Rejected pitch for episode for Star Trek, Original Series. The buzz is that the author salvaged it out of a deep-space dumpster, but details are fuzzy. Pure silliness!
The Visit
by Westel
Spock, McCoy and Kirk return to the recreation planet in the Omicron Delta sector on a half-reconnaissance, half-R&R leave. They had been promised at the end of their last eventful visit that they would be welcome to come back at any time, provided the proper warning buoys were positioned to explain the nature of the park to unwary visitors. The Enterprise, once again in the vicinity of the park planet, receives orders to inspect the newly placed buoys and the situation on the planet below. Necessary contacts are made and permission to beam down is obtained. The three men look forward to the experience (correction: make that two of them). How often do they receive orders to have a good time?
Upon materialization they are once again met by Caretaker, who bids them welcome, pulls out a hand-held device, scans them, then leaves them to their own imaginations. Spock comments on the device, noting its absence the last time they had visited the planet. Kirk and McCoy shrug it off, one of them mentioning the fact that even sophisticated recreation parks such as this one must be constantly updated. Spock accepts this logic, and each of them proceeds to imagine some particular life-dream he wishes to experience.
McCoy soon finds himself in a mind-meld with a very believable Christine Chapel while she tries to spoon-feed him plomik soup; Spock is helplessly enfolded in the arms (and scarves) of a voluptuous Wrigley's planet dancer as she whispers tantalizing and embarrassing suggestions in his pointed ear; Kirk is running around in a blue smock scanning everyone within reach with a feinberger and muttering, "I'm a captain, dammit, not a pediatrician!"
The three men, realizing their predicament of entrapment within a slightly maladjusted computer program, only worsen their dilemma as they try to find a way out. Like one who is caught in the Chinese handcuff, their struggle to free themselves only tightens the snare. McCoy's Chapel modulates to T'Pring and back again, his ears and fingers becoming objects of close scrutiny (and a few painful bites) by the female Vulcan. He is fairly bursting with soup and wishes painfully he could find a head. The result is of course instant transference to same. Spock's rendezvous evolves to three dancers and he finds himself in grave danger of being divested of his uniform. Kirk manifests a box of little red pills and hypo, which he shifts to one hand to facilitate his slapping McCoy with the other, the doctor having suddenly reappeared and desperately trying to convince his captain that he does not need to be helped out of a healing trance.
The whole fiasco is abruptly terminated when an apologizing Caretaker comes on the scene and explains that their new computer is not quite ready for humans. Our heroes are summarily beamed up and the warning buoys are modified to tell members of the Federation to "enter at your own risk."
It is rumored that the three spent several minutes staring at themselves in the mirror before retiring, muttering incoherently. It is, of course, all unofficial.