Disclaimer: No connections between me and them, I checked, twice.
A/N: Yes, another fic about Ianto acting odd and it all being Jack's fault. Just some much needed light hearted fun. I hope it makes you smile.
Gwen watched curiously as Ianto followed Jack out of his office and down to Ianto's desk. The younger man seemed to slow as they passed Toshiko but a word from Jack prevented him from stopping. Jack dropped some papers onto the desk before stepping over to the filing cabinet with Ianto following as he started digging through the top drawer. Ianto stood by his side, fidgeting slightly, before reaching out to pick up the calculator that was positioned squarely on the corner of his desk. The instrument was quickly taken out of his hands and set back down as Jack pulled him closer to his side. Keeping hold of Ianto's hand Jack continued to page through the file drawer until he found what he was looking for. A gentle tug prevented Ianto from edging back towards the desk and with another quiet word Jack led the way back into his office. The file in his hand and Ianto following closely.
Gwen was mystified at their odd behavior and looked around at Tosh who had been engrossed in the computer code scrolling across her monitor and hadn't noticed anything. "Tosh? Have you noticed anything odd about Jack and Ianto today?"
"What do you mean?"
"They're acting strange."
"You mean stranger than usual?"
"I mean Jack came out of his office to get a file and Ianto followed him the whole time, and when Ianto picked up a calculator Jack took it from him and set it back down. Then they went back to Jacks office."
Tosh was only half listening, still engrossed with her computer program. "That is strange. Why would Jack need a file? I thought Ianto did all his paperwork."
Gwen sighed with exasperation. "That's not the strange behavior I was talking about."
Tosh looked at Gwen and gave her a smile. "Ianto probably didn't trust Jack to find the file himself and threatened to hit him with the calculator if he messed up the filing system." She turned back to her computer. "I don't think it's anything to worry about."
Gwen shook her head with a smile. "You're probably right. After being away on holiday so long what is actually normal behavior between those two just seems a little strange." She went back to her desk to continue going through the messages and paperwork that had piled up while she was gone.
An hour later Jack came out of his office again. Gwen's eyes widened in confusion as she saw that Ianto had a tight grip on the back strap of Jack's braces. The two men walked over into the kitchenette area as the two women watched. "Tosh, what ever happened to the blender that Owen broke?" Jack called out.
"I think Ianto put it in the cupboard until he could take it in for repair." Tosh and Gwen looked at each other in surprise. "Is there a problem, Jack?"
"No, no problem." There was a clatter of metal as if the lid of the coffee machine had fallen to the ground followed by a whispered argument that neither woman could make out before the two men reappeared. One hand holding the blender and the other resting firmly on Ianto's shoulder Jack looked at Tosh. "Would you try to get a hold of Owen for me? I really need to speak with him."
"The conference will have already started, but I can send him a text message to give you a call."
"As soon as possible. Thanks."
Jack guided Ianto into his office and shut the door. The women glanced at each other before contemplating the closed door. A flash of confusion crossed Tosh's face and she quickly pulled out her phone to text Owen.
Less than thirty minutes later the door opened and a slightly stressed looking Jack walked out, again with Ianto in tow. "Any word from Owen yet?"
"Nothing yet."
"Okay."
The burning curiosity in Gwen's expression was ignored as the two men set off in the direction of the archives.
As soon as they were out of sight Gwen jumped up and ran into Jacks office whispering to Tosh, "Let me know if you see them coming back." There on his desk was an open file folder. She knew that Tosh and Ianto probably had the file information in their computers so she didn't bother grabbing the entire file and just shuffled through it to find a header page that had the file contents listed. She hurried back to Toshiko's desk where she found her watching the CCTV feed from the archives.
"Look at this." Tosh pointed to where Jack was obviously looking for something but was hindered slightly as he was holding Ianto's hand again.
"What do you suppose they're looking for?" Gwen asked. They watched as Ianto reached out with his free hand and started playing with the buttons on Jack's shirt and Jack pushing the hand away. The women looked at each other in surprise. Jack refusing the advances of Ianto? Something was definitely wrong.
Gwen held out the paper to Tosh. "This is the file that was on Jack's desk. Can you pull it up? It may have something to do with what's happening."
A few taps on the keyboard and Toshiko had the file pulled up on the monitor. "Nothing dangerous. A bottle of glittery gel fell through the rift about a week ago. Jack said it looked like body paint from the Magenta Galaxy. Non-toxic. Owen ran a battery of tests on it which seemed to confirm Jack's assumption. The toxicology tests came back showing the paint had a mild aphrodisiac imbedded in it but other than that it was clean. They sent a sample off to Martha over at UNIT for further analysis but she hasn't reported anything back yet."
Gwen read through the findings that Tosh had pulled up on her computer monitor. "Is the paint locked up?"
Tosh looked surprised. "I don't know. Owen said it wasn't hazardous but I don't know where he put it." Her eyes widened with worry. "You don't suppose…"
Gwen pursed her lips. "What do you think would happen if you put Jack in the same room as an aphrodisiac, body paint and Ianto?"
Tosh inhaled deeply, looking stunned while worry warred with amusement. "Oh my, Jack would, wouldn't he? But then what's wrong with Ianto? He's acting very strangely."
Just then Jack and Ianto came up the stairs towards them. Ianto was carrying a strange alien device in his hands with Jack's hand once again resting firmly on his shoulder. Scrubbing his free hand tiredly through his hair Jack asked, "has Owen called in?"
"Not yet."
"Would you try again, it's kind of urgent, and let me know as soon as he calls in. Thanks." He directed Ianto up to his office then shut the door behind them.
Tosh sent Owen another message as Gwen paced back to her desk before sitting down.
"Maybe I should go and talk to them," Gwen started uncertainly. A crash of breaking glass decided it for her. "That's it. Something is going on and we need to know."
Determined strides brought her quickly to Jack's office with Tosh hurrying to keep up. Both women stopped short just inside the doorway, mouths dropping open as they were torn between amusement, embarrassment and concern.
The sound of the door opening briefly drew Jack's attention and he managed a quick plea, "A little help please?" before his attention was forced to return to the man in front of him. Jack was standing with his back pressed up against the wall behind his desk. He kept grabbing at Ianto's hands trying to keep them away from him while Ianto was aggressively trying to get at Jack's shirt. He was not at all distracted as the women walked into the room and was either very quick and agile or had grown extra arms because Ianto was all over the older man and it was taking every last one of Jack's evasive skills to block all those hands.
Gwen put a hand on Ianto's shoulder drawing him away from Jack easily. "What's wrong with him?" she demanded.
"I don't know. Let's call Owen." A slightly panicked look crept back into his eyes as Ianto shook off Gwen's hand and started tugging at Jack's shirt buttons again. "And fast."
----------o0O0o----------
"Hullo? Is there anyone here?" The female voice echoed slightly around the Hub.
"What do you know, I take a day out of the office and everybody else takes the day off. C'mon. The stuff is in my lab." Owen led the way down to the autopsy bay as Dr. Martha Jones followed.
"I thought you people basically lived here," she smiled.
"Obviously it's just a ruse to keep the dead from slacking off." He gave a derisive grunt as he pointed at himself.
"Owen? Is that you?" Tosh came hurrying out of Jacks office. "Martha? What are you doing here?" She came to a surprised halt before waving her hands dismissingly. "Never mind. Come up here quickly. Gwen is going to kill Jack and something is wrong with Ianto." The panic in her eyes was enough to make the two doctors run up the stairs to Jack's office.
Stepping inside the door they looked at each other in confusion as they took in the odd tableau laid out before them.
Gwen stood in the center of the room holding a pair of scissors and staring at Jack with a look that should have left him dead on the floor. The tension running through her body was almost palpable. Clearly she was angry at Jack about something.
Jack was standing, back pressed against the wall, with a worried look on his face as he kept a close eye on Gwen. He didn't dare move in case it set her off and she really did use the scissors on certain bits of his anatomy as she had threatened.
Sitting calmly on the floor, oblivious to the tension in the room, Ianto was humming quietly to himself as he worked with some bits and pieces of alien technology that had been neatly arranged in front of him on a low coffee table.
Jack visibly relaxed his stance as Owen hurried over to take the scissors away from Gwen, putting them out of her reach. The angry look she gave Owen had the doctor cringing inwardly before she turned her accusing gaze back to Jack. "Do you know what he did?" she asked the newcomer.
"Hey, it was an accident!" Jack bridled at the accusation in her voice.
"Accident? Ha! Why don't I believe you!"
"It was up on the shelf."
"But why was it on that shelf in the first place?"
"Okay, quiet!" Both Jack and Gwen broke off of their argument and turned in surprise to see Martha standing in the doorway watching the events unfold. "Would someone please tell me what's going on here? I haven't been here for a few months and haven't made it back up to speed with you lot yet."
Both Jack and Gwen started to speak but Martha held up her hand to silence them and turned to Ianto. "My first question is Ianto, what are you doing?"
Ianto looked up at her and said, "This Shongtone Gong isn't working properly so Jack said I could take it apart and try to fix it." His attention went back to the task he was working on as he used the small screwdriver to poke at some fibre-optic strands that were sticking out of an opening. His fingers worked smoothly as he deftly started putting the pieces back together using the screwdriver as a lever to guide the pieces to where he wanted them to go.
"Tosh said you might not be feeling well. Can you tell me what happened?" Martha crouched down next to him taking his chin in her hand to see his eyes better. His pupils were dilated and didn't focus in on her. There was a slight flush to his cheeks and his skin seemed a bit warmer than it should. His hands kept playing restlessly with the pieces of the gong that hadn't been replaced yet.
"I'm feeling fine. Maybe a little tired, but there have been a number of items that needed some repairs or adjustments and Jack won't allow me to play with him until my work is done." Owen could be heard trying to conceal a snort of laughter.
"Can you tell me when you started feeling this way?" Martha pressed her fingers to his wrist and checked her watch as she felt his pulse.
Ianto just shrugged as Martha released his wrist and he turned his attention back to the Shongtone Gong carefully slipping the last pieces in place.
Wrapping a gentle hand around Ianto's arm, Owen pulled him to his feet. "C'mon. Let's see what's going on with you. Down to my office."
Ianto pressed one of the many buttons on the gong, nodding at the rich musical tone it emitted before handing it to Tosh and following Owen out of the office.
Tosh stood playing with the gong Ianto had handed her. The musical tones were soothing and melodious, reverberating off the walls in gentle waves. The remaining tension in the office seemed to slowly melt away. "Sound waves," she murmured to herself. Then turned and hurried off to her workstation where Jack and Gwen could see her pulling up different programs on her computer and searching out various scanning devices, once again immersed in strange alien technology.
The two remaining occupants of the office moved toward the door, Jack keeping a wary eye on Gwen as he got closer. She stopped him with a hand to his chest and held up a warning finger in front of his face. "His condition had better not turn out to be something serious." The tight expression and flashing eyes belied the fact that she wanted to say more but was restraining herself, before she stomped out of the office after the two doctors and her young friend.
Jack followed more slowly keeping a safe distance. Best to let her cool off a bit. He didn't want to have to continually watch his back for the next month or so and Ianto wouldn't be too happy if he had to confiscate all the scissors.
----------oO0Oo----------
Martha and Owen led Ianto down to the autopsy bay and had him take off his suitcoat and sit on the table. A medical monitor stood on a metal stand next to the table and Ianto reached out and started examining the buttons. Martha pulled the instrument away from the young man before turning away to look through a cupboard. Looking around distractedly Ianto spotted Gwen and Jack at the top of the stairs. "May I go and… talk… with Jack while you and Owen do what ever it is you're doing?" He turned his full blown puppy dog eyes onto Martha who just smiled and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around his arm.
Giving a quiet huff, Ianto's hopeful expression fell away as Martha turned away to tap the keys of the nearby computer. Reaching out he pulled the monitor back over to his side and once again started poking at it's buttons.
Owen quickly stepped over to pull it away and said, "If you promise not to touch any of my instruments I'll let you play with Jack for a good half hour, undisturbed."
Standing at a distance at the top of the stairs Jack caught the sound of Ianto's low growl but not the actual words and he shifted uncomfortably. Maybe he should escape now, uh, that is, maybe he should go and wait in his office for the test results, behind his desk, his nice large desk.
Ianto's medical file was pulled up on the computer and Martha scanned quickly through it pointing out something to Owen. The other doctor nodded his head and turned away. Loading up a syringe he administered the shot to Ianto as Martha turned to Jack, still at the top of the stairs watching the proceedings carefully.
"Jack, did you know that Ianto is allergic to cats?"
"Well, ah… no?" Confused as to what that had to do with anything. They didn't have cats in the Hub.
Martha gave Jack an appraising look. "You used the Magentan glitter paint didn't you?"
He had the grace to look embarrassed. "I don't know what you mean. Ow!" Gwen punched him in the shoulder. And who knew that a raised eyebrow and steady gaze would be such an effective questioning technique? Martha just looked at him and waited.
Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he gave in. "I thought it might be fun but Ianto said no. I set it out of the way on a shelf but, um, things got a little out of control and we knocked into the shelf tipping the bottle over. A couple of drops must have landed on Ianto's shoulder but we didn't notice at the time." Catching sight of the small smile on Martha's face as she turned away, Jack felt some of his tension ease. "Is he going to be okay? What's wrong with him?"
With a nod to Owen Martha turned back to Jack. "Let's go sit down."
Back in his office Jack had expected just Martha but as he turned to sit down behind his desk he found that the rest of the team along with Owen and Ianto had come in as well.
Owen pushed Ianto gently down into the couch and dragged the old blanket from the back so it was covering the young man. With a heavy sigh Ianto promptly fell asleep, his body relaxing completely. At Jack's worried expression Owen just waved him off. "The shot I gave him made him drowsy. Nothing's wrong with him."
Martha drew his attention, "You said you moved the paint out of the way. Where is it now?"
The bottle was sitting on a high shelf and Jack lifted it down being careful about the stopper in the top which was loose and easy to remove. The sparkling green liquid caught his eye again as he held the bottle, the colour would have looked terrific on Ianto's skin. His seashore fantasy surfaced again and he could just imagine it, sparkling green paint for the ocean, heated blue eyes as the sky, warm pale skin for the sandy beach, and oh how he would love to stretch out naked on that beach. He drew in a calming breath before turning around to give the bottle to Martha only to find Gwen standing in his way. She grabbed the bottle out of his hand. "What you did was horrible."
Putting his hands up in mock surrender Jack exclaimed, "I didn't do anything!"
Martha plucked the bottle out of Gwen's hand and passed it to Owen who got a speculative look on his face before quickly masking it as he noticed Martha still watching him. Jack would have laughed at that but Gwen was still spittting angry and standing in front of him.
Getting a grip on himself Jack straightened his shoulders and looked her directly in the eye. Ianto was a grown man and didn't need anyone to mother him, he could take care of himself.
"Hrumph." The unladylike snort fell easily from Gwen's throat and she turned away to go stand next to Tosh who had been watching the proceedings with an amused smile on her face. This was better than the soap opera she was following on YouTube.
Martha sat down in a chair, her face relaxing as a smile of her own played across her lips. "Well, I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that there is nothing wrong with Ianto. There are quite a few common traits between the Magentans and Earth cats so his cat allergy seems to have caused some complications. I would love to study it further since it appears that he is having a rather interesting allergic reaction to the glitter. Nothing we can't fix, though, and he'll be as right as rain in the morning." The relieved look on Jack's face was mirrored in some form on everyone else's face as well.
Now that the tension was gone and everyone was assured that Ianto was going to be okay, Martha had a few questions that were niggling to be answered. "So you explained how he became exposed, without going into too much detail, thank you, but what exactly brought to your attention that something was wrong with him?"
Jack shifted uncomfortably in his chair.
"This morning he woke up and started taking apart my desk calculator followed by the phone which was, to put it mildly, slightly odd. That's when I noticed the spilled glitter and I went and pulled the file on it. When things started getting weird I asked Tosh to get in touch with Owen."
"What do you mean weird?"
Jack cleared his throat, shrugged and waved his hand in a dismissively casual way as he gestured to a neat pile of items sitting on the floor near to where Ianto had been working. Two calculators, a stopwatch, an old mobile phone along with a blender, a computer keyboard and oddly enough an old TV remote they had found only who knows where.
"Lets just say Ianto likes buttons." A light flush was starting to creep up his neck. No one spoke as they waited for Jack to continue, curious at the sudden flush on his skin.
"So?"
"He kept going after anything with buttons that was within reach."
Their curiosity still unsatisfied Owen spoke again, "So?"
A knowing look came across Martha's face as she watched Jack pull at the front of his shirt and she quickly covered her mouth as she struggled not to laugh. "He wouldn't leave my buttons alone," Jack burst out.
"I would have thought you might enjoy that." Owen smirked as the others gave strangled little chokes.
Jack threw up his arms in exasperation. "But that was it, just my buttons! He has long graceful musician fingers and a wicked tongue and would tease my buttons open just to button them up again, and then do it again, over and over. Do you know how frustrating that can be?"
Unable to hold it in any longer, Martha burst out laughing with everyone else joining in at the mental image Jack created. Even Ianto seemed to be smiling in his sleep as Jack crossed his arms in vexation. "It's not funny."
And life goes on.