? Would I ever see them again?

Seeming to read my mind, Senor Creepy answered the question in my mind. "You'd have to leave your family, but only temporarily. I would prefer to discuss this further in person, if you don't mind." My mind was reeling, and it must have impaired my judgment. If Max was here, she would have said no and abruptly hung up. But it sounded like a really good idea, and the consequences couldn't be that bad, right?

"We're always traveling..." How would we meet? The traveling part seemed to be the biggest elephant in the room (for me, at least), but Senor Creepy was completely unfazed by this.

"Don't worry about that. Can you get away on Friday? I can arrange for you to be picked up." I should have noticed how weird that was, but I was so focused on being able to see again that it rolled off me. I was having memories about when I could see, seeing the whitecoats and the dog crates and needles...they weren't the greatest memories, but they were the only ones I had of my sight.

"How will you know where I am?" I asked dumbly, not really expecting a serious answer. Weirdos like this guy never gave actual answers.

"I have my ways. Friday then." With that, Senor Creepy hung up. I dropped the phone, dizzy with the prospect of what my possible future. I was even doing the world a favor, right?

"Iggy! Sorry I'm late!" I heard Nudge's voice from my left, and I stepped away from the phone in time to avoid her questioning me. I'm such a smooth operator of such things, you see. Or, maybe, like me, you can't.

Geddit? Blind kid joke!

Nudge tapped my hand twice, and I followed her footsteps until we were in a safe enough area to up and away.

"Watch out for branches above you during takeoff." She warned, and I nodded, carefully taking off. Which is basically impossible.

It was as we were flying towards the camp we were staying at that I realized the one hole in my plan: Angel.

Angel, being able to read minds, would know that I was planning something Max would not like, would tell Max, who would then shut me down and put me on house arrest or something. Unlike Nudge, I don't have the power of the Bambi eyes to persuade people with. Being blind only gets you so far.

Avoiding Angel's powers would be like trying to set a brick on fire: Hard as fnick but not impossible to do.

...That's what she said.