Disclaimer: I own nothing
OK, so it might have been a slight abuse of power. Sue him. The problem had been going on for months, and he feared he might lose one of his best Aurors. Besides, he was the Savior of the Wizarding World, or The Boy Who Lived, or the Blue Spotted Iguana King. Whatever the hell the Daily Prophet was calling him presently. He figured if there was a problem, Kingsley would trust his judgment.
When Hermione Granger took over Care of Magical Creatures, and Draco moved into the Auror's offices nearby, the Ministry of Magic's sixth floor became a war zone. Snide comments turned to shouting matches, hexes, and doors slammed so hard they broke. Kingsley was especially annoyed about the doors. They were on a budget, after all.
Harry's team had gone on a raid last night, and Malfoy made a rookie mistake that almost got him killed. Even the most junior of Aurors knew how to sweep a room properly before entering. It was like the blonde's head wasn't in the game. As this was Malfoy's third stupid error, Harry had resolved to get to the root of the issue. Replaying his memories of the entire day for each of the missions, he noticed one thing in common: they were days when the prat had had an especially nasty row with Hermione.
So he prepared his office, and sent his subordinate a meeting notice.
Draco arrived and took a seat in front of Potter's desk. The two were on decent, if not friendly terms these days, and Malfoy had no reason to be paranoid around Potter.
That was a mistake.
"Malfoy, have you ever heard of unresolved sexual tension?" It was a bold opener, but Harry firmly believed the time for tact had passed.
Malfoy looked horrified. "Erm, Potter, I'm flattered, but-."
"Not ME, you idiot!" Harry shuddered in revulsion, and Draco relaxed.
"I meant Hermione."
The horrified look was back.
"Potter, I'd rather not think about Granger and sex at the same time. Might damage me enough to cause performance issues when it actually matters. If there's nothing else, I'll go." He made to rise, and found he was firmly stuck to the chair. "WHAT THE HELL?"
"You see, Draco, I thought you might try to get out of discussing this. So I used a Weasley product called 'Stuck on You.' It's an excellent adhesive, and you won't be moving for a while. Get comfortable." OK, yeah, he might have smirked at bit at the Slytherin's predicament. Anyone would have.
"Potter, you're barking! There's nothing sexual between Granger and me. Just good old-fashioned, healthy loathing. Same as during our Hogwarts years."
"That's where you're wrong, Malfoy. You and Hermione might have exchanged some insults, and disliked each other, but it was nothing like this. I have reason to believe your issues with my best friend are affecting your job performance. As Aurors, we can't have that."
"I'm sorry, I must have missed how holding me hostage in your office will solve anything."
"Consider this an intervention of sorts, Malfoy. And you won't be the only one I haul into my office. Promise." Malfoy perked up at that.
"Fine, Potter. What does your little 'intervention' entail? The sooner we do this, the sooner I can go back to my office and Obliviate myself. Granger said something about Brain Bleach one day. Perhaps I can borrow some from her."
Harry pursed his lips, and examined the man trapped in his chair. "Really now? 'Good old-fashioned healthy loathing,' and you're considering going to her to borrow something as soon as you leave here?"
"Means nothing, Potter. She's the one that mentioned it, so she's likely to have some."
"Do you know how often you bring her up in conversation? Or how often you're in her office? Aurors normally have contact with the Magical Creatures Office less than 10% of the time."
"Again, nothing."
"Do you remember warning us about her at the World Cup? Or refusing to identify us when we were captured?"
"You're wasting your time."
"How about what she looked like at the Yule Ball in fourth year? Or for that matter, how she looked just last Friday before she left to meet Nott for dinner? That was quite the dress."
Aha. That got Malfoy's attention. His mercurial eyes flashed, and his jaw tightened.
"I knew it. Draco, for Merlin's sake, we're paid to notice things. And this has gotten obvious enough that even Ron's spotted it."
"Really?" came the inevitable drawl, "tell me - did he take the food out of his mouth before he mentioned this to you, or were you forced to translate?"
"Why are you being such a berk about this? I'm trying to help you, in case you haven't noticed."
"What is there to help with, Potter? She hates me. She hated me in school, hates me now, and promised just last Tuesday to hate me forever. Not much to work with, there. She's an annoying, insufferable, self-righteous, uptight-" the Slytherin stopped abruptly, with a gobsmacked expression.
"What?"
"Nothing. Just let me out of the fucking chair." Malfoy wouldn't meet his eyes.
Harry smiled, "No can do. But I have another idea." He levitated the chair into a corner. "Just think about it, will you? I don't need the extra trouble of training a new Auror, and the paperwork's hell when we lose one. And to be honest, you aren't such a bad guy these days, you know?"
"Are you sure you meant that sexual tension thing about Granger, and not yourself?"
Harry chuckled, and put both chair and man under a Disillusionment Charm and a Silencio.
_DMHG_
'Please see me as soon as possible. I need to run something by you. Harry'
Hermione Granger read the note twice, trying to puzzle out what matter would require Magical Creatures' input. She came up blank, and shrugged. It was an unusually quiet afternoon, so now was a good time to see him.
She walked the short distance to his office, knocked, and let herself in.
"Harry, is everything okay? Why did you need to see me? I mean, not that I'm not always happy to spend time with you, but-"
He cut her off before she really got to rambling. Or ranting about Malfoy. Somehow one always led to the other.
"Have a seat, Hermione. It's not a Magical Creatures matter, actually. You know, I was feeling a bit peckish right before you walked in. Tea?"
"Sure."
He set out a box of biscuits, and got her a glass of tea from behind her chair. They sipped and ate in silence for a few moments, until Hermione asked him what type of tea he'd served; it had an odd taste. Harry brushed off the question, instead asking,
"So, how have things been for you lately?"
"You called me here to see how I've been, Harry?" Why do I suddenly feel odd?
"Well, in part. Look Mione, there's been a lot of talk, and some people are very upset regarding the atmosphere on this floor since you and Malfoy started clashing. And by 'upset people,' I mean Kingsley. He's really hacked off about those doors."
"I'm sorry about that Harry, but Malfoy just makes me so mad! He's so full of himself. He always has to be right (Harry snorted at this), and I swear he shows up in my office just to annoy me! I'm a busy woman. I don't have time for big, stupid men, regardless of how gorgeous they are. It's not like I'm sitting around hoping he'll show up again - WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?" And she tried to stand.
Rather than explain 'Stuck on You' a second time, he simply held up the tin. "This, and another Weasley product, 'Nothing But Tea Truth.' It contains a dose of Veritaserum. I'm sorry I had to resort to these measures, and I hope after this that you'll understand. Things just can't continue as they have been. Everyone's stressed out from it, and I've almost lost Malfoy on missions three times because he's too busy thinking about whatever argument he's had with you."
She quieted immediately, asking "What do you mean, 'lost?' And why would you think it has to do with me? He hates me. I highly doubt my treatment of him has any real effect."
"Hermione, you're intelligent. What do you think I meant by lost? I've reviewed my memories. All three instances were on days where you two really got into it. The Unicorn Debacle is one example, if you don't understand what I'm talking about. I have to tell you, if Pucey hadn't acted as quickly as he did last night, we'd be burying Malfoy." Harsh, but it got his point across as her big, dark eyes filled with tears.
"Oh, my God. Harry, I never meant for it to come to that. I would never want something to happen to him. He's..." She trailed off, looking at the ground.
"I know. Please don't kill me for what I'm about to do, okay?" He quickly removed the Charms on Malfoy, noting how his gaze was locked on Hermione. She sat frozen, staring back at him.
"Now comes the last part of my plan," a door adjoining his office swung open, revealing a small interview room.
"I'm going to put both your chairs in there, and then release you, though I'll be taking your wands first. Once you're in there, I'm going to put a Silencio on the room, and you two are going to work this out however you need to. I don't care if you yell, cry, or shag like rabbits. Malfoy, you are now aware that Hermione doesn't hate you. Mione, I can assure you that he has feelings where you're concerned; I tortured him earlier. Now grow up and fix this! I'll check on you in two hours." With that, he Accio'd their wands, sent the chairs gently away from his office, and took the first deep breath he'd managed all morning.
Two hours later, the interview room door swung open, revealing two disheveled, flushed, but undeniably happy people.
"Well? Are we better now?"
"Considerably, though we're famished. Got any carrots, Potter?"
"Out. Both of you. Just...out!" While he was happy to have helped, there were some images he didn't need. Too bad Brain Bleach didn't actually exist. Note to self - mention it to the Weasleys. They'd make a killing.