A/N:
Sasu: you're writing a chapter story…
Mfs: yesh, I am
Sasu: you do know that means you can't kill one of us off in the first page, right?
Mfs: T-T I know. anyways I thinks this only be a short story, maybe three chapters at the most? unless of course I suddenly gain a fan club of people who want me to drag the plot out for awhile…
Sasu: not gonna happen
Mfs: you shall be punished for this -cackles evilly-
Sasu: O.o! wait! What are going to do!?
Mfs: read and you shall see…
Warning: shonen ai
Disclaimer: no, I still don't own it, but my plan is being carried out as we speak…type…er, read.
linebreaki'mtypingthisat1inthemorningsoidon'tgetcaughtwithshonenaiagainlinebreak
Forgetting Reality
Chapter One
Not Much But Just Enough
Falling in love with your teammate was not something Uchiha Sasuke had planned on, it was something he had never expected. Yet here he was, finding himself staring at a certain blonde whenever he could, sneaking careful glances, finding himself lying in bed thinking about the other boy's mesmerizing blue eyes, finding himself spending unnecessary time with the loud boy. You weren't allowed to love, it was forbidden in their society, there was no room for it in their world. But somehow, along the way, Naruto had stolen the youngest Uchiha's supposedly iced over heart. The loud boy was the polar opposite of Sasuke, that was probably why he loved him though, Naruto was everything he was not, everything he could never be. He had everything the stolid boy lacked, unblemished innocence, the will to smile freely and, the ability to let all of his pain slip through his fingers, leaving him with the same childish personality. The boy's ocean blue eyes held the only thing Sasuke ever wanted: unadulterated happiness. But…because of their world, because of the reality they lived in Sasuke was not allowed to anything about his harbored feelings. He had to bury them beneath layers of imagination, he had to pretend they did not exist. Yet it was so difficult not to admit those self-sabotaging three words as the blonde boy stood across from him, beaming from the rush of their sparring match.
"Great fight Sasuke!" Naruto commented, wiping the sheen of sweat from his sun kissed face.
"Yeah, you too." Sasuke said absentmindedly as he pocketed the weapons strewn around the practice ground. There was a moment of shocked silence before the blonde chocked out, "Wow…"
The Uchiha straighten and looked at the dumbstruck boy, fighting down a blush that threatened to take over face. 'Did I say something wrong?!' he thought.
"What?" he asked watching the blonde boy reach down and retrieve a random kunai that lay innocently in the dirt. He walked toward the silently panicking raven.
"What!?" Sasuke demanded, a familiar scowl etched into his perfect features.
"Well…a compliment from the almighty Uchiha, never thought I'd live to hear it." he smiled, the whisker scars stretching across his otherwise flawless face. He held the kunai out and Sasuke rolled his eyes, snatching the weapon back.
"Dobe." he muttered, smiling slightly despite himself, trying to hide it behind the insult.
"There we go!" Naruto punched the Uchiha gently on the shoulder, "That's the Sasuke-bastard we all know and love!"
The dark haired boy froze at the last word as he numbly watched the blonde boy turn away, unaware of the effect he had on the stunned Uchiha.
'He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it.' Sasuke repeated in his mind. 'He could never love you, even if we were allowed to…he would never love you back.' Sasuke had to force himself to believe that Naruto could never love him, after all, what was there to love about him…he was mean, he pushed people away, in fact that's all he ever did, drive people away. And making himself believe that the blonde would never return his feelings was the only thing that kept him sane. If he ever thought that the boy loved him back, he wouldn't know what to do, it would get in the way of his goal, it would distract him even more than he already was. That was why he had to focus on his task, killing Itachi. Loving Naruto was wrong, and believing the other boy loved him back was out of the question. If he ever thought that way…he could never forgive himself.
"Sasuke?" a voice broken through his masochistic thoughts, bringing the raven back to the real world. A pair of bright blue eyes stared up at him, laced with concern and worry. Before Sasuke could stop it, a light blush tinted his porcelain cheeks.
"I…uh…" the Uchiha trailed off, at a loss for words due to the close proximity of the blonde. Naruto looked quizzically at the wide eyed, blushing Sasuke, it was a side of his teammate he had never seen before, or even thought existed.
"You okay?" he asked, studying the raven's carefully guarded black eyes.
"Um…yeah, I'm fine." he said fighting the blush, looking uncomfortable. "You said you were hungry right?" he asked, quickly changing the subject as he stepped sideways and began to walk toward the village. It was Naruto's turn now to stand frozen, 'What was that about?' he questioned, face scrunched in confusion.
"I'll pay." Sasuke called over his shoulder and immediately the blonde was at his side, rambling on about nothing in particular, the moment from before slipping from his mind. Sasuke allowed himself to smile softly at the hyper blonde at his side. It felt natural to be so close to him, like it was supposed to be like this. But it wasn't, it could never be, it was off limits in every aspect. Teammates were off limits, …friends were off limits, Naruto was off limits. But no matter how many times Sasuke repeated these cruel words in his dark mind, the tender feelings that were not supposed to exist wouldn't go away.
The two boys continued to walk slowly to the village, as if trying to prolong the uninterrupted time, the unjugded time they spent together. Ever now and then their shoulders bumping, and hands brushing, leaving the spots of contact tingling, both wondering what it meant. The silence between them was not awkward, it was companionable, comfortable. Naruto's wide childish smile remained on his face even after the words had dies down, even Sasuke allowed the small smile to stay on his usually blank face. It was alright to show Naruto this side of him, the blonde accepted it without question or prying words, he simply allowed Sasuke's mask to slowly slip away with each fragile meeting. And as they walked together, more and more of Sasuke's stolic mask began to crack, revealing more and more of his true self to his teammate. But nothing this good could last forever, for either of the them, everything else good had been taken away from the ill fated boys, why not this insignificant moment also? They walked through the gates of Konoha, passing by two blank faced Anbu, their smiles immediately fell as their future stared at them with unseeing eyes, with perfect faces that held no emotions. The stone faces were void of everything, the color of their had dulled and faded, their gaze was long since dead. The Anbu's flawless faces held no wrinkles from smiling, not even any marks from frowning, they were simply blank, beyond dead, there was no sparkle in their eyes, no light. Theirs were the eyes of merciless killers, of mindless tools, of…lost souls. They continued on past the empty ninjas, the smiles they had worn only minutes gone, almost as if they had never been there to begin with. Once out of earshot Naruto looked up at his teammates, the glisten in his eyes had slipped away, "Will we be like them someday?" he asked sadly, the usual childlike demeanor dulled with worry.
'Lie to him'
"No." Sasuke forced out, Naruto smiled up at him seemingly falling for the obvious lie, and the raven smirked in relief at the younger boy.
"That's right! Cause I'm gonna be the next Hokage!" he shouted as he punched his small fist into the air, "And I'll be the best ever!" he added, the grin splitting his face.
"Sure…" the youngest Uchiha rolled his eyes, and side stepped the punch Naruto threw at him.
"Teme." he grumbled good-naturedly as he crossed his arms and pouted. Sasuke was merely glad that the moment of fate looming over them had passed, leaving Naruto the same childish boy despite the fact that they both knew what was to happen, no matter the amount of lies, no matter how many times the word 'no' was repeated.
"Come on," Sasuke grabbed the sulking boy's arm and drug him the short distance to the blonde's beloved ramen stand, "you want food don't you?" The blonde immediately ceased his pouting and ordered ramen for both of them.
Seconds after the steaming ramen was delivered to them the loud ninja was inhaling the noodles at an almost sickening speed, Sasuke silently ate his, savoring the taste and the precious time he spent with Naruto. He shouldn't have lied to the blonde, but he had to protect Naruto, even if it was only for a few short years. He would do anything to keep those sparkles in his brilliant blue eyes from fading, anything to keep that smile from slipping away. But…the Anbu was what awaited them, it was solely what their future held, it was their fate, and fate is inescapable, you can't avoid fate. There was no where else to go, no other place to run to. It was what happened to any ninja that excelled, anyone who was above the rest…just like he and Naruto were. The thought of it tore at Sasuke's fragile heart, he couldn't stand the thought of Naruto with the cold eyes of the Anbu, void of all the childish joy that defined him. The happiness that could save him, the smile that could melt him, all that he cherished about Naruto. That would all be washed away though, emotions would no longer be buried, they would be smothered, killed.
"-uke. Saaasuuke…" a voice broke through his thoughts yet again and he looked up from his half empty bowl of ramen to see Naruto whining. He raised a thin eyebrow at the blonde's antics.
"What is it with you today? You're acting strange, well strange for you." Naruto said, then his curious gaze traveled down to the unfinished bowl of noodles before the raven and his eyes narrowed. "Are you gonna finish that?" he asked.
Sasuke looked almost forlornly at his ramen and to his half raised chopsticks ladened with noodles, back to the bowl and finally, to the drooling boy that was his comrade. Naruto widened his sky blue eyes and stuck out his bottom lip in an adorable pout, Sasuke was helpless.
"No, you can the rest…" he trailed off. The bowl was gone before he finished the sentence and he looked despondently at the empty space that once held his dinner as he sadly stuffed the contents of his chopsticks in his mouth. Beside him Naruto's chopsticks clattered in the already empty bowl as the blonde leaned back and rubbed his now full stomach.
"Thanks Sasuke!" he grinned up at he now stolic Uchiha.
"Hn." Sasuke grunted, setting the money on the bar as he got up.
"Aw, you're grumpy again!" Naruto sulked as he jumped off of the stool and followed the raven haired boy.
Their walk to Naruto's empty apartment was filled with a stiff silence, broken only by their hollow footsteps along the road. The sun set half illuminated the darkening sky as they walked side by side, too careful this time to let hands brush. Naruto looked up at silent Uchiha, the raven blended almost perfectly into the oncoming shadows of the night, they enveloped the dark boy. A troubled look was etched in his porcelain face, the emotion gave him a new appearance, he seemed younger, vulnerable, lost even, like he was reaching his hand out from the darkness that drown him, begging for someone, anyone to take hold.
'What's he thinking?' the blonde wondered as he studied his teammates perfect face.
'You can't love him.' Sasuke had been repenting this in his mind since they had sat down to eat. He had repeated every reason why he could not love the other boy, endlessly listing them, telling himself why he had to rid himself of these feelings, why he could never say anything aloud. Why he could never hold Naruto close. 'And yet…'
"Hey Sasuke?" Naruto asked carefully and the raven looked to his right, blinking against the bright light, momentarily blinded by the sun's last rays that surrounded the smaller boy.
"Yes?" the raven responded, sealed black eyes meeting concerned blue.
'…these feelings won't go away…'
They had stopped, standing outside of Naruto's apartment now facing each other, their opposite elements more prominent than ever.
"Are you okay?" the blonde boy asked, "You're not sick or anything are you?"
"…no I'm not sick. I've just been thinking…" Sasuke said quietly, half hoping Naruto wouldn't hear his words.
"About what?" Naruto asked sitting down on the sidewalk and leaning against the wall of the apartment building.
"Lot's of things.." the Uchiha said looking down at the smaller boy. Naruto patted the spot next to him and Sasuke raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"Sit down and you can tell me about it." he explained, the youngest Uchiha bit his tongue against the question 'Why do you care?' and sat beside his secret love.
"Why?" he asked, the word slipping out before he could stop it.
"Because," Naruto said smiling widely at his teammate, "We're friends, and caring is what friends do."
Sasuke's eyes widened at the those words. 'Friends.' It wasn't love, but… he supposed it was enough. It was the closet they could be without their world stopping them, or tearing them apart, then…he would take it, he would cherish it. Sasuke smiled, it wasn't a particularly noticeable smile, but it was still there, and it made his usually hardened face just a little bit softer.
'I was right…' Naruto thought, 'he just needed someone to reach out to him.'
"Friends…" the raven said, like he was rolling the word around in his mouth, testing it. "Someone who cares…"
"Yep!" Naruto confirmed. "You got the idea through your thick head! Now, tell me what's got the almightily Uchiha so preoccupied."
"I was thinking about…our world." Sasuke confessed, ignoring the slit insult Naruto had thrown at him. He wasn't going to really lie to the blonde, he just wasn't going to tell him everything. "About the rules and boundaries, about things we can never have, things we can never experience, things we can never be, things…we're never supposed to say…or even feel… And about how I wish…that we could." he sad, the glow of the moon illuminating his porcelain skin.
"Like…love?" Naruto questioned, already guessing the answer.
"…" Sasuke didn't dare to look away from the gleaming stars, "…yeah." he finally answered.
"…I think about it too, a lot." Naruto said, taking Sasuke's position of looking at the barely visible stars above them. The Uchiha's eyes involuntarily widened a fraction as he turned to the blonde.
"I think about what love is…I've never really known it. I'm all alone, I've always been alone, so how could I even have an idea of what it is? I grew up scorned, hated, outcasted and that's all I have to base my emotions from, all I have to base that emotion off of…" he finished, the blue of his eyes dulled by sadness. Naruto had poured his fragile heart out in those few sentences, he was trusting his friend completely in telling him those things, and the only thing Sasuke could think to give back to him was comforting words…even though he knew the fair exchange would be to give the boy his own heart. But he couldn't do that, eh never could.
"Friendship is…a sort of love." Sasuke said carefully, and Naruto turned to look at him with unusually guarded eyes. "It's about caring, and listening, and knowing each others hopes and dreams, fears and nightmares, their favorite color, their favorite food, where they like to go, what they like to do, and being able to just sit together and not have to say a word, about being comfortable with one another', and…it's not about being there when something happens, or stopping something from happening, or even protecting them…it's about being there to pick up the pieces after it has happened, and helping to fix them." Sasuke finally finished, a blush covered his pale cheeks as Naruto looked at him with a chocked look.
"..I-I've never heard you say so much at once, I thinks its most you've ever said!" the blonde exclaimed. Sasuke scowled and turned his head to the side, setting his mouth in a slight frown.
"…Are you…pouting!?" Naruto asked, pushing himself to his knees as he leaned over Sasuke's outstretched legs to get a look at his face.
"…no." Sasuke muttered childishly, turning his head further away from the curious boy. Resulting in the blonde leaning further across his lap, repeating 'Are too', until Sasuke finally gave in and turned to face his friend. His vision was consumed by a pair of bright blue eyes that sparkled in the dim light, as the two boys hovered less than an inch apart, frozen in place, neither daring to move.
A/N: Bwhahahahahahaha! A cliffhanger! Actually this is me not knowing where to go from here and them pretending I meant for the chapter to end like this. So at the moment I am open to whatever my dear readers want. Give me your opinions for what should happen. Should they actually kiss, or freak out, or you know Naruto could just get a kunai to the back of the head and tada! all problems solved.
Sasu: or I could go back to being asexual… -glares at author-
Mfs: or you could not… -glares back-
Naruto: could I not die? -completely ignored-
Sasu: I don't want to be gay -glare of doom-
Mfs: but I want you to be gay -glare of death-
Naruto: …please?