Author's Note: I like to rewrite song lyrics. This one, of course, is based on "Cowboy" by Kid Rock and is definitely used without permission. I like to think he might get a laugh out of it if he ever read it, or at least that he won't be annoyed enough to sue. No money is being made from this, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Dark Lord
by Kid V
Dark Lord… Dark Lord
Well I've learned all the Dark Arts and I'm a be the best
The real wizard dude who's gonna rule all the rest.
From a nest in the graves chill real cool
Makin' Dumbledore look like an old fool
And I'm a Dark Lord it up and down your block
With a wave of my wand, set off the Dark Mark
Buy a yacht with a flag sayin' "Killin' the Most"
You fight me, bitch, and you'll soon be toast
Force the Order to run, they think they're hot
Fight my Death Eaters and find out they're not
Then there's Harry Potter… the Chosen One
He won't live 'cause the good guys are on the run
Beat the Ministry, as I surely will
And be the king of the wizarding hill
Voldemort is the overlord
And I've beaten the best, sucker...because I wanna be the
Dark Lord baby
With my nose gone flat and my red eyes shining
Dark Lord, baby
Had enough of Potter's whining
I wanna be a Dark Lord, baby
Killin' all night 'cause I love to slay
Dark Lord, baby
I can smell aurors from a mile away
With dementors joining in
I bet I'll hear your fears a-moanin' when they all roll in
You'll go (moaning) thinkin' of your sins
Scared you, scared him, scared out of your mind
All feel hopeless, so scared that you're blind
Giants will come, werewolves will bite
Good witches and wizards are all uptight
And if the price is right they're gonna join my band, boy
'Cause I'm a-gonna let you know why they call me
Dark Lord, baby
With my nose gone flat and my red eyes shining
Dark Lord, baby
Had enough of Potter's whining
I wanna be a Dark Lord, baby
Killin' all night 'cause I love to slay
Dark Lord, baby
I can smell aurors from a mile away
Yeah… Kid V… you can call me Lord
All you gotta give me is more'n you can afford
Got Death Eaters do my biddin', it's a total gas
I said, "Find the good guys and kick their ass."
I'm cursin', wand spittin', bodies hittin' the floor
I'm the best, beat the rest, blast you right through the door
No remorse for an auror, 'cause they should've joined me
I'm gonna win this battle, you just wait and see HUH
Cause chaos, rock like Amadeus
I'm gonna live forever 'cause my soul is split
You can curse me, I'll laugh at it
New minister's tough, but no way he can win
Rufus wants to capture me… lock me up in Azkaban you see
I ain't no fool, and I ain't used to failin'
I came straight outta Hogwarts, to power I'm sailin'
Lookin' for relics… the Hogwarts Four
Got the cup and the locket, I just need two more
I'm hidin' my soul, 'cause I ain't no moron
I will succeed, unlike that idiot Sauron
Dark Lord
With my nose gone flat and my red eyes shining
Dark Lord
That Potter boy can just quit his whining
Dark Lord
I have come back and I'll have my way
I can smell aurors from a mile away
Dark Lord
With my nose gone flat and my red eyes shining
Dark Lord
With my nose gone flat and my red eyes shining
Dark Lord
The wizard world's mine