Jealousy

Mandalore had been rather eventful for Obi-wan Kenobi. His visits often were. It didn't help that Duchess Satine got under his skin so badly. Sometimes he wished he had never met the woman, but their lives were forever intertwined and there was nothing he could do about it now.

Coruscant was a welcome sight through the viewport of the battle cruiser and he was thankful that he was finally returning. He would have a few days of debriefing and battle briefing and then he would once again be on his way, but not before he had a chance to see a particular Senator.

He hated to admit how much he truly cared for Padme, but it was something that he had been forced to admit to himself, and her, before he had been taken off to war. There was nothing left to lose for him because he could lose his life at any moment on the frontlines. Obi-wan didn't want to regret not telling someone exactly what he was thinking or feeling ever again.

Not like he always had with Master Ginn.

No he had not "loved" him romantically, but he had wanted to tell him that he loved him as a father, that he respected his views on the force and that he didn't want him to go. Those words had never escaped his lips though and he regretted not saying those words.

Obi-wan didn't regret what he had said to Padme that night. He loved her with a passion that was not normally his style. Jedi were reserved and kept their emotions in check, but when war called, Obi-wan threw the code away for a short while and let himself go. He let himself feel all those things he had locked away since Padme had shared his sorrow on Naboo.

He had let himself be in love.

There were complications though. Padme was a very jealous person when it came to him and Obi-wan knew that she would know that he had been on Mandalore and that would mean that she would wonder if he had been with the Duchess.

Obi-wan loved that she was jealous, but sometimes it was a rather difficult thing for him to comfort her through. He knew she hurt when she believed he had been tempted, but she had no reason to believe he would ever stray.

...

"The Duchess, I should've guessed it," Padme said crossing her arms and looking at Obi-wan with a frown. "Can you two stay away from each other ever?"

"It's not like that," Obi-wan said reaching a hand towards her elbow to comfort her, but she merely jerked away from him. "I was trying to save her planet and her."

Padme shrugged that indignant shrug that she saved for when she was with someone she could trust and was speaking of someone she didn't always trust. Obi-wan had seen it many times directed towards him.

"I'm starting to think you are the playboy of the galaxy," Padme said softly and lowered her eyes to look at the floor.

"Oh yea, Obi-wan Kenobi jedi playboy," Obi-wan said trying to laugh, but Padme's eyes shot towards him and he stopped the sound from coming out of his mouth before he found himself in a world of hurt.

He knew that she was insecure because they had not been able to be public with their relationship. Jedi weren't allowed to have these types of entanglements and Obi-wan was starting to think that if she could just tell someone, things would be better. It was a risk he wasn't willing to take yet. There was a war and every jedi was needed to help fight the war. They were already stretched so thinly throughout the galaxy and if he had to leave it would be even worse.

"I'm only home for a couple more days," Obi-wan said trying to remind her that they needed to spend as much time together as they could before he was shipped out again. "Can you just put it aside for that long?"

"I don't know," Padme said softly. He knew that she was hesitant, he could feel it in the force. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and spend some time just being with her. It had been so long since she was is in his arms.

"I want to be with you," he said moving closer to her and trying to wrap his arms around her, but she shrugged away from him and took a step away with her arms still crossed over her chest.

Obi-wan sighed and rubbed his face. Patience. He knew that would've been the lecture he received but right now he was having trouble practicing it at all. She was the love of his life and sometimes she was so stubborn that all she accomplished was pushing him even further away then their secret love already made him.

"This isn't easy for either of us," he finally said. "Do you think I like being reminded of the way I used to feel for Satine when you are so far from me?"

Padme's eyes shot up and looked him in the face. Obi-wan tried to look welcoming, but the more she pushed the harder his features became.

"I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?" she asked with a venom that she usually kept in check. "Is that what you are trying to tell me?"

Obi-wan knew he had made a very grave mistake. This should be about her, not about him and the words he had spoken were not right at all. Damn the jedi for never teaching him anything about relationships with women. It would've made this so much easier.

"No," he said quickly. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I just want us not to fight because I've been to Mandalore. I can't help where they send me and you should be aware of that fact."

Her face softened a bit, or so he thought by looking at her. If there was one way to hit Padme hard, it was with duty because she was always willing to do her duty no matter what else was happening. She had to understand that he was in the same position. He may not like where the war was taking him or even fighting the war, but it was his duty to do as the council had asked him. He was a good jedi and she knew it.

"I know you don't have a choice," Padme finally said looking at him. She looked as though she was for not believing that he was true to her, when in fact he was one of the most steadfast companions that she could ask for. Obi-wan loved her with a passion that rivaled what he felt for the jedi order and she knew it.

"If I had my choice," he said approaching her again and placing a hand on her upper arm. "I would not have to hide what we share and I would be able to live the rest of my life here on Coruscant. I don't want to fight in this war. I think that it's making the jedi into something that they never should be, but I fight because they have asked me."

Padme nodded silently, Obi-wan thought he could see a tear trickle down her cheek as she stood still looking at him.

"So truce for now?" Obi-wan asked hugging her close to him. It had been so long since he had been back in her arms. He let a smile cross his lips as he felt her arms encircle him as well.

"For now," Padme said, a small laugh escaping her lips. Obi-wan bent his head to place a kiss softly on them.