a/n: just a little something i had to get out of my system. I dont particularly like the way the damon / bonnie storyline was handled in the books , or rather the way it was ignored. .

but anyway, im done rambling now. reviews are appreciated. :)

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She was watching him that night, just like she always did. But of course he was oblivious to her. He was too busy running behind Elena, attending to her every whim and desire, to take notice of anyone or anything else.

But still she continued to watch him; it was almost like she no longer had any control over it. Oh, sure it had started out just like any other one of her numerous infamous crushes. But she had never been this girl, she had never been someone controlled by her feelings for a boy.

But he, he had somehow gotten under her skin and was now stuck there, permanently. And the worst part of it all was, that, all of her friends thought it was just another schoolyard crush of hers, and that she was being melodramatic or foolish when she talked about it.

So she stopped talking about it. To anyone. She even tried to stop staring at him, thinking about him, feeling bad when he used her to get his way and then carelessly tossed her aside to make way for Elena , but that was a bit more than her heart could handle.

So she had decided that she would leave. Go somewhere far away where she could have some respite from her unrequited love.

But, fool that she was , she had wanted for one last time , if not to talk to him and spend some time then at least to watch him a while before she left for good.

So she went to the old boarding house where he was staying. Meredith had said that he and Elena were over there, earlier that evening.

As she neared the house she noticed the lights were on in the kitchen, the window painting a very cozy picture. She could see, sitting at the kitchen island, a very smiling Elena, in all of her doll - like perfection, watching as he cooked for her.

The same Elena she had seen kissing Stefan earlier that day. Elena wasn't naturally a bad person, but it was almost like it was a part of her, something she had no control over, to make people fall in love with her. She couldn't hate Elena for that.

Nor could she hate him for falling for the same thing countless other guys before him had. But she could hate him, for bringing her into all of it. She hadn't randomly woken up one day and decided to have feelings for him, he had been kind to her , shown her his extremely rare good side , cared for her , kissed her.

And then forgot all about her the moment he saw Elena. That she could hate him for. And she did, she hated him almost as much as she loved him.

She felt lighter than she had, in a long time, turning away from him, from them.

She hoped that at least by putting some distance between them, she would be able to get over him. Maybe even find happiness again.

But, the worst part was of course, that in order to get away, she had to leave her friends behind too. If they knew about her intentions or where she went, they would never stop until they brought her back. And she didn't want them to put their normal, happy lives on hold to look for her when she didn't even want to be here. She especially didn't want him to think too much about the fact that she had left and why.

And so, taking a deep breath, she walked away.

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He couldn't sleep.

It was her birthday today. Elena and the others had cut a cake for her, though the "birthday" had more of a funeral feel to it.

It had been six months since anyone had heard from her. She had just disappeared, out of their lives , for good.

And god he missed her.

The last day he had seen her, she hadn't seemed like herself. She had seemed very sad and withdrawn, like she was saying goodbye to everything around her, and he kicked himself for not noticing it then.

But he had been very busy that day; he had noticed Elena and Stefan sneaking around the past few days. He had decided to have a talk with Elena that night.

He had been cooking her dinner. He planned to tell her that night, that there was no reason for her to hide her feelings for Stefan. Especially since he was developing some feelings too, for someone.

So he had told her that night. About his little bird, and all of the tender, protective feelings he had been trying so hard to hide.

She had been so happy for him. For them. She seemed convinced that Bonnie felt the same way.

If only that were true.