Hi! My name is Lillian. This story is set after the episode Child's Play. I am from Holland, so I'll just apologize for spelling and grammar mistakes in advance. I know my English probably isn't perfect, but I'm learning.
I really wasn't trying to write an angsty story when I begun this one. I can't figure out why it is that every time I write something is does come out as an angst story... Maybe I shouldn't listen to sad music while I'm writing.
Oh well, the second chapter, and probably the last one, will be more fluffy... I promise...
Well, I hope you like it. Please enjoy the story now...
Love Lily
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Lindsay Monroe was walking down the street, only a few blocks away from Danny's apartment.
She hadn't been able to speak to him all day. When she had heard what had happened to that boy, Ruben, she had gone to look for him as soon as possible, but he'd wanted to be alone. When she'd tried to find him later, Mac had told her that he had sent Danny home. No surprise there. She knew that Danny spent a lot of time with Ruben.
The boy had even come knocking on Danny's door when she was over. He had wanted to play basketball with Danny on the court nearby the apartment. She had seen how difficult it was for Danny to turn him down.
They had a special bond, or as Danny called it: they were friends. Lindsay knew how it felt to lose a friend, that's why she wanted to help Danny. And, of course, Danny was her boyfriend. Sometimes she cared about him more than she cared about herself.
She had tried to call him a few times, just to ask if needed anything, but he hadn't picked up. She wondered if he had really gone home.
And so was it, that nothing else but Danny had crossed Lindsay's mind this day.
It was getting dark outside, and she was glad to see she was almost there. She had never liked walking alone in the dark. And especially not in a city that still didn't really feel like home to her.
She walked up the stairs of his apartment building. She was glad he lived on the second floor, cause she really didn't feel like climbing up much more stairs today. All the worrying and memories from her own experience with losing loved ones had left her tired. Suddenly she wondered if she was doing the right thing. If she could barely climb the stairs to his apartment, how on earth was she going to help Danny with his grief?
She stopped and shook her head firmly, trying to shake that thought out of her mind. She was not going to let him down, and besides, she was already on his floor. And she didn't want to go out in the darkness again.
She slowly walked up to his apartment door. She didn't know why, but she was almost sneaking. There was just something about this hallway that made you want to be quiet. There was something peaceful in the way the lights were spreading their little yellow light. Something that Lindsay didn't want to disturb.
She only hoped she would find she same peace behind the door she was now standing in front of.
She rang the doorbell, but there was no response. If he wasn't at home, where could he be? She knocked on the door three times.
"Danny? are you in there?"
No answer.
"Danny! It's me Lindsay," she said, a little louder. The peace was definitely disturbed now.
She listened quietly, and she could hear someone move to the door. Then it was opened slowly, and finally she could see Danny standing in the doorway.
He didn't have his glasses on, which was never a good sign. His eyes were red and slightly puffy, and the skin of his face was pale, almost gray. He was dressed in sweatpants and a dark sweater.
This was a side of Danny that she had never seen. His usually light blue eyes seemed to have turned multiple shades darker. They really stood out against the paleness of his skin. She could see the grief in them. She could feel it, and she was almost absorbed by it. She had never known exactly what Danny was feeling so well. It felt great, but it also scared the crap out of her.
"Hey," she said softly, but he didn't greet her back. He just walked away from the door and sat back down on the couch, where he had probably been sitting before Lindsay came in. Lindsay had to force her legs to step into the apartment, because they didn't want to leave the peaceful hallway. As soon as she closed the door behind her, she could feel her mood drop, and her mind darkened.
"Danny? Are you alright?" she asked the figure sitting on the couch, who didn't look the slightest like the strong man she knew.
Danny suddenly stood up with such force she didn't expect him to have left.
"You come here and ring my bell, knock on my door, and yell my name until it drives me nuts. I finally open the door for you, thinking, no wait, hóping you may have something useful to say, and the only thing you can come up with is asking me if I am alright?!" He was standing on front of her now, and she realized she had made a huge mistake. And it wasn't asking that stupid question. OK, it was, but she also realized she had mistaken the darkness in his eyes for grief, for tears, waiting to be released. Now, when he was standing so close to her, she knew it wasn't grief, but anger.
There was anger in his eyes, anger in his voice. There was anger in his body, his muscles tense, and his fists clenched. There was anger in the whole apartment, it was in the air, surrounding them both.
"Well?" Danny asked, his yaws clamped together. He took a step forward, so he was even closer to Lindsay.
"You're scaring me, Danny," Lindsay managed to say, even though it was just a whisper.
Suddenly Danny moved toward the door, opened it.
"You need to go," he said.
"No, Danny, please. I want to help you, I really do. Please give me the chance to do so! I know you're angry, but-"
"You need to go, Linds!" Danny yelled, and he grabbed her wrist to lead her to the door.
"No! Danny, I know how you're feeling! I've dealt with the same thing and you know it!" She was fighting for him to let her go. This was ridiculous! She just wanted to help him.
"Danny let me go!"
"NO!" came the powerful reply.
"But you know I can-"
"YOU NEED TO GET OUT! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" Lindsay flinched at his hard words, and even more at the volume of his words.
"Danny, I-"
"JUST SHUT UP! JUST FUCKING SHUT UP FOR ONE SECOND!"
And that is when it happened. She felt something touch her cheek. Hard. The force made her stumble, but she managed to keep herself from falling down. A warm feeling spread across the left side of her face, and a little on the left side of her mouth. For a moment it was tingling, and after that she felt a terrible pain. At first it was just the pain from the blow, but as soon as she looked up, and saw Danny standing there, with a shocked look on his face, and with his right hand still up in the air a little, she could feel a stinging in her heart. And soon it was all over her body. Her muscles tightened with anger and shock. She felt something warm on her face, but she couldn't quite figure out whether it was blood or tears. When she touched it, she felt it was both. The blood came from her lip, and apparently she had started to cry without noticing it.
She was just staring at her hand, and the mixture of blood and tears. The mixture of his anger, and her sadness. Then she looked up at Danny again. He had dropped his hand, and was stepping closer towards her. He had also closed the door, and Lindsay wished he hadn't, so she could just run away.
She took a step away from him, and suddenly she didn't want anything more than to get away from him.
"Linds?" Danny looked at her worried. She could see that his eyes had lightened up again. He reached out to her with his hand.
"No-" She flinched.
"Linds, I'm sorry. I don't know how that happened. I didn't mean to... I didn't..." Lindsay could tell that he was on the verge of crying now.
"It's OK..." she said, her voice weak. And it wás OK. She should have listened to him when he-
"No. It's not OK, Linds. What kind of idiot does such thing to his girlfriend?" A tear rolled down his face.
Lindsay didn't know what to say. The need to get away from Danny had taken over her mind. She turned and made her way to the bedroom.
"Lindsay, I-" She turned to him again.
"No. Danny, I can't talk right now."
He took a step towards her again.
"No! I just need to get away from you." She could see the hurt in his eyes, but she couldn't really feel bad about it. "I am going in the bedroom and I want you to stay here. We'll talk when I'm ready," she said. She had never heard her voice so calm and cold. She wouldn't have been surprised if Danny had just frozen in place right then.
But he didn't freeze. He nodded. And then he turned around and sat back on the couch once more, his head in his hands.
Lindsay went into the bedroom she had been starting to consider her own a long time ago. As soon as she closed the door, she sank to the floor and cried. She was trying to get the past hour out of her system. She wanted it to leave her mind in the small drops, and fall apart on the floor underneath her.
In contrary of what she had expected, she didn't feel any better when she was done. She noticed that the need to get away was still there, and she knew she couldn't stay with Danny any longer.
She wasn't sad, and she wasn't angry. She was just disappointed. She had wanted to make everything better, but now she had just messed things up more. She should have listened to Danny when he'd told her to get out. She should have remembered. She could have seen it coming.
She knew exactly how this had happened. She knew exactly how Danny must have felt, because she knew how it was to lose someone. She knew how hard it was to accept it. She knew how she angry she had been. She knew how she had been blocking out everyone that tried to help her. And she also knew why: because she'd been so angry, and she had known that she would hurt the first person she would see.
That was the reason Danny didn't want to see her tonight, the reason why he wanted her gone. And she should have known.
She knew there was no way she could stay at his place tonight. She wasn't ready to talk about it. She was too afraid that she would mess it up again if she stayed. That is why she grabbed a backpack from Danny's closet, and started to pack everything of hers that she had in his bedroom. Then she went into the bathroom to clean her face. She was shocked when she looked in the mirror. There was a light bruise on her left cheekbone. Both cheeks were shiny with dried tears. Mascara was all around her eyes, which were also red and swollen from her crying. There was a cut in her lip, which was still bleeding a little bit.
Not wanting to look at herself a minute longer, she quickly washed her face and went into the living room with the backpack.
Danny immediately looked up and turned around. It was clear that he had been crying as well.
"Linds..." was all he could say, his voice still hoarse. She wondered if that was from the yelling, or the crying.
"I'm going back to my apartment," Lindsay announced as she walked towards the door. She wanted to get her coat from the hallstand next to the door, but she realized the had never taken it off.
"Lindsay, please..." Danny moved closer to her. The need to get away from him was subsiding, she could feel it. But she wasn't happy with it. It only made it harder for her to leave.
"I can't stay here tonight, Danny. I'm just not ready to talk about this right now." He looked down at the floor. She could see a tear fall from his eye. This time she did feel sorry, and she also noticed how her voice was less cold. She needed to hurry, before she would melt completely. She just opened her mouth to say goodbye when Danny spoke up.
"Linds... I'm sorry... I really am..."
"I know." And she did know.
"I don't understand what that was coming from... I just don't understand..." He still wasn't looking at her, and she was thankful, because she was sure she would lose it if she saw the pain in his eyes.
"I do. Like I said, it's OK... It's just me, I need-"
"No. Don't make it sound like it is your fault, Lindsay, 'cause it's not!" He was shaking his head.
"No, you're right. It's not." She couldn't think anymore. Her mind was completely empty. She could do nothing but give short answers.
Suddenly Danny looked up at her. His blue eyes stared into hers, and she almost drowned in his tears.
"I don't want it to end this way, Lindsay. I don't want this mistake to be the end. I can't lose you! You know I can't do anything without you! I nééd you, 'cause, well... Lindsay, I love you."
Pure surprise.
Danny continued. "And I know I haven't said that before, but I have known it for a long time, and I know this is not the right time to say this. And I'm not just saying this to make you stay tonight. I just wanted you to know. And I just want you to know that I can't live without you."
Almost melted.
"You won't lose me, Danny. I love you, too, but I just can't tonight. I will see you at work tomorrow. We'll talk about it then."
Almost.
And with that, she opened the door and stepped into the hallway, leaving a teary-eyed Danny behind.
She was relieved to be out of there, but the sound of Danny closing the door behind her felt like another blow to the head.
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Well, that was it. I hope you liked it. Please review, 'cause it really helps a lot!
There will probably be one more chapter, and I will update that as soon as I can.
Thanks for reading my story, and I hope my English wasn't too bad.
Love Lily