A/N: Hey everyone! Alright, well I'm not too sure about this fic (seeing as it was written at 2 in the morning during a bad case of insomnia), but I thought I'd post it anyway. Well, it's been over two years since I've last written anything, so here goes nothing. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: No, House does not belong to me.
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It was a slow day in the diagnostics lounge at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. The team was once again caseless, forcing the ducklings to do petty jobs to pass the time. Foreman was off working on his clinic hours and House was, to no ones surprise, nowhere to be found. This left Chase and Cameron alone in the office.
"Hey Cam," Chase called sleepily, barely looking up from his crossword puzzle. "Four letter word for a yearning...got any?"
Cameron turned around to tell him she wasn't sure, but then held back after noticing the young doctor had dozed off to a sound sleep.
'A yearning,' the immunologist thought to herself, 'a four letter word for a yearning?' For some reason, the puzzle had caught her interest.
'Love?' She questioned herself. By definition, love can be summed up as a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, brought on by a recognition of their attractive qualities. Sure, love could easily fit the definition of a yearning. When you love someone, you pine for them daily and nightly. Missing their voice, their touch, their smell, and every last thing that makes up their being.
However, when a person reaches this point of intense affection with their significant other, they generally already spend the majority of their time together, so did love really fit? Yes, you may miss them while at work or out running an errand, but was there really time for a deep, passionate yearning for said person?
In rare cases, one may experience the whole "love at first sight" deal, where, without even knowing a person's name, they get the illusion that they cannot live without this person, but really, who buys that crap? Hopeless romantics, maybe, but they have their nose stuck in so many romance novels they have lost their ability to decipher what's reality and what's make believe when it comes to the subject of love.
No, it couldn't be love. 'Lust,' she tried again. The definition for lust, an overwhelming desire or craving, is much less sentimental than that of love. A more fitting emotion to go along with a yearning. Lust is often created off of what we think we know rather than what we know. People don't fall in love based solely upon what a person looks like or what they've heard about them, these false beliefs cause people to fall into lust. Lust is not permanent, nor is it in need of any commitment. It is basically the adults equivalent of a teenage girls crush on Orlando Bloom. No good was going to come out the craving, but for some reason you feel the need to hold on to it.
Why is it then that humans so often get the two emotions confused with one another?
'Why is it that I got them confused?' Cameron pondered. Her crush on House, she thought it was real. She thought it was out of a general attraction to him because of his brilliance, his passion, his strive; but it wasn't.
She was not in love with House because of his 'attractive' qualities, she was in lust with House because of her thirst to cure him of his 'unattractive' qualities.
'What I am is what you need...I'm damaged.'
Damn it, House was right. House is always right. After over a year of telling herself he was wrong, she didn't just need another charity case, realization hit her like a ton of bricks, and it hurt, but it was a good hurt.
Originally Cameron had thought House had acted so callous on their date to shield himself from getting hurt, but at that moment it clicked. He wasn't trying to protect himself, he was protecting her. The same girl who has married a dying man out of pity was trying to make a belligerent cripple fall in love with her so she could change him; open his eyes to all the butterflies and rainbows he'd been missing out on, but he didn't want that, and she shouldn't have either.
Even if her plan did work, what happened after she finally transformed him? There would be nothing left to fix and she'd be left with the same feeling of uselessness that entered her life when her husband died.
The son of a bitch knew her better than she knew herself. She had wasted an entire year convincing herself she was in love with her boss, Dr. Gregory House, and she would have wasted a lot more time if he had given into her temptations. House knew better, she didn't.
She couldn't even count the amount of offers she had turned down 'saving herself' for the man. Who knows who any of these guys could have been. For all she knew, one of them could have been 'the one,' but she would never know. Why? Because she was too nice to admit that she was, in a way, using Gregory House. She needed to be needed, and she thought no one could need her more than the man who was too screwed up to love anyone, but what she had said to him was right. He wasn't too screwed up to love, he just didn't love her.
Finally Cameron realized the feeling was mutual, she wasn't in love with House either.
Never was, never will be.
"Damn lust," she muttered, slamming her fist down on the table; spilling some of her coffee and waking up the sleeping intensevist sitting across from her.
"Huh, w-what?" The blond stammered groggily.
"Nothing, I'm sorry," Cameron said apologetically.
"Okay," Chase replied, shrugging, while going to put his head back down.
"Wait Chase," Cameron demanded softly. The Aussie looked up. "How about we get a drink," she paused, smiling, "after work, I mean."
"I'd love to," he said back. Cameron just flashed him another grin. He shot her an equally flirtatious one back.
Acceptance is always the hardest part, but once you maneuver yourself over that speed bump, all sorts of good is bound to unravel.
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A/N: Well, there you have it. My first House fanfic. Like I said, I'm not sure about it, but I figured I might as well post it. I'm really rusty and want to get back into writing. So yeah, whatever, haha.
Well, please review! It would mean a lot to me!