So forgive me for going backwards. Sometimes you have to go back to move forward.

Three weeks back in this town, the one that was supposed to feel like home, but didn't. Maybe it was because everyone kept pushing, trying hard to bully him into remembering. Everyone except for that shrink lady, the one that said she was his grandma. He could see himself loving her, being comfortable with her. And that one guy, Paul, he seemed to take everything in stride. It was like it didn't matter to him if Will ever remembered his old life or not. Those were the only two people Will liked spending time with. Not that Paul wanted to spend any time with him. He had been distinctly giving him the cold shoulder.

That one lady that called herself Sami, she was the worst. She was relentless. Didn't she understand that her constant need to touch him, coupled with her determination that he was going to at least remember her…. Like she was the most important person involved here… wouldn't that be the daughter that he couldn't remember, was driving him crazy, he constantly feel like he was being suffocated or smothered.

And then there was Sonny, the man he married, so at least at one point in his life he loved him, enough to stand in front of all of his friends and family and promise to love him forever. He kept plying him with photographs and memories, pushing him to acknowledge that they had feelings for one another. Whatever those feelings were, he couldn't remember them now.

He walked through the square alone, looking for anything that felt familiar, there was nothing. He kicked at a few loose pebbles with the toe of his shoe. It was frustrating, everyone wanting him to be someone else. Until three weeks ago, he had known who he was, or so he thought. The name had been a lie, his family had been a lie, everything about it...except for who he was deep down. Maybe on some deep subconscious level he had known he was living a lie.

Someone plowed into him from behind. Just as he was about to wheel around and ask the loser what their problem was, a black mesh bag was jerked over his head and he was grabbed and hauled off. He thrashed to and fro trying to escape, eventually getting knocked out in the struggle.

When he came to he was lying on a couch in a dark room that he didn't recognize. He got a strong feeling that maybe he should, but he didn't. He sat up and looked around the room carefully. Still nothing came to him. He touched the back of his head gingerly, it hurt like hell and a knot had formed back there. What the hell was going on.

He got up and went to the door. He was reaching for the knob when he hairs on the back of his neck stood up. That's when he realized he wasn't alone. He slowly turned around.

"Hello Will." the stranger said. "Long time, no see."

"Who are you?" Will said, "Wait do I know you?" He took a few steps toward him.

"Will, you don't remember me?" he said. "That really hurts."

Will moved even closer, trying to get a better look in the dim light of the room. He had seen this man somewhere…. Someone had shown him a picture of him, what had they said about him? He couldn't remember. So many things had been thrown at him recently, he couldn't keep it all straight.

"Will… come on, you spent the last minutes of your old life with me." he said, reaching behind him and pulling a neck tie from his back pocket. He held it up for Will to examine. " Remember me now?" he asked.

"Oh god." Will whispered, "They said you were locked up, how did you get out? What do you want with me? Why are you doing this?" he said tossing out question after question. The answers didn't matter. The reality was that they weren't going to make one damned bit of difference.

"You shouldn't have come back here Will." he said twisting the tie around his hands. He took a menacing step towards Will. "You really should have stayed away."

Will backed away, "Ben, that's your name right? You don't have to do this." he said, reaching blindly behind him, searching for the door, thinking that if he could just find the door, he could get away. This maniac wouldn't chase him out of the apartment right?

"But I do Will…" he said, coming closer. " You should have just stayed one would have ever known." He lunged that last few feet and deftly wrapped the tie around Will's neck, he tugged Will to him tightening his grip.

That spurred Will into action. He struggled to get away. Fighting against Ben, twisting wildly trying to break his hold. The other man was stronger than him and all of his struggles got him was flat on his back on the floor, the tie squeezing his neck.

He was finding it hard to breathe, his lungs burned from lack of oxygen. He was still struggling feebly. Pushing against the man that had somehow crouched over his chest. The fight was quickly draining out of him, every breath increasing harder to draw.

Everything around him was becoming dim, turning black. He felt as if he were floating, as if he were weightless. His arms dropped beside him, he no longer had the strength to move, let alone fight.

Flashes of light in his mind, little things at first and then visions of the past flowing over him like water, threatening to drown him.… his dad holding him over his head grinning up at him, "Look at you Will, You're and airplane." he said, flying him around the room then pulling him down and cuddling him close. His mom walking him into school for the first time. "This is it Will, No crying now… remember you have to be a big boy. You are going to have so much fun here." she said kissing his check. "I will see you after school." She turned and discreetly wiped away her own tears. He knew that she thought he hadn't hadn't seen, but he had.

Gabi, he had loved her, she had been his girlfriend for a long time. He was comfortable with her, until she started pressing for things he didn't want to give. She always wanted to go places alone, he was comfortable around all their friends. She pushed him for affection… he didn't like that.

"Did you hear me, I said I think I may be gay." he said. He watched his grandma intently."Yes I heard you, and I think if you are figuring out something about who you are it is cause for celebration." "You do?" he asked surprised. "Yes of course." " Well, I didn't say I am gay, I said I think I may be."

" When we talked yesterday, I think you may have gotten the wrong impression. I kissed that guy because I was drunk that's all… I'm not gay." the disgust and self loathing were eating him alive. He was a coward and he knew it.

"I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not. I'm gay… No taksies back this time. I mean it I'm gay." he said, again talking to his grandma."I think that wonderful." she smiled at him. She threw her arm around his neck. "Well would you look at that…" she teased, "you told me you are gay and the sky isn't falling." he smiled and hugged her tightly.

Gabi was crying in the park… "Will, I'm pregnant." he hugged her to him. "It will be alright I know it seems huge, but everything will be fine. You have to tell Nick, he is the father. He deserves to know." Gabi shaking her head, "It's more complicated than that." He shook his head "No I don't think it is." Gabi nodded her head sadly. "You are the father Will." that stunned feeling he felt. " Are you sure?" he asked, hoping… no praying that it couldn't be true.

He stood up in the church… "I can't go through with this, Gabi I'm sorry. The truth is going to come out. Chad was telling the truth, Nick isn't the father of Gabi's baby I am."

"Sonny, I love you, and I don't want this to change anything. It doesn't have to change anything." Will pleaded "On what planet? This changes everything." Sonny sneered at him before fleeing the church.

"Do you still feel this way?" Sonny asked holding up the card that Will had written him. "Do you still wish we could start over?" he nodded, yes of course he wanted to start over.. "Then I am glad I sent you that Valentines day present." Sonny said pulling him in for a kiss.

"Make Will Horton fall in love with me." Sonny read aloud. "You just wrote that." Will said laughing grabbing for the paper. "No I wrote it last year, I swear."

" Do you Will Horton take Sonny Kiriakis as…." Yes he had married Sonny. He had fallen in love with him.

Then chasing his dream he had gone to California with his mom and when he came everything had been different. California had been a learning experience for him, He learned who he was without Sonny, who he was as an individual. Not that he didn't still love Sonny, he did Life just became difficult, there were fights, horrible fights, money problems. All of it together was making him miserable. Sonny's constant criticism of his writing pushed him to work harder, and then Sonny started displaying jealousy over his work. His blatant disrespect of Wills career ambition had drove a wedge between them. Sonny had become different, evasive and secretive…. Not the person that he had married at all. Though to be completely honest he was different and was always after the next big story. He was out to prove that he was somebody…

"What's the big question Will?" Paul asked. Will opened his mouth, "I uh… ah" he closed it again. "Are you afraid to ask?" Paul taunted. "No." he whispered. He gathered his courage, swallowed thickly and then forged ahead "Are you gay?" he rushed out. "Do you think I am gay Will?" Paul asked softly. His eyes twinkling as he moved closer to him. " Yes, Yes I do." he answered. "Are you gay Will?" Paul asked. " Yes I am." he said. "Then I will answer your question." And then Paul was on him, his mouth devouring Will's, his tongue sweeping in, taking what he wanted.…. and Will felt alive for the first time in months.

The air in the room was thick with an almost tangible tension. It hadn't been more than a couple days since Will's story about Paul Narita had hit the Sonix website, and the truth had come out about his affair... yes that's right, one slip up could be called an indiscretion … multiples, well those are called affairs.

"I am leaving." Sonny proclaimed. " I am going on a Titan business trip for my uncle Vic." He announced out of the blue.

"Sonny, I'm sorry I know I hurt you but we can fix this, we can make it right." Will whined.

"How can we do that Will, I can't even stand to look at you." Sonny said sadly. "I am filing for a legal separation."

"Sonny." he pleaded. "What about Arianna?"

"I will always be her dad, but I can't do this anymore Will. I'm sorry." he picked up the bag that Will had not seen till that very moment and slammed out of the apartment. Will collapsed on the sofa, the tears coming freely. He had made mistakes, but dammit so had Sonny, he just wasn't willing to own up to his.

Weeks… that's how long Sonny was gone… weeks. He himself had long since broken off things with Paul. And though it was wrong, he had blamed Paul for everything, even knowing that mostly it was his own fault. He had went back time and time again knowing full well what was going to happen… but well he hadn't been feeling very fair minded. Everything was someone else's fault.

He called Sonny every day. Sonny answered zero times, unanswered calls had been the beginning of the end of any feelings he could ever have for Sonny. If his Grandma Marlena taught him anything, it was that no matter the indiscretion, you never turn your back on someone you love…. EVER.

The day he died he was at Abigail's waiting for the cable man right? At least that's how he remembered it. He laid down on the couch subconsciously letting go of his last remaining shred of hope. But then Ben had shown up, and things had went south, "I'm sorry Will… I didn't want to have to kill you, but you know too much."

He was being shaken. "No no what have I done…. Noooo" the sobbing mantra being repeated above came back to reality, back to the present. Ben was shaking him.. " Please don't be dead."

Will realized the other man had let go of the tie, Will gathered his strength and shoved the other man hard. He took him by surprise, knocking him off of him, and ripping the tie away from his throat. He crawled to his knees and staggered to his feet holding on to the back of the couch. "What the hell was that?" he screamed. His voice coming out sounding scratchy and raw.

"I didn't want to do it…. She made me do." Ben screamed.

"Who made you do it?" Will asked confused. "His mind was reeling with the memories that were still flooding back. He was confused, and terrified.

"Her!" Ben said pointing to Sami as she made her way from the bedroom where she had been hiding.

"Get in here." she called and on cue two men swooped in and grabbed Ben, they cuffed him and hauled him out of the room.

Will sat down on the couch gulping lungfuls of air. He held his hands to his throat, it was already swelling from the trauma.

"Will… are you okay, did it work?" Sami cried. "It did right? Do you remember anything?"

"What the hell were you thinking?" he screamed at her, his throat felt like it was on fire.

"I'm trying to help you Will." she cried. "I wasn't going to let him really hurt you."

"Are you serious right now? He was strangling me… again." Will bellowed.

"I promise baby, I had it all under control." she said. "My mom said that reliving a traumatic experience may help you remember." she said explaining her motive.

"So you thought breaking a psychotic murderer out of the psychiatric hospital and leaving him in a room alone with me was a good idea?" Will asked incredulously. "You're insane."

"You were never alone." she said. "But it had to feel real to work… Did it work?" she asked hopefully.

"You're a terrible person." He screamed and then leaped off the couch. "I don't ever want to see you again." he said as he ran from the apartment.

"Oh god… he will never forgive me for this. Sami said holding her head in her hands.