A/N: This little ficlet was inspired by a story of my two younger cousins. One of them always looks out for the other and when one went off to camp and the other didn't, they were like this. Anyway, I wrote this in like ten minutes tops in my notebook and it's my first Supernatural fic, so I'm still getting the hang of the characters.
Dean had been watching out for Sam his whole life and he'd gotten used to looking over his shoulder for his little brother long ago. It was as natural to him as breathing and possibly more frequent. None of this stopped when Sam wasn't there. For Dean, Sam's absence wasn't just the breaking of a habit; he didn't just miss his brother. It made him anxious to not have Sam there. Mostly because he couldn't be sure that Sam was really safe. Protecting his brother was like breathing, so he felt as disoriented as you would in a dream where you were drowning. He was actually fine, but he didn't always believe that.
The first time Dean really noticed it was when he and John had dropped Sam off at a distant cousin's house in Connecticut. Sam had begged to be allowed to stay put for just a little while and Dean had convinced John on Sam's behalf. He said that Sam would still be available to do research and he would be relatively safe.
A few months after they'd dropped Sam off, John went to work a job with Bobby and left Dean to deal with a couple of vamps on his own. In the ensuing struggle, Dean looked over his shoulder and started to say, "Sa—" but Sam wasn't there. He whipped around and slashed the vamp's head clean off. He had to channel all that emotion into something.
When Sam left for Stanford, things got worse. Despite his teasing and pranks and the fights, Dean wanted Sam to be happy and do well, but he didn't want him to leave. The night of the big fight, when Sam left and John yelled and Dean didn't know what to do, he'd gone to bed, shoved his head under the pillow and didn't sleep. He didn't feel like drinking or eating pie or sleeping. He'd never tell, but most of his energy that night was used fighting off tears and trying not to imagine a future without his brother.
The next three jobs they worked Dean turned around or went to call out for Sam before remembering that he wasn't there. He doesn't say much about that time in his life, especially not to Sam, but he thinks about it every now and then. Once in a while, he'll look for back up and be surprised to see his Sasquatch little brother there. But he used to be surprised when Sam wasn't there. This was a much better surprise.
Thanks for reading! Please drop a review and let me know what you think =]