It was the night the other side collapsed and everybody was on the emotion roller coaster ride. It has been hours since they came back from the other side and witnessed it disappear. Elena was still in the cemetery, refusing to leave, grasping every chance that she could somehow be closer to Damon. Alaric hanged around to support her and to mourn his friend. Enzo was nowhere to be found, probably left to cause more trouble somewhere. The sibling witches just embraced and enjoyed each other's presence.
Unable to take the depressing atmosphere, Stefan headed back towards the boarding house, desperate for some alone time.
Opening the door, the silence enveloped him and his chest instantly filled with sadness as soon as his eyes landed on his brother's favorite liquor cart.. He had to drag himself upstairs instead of bolting from the house.
Stefan sat down in front of his desk, pulled out his latest journal and started to write:
Dear diary,
For over a century, I've lived in a secret until I once again arrived at Mystic Falls. I don't mean to be too sentimental but here, the curse Katherine set upon us broke: I opened myself up, made friends, fell in love, fell out of love, lost many friends, even lost myself and found myself again.
In the a hundred and sixty or so years of my life, I have brushed past death countless times and actually died twice. The first time, I turned into a vampire and the second time, I came back to life, along with several of my close friends. But Damon and Bonnie never made it out from the other side.
I remember my reaction when we first learnt about the existence of the other side. And now I feel the same way with the other side gone. Only this is worse because my only family left, my brother went away with it. There is no right way to describe what I am feeling right now because honestly, I have no idea how I feel about him gone.
I remember there was a time when Damon and I were still close, before the competition started between us, he was the best brother you could ever have. I didn't have any memory of mother and Damon used to tell me stories of her even though it pained him to talk about her. We were such good buddies until Katherine came along. She toyed with our feelings, tore us apart and ruined our chance of ever having a family. She made him hate me so much that he promised an eternity of misery. Speaking of, I don't know how he managed to find me but every time I moved to a new place, he was always able to get a hold of me and ruin the life I just built. I had always thought he kept his promise just to punish me but now I finally realized why he kept doing that. All the tormenting was simply his strange way of showing that he cared. And tonight he died for me, which I will never be able to forget. Even now, after I've hurt him countless times, he was still willing to do this for me.
I hope that Damon and Bonnie are not suffering because of what ever happened to the other side. Elena is devastated that Damon is gone, actually several other people were sad that he's gone, he seemed to grow on us with his annoying presence. I have no idea how to comfort Elena or anyone else for that matter when I can't even feel comfort myself. And she lost one of her best friends as well. I'm just afraid that she will turn off her humanity again. It would be so easy if you just turn the switch and for a split second, I almost wanted to do it too. But I can't, for me, for Damon, for my other friends, and for Lexi.
And Lexi. Lexi helped me so much throughout the years. Whenever I fell off the wagon, she was always there to fix me and pull me back. The way she puts me first is why I love her so much but I would rather her do something for herself before finding her peace. And I wish that she was still here somehow, watching over me.
Stefan paused writing and looked up towards the other side of his room. He could almost see Lexi standing there, smiling at him. He imagined her saying, "Long time no see, old friend. Stop brooding! Be reckless and have some fun!" and smiled to himself sadly. He stood up and walked up to his bookshelf. He picked up a journal from 1987 and began to reminisce the happy time they spent together.
He stood by the window, recalling the old memories until the first glimpse of sunlight came into view. Stefan looked back at the unfinished entry in his journal and picked up his pen again:
It is always hard to control my bloodlust in this town with so much going on. The craving is always there. But with them gone, it's been creeping up on me for the last couple of hours. How am I going to control it this time without Lexi's help? I need to get out of town to get it together. I know it is the only way I'll make it through.
The only good outcome today was that Alaric came back. At least, someone can take care of Elena and the others. But he is experiencing the great lost of his friend too. I am not yet ready to embrace the fact that Damon is gone. Should I be mourning the lost of him? Should I be finding a possible way to get them back? Should I…?
I wish to travel away, leaving all the painful memories behind and start a new life. But I know that it is not that simple. We still need to find a way to rescue them. But for once, I just want to let loose and not be the typical Stefan everyone knows. And I will deal with the reality later.
Stefan sighed and shut his journal. He could not just sit there and wait for the overwhelming emotions to engulf him. He needed to get out of Mystic Falls. With a new determination in mind, he threw the journal into the large pile of his old journals and headed out. Mounting his motorcycle, he rode towards the opposite direction of sunrise, far away from the haunting small town.