Hold You For A Million Years

by teanc09

A collaborative story by iworkwithpens and myself. This came about as a result of an improvisational writing exercise.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

~Adele, Make You Feel My Love

She was standing in the studio when he came up, put his hand in her hair and pulled her to himself, kissing her passionately.

She was startled at first, but soon she relaxed into his embrace and kissed him back. "What the hell was that for." she asked when he pulled away.

"That was for all the times when all I wanted to do was pull you to me and kiss you senseless but I was afraid to do so."

"So what changed now Will? Why aren't you afraid anymore?"

"I was at my doctor's office earlier today, he told me something, something I need to talk to you about," he said and she could see tears in his eyes.

No, she thought, I don't want to hear this. She tried to push herself away from him but he caught her wrist in his hand.

"Look at me Mac," he said quietly. She refused to lift her head to meet his gaze, so he placed his fingers under her chin and forced her to look up at him.

"There was an elevated amount of prostate specific antigen when they did a blood test. They are recommending a biopsy, which is scheduled for later in the week."

"Cancer," she said so softly he almost couldn't hear her.

"Not necessarily Mackenzie, but there is the possibility, yes." He watched, as she seemed to consider what he was telling her. He was waiting for it to sink in. He was waiting for her to wrap her mind around it; because once she had she would be barreling ahead. Making lists, talking to doctors, doing research. It was what she did. It was how she dealt with fear and uncertainty...she took control and made things happen. He was desperately going to need that from her in the days and weeks ahead.

He could see the tears in her eyes. "I want to be there for the biopsy. I want to be there for it all, whatever it turns out to be."

He knew, and he counted on this being her response. He needed her, period. The elevated prostate antigen was scary enough, but the idea of going through whatever this turned out to be without her, that was unacceptable. He'd kept her at arms length and she fully accepted that that was her place. Now he was asking for more and she'd give him whatever he needed. He needed to tell her everything.

"I know I've been an ass to you for a while now Mackenzie and I just need you to know that while, at first, I may have thought you deserved it...I need you to know that I never hated you. Never, ok Mac? And I never stopped loving you either and I don't know how all this will change things between us Mac but I had to lay everything out on the table before we go any further."

He looked at her wide, tear-filled eyes and almost laughed. This sure as hell was not how he pictured having this conversation with her. He had imagined dinner at Cipriani's or maybe a walk through Central Park. Nothing could ever be easy with the two of them, though.

"But I also need you to know that I wouldn't blame you one bit if you changed your mind at some point Mackenzie. If the news isn't good you don't have to..." He never got to finish that sentence though. She cut him off before he could get any further.

"You seriously think I'd walk away?" He wasn't expecting her anger, although he probably should have.

"All I'm trying to say is..."

She wasn't letting him finish. "You've played with me, you've humiliated me, you've pranced women through the bullpen and yet I'm still here. I'm where I want to be and you can't seem to understand that I love you, no matter what. If you're sick we'll deal with that, if not, we'll celebrate. I left once, and that was a mistake. I can't take that back. I can't make you understand that I'll be there for you, in whatever capacity you want and will accept. I'm here and in for whatever the doctor tells us. You've got to accept that and know and trust that I'm being honest with you. All I want is for you to be healthy," she said turning away from him and resting her arms on his anchor desk.

He saw her shoulders shake and he knew she was crying.

"Mac, please turn around."

She turned toward him; arms crossed protectively across her middle and simply stared at him. "You're an idiot Billy," she told him through her tears.

"So I've been told," he replied.

"But you're my idiot. So stop trying to get rid of me ok," she sniffed.

"Ok Mac. Come here," he told her as he opened his arms to her.

She started crying again when she was in his arms. "You need to calm down," he said after a few minutes and eased her back so he could see her face. He wiped the tears away and said, "it's okay, Mac. Whatever happens we'll deal with it together."

"You'll tell me everything the doctor said?"

"I will, but can we do this somewhere other than the studio?"

She looked around and suddenly realized they were alone in the dark, empty space.
"Yeah, let's get out of here. Let me just get my things and we can go grab a bite to eat or something, ok," she asked.

"I'd really rather not do this in a restaurant Mac. I don't want Lonny standing around listening to us talk about my prostate and I don't need somebody walking up and asking for an autograph while we're pouring our hearts out to each other. I'd like to go home Mackenzie. Can we just go home please," he asked almost desperately.

She hadn't realized how scared he really was. "Of course. We'll go to your apartment and talk as much as you want," she said taking his hand in hers.

They gathered their things and met Lonny at the elevators. "Where to," Lonny asked.

"Home," Will said.

"Are we dropping Mac off?"

"No," he replied. That was the end of Lonny's questions. He drove them to Will's apartment in silence, an uneasy silence. No one was saying anything and these were people that spoke for a living.

Mac had hold of Will's hand and wasn't letting go. She was holding on so tight he was losing feeling in his fingers, but he wasn't letting go.

"Scotch," he asked her when they got inside.

"Definitely," she replied.

They sat next to each other on the sofa, sipping at their drinks and lost in their thoughts.

"There are some other things we need to discuss Mac," he said hesitantly.

"Whatever you need Will...you know that."

Damn, how do you even broach this subject? In essence, they were starting over a new relationship...a clean slate. But they were hardly strangers. They'd known each other for nearly ten years. Had been together as a couple for two years...before. This was the woman he had intended to marry once. This should be easier.

"Depending on how all this turns out. I mean, depending on what type of treatment I would need well...there can be some pretty life altering side effects Mackenzie," he said.

"Ok," she responded quietly.

"Not the least of which are impotence and sterility." There, he'd said it. If you're going to leave, please do it now Mac, before I start relying on you too much. He held his breath and waited for her response.

"Did your doctor talk to you about freezing sperm?"

"No, why?"

"In case there are side effects and you decide you want to have a child you can do in vitro."

She kept talking about him and not them. Was she in or not, he couldn't figure it out.

"I need you to talk to me, Mac. I need to know where you are with all of this."

"I thought we'd straightened all of that out already. I'm here, I'm in, all the way."

He stared at her not knowing what to say. What do you say to the woman you love when you may be making her take on more than she ever has before.

"You're not forcing me into anything," she said, as if she could read his mind when in reality she just knew him that well. He was insecure about their relationship and was scared to death. "Did I enjoy our sex life, certainly I did, but that's not the only reason why we were together. We challenged one another; we made the other better at everything, not just sex. If, in the future, we can't have sex, I'm still going to love you. I'm not sure you understand that. Sex with you was fabulous, but we've not had sex in years and here I am. What makes you think that I'm going anywhere?"

"Because you're not saying we Mackenzie. You are talking about the possibility of me having a child when all this is over and the only way that was ever in the plans was if you were the one carrying that child."

She sat there with her mouth parted slightly as if he had just stopped whatever thoughts she had in their tracks. Oh shit, she had just been trying to be a supportive friend and here he was talking about their future children. He started to stand and move away from her, but she reached out and grabbed his hand before he could.

"I wasn't trying to imply that I would be here as anything less than your partner Will. I told you...I'm here as whatever you need me to be. I've been following your lead this whole time. I'm the one that tore your heart out, remember? I didn't think it was my place yet to tell you what I want. But if you're ready to let me back in, all the way, then I'm there. And, if you're asking for my opinion, then yes. I would very much like it if we could preserve the opportunity to have children together. You're too amazing a man not to leave behind a little something of yourself and I happen to think we're a pretty good combination...imagine what a child of ours could be."

He sat there staring at her. She wanted to have his children.

"Did I freak you out," she asked him as she played with his fingers.

"Little bit," he said and with his other hand he tucked some hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry," she started to say but he stopped her.

"No, we need to talk about everything and right now. We don't have the luxury of time any more. No more hiding and obfuscating, we deal with everything and each other. We make decisions and follow through on those decisions. Is this going to be painful and hard, yes, without a doubt it's going to be, but all of it is going to be settled once and for all, Mackenzie."

She was taken back at his straightforward, full steam ahead proposal of getting everything out in the open.

"Is there any chance we could get some sleep before we decide on the rest of our lives Will?" she asked quietly.

He watched her eyelids droop slowly and only then realized how incredibly tired he was as well. He'd been living with the stress of this situation with no support for days now. And suddenly, just the knowledge that she was going to be there with him through all of this took a tremendous weight from his shoulders. He finally felt like he could take a deep breath and relax, sure in the knowledge that Mackenzie would get him through everything that lay ahead.

"Yeah, sleep sounds like a really good idea Mac," he replied, taking her hand and leading her down the hallway.

He dug around in his drawers for a t-shirt she could wear and turned to hand it to her. She was standing perfectly still, arms crossed around her middle.

"Is this ok Mac? I mean, you and I..." he stopped, unsure of what to say next. He didn't want to be alone and he hoped she understood that.

"It's fine Will. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else tonight," she told him.

Mac took the t-shirt into the bathroom and changed. She sat down on the side of the tub and rested her head in her hands. She had to get herself together for him. He was depending on her and all she wanted to do was to take him in her arms and protect him from everything. She mentally gave herself a pep talk and went out to the bedroom.

"Are you all right?"

She nodded and got under the covers, which he was holding up for her. She got settled and pulled him over to lay his head on her chest.

"I can't do this without you," he whispered and she felt tears on her chest.

She wrapped him in her arms and ran her fingers through his hair. "Do you trust me?"

He nodded against her.

"We're going to get through this and come out the other side whole, Billy."

Eventually she felt his breathing even out and his body relax against hers.

"Good night Will," she whispered. "I love you." But he was already sound asleep.

Mackenzie awoke the following morning to a sight she hadn't had the privilege of in years. She looked down to find Will was still asleep, head resting on her chest and one arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

She tried to push herself up in bed, but he quickly pulled her against him and wrapped himself around her. The feeling of his body spooned around hers was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes. This was how they used to wake up. Did he even realize what he was doing?

She felt his arms tighten around her and almost without thought she pushed herself back against him.

She heard his sharp intake of breath and realized he was awake now. Ok, this could be awkward, but does it really have to be, she wondered?

"Mac," he whispered, uncertainly.

"Before we start rationalizing or backtracking from last night, could we just stop ourselves from panicking for one second Will and think about this realistically," she asked.

"I'm having trouble thinking about anything other than my erection pressed into your backside right now Mackenzie," he said with a bit of a chuckle.

"Ok, I'm having trouble not focusing on that as well. All I'm saying is, before either one of us jumps out of this bed saying we should talk about this first or this really isn't a good idea can I just make an argument for throwing such pragmatic decisions out the window?"

"You can make whatever argument you like Mac, just don't stop that lovely little wiggling motion you're making with your ass right now," he whispered and pulled her a little more tightly against him.

Damn, he was really making it hard to think with statements like that.

"Here's the thing Will. We were essentially planning our future children last night and also discussing the fact that sex might not be an option we have forever…or at least maybe for a little while, depending on how things go," she whispered.

"You're kind of killing the mood here Mackenzie. Could we get to the throwing logic out the window part…I think I'm going to like that a whole lot better."

"Sorry. I was just getting to that. The thing is, if we're talking about having children and being together no matter what happens after your biopsy, then why can't we move ahead with that plan right now," she asked.

"What plan are we referring to exactly, Mac?"

"I'm not on the pill anymore. Didn't think I'd have the need. And, while it's true what I said last night, about sex not being a key part of our relationship, it was still a pretty damn enjoyable part of our relationship. Maybe we should stop thinking so Goddamn much and just live Billy."

"How long have you been off the pill?"

"A while, my cycle has regulated itself again."

She could hear him thinking.

"May I ask a personal question?"

"You can ask me anything, I'll tell you anything."

"Have you had sex with anyone since Wade?"

"No."

"Why not?"

She turned in his arms so that she could see him. "Because I want you and only you. I love you and you're it for me."

He placed his hand in her hair and pulled her to himself and very gently kissed her. When he pulled back he said, "I love you, Mac."

She pushed him onto his back and sat on his thighs. Very gently she was rubbing his erection, inflaming him even more, if possible. "So what's it going to be, Billy?"

"I want you, never doubt that Mac." He sat up and kissed her, not the gentle kiss of a few minutes ago but the kiss of a lover. He leaned back and pulled her down so she was resting on him.

Her hands were in his hair, holding onto him, guiding him. When she pulled back she was panting. She sat up and pulled the t-shirt off. His hands were on her waist, holding her there, looking at her. He always had done this with her. When he first did this it freaked her out, but over time she came to understand that he was slowing things down, making this not about just the act of sex but making it about him loving her and making sure she knew how much he loved and respected her.

She pushed his t-shirt up and he pulled it completely off.

"Are you okay with no protection, Billy?"

He stared at her and she could tell when he finally came to a decision. "I'm fine with no protection."

She smiled at him. His hands moved to her underwear, "may I?"

She nodded. He could smell her arousal. He flipped her onto her back and his hand was on her, fingers teasing her clit.

"God," she moaned and arched up against him.

Her hands were on his hips, pushing at his pajama pants. "Off, now."

He removed his hand from her and pushed his pants off, throwing them off the bed.

Her hand was on his erection, stroking very slowly.

"Mac," he whispered and rested his head against her chest, closing his eyes. His hand was on her breast.

He licked and sucked his way to her nipple. When the nipple was in his mouth he bit gently and scraped with his teeth.

"Billy, please."

"God, I love you, Mac."

"I need to feel you in me," she pleaded.

He positioned himself against her and pushed inside.

"Oh, God, yes."

He held himself still, letting them both get used to each other again.

She lifted her head and kissed him deeply. They were getting to know each other again intimately. He began moving slowly with her matching his thrusting. He lifted himself off of her and was on his knees between her legs. He pulled her legs up to rest on his shoulders and he began thrusting faster.

"Yes," she screamed, gripping the sheets.

She focused on watching him move. Her hands were touching his chest, caressing, teasing and tantalizing. He kept thrusting and focused on her. He could tell she was close. His movements were getting sloppy as he got closer to his own orgasm.

"Mac," he moaned, closing his eyes, concentrating.

"Close, so close," she said.

His fingers moved to her clit and teased in time with his thrusts. "Billy," she screamed coming.

She smiled at him and said, "your turn."

A few strokes later he was coming in her. He held himself still as he was very sensitive. He moved her legs off of his shoulders and eased himself onto her, still keeping their connection.

"Too heavy," he asked.

"You feel great. I love feeling you on and in me," she said kissing him.

"Did we really do what I think we just did Mac," he asked quietly, head still resting against her breast.

"Has it been that long Billy? I thought it was pretty obvious what we just did."

"You're hilarious Mackenzie. I was referring to the fact that in the course of one day we have suddenly reconciled, slept together and tried to get pregnant." He said the last part so softly she almost couldn't hear him.

"I'm nearly forty Will. I wouldn't worry too much about getting pregnant the very first time we try," she said as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"But we could have," he said almost desperately.

"Yes, we could have. And I guess I figured why not have some fun while we try to make that happen."

He could tell she was trying not to talk about the elephant in the room. Trying not to say, hey we better have sex while we still can.

"Stop it Will. I can hear you thinking."

She always had known him too well.

"I can't help it. I can't help but think that we may not ever have this again. And that we're going to be trying to get you pregnant in a doctor's office. That's not the way it's supposed to happen Mackenzie."

He was pulling away from her, but she stopped him before he could go and held him against her.

"Will, I'm not twenty-five anymore. We may have needed a doctor's help to conceive no matter what happened, so stop obsessing over it. Quite frankly, it may never happen regardless of what we try. Would that change how you feel about me," she asked pointedly.

"Of course not," he replied indignantly.

"Then why would you think it would change how I feel about you?"

That stopped him cold. Given all that had happened between the two of them he still couldn't quite wrap his mind around the fact that maybe, just maybe, she loved him as much as he loved her.

"Because you…because of what happened before," he whispered.

Oh God, would she always be haunted by this? Would they always be haunted by this?

"That was never about you Will. That was never about whether you were enough for me. It was always about me and my insecurities." Please, please believe me, she prayed in her mind. Please don't doubt that I love you.

"Ok," he said simply.

"Ok," she asked, stunned that it could be that easy. That anything could be that easy with the two of them.

"Yeah, ok. I've asked you to drop everything in your life and help me through a cancer that may leave me sterile and impotent. And the only thing you've asked of me is to make love to you while we still have time and to try and get you pregnant, which, let's face it, is hardly a sacrifice on my part. I think I'm pretty sure you love me Mackenzie."

"I do Will. I really do," she said, pulling his head up to look into his eyes.

He kissed her and laid his head back down on her chest, listening to the steady beat of her heart and letting it lull him back to sleep. Maybe, for just a little while, they could still have this. Still just have time to enjoy each other and not think about what the future held.

The morning of the biopsy came. They were lying in bed holding one another. Since he kissed her in the studio they had spent every night together. They had spent time getting to know one another intimately again and how to live together, again. They spent large amounts of time together before they reconciled but now they were spending almost all of their time together.

He was lying with his head on her chest and was holding her tightly. "Mac," he whispered.

She ran her fingers through his hair. "Yes."

"I don't want this to change."

"Look at me," she said, making him lift his head. "We can deal with anything, Billy and I do mean anything, together. I know this is scary, it is for me and I can't imagine how it is for you."

He hadn't considered how scary this would be for her. "Thank you," he said kissing her. "I don't know how I would have made it through this so far without you."

"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank God," he said kissing her.

They made love before getting up to shower. They had to be at Will's urologist at nine. Will had asked Charlie if they could have the day off. Elliot and Don were covering for them. Will would be under a local anesthesia for the procedure and per the doctor it would take about thirty minutes.

Sitting in the waiting room Will hadn't let Mackenzie's hand go. They were called back to the doctor's office together. The doctor explained exactly what he would be doing and that the test results would be back in about ten days. After the doctor answered all of Mac's questions he gave them a few minutes alone before the procedure.

"I love you, Billy," she said wrapping her arms around him.

"I love you, too, Mac."

"Are you feeling okay, did the doctor answer all of your questions?"

He nodded. He wanted this over with. Not that the ten day waiting period was going to be any easier, they still wouldn't have any answers but at least it was a step forward.

A nurse knocked on the door and explained that it was time for Will to come with her. Will placed both hands on her cheeks and kissed her. "I'll see you soon. I love you."

"I love you, so much, Billy. I'll be right here when you're finished."

He was not a good patient, and she would have laughed at his antics if she weren't perilously close to tears most of the time these days.

He had woken from the light sedation they gave him quoting the Gettysburg Address and telling anyone who would listen that his girlfriend might be pregnant.

"Hi Mackenzie," he slurred and grabbed her hand.

"Hello Will. How are you feeling," she asked, trying not to laugh at the dopey grin on his face.

"I feel great! How are you feeling," he asked her, just a bit too loudly.

"I'm just fine Will. I'm not the one who had the biopsy," she reminded him.

"That's right. Should I be in pain," he asked her.

"No, I don't think you'll be feeling anything for a little while Will. I'm going to go see when we can get you out of here ok," she asked, trying to pull her hand out of his grasp.

"Ok Mac. Did you know that I love you," he asked.

"Yes, Billy. I know that and I love you too," she whispered, turning to go find a nurse before he could see her tears.

Before long they were home and she was leading him into the bedroom and helping him get undressed and into bed.

"I think the anesthetic is wearing off," he mumbled, curling up on his side and pulling a pillow over his head.

"I'll go get you some water and Tylenol," she told him.

She made her way into the kitchen and tried to ignore the constant vibrating of her cell phone, reminding her of all the missed calls and voicemails she had. They hadn't told anyone besides Charlie what was happening, but she was sure they all knew something was going on. For the two of them to take a day off was unheard of. And the fact that they spent most of their time these past few days squirreled away in Will's office, unwilling to be apart was likely a dead give-away that things were changing.

Her phone began to vibrate again and she answered without thinking.

"Hello," she grumbled into the phone.

"Kenzie, what the hell is going on," Sloan screamed into her ear.

Oh good Lord, why the hell had she picked up?

"Hello Sloan. This really isn't a good time, ok," she practically pleaded with the woman.

"Are you ok Kenz?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Sloan. I'll see you on Monday ok," she replied, rubbing her head as she felt a migraine coming on.

"Is Will ok," Sloan asked.

"He will be. We both will be Sloan. We'll talk soon, I promise. Just believe me when I say we need some time right now, all right?"

"Ok Kenz, but promise me you're going to let me know what the hell is going on soon. And promise me that if you two need anything you'll call."

She held back a sob at that. Someday soon, she and Will needed to let these people into their life…this new life they were building together. They had some wonderful friends at ACN and she and Will owed them an explanation.

"Thank you Sloan. That means a lot…to both of us. Talk to you soon," she said and hung up the phone and then turned it off. She swallowed a couple of Tylenol herself and then brought the bottle and a glass of water to Will.

"Take these Will," she nudged him. He wearily sat up and swallowed the pills and huddled back down in bed. She stripped off her clothes and pulled on one of his t-shirts and climbed into bed. She carefully wrapped herself around him and set her head against his back.

"I love you" she whispered.

"I know Mac," he replied, and was soon quietly snoring. She laughed slightly but her chuckles unexpectedly turned to tears as she found herself praying silently that everything was going to be fine.

"Please God, don't take him away from me now," she whispered into Will's shoulder, before she too was sound asleep.

When she woke he wasn't in bed. She checked the bathroom, but he wasn't there and when she walked into the living room she saw him out on the balcony.

"May I join you," she asked.

He turned and smiled at her. "Please," he said, holding out his hand. She took his hand and settled next to him.

"How are you feeling?"

"A little achy and sore but not too bad. Are you okay," he asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I'm not the one that had a biopsy today."

He was done letting her get away with not talking. "Mac, talk to me. We've talked at great length about what I'm feeling and you've been amazing at supporting me, but you need to talk, too and I want to be there for you."

"Will…."

He took her hand and led her inside and to the couch. He sat very close to her and kept her hands in his. She wasn't sure how to react.

"I know it's scary, Mac. I'm here for you. This isn't only affecting me."

Tears were in her eyes and suddenly she was openly crying and he pulled her into his arms. "Let it out, Mac." He held her for a few minutes letting her cry. "I know you're scared, so am I, but together we're stronger."

She nodded her head, agreeing with him and pulled back. He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. "I love you."

She kissed him gently. "I love you, Billy."

He pulled her to his side and held her there. They sat there being quiet together, watching the darkness fall over the city.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I needed to get that out. Am I scared? More than I've ever been in my life. But together we can do anything, Will."

He kissed her temple. "No matter what happens, Mac, I'm here for you. I don't want you to keep anything in when you need to cry. I'll be there to hold you and comfort you and be with you. Believe that."

"I do believe that. Thank you," she said and kissed him.

They spent the rest of their weekend in the apartment just being together. On Sunday night Mac checked her voicemail. It seemed as if everyone in the office had called checking on them. Sloan had called multiple times, offering to do anything they needed. She was a great friend.

He was making them dinner as she was checking her voicemail. When she put her phone down he asked, "how many messages?"

"Too many. We caused quite a stir. Sloan called multiple times, offering to help with anything."

"I don't want to tell anyone until we know anything."

"We don't have to tell anyone anything, Will. That's your call. Keep in mind that she just wants to help and when we go back to the office tomorrow she is going to be there. She wants to help and she loves us. I'm not saying we tell everyone, but maybe it's not beyond reasonable that we tell Sloan."

"Let me think about that, okay?"

She smiled at him and agreed. "Thank you."

Monday morning dawned, gray and raining, as if to match the mood of the two people huddled together in bed in lower Manhattan.

"Do we have to go," she asked, sounding more like a whiny elementary school pupil than a nearly forty-year-old television producer.

"Yeah, we do Mac. We can't sit here for the next week, brooding and waiting for test results."

"I beg to differ. I think that's exactly what we should do. Brood and pout and make love and pretend the outside world doesn't exist," she replied, turning in his arms and burrowing her head into his chest.

He was starting to worry more about her than he was about the damn test results. This wasn't the Mackenzie he knew. She had spent a week comforting him, doing research, buoying his spirits and making love to him on every damn surface in his apartment. She had kept him going those first few days after he told her about the upcoming biopsy, but now she was shutting down. All she seemed to want to do was lie in bed with him and cling to him in a way that had nothing to do with passion and everything to do with sheer, unadulterated fear. He had to find a way to shake her out of this, and he knew just the person to help him.

"Come on Mac, up and at 'em. We have work to do," he reminded her and practically pushed her from the bed and towards the bathroom.

Later that morning, as she sat next to him in the car on the way to the office, he watched her out of the corner of his eye. She had her head turned toward the window but her eyes were closed and her head was tilted back against the seat. She was grasping his hand between both of hers and rubbing his knuckles with her thumb. She was off in a world all her own.

"Mackenzie, we're here," he told her, nudging her side gently with his elbow.

"Ok," she whispered and followed him out of the car and into the building.

She quietly, but wearily, made her way through the day until he thought he couldn't take another Goddamn second of this morose and clingy woman who used to be his vibrant and independent Mackenzie.

"That's it," he announced, as he entered her office at lunchtime, dragging a confused and sputtering Sloan Sabbith along with him.

"You're not doing this anymore Mackenzie," he announced and looked between the two women before motioning Sloan to an empty chair in front of Mac's desk.

"What are you talking about Will," she asked him, clearly confused by his behavior.

"I'm talking about you moping around like I'm dying Mac. We don't know anything yet and you're acting like the widow in mourning. I'm making the executive decision to bring Sloan in on this before you collapse in tears in the control room and scare the shit out of an intern or something," he shouted, stunning the two women into silence.

"Here's my credit card. Go to lunch, go shopping, go buy a fucking Range Rover. Whatever the hell it will take to get you to stop acting as if the world is ending," he said, handing the card to Sloan, but directing his tirade toward Mackenzie.

"You're giving me your black American Express card," the economist asked in awe.

"Yes, I am. Don't abuse the privilege Sloan."

"What am I missing," she asked, looking between her two bosses.

He watched as Mackenzie still sat there, unmoved by his pleas to lighten the fuck up.

"Don't make me do it Mackenzie," he warned.

She crossed her arms over her chest as if daring him to blow their cover.

"Just remember, you forced my hand. Sloan, I may have cancer, Mackenzie and I are back together and we're trying to have a baby on the off chance that treatment leaves me sterile in the future. Now, you two probably have a lot to talk about so get out of here and go to lunch would you?"

And with that he turned to go, waiting for the inevitable explosion he must have left in his wake.

"Oh my freaking God, Mackenzie," he heard Sloan shout as he made his way toward his office.

Mackenzie really should have known better than to call his bluff. He was a much better poker player than she was.

He watched later that day as the two women returned from a nearly three hour lunch with bags from various stores ranging from La Perla to Barney's Kids. Mackenzie was smiling softly at something Sloan was saying and blushing furiously. He knew he had called in the right person for the job. He would have to remember to thank Sloan later…that is if she hadn't already rewarded herself generously with his credit card.

Soon Mackenzie pushed her way into his office and crossed over to where he sat in his chair. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her chin on his head.

"Please give me a little warning the next time you decide to tell someone about every intimate detail of our life," she asked.

"I did not tell her about every intimate detail of our life. For instance, there was that thing you did to me in the bathtub the other night. I have no intention of telling Sloan or anyone else about that one Mac," he replied, smirking a little at the memory.

"I get it Billy. I'm sorry I worried you. I'm just scared, that's all. I don't like being scared, you know that," she whispered into his hair.

"Nobody likes being scared Mackenzie, not like this anyway. I just thought you needed a little support. Maybe there are some things you won't want to talk to me about and that's okay Mac. You're entitled to a lunch out with a friend and the opportunity to voice your concerns without worrying about how that will affect me. There may be times that I want to go get a drink with Charlie and talk to him about things I don't want to come to you with. We can't handle everything on our own Mackenzie."

"We can't?" she asked.

"No, we can't. Now, go talk to Jim. He has a few issues about tonight's show he wants to talk to you about."

"Oh good Lord, what happened while I was gone," she asked impatiently, but not before she dropped a kiss on his head. She briskly walked toward the newsroom, muttering the whole way about how she couldn't leave the place for an hour without chaos erupting.

He chuckled watching her go. Now that was his Mackenzie.

Sloan walked into his office a few minutes later.

"Hey," he said looking up from his computer.

"Hi. Thanks for lunch," she said handing him his credit card and receipts. Leave it to her to make sure he got the receipts.

He smiled at her, "thank you for today."

"Anything I can do," she said sitting down in the chair in front of his desk. "I didn't know you had a black American Express card."

"Had it for a while. Did you have a good afternoon?"

"That was exactly what she needed. She's freaked completely out and scared but trying to keep it together for you."

"I get it, Sloan. We need support from our friends, too, not just each other. We are too close to the situation."

"My work here is done," she said getting up. "If you need anything, please let me know," she said leaving his office.

Their days were almost back to normal, well as normal as they could be while waiting for potentially life altering test results. They were trying to keep their lives as normal as they could. They still bantered about coverage of stories and their opinions often made the other crazy but there was still this uncertainty in the air. The only other people who knew what was actually going on were Sloan and Charlie.

It was early Saturday morning, the weekend before the test results were due, and Will was in the kitchen making them omelets. The phone rang and he answered and when he heard the voice on the other end he lost all color in his face. Mac was sitting at her favorite spot in the kitchen and saw him grab hold of the island to steady himself. She couldn't tell what the conversation was about from his answers but she knew it had to have something to do with his test results.

"Will," she said when he ended the call.

He looked up at her and said, "that was my doctor he wants to see us this morning."

"Did he say anything?"

"Just that he wants to see us in a couple of hours." Will went back to the omelets and plated them, handing one to Mac. They both were lost in their thoughts and neither omelet was eaten.

"It's odd that a doctor wants to see you on a Saturday, isn't it? Unless this is because it's you."

"He's never shown any favoritism before."

She got up and walked into his arms. "We'll handle whatever he says." They remained standing there lost in their thoughts for a while. Finally, she said, "we need to get ready," she took his hand and led him to the bedroom. While he was getting ready she called Lonny and alerted him to their appointment. He said he would be there very shortly.

The ride to the doctor's office was eerily quiet. When they arrived the doorman obviously had been told to expect them and he told them to go on upstairs. Normally Will's doctor wasn't open on Saturdays, so the outer door was locked when they arrived. Mac knocked on the door and the doctor let them in himself. It seemed as if he was the only one working.

"Come on in, let's go to my office," he said.

Mac and Will sat in the chairs in front of his desk, holding hands.

"I need to apologize to you, Will."

"I'm sorry," Will said.

"There were some errors with your tests, not just the biopsy, but your original tests."

"Okay, please explain this to me."

"Somehow your blood test wasn't compared to your urinalysis. Trust me, I'm checking."

"What does that mean," Mac asked.

"Bottom line is you do not have cancer. Let's be perfectly clear, there is nothing wrong with your prostate. The first blood test showed elevated amounts of the antigen, but that was a false positive. Your pathology came back clean late yesterday and when I was going over your file I discovered the problem. When I did your biopsy I had more blood drawn so that I could compare the antigen levels. The levels were down from the first test."

"What happened," Will asked.

"You had a urinary tract infection, a very mild one and I think that the antibiotics I gave you to take prior to the biopsy knocked it out of your system."

"I don't have cancer."

"No, Will. You are perfectly healthy. I apologize for the unnecessary biopsy and the pain and suffering this has caused your family. That's why I asked you in this morning, I didn't want to put you though any more days of thinking you were sick, or that there was something wrong.

He looked at Mackenzie and watched a million different emotions cross her face. For just a second it looked like she might pass out.

"Can we go now?" she asked him quietly.

"Yeah Mac, we can go now. Thank you doctor, for the test results and for not keeping us waiting any longer," he told the man, and ushered Mackenzie out of the office.

She was so quiet in the car that it was starting to scare him. She was furiously biting her nails and taking deep breaths through her nose, as if trying to keep from hyperventilating. Shouldn't they be celebrating, he wondered? He sure as hell wanted to take her back home and revel in the fact that they didn't have to worry about in vitro or impotence anymore.

Once they got back to the apartment she began gathering things up and filling up her purse and briefcase as if packing for a trip around the world.

"What the hell are you doing Mackenzie," he asked as she made her way from room to room picking up brushes and clothing and essentially erasing her existence from his life.

"It was all a mistake Will. I'm sure you didn't mean to start planning the rest of your life with me. You were just scared, that's all," she said, voice cracking just a bit.

She couldn't be serious, could she? Did she really believe they could go back to the way they were before? For all they knew she was already pregnant. Did she want to erase that too?

"I don't know where the hell you think you're going Mac, but in case you had forgotten you may already be carrying my child. Or did you think that was a mistake too? I sure as hell don't," he shouted.

Suddenly she stopped and looked at him and dropped her bags to the ground and sank into the sofa.

"I thought maybe you would," she mumbled quietly.

Oh, now he understood. She thought he would regret this. That he had been seeking comfort from her at a particularly low point in his life…that he had made decisions about their future based only upon the premise that he was sick. And now that he knew he wasn't, she thought everything had changed.

"Nothing has changed Mackenzie. Well actually, everything has changed. We don't have to worry about cancer or chemotherapy or sterility. We can happily continue trying to make a baby the old fashioned way. I don't know about you, but I was enjoying the hell out of myself…except for that whole life-threatening illness part," he assured her, sitting next to her and pulling her into his arms.

"So you still want me…want us," she asked.

"Of course I do you idiot," he laughed into her ear.

Later that night, wrapped in each other's arms in bed, they quietly watched the lights of New York City spread out before them lost in their thoughts of the future.

"Can we go away for a while? Just the two of us," she asked him.

"Of course we can. Where did you want to go?"

"Home. I want to go home for a little while Will," she said quietly.

"England? Did you want to see your family," he asked, a little stunned to hear her talking this way. She had never really considered anywhere but Manhattan home. And she never really relished spending too much time with her family. Like any independent adult, time with your parents could be wonderful…but it could also be incredibly stifling. Mackenzie was usually chomping at the bit to get back to New York after just a few days with her family.

"I want to tell them. I want them to see how happy we are. And I want to go back before I'm too pregnant to be making trans-Atlantic flights," she said confidently.

God, he loved the sound of that. Even if she wasn't pregnant just yet they could still keep trying. And just knowing that the option was still there was an amazing thing to him right now. He and Mackenzie could keep trying to make a baby…he couldn't keep the grin off his face at the thought.

"I'll start looking into when we can get some time off," he whispered into her ear.

"Thanks. I love you Billy. I think we should both get some sleep tonight. Maybe for the first time in more than a week, I think I will be able to sleep," she said softly before falling sound asleep.

"I love you too Mac," he whispered, and thanked whoever was listening for false positives or bad lab work or whatever the hell it was that had conspired to bring them back together again.

Two months later, when Mackenzie rushed from a rundown meeting after getting just the slightest whiff of Jim's sausage and egg biscuit Will knew that anything they had gone through during those two weeks of fear and tests and biopsies was worth it.

Sloan just laughed and patted him on the back as he left the room in search of Mackenzie. "way to go stud," she whispered, giggling.

"Mackenzie," he called out, searching his office for her. He heard the toilet flush and watched her pale form emerge.

"I think we might need one of those drugstore tests," she deadpanned.

The End