A Day in the Life of Lavender Brown
2:53AM: Wake from a horrid dream involving Ron being consumed by a giant, house elf version of Hermione Granger. Shudder.
2:54AM: Rush to chest at the foot of the bed to check the 'Won Won Pocket Watch' I had made at a seedy store in Diagon Alley over the holidays. Breathe a sigh of relief when the long hand is still pointing to 'Snoring like a Hippogriff' like it was an hour ago.
2:55AM: Hide pocket watch in an old sports bra and snuggle under doona. Mumble "Won Won" while drifting off to sleep.
7:57-8:42AM: Curse self for sleeping in and missing half of breakfast. Race to the showers; use too much 'Essence of Murtlewood' during the powdering stage and have to re-bathe.
8:42AM: Finally emerge from the bathroom, fully dressed and smelling like a mouldy forest. That wasn't exactly the plan, but I'm sure Won Won likes the smell of mouldy forests, so it's all good.
8:47AM: Arrive to breakfast with chin held high, despite the four students that commented on the foul stench coming from my direction on the floating staircase. Spy Won Won still devouring bacon strips. Grin gleefully.
8:47½AM: Flop down next to Won Won and brush the hair from his eyes. Take the fork from his plate & skewer his last slice of bacon. Hold the fork out for him and flutter eyelashes prettily.
8:48AM: Glower at Hermione when she mentions the mouldy forest scent. Wave fork in Won Won's face and coo at him. Try not to take offense when he scrunches his brows in confusion.
8:48½AM: Shove bacon in Won Won's mouth and lick the excess oil that drips down his chin. Smirk at Hermione when she gags.
8:49AM: Growl at Won Won when he smiles at Hermione. Storm away from breakfast table, snatching a bagel on the way back up to the Gryffindor rooms. Ignore all conversations involving the words "mouldy" and "forest" and "smell."
8:56-9:02AM: Fling open dormitory door. Rummage around in chest at the end of the bed until I find the box containing the Hermione Granger voodoo doll. Man-handle it; poke its eyes with pins and grin manically. Repeat.
9:07AM: Arrive late to first class. Make apologies to teacher. Glare at Won Won and promise silent vengeance for his looking at Granger the wrong way at breakfast. Make a slicing motion with fingers across the neck; feel victorious when his freckles pale.
9:08-10:29AM: Pass notes with Parvati, Re: Granger the interfering bint and possible ways to be rid of her. Agree to re-convene in Potions.
11:05-11:59AM: Potions. Parvati and I decide to sabotage Granger's potluck potion. We lose 50 points from Gryffindor when Professor Snape catches up trying to slip an extra ingredient in her cauldron. Darn!
12:10-12:37PM: Spend lunch in dorm room poking at Granger doll again. Pay particular attention to the eyes.
12:42-1:00PM: Run into Won Won outside common room. Forget about his previous indiscretions Re: Granger to have marathon snogging session in third-floor bathroom. Rejoice over his not thinking about Granger because he's kissing me and not her (even if he does taste like stale pumpkin juice).
1:04PM: Obsess over the notion that perhaps Won Won was thinking of Granger after all.
1:06PM: Decide that yes he was pretending I was Granger when he kissed me. Tell Parvati this. Begin second round of plotting.
1:10PM: Glare at Won Won.
1:21PM: Accidentally explode my rat while trying to turn it into a teacup. Blame Won Won and his revoltingly simpering Granger.
1:22PM: Call Granger a stupid bint under my breath.
1:23PM: Get slapped with detention and 10 points taken from Gryffindor. Guess old bat McGonagall heard me.
1:23½PM: Crap! She heard me again!
1:30-3:00PM: Spend rest of the day in a strop Re: Granger, Won Won, and old bat McGonagall. Mention this to Parvati. Agree to re-convene tomorrow for more plotting Re: ruining Granger's life.
3:10PM: Sigh dramatically. Glower at Won Won across the common room.
3:12PM Ignore Harry Potter when Won Won sends him to ask me what's wrong. Roll eyes when Parvati flutters her eyelashes at him.
3:30PM: Homework. Ugh.
3:45PM: Take a study break to suck suggestively on a lollypop while staring at Won Won. Rejoice when his cheeks turn pink.
3:47PM: Realise belatedly that the lollypop is one of the Weasley twins' products, and has turned my tongue an icky shade of blue. Darn!
4:10PM: Plot with Parvati to somehow make the twins pay for turning my tongue blue. Glare at Won Won when he starts to chuckle.
5:39PM: Dinner. Grit my teeth while staring at Granger as she shovels food on my Won Won's plate. Decide that she should have been a Slytherin, she's that slimy.
6:20PM: Shower to get rid of the remnants of my mouldy forest smell. Brush teeth three times to get rid of my blue tongue. Fail. Curse Weasley twins again.
6:51PM: Forget that I have detention. Rush to McGonagall's office.
7:01-7:56PM: Muck out stalls of Hagrid's disgusting pets. Get mud and animal leavings everywhere.
7:57PM: Curse Granger for being so irritating and making me end up mucking out the stalls of Hagrid's disgusting pets.
8:17PM: Shower for a fourth time. Pick out random entrails from my hair. Dry-retch.
8:18PM: Curse Granger again. And old bat McGonagall. And Won Won.
9:00PM: Decide that I won't enter into any more snogging marathons with Won Won until he apologises for fantasising about Granger the last time.
9:58PM: Flop into bed. Huff.
10:12PM: Fall asleep thinking of house elf Grangers.