Introducing The Merc With A Mouth
Deadpool sat in a chair next to a fireplace. He had a pipe in one hand and had one leg over the other. He wore a purple robe over his usual red and black tights.
"Hey narrator! I can explain my own setting, I don't need you to do that for me!" Deadpool yelled out at no one.
"What the hell do you mean no one?! I'm talking to you right now!" he yelled out again.
"You know something you people piss me off."
"Just let the little dweeb type his fan fiction." a deep voice in Deadpool's head told him.
"Yeah, we are that cool he wants to write about us!" a higher pitched voice said in excitement.
"He wants to write about me! Cause I'm fucking awesome. Who wouldn't want to write about me? Fucking losers that's who." Deadpool laughed. "Now let me tell you, the audience, a little bit about myself. My name is Deadpool, aka the Merc with a Mouth, aka Dongpool."
"No one calls you that." the deep voice interrupted.
"They will eventually! I just need a girl to want me first. ANYWAY! I am a mercenary you see. A mercenary that can't die. So basically I am op as fuck! I also have any type of weapon at my disposal. I can teleport and can make anyone love me." Deadpool said.
"He's just that dreamy." the high pitch voice said.
"We are that dreamy. We are apart of him after all." the deep voice retorted.
"Will you two please SHUT THE FUCK UP. Okay? Thank you. Ah yes! Those voices are in my head. And for some reason, you can read what they say. Oh and yes I know you are there reading this. Stop right now and go get a girl or something. And if you are a girl, how you doin'?" Deadpool asked.
"Perv." the high pitch voice said.
"My story is this. I hunt down whoever I am paid to. With the occasional exception of bothering Wolvie. That sexy beast. How I miss him. Lately that web slinging freakazoid and the original hero The Hunter have taken up this writers time. Like does the writer think his shit through? The guy's name is Hunter and the hero's name is The Hunter. That's so FUCKING OBVIOUS. Jesus. This story will be much better I promise. It's me, it's gonna be better." Deadpool said standing from his chair.
"And for you fuckers out there wondering, I am in the same universe as 'The Amazing Hunter' but who knows if a crossover will happen. If I'm up to it maybe. Depends if he needs the star power." Deadpool walked out of the fireplace room and threw his robe down on the ground.
"Deadpool what the hell are you doing in the X-Men mansion?" Wolverine asked him, as he was walking out the front door.
"I'm a mutant, I can be here!" he yelled at Wolverine. "Where you headed Wolvie?"
"Don't call me that. And I am off to New York." Wolverine said opening the door.
"Take me with you!" Deadpool dropped to his knees and clapped his hands together. "Take me or kill me Wolvie!" Wolverine looked at Deadpool and clenched his fist, causing his claws to spring out. He stabbed Deadpool in the head and pulled his claws out right away. Deadpool fell on the ground and laid there as Wolverine walked away and headed for New York.
"Okay then dick." Deadpool said standing up. "Told you I can't die." Just then the ending song from the Deadpool video game began to play and Deadpool pulled out his cellphone.
"Hold on gotta take this."
"Yoooo, Johnnyyy what's up? Contract? I got a contract? Sweet on who? Chance? Who the fuck is- okay okay I'll do it. I want that money. And blood. But mostly money. Love ya Johnny buh bye." Deadpool hung up his phone and threw it behind him.
"Alright bitches we are off!" Deadpool said, his swords appearing out of mid air and onto his back. He had two guns appear on his waist and he walked out the front door of the X-Men mansion.
"I'd say end it with an explosion but I like the mansion. Um, OOO how about this. Crimes the disease, meet the cure!"
"That's a line from the teaser movie video." the deep voice said, returning.
"Way to fucking ruin it voice in my head." Deadpool walked away from the X-Men mansion with his arms crossed, disappointed that he didn't get his way.
"Stop fucking following me writer! The chapter is over!" Deadpool waved at any random place around and continued walking. He reached behind him and adjusted his tights.
"These fucking wedgies are so anno- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!"