What I saw inside the bathroom will never escape my mind. The horror brought back all the memories of that day when Hassan ran that kite for me. "For you a thousand times over!" It killed me to see that my best friend's son lay in a tub full of blood and water and it was my fault he did this.
If only I could have received the phone call a couple of hours earlier, I wouldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't be in this hellhole, praying on Sohrab's life that he did not die. I feel like I have let everybody down this time. The same way I let Baba down with my cowardice. The same way I let Hassan down for not going in the alley and facing Assef and his buddies. If only I can pretend that was me instead of Hassan. He would have never moved away; none of this would have happen. I would have never found Sohrab and forgiven myself. I probably would not find out that Hassan is my half-brother. All these things made my life who I am today, but I never would have had to go through all this pain and suffering, the same pain when Hassan was in that alley.
The hospital walls seemed so bland and poorly made. The windows were cracked open, but all I could think of was the sweltering heat inside me, along with my burdens and guilt. All this thinking has me start sweating even more. My eyesight had gone from poor to worse. I tried to stand up and say something to the nurse but no words could come out of my mouth. Now I see two nurses. Both of them were moving very fast in circles. The walls of the room changed from a boring white to pitch black. I could barely breathe. The back of my head hurt, for some reason. I felt my weight shifting to one side and I hit the ground unconscious. I did not care.
A memory:
The day before I left for Afghanistan, Soraya told me, "Amir, I love you for who you are and no matter what you do, I will always stand beside you. You have made my life complete when I first saw you in the market. When I told you about my secret, I thought you wouldn't love me anymore but you came through for me. I will forever trust in you no matter what. Always remember this. " She then kissed my cheek and we embraced for what seemed like a year. I picked up my luggage and turned to see her smiling and waving at me as I entered the airport.
A lady was staring at me with big glasses as well as someone I thought to be a man who looked too familiar. The lady had on green nurse's clothing while the man wore raggedy clothes and a long beard. I tried to move but my head ached so much. The man put a finger up to his lips and made a shushing sound. That somehow made me feel comforted and it felt like I knew the guy. I closed my eyes. An image of a leather-bound notebook appeared in my head. I knew who the man was.
For the next few days all I saw were people dressed in green coming in and out of a room where it had vivid colors on the wall and a television set. I kept coming in and out where I would hear a person talking and the next it was nighttime. When I finally gained back consciousness, I saw that a window in my room was open and a light breeze was coming in. On my bedside I saw a pot of flowers and a chair with a book in it. Somebody must be visiting right now. When I looked at the doorway my eyes must have been playing tricks on me. What I saw was an image of beauty that had a tear when she saw me. She came next to me and kissed my cheek and embraced me for what seemed like a year.
"I have missed you so much. I was wondering when I could see your beautiful face again," Soraya told me. She looked so much older from all the tears and wrinkles she shed and on her face.
"How did you get here so quickly? How could you have heard of what happened so fast?" I asked her. She said that she got a phone call from a police officer. Apparently, when I collapsed in the waiting room, the police officer looked for my wallet and saw a picture of Soraya and on the back was a phone number. Of course, I found this to be as a sign of good luck that not everything in my life comes down to rubbles.
"Where's the boy?" she asked eagerly. She still did not know what had happened to Sohrab. Sadly all of what happened the past few hours came rushing back to me. She read from my face that something terrible had happened and now she looked at me with afflicted eyes. I told her all what happened from the time I received her phone call to when I passed out in the waiting room. She was shocked to hear that Sohrab tried to commit suicide, but she was even more saddened that he would want to die rather than live in an orphanage. Somehow she understood for the most part. I told her that he was in another room, being nursed back to health. She seemed so anxious to meet the boy yet she was afraid to meet him that he will just push her away.
"It's worth a shot," I told her with little breath in my lungs. She smiled at me and stood up from her chair. She was going to try and talk to Sohrab, even though I knew that he would not speak for a while. The rest of the time while Soraya was with Sohrab, I kept thinking to myself if I really saw Rahim Kahn at my bedside.
Maybe it was just an illusion of some sort. It felt so realistic and it looked like him, too. I really hope he is okay wherever he is. I will never forget him and his kindness to me. He was my friend when I was just a child all the way up to when I became an adult. His little present to me on my thirteenth birthday meant so much to me. Rahim Kahn, I have done what you asked me. I hope I can forgive myself for all those things I have done in the past. I hope this really makes up for it. But what should I do, now that Sohrab is with me but he pushes himself away from me. What can I do? I still want things to be better again.
The next few days came as a blur to me. I remember Soraya sitting next to me all day and reading to me. I got to walk around the room couple of time each day and then return to my bed. My heart got better over a few days. Luckily my heart is in better shape than it was with Baba's. I never smoke. One day, when I was fully able to walk around, I decided to take a visit to Sohrab. His room was filled with balloons and flowers, probably from Soraya trying to make herself feel more welcome. I looked at Sohrab as I entered the room. He looked a little paler than usual but better then when I saw him in the bath tub. His wrists had bandages on them from where he tried to die. I tried to not to look at them as much as I could. I see that Sohrab had a few playing cards on his bedside but they were not open yet. I pulled up a chair from the side and pulled it next to Sohrab. He was looking out of the window, not even noticing that I was there.
"Sohrab, I just want you to know that I would never do anything to hurt you. I'm sorry if I made you so scared back at the hotel, but I thought what I was doing for the best and the only way to adopt you. I'm sorry if I hurt you."
Silence.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that you mean so much to me now that I have found you. You look so much like your father and I already told you lots of times, but it's true. Like with your father, I would never do anything to hurt him because he was my friend. I want to be your friend, Sohrab. I want to protect you and make sure nothing happens to you. I want to keep you safe from all the bad men. I want you to live with me and Soraya in our home in San Francisco, where the Golden Gate Bridge is. Do you remember the red bridge with the tall towers? I just wish you would say something."
I waited for a while; a couple of minutes waiting for him to say something to me. But I could not get anything out of him. I felt so depressed that he would not say anything to me, not after what I did to him. I decided to wait some more, and then eventually I got up from my chair and leave the room. The sun was setting outside with it's radiant colors, going down behind the hills. Sohrab turned his head and faced my back. "I just wish I could see my parents again." I stopped in my tracks and faced him. His face was filled with sorrow and anguish. I came back to him pulled up a chair to him face to face.
"I told you I'm starting to forget what my parents look like, but that doesn't mean I'm not forgetting who they are. I miss papa, and they way he comforted me when I fell down. I miss how he taught me to fly a kite and soon after I will never forget that I saw my parents being murdered on the streets. I miss my sasa. I don't remember much of her, but I remember she was so loving to me. Her face was so pretty. I want Rahim Kahn sahib.
"You know I can't bring all those things back, Sohrab. I want them as much as you do. I want them back to help me as well. I want them to comfort me right now, because I'm in a place in my life where it's so hard for me to make. I wish your father had not died. I wish he was here with me and you, protecting both of us from all the bad things. But I can't do this. The lady who has been visiting you, Soraya, is my wife. She loves you so much from all the things about you over the phone. Recently she told me that we were able to get you a visa so you don't need to go back to the orphanage. If only I could have told you sooner, Sohrab. If only, I would have. We are both in a tough place right now, but I promise you that me and Soraya will take care of you so much. We can give you so much love. We will never leave or hurt you. You know that, Sohrab. Please, just think about it."
Sohrab stopped staring at me and looked at his wrists. He then looked out at the window which the sun had set and most streetlights were beginning to turn on. He pondered for a moment and then turned his head to me. "I can never forget about papa and my mom, even sasa and Rahim Kahn. They will always be with me in my heart, and never forgotten. I just don't want pain anymore." At that moment, he quit facing me and put the covers over his head and went to sleep.
I got up from his bedside and looked at him sleeping. That was neither a 'yes' nor a 'no' to my question, but it didn't matter right now. All that mattered was that he should be comforted and safe.
Me and Soraya spent the last few days alone, just talking in my room. I was feeling a lot better and able to take long strides. My heart was up to shape now and I could check out the hospital anytime I wanted to. As for Sohrab, he was fine physically, but he was still so scarred from his life. After a couple of days, I exited the hospital and was getting ready to go to the airport. With one last goodbye, I dragged and Soraya and Sohrab to the nearest mosque, where I first found Sohrab standing outside at night. We stayed as long as I felt like and then we moved on. I saw Sohrab with a little emotion on his face as we were leaving. I was leaving all my troubles behind and setting foot back into the United States. Soraya's parents were happy and also shocked to see me, looking a little beat up but a lot better.
We introduced Sohrab to them and they seemed so delighted. Sohrab was still quiet and from when he said his last words back at the hospital. He lived with me and Soraya in our new house for a while. Sometimes I would ask Sohrab if he wanted to go outside and take a walk around the park and he would just lay in his bed in his room and turn over. Sohrab blended in with the walls, becoming so silent that you wouldn't know he entered a room if you were reading the newspaper. Still, he said nothing at all until one day.
Now that it was summer, Soraya had no school and we decided to take a walk outside and get some ice cream with Sohrab. We walked in the park, now that it was summer, the weather felt so nice. The wind felt so great, like it could just lift you up in the air. The park was a nice place to be, with all the people in it with their own children playing on the playground. We walked a little bit farther out of the park and walked to a place where I loved to do some thinking. We arrived in front of the Golden Gate Bridge and just stood there, amazed of how wonderful it was to spend time together even after one year of bringing back Sohrab from Afghanistan. "Look Sohrab, it's the red bridge you told me about. Do you still think of it highly? Just look at how long it is. It's so magnificent."
At that point, Sohrab was not looking at the bridge anymore. He looked above it and saw two blue kites flying together. He pointed them out to me and I looked at it with so much admiration. The sight of kites in the sky brought me back reminiscing about my life: about how Hassan stuck close to me no matter what; how he faced Assef for me to bring the kite back home; my relationship with my father and how it changed into something meaningful and prosperous; how I fell in love with the woman of my dreams and got to keep her; how I saved Sohrab from the evil clutches of my old enemy. For the first time since we got back Sohrab asked me, "Amir-jan, will you fly a kite with me? The same way my father taught me?" Soraya and I were so glad to hear Sohrab's voice after a long period of time that we were almost shocked when we heard it. Of course I said yes to him and he smiled at me: the same way his father used to smile, with a little harelip above his cleft. The moment just felt so right, with me, Soraya and Sohrab just standing there.
From when I first met Hassan to today, where I stand with my wife and adopted son, I finally feel that my heavy burden has passed and along with it came new hope of rekindling a marvelous relationship. All of these things make up my life and who I am today.