TW: panic attacks.

Rin woke up to broken breaths...

and it pissed him off.

Notably, the irritably-awoken-up-at-3am version of himself would be, and rightfully so as new roommates shouldn't be sounding like they're fucking some classmate 5 hours in the middle of the night before the first class of the year starts and/or a dying cow. 'Cause who the fuck would be doing that right now?!

Or, actually it wouldn't be rightful of him to feel like telling the lower class-man in the bunk above him who was doing God-knows-what to, 'shut the fuck up'. Mostly since Rin was pissed off all the time, no matter what the context was, really – especially with little to no regard of logic. He thought of a reason to get mad – whether it was true, false, reality or fiction –, and suddenly he was. Yes, the 1st year student who's name he didn't bother remembering from yesterday was most definitely not having sex, but Rin didn't care. He was going to stay pissed even if the kid was crying about a nightmare – he didn't care.

"The hell? Shut up," Rin mumbled against his pillow, not quite awake but too much so to fall back asleep again.

The strangled gasps came back harder, an inhalation sucked violently back within his roommate's throat at Rin's own voice as if the kid was dreading it. "S-s-s-sorry." His teammate squeaked, barely audible from his accelerating breaths being caught up in his words. "I-I-I didn't mean to w-w-wake y-you up, Senpai."

"What the hell are you doing?" More alert than before, Rin peaked his head off the side of the bunk bed and looked up to his roommate's bed. It was shaking – the whole frame. Had it always been shaking? A cloud of irritation suddenly morphed into confusion, as he took in all the information.

"I-I'm just... I... I'm... I-I'm having a p-panic attack."

Oh...

"...Shit."

Well if that wasn't just the quickest way he'd even gone from being seriously-pissed-off to guiltily frozen in 'what-the-hell-am-I-supposed-to-do-now' dread, he wasn't sure what was. Being awoken to heavy, hyperventilated breathing that was not, in fact, his teammate having sex in the bunk above him, but his teammate having a pretty serious panic attack was indeed something that even going from idolising-past-teammate to hating-past-teammate could top.

How did he have to deal with this? Was he supposed to deal with this? Was he even the one dealing with this? What did he have to do? Did he have to get someone, maybe? Someone that actually knew how to deal with this?

Fuck.

He knew how to wrap a sprained ankle, stop a minor bleeding cut, give fucking CPR if it was damn necessary and was the last resort, but no one ever told him what to do if a person was breathing too much.

"Uh... are you gonna be okay?" He said lamely.

"I-I'm fine. I-I-I j-just need a minute to c-calm down."

"Can I... can I do anything?"

The kid's breathing was worse the more this conversation went on. Maybe Rin should've just shut up in the first place and pretended to be asleep. It'd save him from whatever this unhelpful, definitely-not-the-right-thing-to-say awkwardness was.

Yet then his teammates would be alone...

"C-can you please get me some w-water, S-senpai."

"Yeah, sure." Rin got up immediately, as if his whole body had been waiting for something to do and now finally had. He picked up one of the two Samezuka drink bottles from the desk and filled it up from the sink inside the bathroom.

"No ice in the clearly very fancy establishment." Rin said meekly to fill the void of endless chaotic breathing. He cringed in the dark at his own statement, knowing how awkward of a comment that was in a situation like this.

The silver-haired boy didn't notice, or seem to take in much of what Rin was saying anyway. He accepted the water bottle once Rin climbed up the first few rungs on the ladder.

Rin hadn't seen him before until now. Yesterday when they meet in the dorm the kid was just a nervous ball of energy, wearing a tight smile that faulted every so often when Rin's typical pissed-off mood shut down whatever conversation he'd been trying to start.

Now the boy had tear-streaked cheeks, puffy red-rimed eyes, shaking breaths and a pale complexion. There wasn't a nervous energy, at least not once Rin came to sit up the top of the bed with him and take the water back after the other boy had finished it.

It wasn't like Rin liked seeing him this way – no, not at all... but he liked seeing him when he wasn't masked in fake smiles or disguised nervousness, fear, panic.

Now he could see the edge of a real smile, one the whispered, 'thank you' without words, and Rin didn't think he could ever feel mad at anything after seeing that.

And suddenly he realised it was quiet...

"Thank you, Senpai," his teammate breathed, surrounded by a scene of freedom now that he was no longer controlled by his lungs or his mind. Vaguely Rin wondered how long it had been since he'd first woken up or how many times things like this happened to the silver-haired boy.

"Don't worry about," Rin shrugged, finding that a smile of his own was etching itself onto his face. It was weird. He couldn't really remember the last time that had happened without it being forced. He decided it felt nice.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Senpai. I just get so worried about things – like the new school year starting and now the swimming team. It's just... a lot. I wish I could help it," he sighed, shifting his hand though his disheveled, silver hair that Rin didn't seem to find all that messy... well, messy, per se... but in a nice way – he couldn't explain it.

Suddenly, his teammate glanced at the clock on the wall, eyes blowing wide. "Oh! Senpai, I'm so sorry! I didn't know it was this late – I've kept you up and we have classes tomorrow! I'm so sorry!"

Rin bit his lip, instantly hating the word 'sorry'. "Forgot about that, isn't this why you got worried in the first place?"

"I..."

"Just get some sleep, okay?" Rin started climbing down the ladder, until the boy spoke again.

"Yes, Senpai. And thank you, again. Talking to you... felt safe. It was like you knew what to do."

Rin raised an eyebrow at that. "Heh, are you kidding? I couldn't remember the first thing about first-aid – or if this even called for it. I wasn't entirely convinced you didn't need CPR – or something like that?"

Though the dark, he saw his teammate's face burn a shade of rose, shuttering over his next few words, "Um... I-I think you're thinking of a different kind of first aid."

Rin's sharp teeth formed a sly smile with the curve of his lips. "Perhaps I am."

The rest of the night was left in shuffling blankets, even breathing and the sound of two final whispers.

"Goodnight, Matsuoka-Senpai."

"'Night, Nitori."

Overall, despite a panic attack and being absolutely-fucking-clueless as to what to do, it wasn't that bad of a first night with his new roommate.

A/N:

I'm too embarrassed by this to proof read it.

Bye.

- CyanGalaxy