a series of moments between Amy and Ricky following the birth of John.

THIS IS HOW IT WENT

1.

Our Son

It felt like she had been awake for nine months straight, when really she had just awoken from sleep. Her eyes opened and she groggily took in her surroundings, for a moment she felt panic well within her. The room was dim, but she could definitely see that this was not her bedroom. When she heard the tiniest snore from beside her, she understood.

'So it really happened' she thought, staring at the bundle beside her bed. She'd had the baby. Without warning a sob had escaped her throat. Clamping her mouth shut, she bit her lip – hard, to keep herself from sobbing noisily. She couldn't count how many times she had cried since finding out she was pregnant, but none of those times had felt like this.

What was she supposed to do now? She thought idly, watching the small rise and fall of his chest.
John, she had named him (with help from Ashley). If she was honest, she hadn't even thought about naming the baby, she hadn't wanted to think about it. She never wanted him at all. She had seen him as a curse from the moment she found out. But, looking at him now, she felt guilt at ever looking at him that way. "I'm sorry" she whispered.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the tell-tale signs of movement in the room. Looking up from where John lay, her eyes widened. Asleep in the chair, was the father of her baby.
He sat there, his head leant against the back of the chair, and legs spread out ungracefully.
Seeing Ricky, asleep in her hospital room after giving birth to their kid, was the last thing she ever expected to see. Although Ricky had said numerous times to her that he would be there for the baby, she never really believed it. Oh, she believed that he wanted to, that he really did feel bad, and wanted to help out, but she never believed that he would stick it out. She had figured that he'd freak out eventually and never talk to her again – but here he was, out cold, beside their sleeping son.

Once again, her eyes grew wet with tears, an emotion she couldn't name pulsed with each beat of her heart. His face was so at peace, different than he'd ever looked. Even when he was happy, he'd never looked like this. He looked so different from the last time she had seen him sleeping.

She bit her lip unconsciously as she recalled it; it was the night that John was conceived. She'd never told anyone, never even brought it up to Ben, but while the sex itself wasn't what she had imagined, Ricky hadn't just got up and ditched her afterwards. Instead he had pulled her closer, with a relaxed arm around her shoulder, and her cheek tucked up underneath his chin. Amy recalled the smile she'd had on her face; it was, of course, before the horror at what she'd done had overtaken her. No, that was for the next morning.

It had hurt a lot, and it definitely didn't last as long as she'd thought, but when she thought about it- it wasn't all bad. It was an odd sensation, but she found it almost pleasant being so full when he was inside her. And as he rocked into her, she found that she'd wanted it to last forever. She never told Lauren or Madison that, and she definitely hadn't told Ben that. She knew that Ben wouldn't take too well to the fact that she hadn't hated sex with Ricky. They'd fallen asleep on that couch and at some stage Amy had awoken. She'd looked up at his face, and had taken in every single detail, his cheekbones, his jaw line and his lips - lips that had trailed the inside of her thigh. She shivered before shaking the thought from her mind.

But even in sleep, there was a small crease between his brow, and tension on his face. She'd watched while his face had twitched – as though dreaming of something awful. Later on, Amy would wonder to herself if he had been dreaming of nights long since passed, when a cowering little boy had been violated by a monster.

But now, as she watched him, there was an expression of….relief, as though for once, for one precious moment, he was not tormented by his past. If just for one night, he had been spared from such things, Amy was relieved. She didn't like Ricky all that much, but she hated thinking that he'd had to go through that.

Suddenly, closed lids began to open, slowly being pulled from the depths of slumber. His gaze was unfocused to begin with, as he absorbed his surroundings, before finally landing on her face.

"Hi" she whispered.

"Hi" he replied. Their eyes held, and Amy felt as though they were having their own silent conversation – conversations without words, but gestures of eyes caressing skin.
He looked away after a moment, clearing his throat – the spell broken. "I hope it's okay that I'm here".

"It's fine".

He smiled softly, a rare sight on Ricky Underwood. There was no smirk, or sneer, just an honest to god smile. Amy found that she liked that smile on Ricky. It was the smile she'd seen when he'd held John for the first time – a moment she never thought she'd see, a moment that she hadn't thought would affect her so much.

His eyes flickered to John, "I still can't believe that he's here, you know?" he whispered.

"I know, it doesn't quite… feel real". She shook her head, "I keep feeling like, at any moment, I'm going to wake up and all of this will turn out to be a dream".

He looked to her, eyes questioning "Would you rather that?"

She bit her lip, pondering his question. Would she rather turn back time and have this never happen at all – erasing John out of existence?

She let out a small laugh, but it was filled with bitterness "No, I guess not. I mean… I didn't want him, and I know that sounds horrible, but I didn't. But, I still love him you know? And now that he's here, I can't just wish him out of existence."

He nodded, before looking back at John's sleeping form.
"I know..." he voice was choked, laced with emotion. "I never thought I'd ever love anyone this much" he laughed, looking back to her with glassy eyes, "I don't even know his name. Did you end up naming him".

Amy nodded, "His name is John"

The corners of his lips rose the tiniest bit, before he looked back to his son "John..." he repeated, as though seeing if it fit the boy in question.

She shrugged, "I-I know it's kind of plain, but uh, I hadn't thought of names and... well Ashley suggested it, and so here we are".

"John, I like it. Our son, John Juergens".

"Underwood." Amy spoke out, earning her a look of surprise on Ricky's face.

"What?"

Biting her lip, she looked up at him under her lashes, suddenly feeling a strange kind of nervousness in the pit of her stomach. "His name, it's John Juergens-Underwood", she confirmed with a nod.

She saw a strange emotion flash in his eyes- even in the dim light; it was so clear and obvious.
"Amy..." he started, shaking his head. "You didn't have to... I don't deserve..." he trailed off.

"Well, I just figured, he's not just my son. He's your son too... "She paused, looking down at the sleeping baby. "He's our son".
When she looked up again, she expected to see Ricky looking down at John again, instead his gaze was on her, and her only it seemed. There was something in his gaze - something that looked a little like affection.

"Our son" he repeated, once again smiling softly.