You Watch Too Much TV.
Chapter I: Muffins.
Author Notes: So, i know most of the characters are pretty OOC, but my plot-bunny was just nagging me to make it work. It's going to be a little citrus-y in later chapters, but for now it's just offensive language. And i had to make the dialogue fitting for the characters, i really hope somebody enjoys this as much as i do.
Disclaimer: If i owned any Square Enix or Disney characters, the world would probably be in trouble. I don't own any mentioned brands, just the story.
I woke up from another one of my weirdo lovestruck dreams.
Yeah, dreams where we hook up, or something. I wasn't far through it.
It was just the part where he stops being so blind and comes onto me.
Yeah, he's hot and all, but Reno is so damn oblivious to flirting. I mean...
It's impossible. And now Demyx, Axel's stupid boyfriend finds it his business somehow,
and informs me that Reno and I are no match at all. He would know.
But i agree, in a way. It's just kind of stupid to think we would get together, i mean,
to me, the age difference is nothing. But it's like we're from two completely different worlds.
Oh, and god, his brother is so obnoxious! I mean Reno is a little... eccentric, but no, not like Axel.
Axel is insane. Completely and utterly insane. Oh, and i discovered he was a pyromaniac not long ago.
I made the mistake of lending him my lighter. In my defense, he would NOT leave me alone, he was crawling all over me, and even worse, he was BEGGING. I caved. And ended up having to throw away my CD case, a calculator, and my favorite shirt. All due to that... disgusting... thing!
And his boyfriend, i mentioned him before, Demyx. He was even worse than Axel, not that i don't appreciate him extinguishing me when Axel caught my sleeve on fire, but did he have to use mouthwash? I was just sitting there, happy as a clam, next thing i know, I'm on fire, Axel is laughing insanely, and Reno is at work, not able to save me. Enter Demyx, the weird mohawk guy who plays the sitar and is obsessed with fish, who just happened to be in the middle of gargling mouthwash. Well, fish-for-brains, not knowing what else to do, panics and spits all of his mouthwash out on me. That night was not fun, and i shall forever fear Listerine.
Oh, yeah, and speaking of the two, their relationship sucks. All they do is fight.
And when they aren't fighting... You do not even want to know the things i hear through these walls. I don't want to know, but seeing as how my big brother is five hours away, busy fucking his boy toy, i decide i would rather be here, living with Axel and Demyx.
I roll over and look at the alarm clock beside my head.
12:37 AM
I sit up and take in the morning. I smell something wonderful in the kitchen. That's when my stomach makes a noise you would normally expect to be attacked by in the woods. It was a pretty normal day already, things were breaking in the other room, Axel and Demyx were fighting again.
I waddled into the kitchen to find- Oh what, I'm not allowed to waddle? I just woke up, leave me alone. Anyway, there was Reno. Cooking his usual monstrosity, he liked to call them eggs. I once was sick, so i used them to induce vomiting. By the way, it worked. Maybe they taste so bad due to the fact that he smokes a cigarette while he cooks. Always has one hanging from his lip. No matter what. But that was not the scrumptious smell. Neither was his disgustingly black coffee.
I tried that coffee once. I almost choked to death. Reno's coffee is so black that not even Satan himself could handle the blackness of it. It was too bitter for taste buds. I suddenly began to wonder if he has any, or if Axel burned them all off in some freak accident. That coffee was the most terrible coffee.
Coffee should be consumed the way God meant it to be.
Purchased, in a Styrofoam cup, with cinnamon and sweet foam collecting at the top, so milky you wonder if it's possible to acquire enough milk to swim in. That is coffee.
"Mornin', short stuff," Reno said in a slightly sarcastic tone. I didn't take it personally, he was always slightly sarcastic. I blushed at the nickname and turned to face away from him, when i noticed the most beautiful thing on the kitchen counter. There, right in front of my face, were muffins. Beautiful, beautiful muffins, with little bits of strawberry in the mix. I love strawberry muffins with the burning intensity of five-thousand suns. I picked up one of the little pieces of heaven, taking a small bite and- Wait, muffins? Since when were there muffins?
"Where did these come from?" I asked while i chewed. Strawberry muffins are my favorite. Those damn muffins were orgasmic.
They were like God himself had smiled upon them, and the angels cried at just the appearance of the best muffins ever. Reno chuckled lowly and put his "eggs" onto a plate seating himself at the table.
"Axe made 'em," he stated, with amused eyes. How dare he be amused at my muffin misery.
I felt my mouth fall open and barely chewed pieces of muffin fall out, along with what was left in my hand hitting the floor. It was like somebody had just shown me the best video game ever, EVER, to be invented, and handed it to me, and let me hold it, then tell me under no circumstances could i play the game once, ever, in my life. Awful, huh?
I ran to the fridge that i so fondly call friend, pulled out the milk carton and swallowed as much as i could get to go down my throat. Oh, ew, that sounds wrong.
"Hope ya plan on cleanin' that up," Reno laughed, adding "And hey, you better not think of gettin' spit in my milk, Blondie," I placed the carton calmly back on the top shelf of Paul, where it belonged. Yes, i call the refrigerator Paul. What is so odd about that? It was an inside joke between me and Hayner. I walked over to the mess on the floor and picked up the once yummy muffin with the most disgusted look on my face, on the verge of being traumatized by the incident. I placed it all in the trash can mumbling of my disgust with Axel and his butt-sex muffins.
"Oh, you sly dog," Reno chuckled, a little obnoxiously, but it was cute, in my opinion "Don't pretend you don't have the hots for my brother," he laughed, bemused, as he put his plate in the sink, lighting up another cigarette. Whoa, wait, what? Axel? Me? Ilike Axel? Whoa-ho-ho-hooo, no.
Never, in a million years. I laughed so hard I may have started crying.
"Yeah right! He... He is so gross!" I retorted, still laughing hysterically, i nearly fell down several times. He looked so very confused. Oh, blind, blind, blind, blind Reno.
"Hey," he started chuckling a bit, "Not my fault you're a raging homosexual," he teased. I blushed a little bit, if only he knew. It was then i realized i was staring at him with "fuck-me-now" eyes. He was stupid, but it was pretty endearing. Oh yeah, I'm hungry, i got up to go to Paul for food, but my thoughts were interrupted by a loud slam. Axel stood in the doorway to the kitchen, looking at his muffins like they were neglected children.
"Nobody wanted muffins?" He looked like a kicked puppy. I have to say, it's cute on him. I detest said red-head. But he is gorgeous, i cannot tell a lie. Reno chuckled, looking at his baby brother.
"Listen, don't look at me, you know i don't do muffins," He wasn't really so much younger. Just a year, but really it was hard to tell them apart. The only major differences were Axel's green eyes and his tattoos. All of a sudden Demyx walked in, scoffing and looking at Axel like i usually do. He was dressed and had a bag over his shoulders, keys in hand.
"Just getting a drink, I'm out," Whoa. Demyx... was out? Demyx was never out. What was he, a frat boy? No. Demyx was pissed. And it was actually kind of intimidating. Even though i could tell he'd been crying, he was more angry than anything. Everyone else was being so silent you could hear a pin hitting the floor. Suddenly he glared at me, and mumbled something to Axel about his muffins going to waste as he passed. A few seconds later the front door slammed. A few seconds after that a car door slammed. And almost immediately after that the car sped away, you could tell he was driving fast. I think he hit the mailbox, too.
Axel looked dumbfounded, a little embarrassed too, actually. That, i did not understand. I guess Reno, who was usually indifferent about their fights, was just as curious as me, considering he was the first one to speak.
"What was that about?" Reno looked truly confused. I probably did too. Actually i had to have looked confused because everyone was suddenly staring at me, and my face made Reno laugh.
Then again, he probably thinks I'm thinking about anal with his brother. My cheeks caught on fire at the mental image. Damn teenage hormones. I was more hormonal than Sora. Or Namine. And that, truly frightened me. Axel was staring at me with a cheshire cat grin. I blushed a little more.
"Nothin'," He brushed it off as if that were true, then laughing and breaking the stare. Thank god.
I hated getting caught in a stare with him. I hated it worse than i hated him. And that's a lot of hate.
"What's wrong, Roxas? I thought you loved strawberry muffins," Axel laughed again, amused.
How did he know about me and strawberry muffins? I don't think i had told him. Then again maybe i did... But why would he make muffins if nobody was going to eat them? Axel doesn't even like strawberries. I was interrupted with a flashback of just minutes ago.
Demyx grabbed a can of Sprite, then slammed Paul shut. Glaring at Axel like he wished he would die, then aiming the same look at me. Why me? What did i do?
"Looks like your muffins are gonna go to waste," Demyx muttered as he passed Axel. Axel's eyes got huge, as he looked back and forth between the muffins and myself. The front door slammed closed, and Demyx was gone.
'Oh no...' i thought. I was hit with the terrifying realization of why he made those muffins. Those muffins were not for everybody.
No, not at all. And i was genuinely frightened, because going again over the commotion from minutes ago in my mind, I came to understand exactly what that was all about.
Axel. Made. Those. Muffins. For me.