Misa hates it.
She hates how she can't achieve what she's fought for.
From the start, she's known that she would never gain Light's affections. He never talks to her as though he appreciates her. It's always like he's on business, doing his job.
Like he doesn't want to talk to her.
She's seen how Light looks at Ryuzaki. Ever since she saw them talking, she's known that no one would be better for him than the other man.
She doesn't want to believe it. She loves him. He has to love her back. Their relationship has to be one of love. Of trust. Of mutual agreement.
Not because of the Shinigami who threatened Light. Not because Rem does love her. Rem loves her like he doesn't.
She doesn't love her back, but Rem knows. Rem knows that she won't get more out of Misa than friendship.
She is satisfied with as much as she can get.
Misa, however, is not. How can she love another when he's right there? His smile mesmerizing, his gaze warm.
He's not looking at her, but sometimes she imagines he does. She imagines he loves her. She imagines that he laughs at a joke she made. She imagines that he combs through her hair with her fingers.
She imagines him calling her affectionate pet names. She imagines him telling her "I love you" on every single occasion. Every single thing she does.
"I love you." "I love you, Misa." "I love you only, Misa." "I love you so much...Ryuzaki."
No. No, no, no… Light is hers. Light doesn't love Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki is wrong.
One morning, those sweet smiles and warm eyes are returned. One morning passes, and Light and Ryuzaki don't release each other's hand. One morning, she knows her last chance is gone.
One morning she sees how Ryuzaki reciprocated Light's feelings.
One morning she asks herself why. Why doesn't he like her? Why does he prefer Ryuzaki? Is he sweeter, like the food he so much adores? Is he kinder, like a perfect marriage? Is he smarter, like Light himself?
Ryuzaki is everything she isn't.
He understands the things Light enjoys, unlike her. He can make Light laugh, unlike her. He can understand Light at a level no one else can.
Simply because they're two geniuses brought together through what only can be fate.
A while passes like this. She doesn't want this.
She sees him laugh at something Ryuzaki says. She sees how the laughter nearly brings tears to those beautiful eyes. She sees the adoration, the pure love in Light's eyes.
She wants him to look at her like that.
Even if he doesn't mean it.
She watches as Ryuzaki leans towards Light slightly and whispers something in the other's ear. She can see the slight blush dusting Light's beautiful face as he nods, those hazel eyes full of longing.
She knows, she sees it every time she looks in the mirror.
She sees as the two men stand up and leave towards the stairs. She follows them.
She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to believe the truth. Light is hers. He has to be. She loves him. It's fate, that they will end up together.
He doesn't love her back, but she'll make him. Even if he has to force the feelings.
She'll be the one standing next to him at the altar, in a beautiful white dress. She'll be the one being told "marry me", she'll be the one to hear that "yes, Yagami Light wants to marry her".
She'll take the Yagami name. Yagami Misa has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
She follows all the way to the roof, where she watches them stand near the fence on the edge. She watches Light's soft smile.
Her heart melts.
"What did you want to tell me?" he asks, their fingers laced together between the two of them.
"Light-kun, I love you more than anything in the universe," Ryuzaki states, looking a little anxious. "You mean more to me than anything. I'm asking this now, but you know I'm not good at social norms. I'm a sugar addict who sits weird."
Light lets out a chuckle, his thumb rubbing over the other's knuckles.
Misa knows where this is leading. She may not be the brightest, but she knows human emotion. She doesn't need their level of intelligence to know what's happening.
She can break them apart. Claim Light as hers, because he is.
She merely watches.
"But," Ryuzaki continued, "I feel like this is a good moment. Yagami Light-kun…"
Misa turns away. She doesn't want to see the ring shimmering in sunlight.
"Will you marry me?" Her curiosity gets the better of her.
"Yes!"
Her heart races. The two men kiss feverishly.
She runs.
Her legs carry her to her apartment, where she drops limply onto her sofa. The love of her life marrying another, a man. Why? Why can't she let him go?
Why can't she love someone else as well?
A blanket is dropped over her trembling body with extreme care, a large hand running through her golden hair.
"Don't kill him," she whispers softly. She's broken.
She doesn't want either of them dead.
She doesn't want to ruin Light's chance at happiness.
Happiness he'd never feel with her.
"Why not?" Rem asks, her voice impossibly kind for a so-called god of death.
Misa remembers when she first met Rem. She was so surprised at how caring the Shinigami had been to her.
"His happiness is my happiness," she whispers. The human turns her head towards the Shinigami, who is kneeling on the floor.
Her single invisible, bright yellow eye carries worry. Kindness. Love.
"I care about you, Misa. He hurt you. I can see that," Rem pushes the human, enveloping Misa's hand in her own.
"Someday I will be happy for him," Misa insists. She will be. Someday she'll realize that Ryuzaki is the true one for him. Someday she'll realize Light won't love her like Ryuzaki loves him. Someday, maybe, she will be able to put aside those feelings for him and love another instead.
If Rem can live knowing who she loves, loves another, then surely Misa can too.